| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/18/2008 3:42:20 AM | | I am where I'm supposed to be in my life right now. Every major choice I made, I made with the best intentions "at that time" although some were forced on me and weren't thought through properly. If my life hadn't evolved the way it did - my children wouldn't have met their significant others, heck my children wouldn't be who they are either for that matter. Nah, I wouldn't change a thing. I am who I am and where I am for a reason. Now if I could just relax and ' let go ' and worry less that would be great. That's the only thing I would change about the past. I'd like to have been less anxious and worried about making the decisions. | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/18/2008 5:51:45 AM | | The only thing i regret is getting into a longterm relationship at the age of 18 and getting engaged to him as i wasted all those years from then doing nothing but spending my time with him and i lost all my mates and everything i ever knew, the way i see it is unless your really sure about that person you may think is the one then dont rush into anything serious with anyone until your in your 20's at least because otherwise those years you should be out experiencing new things and meeting new people are gone and its too late. | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/18/2008 6:15:45 AM | In essence, say'n you have "regret" is say'n your "sorry" or that you have made a "mistake", of course this is the definition in my dictionary.
I can truly and honestly state, I have no regrets, sorries or mistakes of my past, present or future!!
Lessons learned and keep'n on......
"SORRY" will NEVER fix a "MISTAKE"
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bugsi
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Joined: 11/26/2007
Msg: 80 | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/18/2008 11:30:04 AM | | ....WOW....so many people with no regrets.....that's what i call denial.....how can someone possibly say they have no regrets about anything they have ever done in life....that scares the hell out of me....no one can be that perfect can they...???/....i have so many regrets.....that i wish i could go back and change.....but i can't.....however i can prevent the same mistakes from happenning again in my life....i'm happy....and i have regrets....do they make me the person i am today....???......nope.....i'm the same guy i was in high school....same personality....smarter for my mistakes...??? ....yes.....but i never liked the phrase....everything happens for a reason.....i must have done this for a good reason....i must have broke her heart for a good reason.....thats' baloney....hitler must have started world war two for a good reason....right...???/........there are no good reasons for mistakes....but we will make them anyways......and there is nothing wrong with having a few regrets.....everybody has hurt somebody wrongly....or themselves, at one point in their lives.....and hearing people say they have no regrets about anything they have ever done in life is just mind boggling to me..... | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/18/2008 1:00:10 PM | | I would have never married my second husband. He took my self esteem and self confidence and made me feel like I could never do anything right. He took the best 10 years of my life. Then he cheated on me and left me and my children. Sorry excuse for a man. | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:57:23 AM | ""....WOW....so many people with no regrets.....that's what i call denial""
well,, lets look at the ACTUAL meaning of the word.. shall we?? hmm,, just for spits and giggles: REGRET- 1 to feel sorry, disappointed or distressed about, 2 to remember with a feeling of loss or sorrow.
when you land that "denail" bs on those of us who have gained a hell of a lot of perspective about the experiences in our lives is just a coping mechanism on your part. while your words say theres nothing wrong with a little regret, when you call it denial you are speaking volumes to the opposite. Its best to actually understand the meaning of the word before you start making character assasinations. while you say theres nothing wrong with having a few regrets, what you fail to include is that having none is just as ok. just because you dont agree or understand it doesn't make the restof us in denial
for example,,,, if i say i regret having married the man who abused me and i divorced, it also would be saying i resent and regret having produced my son as a result of that union. I most assuredly (sp) DO NOT regret my son, nor do i regret the marriage. perhaps oddly enough to many of you, i do not either regret the abuse. I have actually come to great peace about it. I have even forgiven him. ( imagine that) I have gained a great many lessons from that experience.
there are a great many things i would have opted out of if i had the choice, but with the perspective that they are lessons learned, I dont regret these things. given the above definition, what i feel does not fit.
i feel regretting something is all about perspective. in my life i have one regret. I regret having done this because there is no way i can go back and make ammends for it. | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/19/2008 7:59:03 AM | | .......well that is just wrong......you see i disagree... you CAN change a bad outcome....if you have regrets and are truly sorry for a bad decision......you just go back and owe up to it....and you try to do it right.....maybe you'll get a second chance.....and i'm speaking of human relationships here.....not drunken driving accidents....but if you wave all of your regrets off as just learning mistakes, that were MEANT TO BE, and now need to be forgotten, and buried...???.....i don't believe in that being the right course of action....SOMETIMES YES ....MAYBE...all depends on the degree of regret i guess.....if you do something you regret in life, that has adversly effected someone, and that someone does not know or think that you are sorry ...or have any regrets....do you think that situation could not be reversed, by simply saying your sorry and that you deeply regret hurting them.........sorry can go a long way you know....it does with me....i know there can be two ways at looking at everything, and you can't go back in time.....but you can go back and make it better....choices do not have to be final...... | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/19/2008 8:07:18 AM | f i say i regret having married the man who abused me and i divorced, it also would be saying i resent and regret having produced my son as a result of that union
No. it does not. That's a fallacy people use to help them deal with things. You cited the definition of regret. Nowhere does it say that you must regret all outcomes, events, experiences, etc. associated with something regretted. You can take the fact that your son had to go through a divorce and go through seeing, hearing, and viscerally feeling his Mother abused and regret that all you want without regretting his existence one little bit. Regret doesn't include determinism derived from hindsight, that's a philosophy people layered on top of it.
Note what I selected that I would regret from such an event. Marrying the abuser in the first place would be something I would take from and grow from and move on about even though it's not a logical necessity, it's simply a wise choice in dealing with and growing through life. But if I didn't regret how I negatively impacted others... then I wouldn't know what to think of myself as a human being. Any crappy thing I do to someone else could eventually justified. | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/19/2008 8:13:10 AM | .......well that is just wrong......you see i disagree... you CAN change a bad outcome....if you have regrets and are truly sorry for a bad decision......you just go back and owe up to it....and you try to do it right.....maybe you'll get a second chance.....and i'm speaking of human relationships here put maybe in caps. MAYBE you'll get a second chance if you did not hurt that person beyond repair, if they don't already have someone else, if you know where they are. I always try to repair damage I've done, but ultimately try not to hurt to begin with. A regret is not always a hurt you've caused but a bad choice you've made. I regret my marriage, I regret I made children with that man which causes me to be attached to him the rest of my life. I don't regret my children. I know I would not have "those children" if it had been with another man. I imagine the majority of people on here love their children but REGRET they are tied to the ex and have no way to correct that. Explain to me how I can fix the regret of being married to a man who cheated, created debt in my name, took my ID and created multiple internet accounts. I can't nor do I owe him any apology. I do not claim to be perfect, but I did not do anything to make him have the behaviors he did. I regret accepting his marriage offer. I regret living with him as long as I did. I can't fix it nor do nor do I want to do so. Wait, I did fix it, I left but it did not give me back the 28 years spent with him. Tell me how to fix that.
but you can go back and make it better....choices do not have to be final...... not sure how I could have made it better, but I am sure glad it was a judiciously finalized ending.
Regret doesn't include determinism derived from hindsight, that's a philosophy people layered on top of it. while I agree with that in concept, I will still regret I ever met the man.
The baggage has been dumped long ago and there is a man out there that will not cause me to regret unless he has a holier than thou idealistic view of himself. | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/19/2008 10:11:56 AM | | ......well outofthedesert, i am truly sorry you had to live all those years through that nightmare, and i'm sure you held out for your chidrens' sake, i must say, i do undrestand your screen name now.....makes perfect sense...and no you have no obligation to ever go back and try to change anything that has happened in your life unless you want to....and it does not sound like you would want to ....and for good reason...i too wish i could go back and not marry the one i chose.....i married for the wrong reasons really.....it was my own fault for not being really happy....but i love my kids, and so i rationalize that, they were the reason for that marriage, and so nothing is ever a total loss.....but i feel your pain, i too lost time in my life, time i could have spent with another, and i also have to deal with my nutty ex-wife.....we all have exs' to deal with and it is not easy swallowing your pride for your childrens sake....did you have another love you wished you had married, ....someone you hurt and cannot find....i think we might all have one you know......maybe not all is lost...????/ | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/19/2008 10:51:38 AM | See here is the inherent problem with this thread title.
If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Men; by nature.....are fixers. Sometimes ya just gotta let go of that mentality.
It be a tough one for me.
I'm trying though. Ask anyone. I'm very trying.
I thank you. | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/19/2008 10:59:47 AM | | Anything I've ever regretted has been in the immediate aftermath only... some poor choices, the wrong words out my mouth, handling a situation badly, a hasty decision made... but in the end when I step back and look at the big picture there are no regrets, as (as many here have said) you cannot go back and change things and whatever I've encountered or withstood helped bring me here today and taught me lessons. I think it's something we gain with age, to not regret... those I know who live with it seem "stuck" and unable to move on, and nothing seems harder or sadder, IMO. NO regrets here, just life lessons learned... and yeah, even w/ age, I keep on "teaching" myself- daily! LOL | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/19/2008 1:01:24 PM | I would go back and tell the boyfriend that I dumped in college that I was wrong
and still loved him, even though the day I almost did; I saw him walking around and
holding hands with another girl. Then less than 2 weeks later they announced they
were getting married.
But then my whole life would have been changed and I wouldn't have the two
wonderful sons that I have and wouldn't change for anything. Granted I would
have had other children but I wouldn't change having had the two I did have.
I guess things happen for a reason, and I'm glad they do. | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/19/2008 1:25:30 PM | | Someday, could be today, but someday, those of you who are traveling on the long road will get to the short road!! You never know what other's have been through or dealt with in their lives and therefore you should NEVER try to push your values or beliefs on others. Regret as you can see from other poster's comes in many different forms and opinions.........The Past is yesterday(can ya go back???....ummmm NO), Today is this moment(time for change????!!!!.........ummmm YUP!!) and Tomorrow does anyone know???.............ummmmmm NOPE!!) To truly not regret anything is to know where you stand today!! My opinion!! Thank you OP for this thread!! | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/19/2008 7:13:57 PM |
WOW....so many people with no regrets.....that's what i call denial.....how can someone possibly say they have no regrets about anything they have ever done in life....that scares the hell out of me....no one can be that perfect can they...?
If you regret and choose to go back and change things.. how the hell would you ever learn from it? Hell.. most of the time you can only come to regret something you did or didn't do much MUCH later because at the time.. you didn't know about the impact it'd have.
I think I'd rather have some regrets and/or mistakes than to just breeze through life without a care. Never learning anything I am probably supposed to learn.
you CAN change a bad outcome.
No you can't. All you can do is use the knowledge to avoid it happening again. | |
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/19/2008 7:31:02 PM | I am one of these folks who learn ONLY from experience, and I have to tell you that I have learned a LOT! I even made the same mistakes twice, just to confirm the findings and verify the results...
It has heen quite costly -and painful- over time, but you get what you pay for, and good experience is expensive. Paying dearly also builds charachter. It is much cheaper if you hint advise or listen to your momma, but that takes a special kind of people to learn in that manner and I'm not t h a t special... Aw well, no regrets here, I found out that it all works out for the best in the end.
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| If You Could Go Back and Fix ONE Thing You Regret ..........
Posted: 1/19/2008 7:43:49 PM | | I wouldn't change a thing, I am a Stronger person for having gone through many different things in my life, positive, or negative. You can't change the past, you can only go forward. And you can either learn from your mistakes, or repeat them. If you repeat the same mistakes, you have to take responsibility for yourself, you can't put the blame on anyone else. It's taken me a very long time to live in the present tense and to live each moment, each day as it comes, not to worry about the future, because tomorrow is another day and live life to the fullest, to have compassion for people, you never know till you have walked in someone's else's shoes, where they have come from, what they have been through in their life. Another important thing as well is to forgive another person who has wronged you, that will take the Biggest weight off your shoulders, & I know, it's not easy, but you will have a more peaceful Life than you could imagine. I know because I am finally at Peace with myself, my life, and Life is Good! | |
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