| Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/17/2008 7:56:56 PM | To spare your feelings. It's always easier to hear that someone is busy than to hear that they think you are an ugly cow or just not their type, etc.
I would have no problem with someone telling me that we're not a match or compatible. That would be honest. But not rude. | |
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| Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/17/2008 10:20:58 PM | It is just male etiquette. It is against our rules to tell women outright that we don't find them attractive.
You'll find the similar things after you are married. You ask your hubby, "Does this dress make me look fat?" He will likely follow male etiquette in answering you. | |
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| Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/18/2008 8:54:49 PM | | I have found more a case of guys saying "I'll call" then don't. Even if busy, he will contact you within three days of your last date, if he is interested. They don't like to contact the next day, because they don't want to appear desperate. Nothing after three days, like fish, it's off:). I'm not bitter, I realise at times they don't know a gentle way of letting you know. I understand this and move on. Chalk it up to experience, because lack of interest can work both ways. I usually just directly, state either 'I'd like to see you again' or 'Nice meeting you, but I don't feel we're compatiable.' That way everything is straightforward and honest. Everyone is different, it's whatever works for you. | |
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| Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/18/2008 9:23:21 PM |
No one is sooooo busy regardless of what type of work they do to not make at least a brief phone call to say "Hi, have really been busy, I will call you later." Or send a brief text or email.
See if I am busy, and I tell someone "hey I am busy" or "hey I am in the middle of something can I call you back" I do get back in touch with them and let them know hey I was in the middle of something or I have been tied up with something. If I am tied up and unable to get back with them that day I will the first thing the next day. You cannot knock people for saying they're busy and then say well if they can't make time for me I am done. Sometimes everyone has those up and out of the ordinary things pop up that is unusual for all of us. There are also the people who take the "I am busy I will call you back" way out of proportion. An example being I was talking to a lady off of here. She called me late one morning my son had just woke up and wasn't feeling good and fussy. Then he started fussing he wanted something to eat. At that time she called I said "My son just woke up he has been having problems with his allergies and is fussing for something to eat. Can I call you back please?" She was polite and said "Yes" So I tried calling her back about an hour or so later she didn't answer so I figured hey she is busy. Tried to give her a call later that evening one time. I got her voicemail. Left her a message saying "Hey this Nick I was just calling you back. Give me a call if you want I am going to be up late tonight so it doesn't matter if it is late.". The next day I get a very rude text message from her about how I needed to grow balls and instead of telling her I was busy I should have told her that I was not interested, and why do guys do that to her all the time. I didn't know what to say back. It was one of those WTF you heard my son fussing in the background when you called, and I tried calling you back twice like I said I would. Why in the world would you flip out like that when I was trying to contact you again, and you had heard my son fussing in the background? | |
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| Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/18/2008 9:32:50 PM |
Just say "OK", and tell them to find you when they're not busy. Then write them off and move on to someone else. If they do call you then it's a bonus. If they don't - you won't notice because you'll be talking to new guys. I always take busy, as not 100% interested...because I know when I really want to get to know someone, I make the time.
No matter what they say, if they're not actively trying to make plans with you - even if they do like you, you don't really want to bother anyway. Uninterested, or not motivated enough to be present in the dating process as you are - no good either way.
Absolutely! And if they honestly have been busy but are still interested, they'll follow it up with asking you out to catch up for the missed time. Well, at least, that's what I'd do. *shrug* :) | |
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| Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/18/2008 9:41:21 PM | | Because people have brittle egos and can't handle the painfully obvious things like "You're dull as dishwater." Though I have noticed women seem to assume it will be for looks (ie 'does this dress make me look fat') as I have never heard a girl ask me if I thought she was boring. | |
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| Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:38:30 PM |
Because people have brittle egos and can't handle the painfully obvious things like "You're dull as dishwater."
There's no need for explanations. A simple, "I like you, but I don't think we're a match" is sufficient. It's honest. Both parties know, so both can move on. No one has been insulted. There's really no logical point in playing games. The other person eventually figures it out --- after perhaps weeks of wondering and in a quandry unnecessarily. Once figured out, the dumped person, at that point, has no respect for the person who took the cowardly way out. That and the unnecessary wondering are the only 2 results of this kind of dishonesty. What really IS the point? | |
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| Why does a he say he's busy instead of saying not interested
Posted: 7/20/2008 5:37:43 PM | Guys (and girls) do this, because they don't know you... hence, there's a 90% chance it will actually cause more problems if they somehow have the nerve to say "I'm not interested."
The rules of the game is if they don't call or email back, they lost interest. It speaks for itself, even though it can be pretty cold if any expectations were built up. | |
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