|
|
|
|
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/23/2008 5:57:36 PM |
hassles that are not there if you date someone without children.
Really? Someone without children doesnt have any hassles? I've met quite a few of them. The majority of childless men I have dated I've found to be way too needy. | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:16:35 PM | I answered your question
If youve never dated a single father, then how would you know about those situations you posed? Let me guess, because that is your stereotypical view? Yup. All you have done, is provide ASSUMPTIONS. None is based on your personal experience, so your outlook is null and void.
About me never dating any single dads PD, well us singles have never jumped into a lake of fire either, but that doesn't mean that we don't know what would happen if we did. I'm not going to tell my 21 year-old handsome, college educated nephew that it's okay to date a single mom. I'm going to tell him to find a girl who can devote herself to him in a one on one adult relationship in which they can build something real with each other and make decisions together. Or is that way of thinking null and void because he has never dated a single mother? It's hard enough trying to build a relationship with one person, to try including 2 or 3 more people would be mind boggling. I've dated a few single dad's and it sucked everytime. Do single parents suck? No. Do dating single parents suck? Yes. And there are certain facts, not stereotypes.
Okay you have freedom - restricted freedom, most single moms children are under 10 | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:52:41 PM | Siren, I totally GET not wanting to date single fathers. But, to assume that we are "home ridden" is far fetched.
But one thing Im confused about: you stated earler that youve never dated a single father and never been burned by one, but then a few posts later, you said the single fathers you dated "sucked" ver batum. Im lost. You either HAVE dated a single father, or you HAVENT dated one.
Base your views on the person, not on their status.
most single moms children are under 10
Is this a fact or is it your fact? | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:12:08 PM | | I have never been in a serious relationship with a single dad or even considered it. I have been on a few dates, maybe on or two with a few single dads, and it sucks dating them, so there is no way I would even phathom the thought of being in a serious relationship with one. | |
|
| |
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:00:01 AM | sounds like a lot of people men and women want something for nothing. it takes a lot of effort to get into a relationship with a single parent. any relationship takes a lot of effort. It sounds to me that a lot of people are looking for a relationship with as little effort as possible. doesn't have the markings of a serious relationship to me if you want it all as easy as you can get it. people that don't want kids, aren't interested in dealing with someone else's kids or just plain don't want to deal with kids are selfish people that don't give a damn about anyone but themselves.
oh wait, I forgot. most people on these sights aren't really looking for serious relationship anyways. | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:30:03 AM | | Hi ya katey i"m a single father but i still have plenty of time to go out, fair enough my kids are not kids anymore (still look out for them ) but now is my time to have a life all single fathers are not the same trust me you just need to give people a chance hun xxx. Drop me a line if you fancy a chat love ,i"ve had bad experiences with single mums too but everyone deserves a second chance in life, as you no doubt know we all make mistakes hun xxxxxxx | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:31:17 AM | honestone:
If you lived in Canada you would understand why many do not want to get romantically involved with a single parent. Here if you marry and divorce someone with custody of a child from a previous reationship/fling/one night stand. you hjave to pay child support for that child. Kind of a good reason not to date a single parent don't you think? | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/24/2008 11:31:49 AM | OP
Dating anyone with children has it's issues. One needs to understand what they might be, before getting into any long term relationship with a man or a woman with children.
Now that said,, Children do come first, but as an understanding partner, that should not be taken personality,, some things are what they are,, Now,, making time for your partner is so important,, and my view is,, if my son is "NOT" neglected,, warm, has food and shelter, and loved,, Then I will, if I can make time for may partner, why because I want that too.. Sometime single parents just do not have the freedom that a partner needs,, anyone interested in a man or woman with children has to understand that and accept it as it is,, there is no way that can be changed,, other than a night out or two if we are lucky enough to find a sitter,,
In most cases a single man or woman who has never had children has a hard time excepting the facts I just stated,, I would say in my case,, as single dad, I avoid woman of any age who hasn't experienced life with children. Why that is we are most likely not on the same page..
OP....I would suggest, if children some how affect the way you want to live and maintain a relationship with a man with children,, then don't do it,, it is your choice and not a bad choice either way.. You just have to honest with what you want and what your needs are,, It's sad,, but it's always seems, the burden is on the one who doesn't have children,, because they are the ones who really do all the compromising,,Where as the parent, has to consider the needs of the child first,, That is the most important as they are just children and our responsibility,,, | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/24/2008 10:33:43 PM |
It would not be a mistake...I want to be the most important person in my significant others life and single mom/dads don't have that luxury because their kids have to be their first priorty and we all know that children are a life time commitment and responsibility.
Love, lust, desperation, or simply chemistry. Those are a few reasons a guy would do it. If you want to be the most important person in your so's life, then i truly hope you never have kids (no offense.) Because once you have kids, your kids should ALWAYS come first.
Point is taken that its nice to have the extra attention, particularly in new relationships. However we don't live in a Disney movie here, we live in reality. People make poor choices, we've pretty much all been there and done that in one way or another. Yet, despite being hurt countless times most of us get back up and try again.
We've been put down, hurt, and abused in very way possible, yet we keep dating? The assumption would be that continuing to date would just be giving people another chance to hurt us, yet we do it anyways knowing situations vary, and when you are mature enough to learn from the past and deal with the present you can work through damn near anything. Sorry to inform you guys, but Snow White is a fairy tale, she only exists in the movies and on papers. If you want your own fairy tale you'll have to write it yourselves. Be careful what you try to write though, life isnt always as pleasant, or as simple as a Disney movie is. | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:25:28 AM | I think you should be more "apprehensive" about dating non single fathers. Think about it. Chances are most single fathers are and have a proven history of being very responsible, caring, and hard working. Otherwise a court should not have granted them custody over the mother, if divorce was the issue. Aren't these qualities many women look for in a husband?
As for the time constraints, he had his priorities right where they should be, his kids. Think about his time constraints, surely he had a full time job/career as I doubt he was getting alimony or even child support from his former wife. I would say, regardless of whether your male or female, when you date a single parent with the intention of marriage, you are marrying a ready made family. So most of your time should be spent getting to know the whole family. Who knows, maybe you can't stand the kids and should immediately head for the hills. Either way, it ended the way it did so chalk it up as a learning experience. I wouldn't count anyone completely out because you never know where you will find happiness. | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:54:47 PM | I would almost bet money that he could have made time for you, but chose not to. Not because he didn't like you, but he just didn't feel that connection with you. Single parents always want to make the excuse of "I just don't have time to date someone." Yes, they may be busy but if they truly have a connection with a person then they will MAKE time.
JMHO.
Don't rule out single fathers....you just haven't met your man yet.
Good luck. | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/25/2008 7:22:13 PM | Johne
don't let that get out. your country would be in deep sh... if alot more men found out they could screw all your women, get them pregnant, dump them and not have a thing to worry about . I'll bet not a whole lot of single mothers get marriage proposals there. thats the way to go. teach the men how to be irresponsible. I think I'll take my next vacation ( or 2 or 3) to canada. what a great country.and I thought our country lost a lot of its morals. Do they have public aid there? just wondering. If the biological father doesn't have to help support his kids and other men won't touch these women how are they supporting themselves? looks like maybe next wave of foreign women scammers might be from canada. gotta support themselves somehow. I'll bet they don't teach much birth control there either do they?
I wonder how many of you have that in your profiles. " I don't want to have anything to do with anyone that has kids" | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/25/2008 7:46:15 PM | | Yes-she is making us single fathers look bad. It sounds like the signs were there to run away irregarless of children. I have joint custody, and when I find the right one, I'll settle down. It's a maturity thing whether your a man or woman, to know that the other person is not for you. It's not a single parent thing. Communicate in the nicest way possible that things aren't right to the other, and move on. Don't leave the other hanging on. | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:26:16 PM | Im pretty much with Carol and Roy on this. If you are finding that the man or woman you are dating is making less time for you, chances are, its because there is no connection or its lost. Sometimes using the line of time restraints makes it an easier way out. Is it right? Probably not, but, its usually met with less hassle and drama for the exit. Ive done it. Not proud of it, but, it happens. I wouldnt cut the single parents out of your dating pool just yet. Maybe you just werent the right one for him or vice versa. However, if you do, just means more single fathers for meeeeee! | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 3/25/2008 11:12:05 PM | | I agree with many of the posts -- he wasn't that into you! Nomatter if a guy has 1 kid or 10, 5 dogs and a cat -- if he likes a woman he's going to go after her and include her in his life. May take time and patience, but if he is smitten with her -- he will make time and effort!!!!!!!!! | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 4/13/2008 5:27:59 PM | people that don't want kids, aren't interested in dealing with someone else's kids or just plain don't want to deal with kids are selfish people that don't give a damn about anyone but themselves.
Honestone, if you single parents are so....responsible, then why are you in your situation? I know several single guys with no kids who are very responsible because they took the necessary percautions to avoid allowing women to trick them or knew that they needed to use proctection because the person they were with, they were either not married to or was not sure that they were "the one". I think those are the responsible men, not single fathers. Why do you single parents try to "shame" people into dating you, by making such statements as the one above? I am a single woman and I hardly have time to date, between working, taxes, paying bills, organizing my place, the gym, classes, a second job...it's extremely time consuming. I hardly get to go out, However, I know single mothers who go out every weekend, but they are just loving caring responsible mom's right? I am in a position where I can put the man in my life first, so I will be with a man who can put me first in his life. And single parents...well you have to take someone like you. Why would I waste my free time trying to compromise and work around a single dad's schedule and actually get less (a fraction of the return) that a single man with no kids can give me? Every single person should think with this logic. You say people want things the easy why, but why should I make my dating life more complicated just because of YOUR kids? | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:51:33 AM | Seasiren...you definately should not date a single parent..
Hmm..lets seee...One single parent makes a blanket statement and it's instantly all of our opinions. I would not agree with the statement you quoted..which btw most of us do disagree with.. someone like me.. being a single parent that is.. expects nothing from anyone...I also do not expect those without children to understand anything about having a child. I don't care if you live and breath children everyday. Until you have your own children you can not begin to understand where we come from. I do all that you do..minus the second job (for the first time in since i was 18 yay!) Plus add in baseball, basketball, boyscouts, birthday parties school functions etc.. and occasionally I have a date or two... that is what most of us do. I know single mothers that go out all the time too. I know lots more who don't. I put my family first in my life.
For every single mom there is a single dad out there. Funny how people seem to forget that. It's always the women who "trap" the men, always the women who is the bad guy. Always the women who is a burden on society. Funny..My friends sons father told his current girl that he has no children.. lol until he was put in jail for not paying child support..she had no clue. There are LOTS of them out there.. at least the parents taking care of the child are being responsible now, better then running away. Oh an you'd only get less time in the beginning, you end up with the same amout of time later...that is unless he's just not into you..
I will say again what is said in every thread. You don't want to date single parents then don't. We don't want to waste our time with those who don't appreciate us and what we do everyday. When you go out on a date you miss nothing but time with yourself.. we miss time with our children. Save us that night back and don't bother us. | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:15:30 AM | Seasiren, I agree with most of what you've said. In regards to your last reply. Not all single fathers were tricked. They can just as easily refuse to have sex without protection. It was irresponsibility on both parts. On the other hand, some single parents were in love and married when they had their children. I agree that being a single parent doesn't show responsibility. If you really think about it, being a coupled parent doesn't either. Some parents are horrible parents, some of them are just kids themselves, some of them didn't use protection. This list can go on.
Going back to the first page, I agree with a previous statement in response to the OP. 29 is still young. I'm in my twenties and I find your twenties is too young to already be divorced and-or with children. But that is just my personal opinion. I choose not to date single fathers because I want my own family. If I were in my forties I'm sure I might feel differently. But it is a choice whether or not to date a single parent. There are many wonderful parents out there.
My only issue is some guys here will message you even when your profile blatantly states you aren't interested in dating someone with children. They say, they figured they'd try anyway, ugh. | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:31:06 PM |
You don't want to date single parents then don't. We don't want to waste our time with those who don't appreciate us and what we do everyday.
NotInnocent.....what you fail to understand is that I do appreciate single fathers and men in general who are there for their children. But that does not mean that I have to force myself into accepting their situation. My man will not have a permanent bond with his Ex. I find it very uncomfortable to be in a situation where my husband/boyfriend has an Ex who has the right to be in his life emotionally, mentally, physically, finacially, and worst of all legally. And all of this is factual just because they had a child by this person. Most single people without children are not as analytical as myself and end up in a relationship that's extremely one-sided. A lot of women will mate and have children with the bad boys and then when he bails the nice guy steps in. What's sad is that the bad boys that the nice boys grew up disliking, are the one's whose kids the nice guy ends up taking care of. So nice boys do yourself a favor and stop taking the short end of the stick. | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:49:36 PM | | Your right..it's extremely one sided.. that's why all these single parents end up in a happy relationship.. i'm sure all those guys feel like they are neglected, or receiving the short end of the stick. ;) Have fun dating the "more responsible" side of the gene pool :) Good luck to you..i personally don't want a nice guy or a bad boy.. i want the one who proves to me that they aren't all the same..now that's a challenge :) | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 4/15/2008 8:35:45 AM | No one should date someone they do not want to or get into a situation that they are not comfortable with.
OP how much trouble coud the child's mother cause if she wants to? | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 4/15/2008 10:38:25 AM | Wanted to post about single dads.We are not all that bad.Just as hard to meet a women with or without kids.When you meet somebody beginning is courting stage and you tend to spend alot more time with that person but whe relationship gets to that right point everything will balance.We are all here to meet that person possibly but since it is easier to write about you then it seems to take off alot faster then just meeting once in a while.Would love to meet that right and hope oneday i do
G | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 4/15/2008 11:53:06 AM | | You are not alone. Men expect most women over 30 to come with children and expect they'll be dating women with children. Women are just the opposite and expect that a man comes without children. --Jerry | |
|
| I am apprehensive about dating single fathers
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:50:34 PM | I'm apprehensie about dating single fathers because of baby's mothers. I am too possessive to tolerate a woman with seniority still having access and control over my man's life. I haven't dated men with kids for this reason only. If I like someone and they like me, we work around eachother's life and make time. If not-- it won't work regardless of the kids he has. In my experience of getting to know men who have young kids, they revert back to the woman they have a child with in between relationships. In fact, I've never met a man who had a child out of wedlock and didn't continue to be intimately involved with the woman even after they determined they weren't going to be a couple. That's too complicated and risky for me to get involved with.
I don't understand why people are so protective about introducing their children to the people they are involved with-- I don't subscribe to that especially now that my son is older (12). I'd rather have my son raised seeing me living a balanced life of career, managing a household, being family-centered, and having a social life with real live (offline) people actively involved in it. In this day and age I think it's more appropriate than to compartmentalize your life and have your kids feel excluded from who and what their "parent" really is as a complete person as they grow up. | |
|
|
| Page 5 of 6
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
|
Home
login 
