| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/20/2008 1:30:18 PM | Katiexgirl, let me rephrase this question for you, as it applies both ways. Do you feel that single men, should not date women because they have children? The factors apply to women, in my experiences even more so because women (in my experiences) tend to be more opt to take care of their children, and men tend to be more opt to be lazy and slack on their responsibilities. Granted im pretty young but i hang out with a large variety of people and the same seems to apply to all age groups, even within different social environments and social groups.
I have dated two single moms so far, one with three kids and one while she was pregnate with her first. Neither of these women have had much time to do anything so i understand where you are coming from. Children are a lot of responsibility, and even more so when dating someone with kids you must also consider the effect you dating the mom or dad of choice, that it will have on the kids. Jumping between different parental figures can be very traumatizing for children, particularly when done at young ages, and can give them the wrong idea about peer relationships for as they grow older.
To answer your question though i don't believe only people with kids should date other people with kids. While it is a lot of responsibility and can be difficult to date and spend one on one time togeather, by working together, and with the help of scheduling it is possible to spend time together other than that 10:30pm call every night you were talking about.
You can get a babysitter for the kids now and then, he always has days off work, times when the kids will be in school and such fourth. If you're both welling to work for it then it is definitly managable. Before dating someone with kids you must take a look at your maturity, personal beliefs, and moreover your needs and wants in dating & relationships.
Are you capable of putting the kids first, even when just dating or getting to know one another? Are you mature enough to work with that, understanding that its not going to be very easy? Can you handle giving up certain aspects of relationships you might have with someone who doesn't already have kids? People without kids are more than welcome to date people who do have kids, but should always try to know what you're getting involved with ahead of time. Failure to know that and rushing in too quick can cause a great deal of pain and strife for you, the person you're dating, and their kids, and that is never a good thing. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/20/2008 2:37:18 PM | | as a single dad I know what you mean , I have only been single for a short time but there is guilt there about the children and as a dad I want my children to have the best remember a single dad has to be dad, mom, chief cook chauffer bill payer etc .It does not leave endless time for a relaitionship out side of all that . sometimes I am just plain tired !! So if you date a single dad your going to have to deal with that . When I look for a potential date I assume someone with children would be a better fit /more understanding . | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/20/2008 3:20:19 PM |
Before dating someone with kids you must take a look at your maturity, personal beliefs, and moreover your needs and wants in dating & relationships.
Will you people stop saying that you must be "MATURE" to date a single parent!!! I WAS MATURE ENOUGH TO NOT GET KNOCKED UP, MARRIED AND DIVORCED TO THE WRONG GUY. I avoided losers and if I could tell that a guy was not right for me after a very short time of knowing him. So don't tell me that single people without kids have to be so mature to date single parents. Why do I have to put in all the extra work of altering my schedule, worring about babysitters, working it out......I don't want to do all that, I don't have to, and guess what? I'm not going to. All single people deserve to be, at least in the beginning, to have a one on one relationship where you can concentrate and build on a relationship together and leave single parents to deal with single parents
Katiexgirl......do not listen to these people. Only date guys without childrend. There are plenty of them out there. It will be so much more pleasant for you. There is nothing more unattractive to me than a single dad out with his kids, and just by looking at him I know that there is some female in the picture who is laughing and content to know that he is tied to her forever and she has snagged him, and that will never change. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:00:17 PM | You have good reasons to be apprehensive, In My Opinion.
I feel the same. I don't like to be second to anybody.
Lets' face it: kids are a priority and parental duties last forever. Don't go there.
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/20/2008 11:09:05 PM | I think when dating a single father, a woman should love all children, because many activites will revolve around them. There are also a multitude of chores to be done, so if a woman cannot put the needs of the children ahead of her own, it would not be a good situation for her, and especially for the kids.
Of course, this depends if DAD is a quality man, or not.
Seems many women on this site have few positive things to say about the men on this site. LOL
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/20/2008 11:15:44 PM | msg #53
Will you people stop saying that you must be "MATURE" to date a single parent!!!
I WAS MATURE ENOUGH TO NOT GET KNOCKED UP, MARRIED AND DIVORCED TO THE WRONG GUY.
I avoided losers
Mature people avoid losers.
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/20/2008 11:19:08 PM | Ohforchrissakes, is Siren aka Fairmont, aka Polara, ad nauseum? What's next? Edsel?
Siren, from Wikipedia;
The term "siren song" refers to an appeal that is hard to resist but that, if heeded, will lead to a bad result. Later writers have inferred that the Sirens were anthropophagous, based on Circe's description of them "lolling there in their meadow, round them heaps of corpses rotting away, rags of skin shriveling on their bones" Jane Ellen Harrison notes "It is strange and beautiful that Homer should make the Sirens appeal to the spirit, not to the flesh" for the matter of the siren song is a promise to Odysseus of mantic truths, with a false promise of living to tell them, they sing.
"Their song takes effect at midday, in a windless calm. The end of that song is death."
...................The wiser man sails on.
So...siren that would have my ship crashed on the rocks...you're in the single parents forum for what purpose? | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/21/2008 3:18:07 AM | Seasiren,
i do agree that in the beginning at the least all singles do deserve that attention. However some of those singles you refer to are parents with children.
Situations may differentiate from one another. Never giving single parents a chance to begin with would be a mistake. At the absolute least, if you find one who seems interesting you should try to get to know them a little bit. This does not necessarily mean dating them straight up, but you may find that they aren't all as difficult as may first seem.
Moreover you do not need to be mature when dating a single parent so much as when dating a parent in general. The maturity factor comes in in the regards that you have to be able to mentally and physically handle the responsibilities that go along with a relationship. These responsibilities are mostly the same, but when kids get involved change a little bit. Mostly they change as you get further into a relationship with someone, or when the kids are more directly involved. To start though you must be mature enough to understand the situation and handle it properly. You don't HAVE to be, but if you arent, and you cant handle it, it wont work. If it isnt going to work, then you're wasting your time. So, its strongly recommended that you're sure you can handle the responsibilities on whatever level you plan to get involved with them at, before you proceed to that level, or any other level.
Make no mistakes though i still agree with you. Singles deserve the extra one on one time together to build up their relationship, EPICALLY at the start of a relationship. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/21/2008 2:50:22 PM | | I'm a single father of three, and after a few failed relationships I discovered that some younger women cannot deal with the child factor even though they were single parents themselves, it seemed they were looking for a father for their children and trying to pry mine away to be sent somewhere else so it's 6 of one and a half dozen of another some women crave all the attention and some don't like to be smothered it's rare to find the mediums I guess I aint found one yet and I'm growing old and lonely with my kids still. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/21/2008 3:56:16 PM |
Never giving single parents a chance to begin with would be a mistake. At the absolute least, if you find one who seems interesting you should try to get to know them a little bit. This does not necessarily mean dating them straight up, but you may find that they aren't all as difficult as may first seem.
It would not be a mistake...I want to be the most important person in my significant others life and single mom/dads don't have that luxury because their kids have to be their first priorty and we all know that children are a life time committment and responsibility. By getting involved with a single parent that only thing that we are giving them a chance do is, 1) to throw in our faces that their children come first 2) making us accept the fact that they are permantley bonded with their ex (whether the ex is around or not), 3) having to hear the challengenes of being a single parent (they would just love the term "super parent" I bet.) The list goes on....
Why would a man spend all his time working hard, building a future/career for himself, buy a home, not impregnant anyone, wait all this time for the right woman....and then someone tells him he has to be open to the idea of accepting a woman whose already made her choices, already pushed out a kid by the wrong guy, and is now talking "I want to find my Prince Charming". I don't know what kind of Fairy Tales you guys are reading, but never in the history of Fairy Tale writing has Prince Charming ever fallen for a single mom. Prince Charming knows better than to bring home a girl from the village with another mans kids trailing behind her. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/21/2008 4:10:10 PM |
Is this always the case with single dads? Should only women with small children date single dads?
Nope. It isnt always the case. If you dont want to date em, dont. Like I stated in another thread. I wasnt always a mom, and I dated a few single dads, I never felt the way you did. I think alot of it has to do with attitude and perception. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/21/2008 6:29:45 PM | I just had to weigh in on this one.
I'm a single dad with 3 children 10, 12 and 13 years old. When I was 23 years old, I married a woman with 2 children and we had another together, I didn't have a problem making the necessary sacrifices associated with the ready made family and she was a wonderful woman who never made me feel like I wasn't as important to her as her children. I think it has to be because I took the responsibility of her kids on as if they were my own. Unfortunately, I wasn't mature enough at the time to be happy with one woman. I tell myself often that I never should have left that woman but that's another story.
The three children that I am raising now are from my second marriage, another failure but not for lack of trying on my part. You have to question the character of a woman who would leave her children and I was the one who tried most but again another story.
Since I have been raising my children alone I have had 4 failed relationships. Again not for lack of trying on my part. The first woman I met before I had custody of the children and when I got them she couldn't adjust to the new situation and decided that our relationship wasn't going anywhere. When I met the second woman, I had a live in nanny and had a lot of available time for her, but I think the nanny was secretly harboring the hope that she would end up with me and when I started getting serious about the second woman, she left. Of course that realationship fell apart soon afterwards. The third woman wouldn't agree with me about raising her child in the blended family environment. Apparently, my strick ways were not to her liking. Less than a year after we broke up her 15 year old daughter was pregnant and delivered just weeks after her 16th birthday. The last woman lasted for over a year before she decided that the kid thing didn't work for her.
I think that these woman are just selfish and too self centered to make the relationships work. They don't want to make the sacrifices that I made when I took on my first marriage. They don't want to be bothered helping to raise another person's children. Even though my children readily accepted these woman and never made problems for any of them. You know, there was none of the "she's not my mom so I'll give her crap" mentality from my kids.
I believe that somewhere out there a woman exists who will understand that my situation is what it is and I'm a package. If they care for me they will care about my children because they are so important to me. Unfortunately, I seem to keep meeting the women who are more interested in what's in it for them. I always make at least a couple of days a week that I can have quality time with my woman, and if she wanted to be more a part of my children's lives, I would have more time with her whoever she was, but like I said they seem to be too wrapped up in what's in it for them. I think taking the responsibility to rais your children is a noble thing. It's more than money, it's a commitment to their future. You can't ever forget that the greatest contribution you can make to the world are the ones you leave behind you when you pass. I would be willing to have a relationship with a single mother, and am willing to face the challenges of a blended family, but as someone mentioned earlier, single moms, like I have to think the majority of women, are out to better their situation. My situation didn't get any better when I took on the first single mom I married, hell it got a lot harder, but her children still call me dad after being divorced since '91. So I guess I did alright by them during and after the marriage. Life is about interactions with other people, not about things, and like it or not, love is about sacrifices. Love is about giving of yourself, it's about being all you can be to those you love. As far as I'm concerned, when I think about "what's in it for me" in a relationship, it all boils down to being able to give of myself to an appreciative partner. I want to give of myself, but it needs to be appreciated or what's the use? So if you really want to rule out single fathers, or single mothers for that matter, we don't need you. You can't look past the situation to the person and you're not looking for love you're only looking to better your situation.
Sorry so wordy. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/21/2008 6:37:28 PM | Ha ha ha ha I think any parent feels they should be called super parent. You have to be a parent to understand.
ha ha i don't know of any single parent who is looking for prince charming to sweep her off her feet.
Oh and Arisocrats..he falls for the single mom ;) now what.. lol | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/21/2008 6:45:37 PM | No situation is alike.
You have every right to keep dating pool to guys with no kids...why not? Still young.
As for those single Dads, more on the market for Moms like me! | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/22/2008 10:55:04 AM | This post by you is a perfect example of spotting the loser fast. This should give anybody who would be intersted in dating you a glimpse inside your wonderful spirit.
I usually dont care what the posters have to say have to say, but you are a joke. There is not always another woman tied to every single dad. Llife is way more complicated than that. Oh ya and way to throw the entire female population under the bus. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/22/2008 2:12:57 PM | | The only opinion for ya wouldbe to date a single dad that has older children that he can leave from time to time. To totally excuse yourself from dating single dads may have you miss a soul mate in the process. If you are looking to have children of your own, then it wouldbe in your favour to date single and if you do date single dads then ask a few questions at the start.....does he want more children and can he....wish you luck | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/22/2008 2:55:44 PM | | I don't give a monkeys butt how old a single dad's kids are. I have seen them drop everything for their 30 year-old daughter. Keep in mind that she has been spoiled all her life because the dad was most likely not around as much as he should have been, or just from plain guilt from creating a broken home. Sinlge dad with older kids = grandkids (which are even more kids), son-inlaws, daughter in laws, birthdays, having to be with extended family on holidays, the children wanting both of their parents to attend graduations, special events......Don't waste your time on single parents. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/22/2008 3:05:20 PM |
There is not always another woman tied to every single dad. Llife is way more complicated than that. Oh ya and way to throw the entire female population under the bus.
Then how in the heck did he get the kid? I think some female had to push it out for him. Having a child with someone is a hugh committment, if people took time to stop and think about that, there wouldn't be so many single moms....... | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:02:35 PM | | I'm not bitter PD, I love my freedom....Parties, the arts, traveling, writing. I've always been smart like that. I didn't get played by some guy and ended up stuck with a kid and no man = single mom. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:12:04 PM | Prince Charming knows better than to bring home a girl from the village with another mans kids trailing behind her.
Everyone is entitled to date/marry whomever they choose, that is for sure.
But, the neccesity to bash a group of society baffles me...
Enjoy your freedom. Hope life turns out exactly what you have in mind. | |
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| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/22/2008 7:40:30 PM |
I'm not bitter PD, I love my freedom....Parties, the arts, traveling, writing. I've always been smart like that.
What does "smarts" have anything to do with freedom? Eh. I still do all those things you mentioned. Us single parents arent dead sweetheart..haha. But, I do love your stereotypical view. Its quite amusing.
I didn't get played by some guy and ended up stuck with a kid and no man = single mom.
Oh? Is that how you think one becomes a single mom? Please induldge me with your explanation. I know you cant be THAT ignorant.  | |
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