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| how did/do you cope
Posted: 1/17/2008 8:59:18 AM | It's a tough one to reconcile in your own head. Some people are masters at turning that right around on you and blaming you for their lack of integrity. It amazed me that even though I got cheated on, I was the one who felt the guilt, (Like it was really 'me" who had screwed up) it really messes with you. I do know that (in my case, anyway) that eventually the pain eases and you can learn to trust again. And all the posters who advised you to find distractions are correct. The best revenge in a situation like that, is to take the "high road" and be the best YOU possible and don't look back. Things have a way of balancing out in the end.
Peace. | |
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exxos
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Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 27 | |
| how did/do you cope
Posted: 1/17/2008 1:43:13 PM | My ex cheated on me twice, well maybe not exactly, but she kept going for any guys who gave her the most attention, then she ignored me.. we broke up after 8 years at xmastime time, ive moved out now..
the first 2 weeks have been very hard, everything reminds me of her no matter how big or small. Week 3, trying to get by, the nights and mornings are the hard parts for me, used to her being in bed with me... On one hand I hate her guts, but I was with her 8 years and still love her too...
Try not to think about it my advise... Its my first relationship which has come to an end and probably the hardest one too.. don't waste your time on revenge, you won't feel any better and there is no gain to be made to your personally even though it seems that way.
Unfortunatly very few seem to be able to stay in a serious relationship.. Dread to think of the amount of people I know who have had cheated partners!
I was tempted a lot to "get to know" other girls while in my relationship, I never stopped my ex from making new friends, but it was always "more than friends" and it just go too much. I was tempted by other girls many many times, but I did not want to fek up my relationship just for a quick fling with a girl I didnt even really know.
There are some nice people on here, but I already tried msging everyone in 25miles from where I live, given up now. Even finding someone to talk to is hard, I have a few chat mates dotted around, but finding love ? think im just gonna stay single..
sometimes I can talk really well with someone, sometimes I can't think of a thing to say, don't let it get you down, takes 2 people to have a conversation! | |
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| how did/do you cope
Posted: 1/17/2008 1:59:21 PM |
if you have ever been cheated on by an ex or they have run off with another person how did you deal with it let me know
did you feel hurt and betrayed or were you hell bent on revenge ( which is not the answer)
I dunno about anyone else, but the first time it happened was the worst... after that, it hurt a little less each time with each new person. (not saying it didn't hurt at all, but nothing compared to the first time it happened)
Once i discovered how quick i get over it by just having sex with someone else soon after we parted ways... i was just fine and ready to move on. Didn't feel the need to tell any exes about it or rub it in their face because it wasn't about 'them' at that point.
Not saying it's the way to go and get over people as different people have different ways of getting over someone... that method works best for me and i'm looking out for #1 when #1 is the one who has to deal with the pain of being cheated on.
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| how did/do you cope
Posted: 1/18/2008 2:08:57 AM | Unfortunately many of us have been through it and it hurts like hell when it's YOU that it's happening to, but when it's happening to someone else, it's very easy to say 'oh just forget about them and get over it and move on' so I'm not going to say that.
What I am going to say is that cognitive behavioral therapy is excellent for helping with this. The reason it works is because it is simple. It's about learning to channel your thoughts in a different direction and it's about taking your power back, where it belongs (with you and not with her).
Try to find a counsellor who deals with this therapy or pick up a copy of the book 'Feeling Good' by David Burns. Once you realize that - sure she did something that was really hurtful, but now YOU are the one who is being hurtful to yourself for not allowing your thoughts, ego (or whatever the case may be) to get past this, you will be able to take the next step. This isn't the end of the road for you - just the beginning of a new direction. You just need to open your eyes enough to see the new path. It's waiting for you. When you close a door a window will open ... | |
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| how did/do you cope
Posted: 1/18/2008 2:23:21 AM | Yes, in a relationship for a long time, where I was very loyal, but being friendly, would always get accused of being unfaithful, which would never happen, its not in my moral fiber to do so.
Heard stuff floating around about her though, but you know rumours. Plus, love is about Trust and Faith. Too bad after we split, I found out that she was unfaithful.
Dwelling on it wouldnt be healthy or positive. I'm just glad that I'm not with someone that would do that. | |
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PLZ
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Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 31 | |
| how did/do you cope
Posted: 1/18/2008 5:46:54 AM | | It's hard at first but know you can't make anyone LOVE you!! LOVE is a powerful word,that some people abuse...How I coped with my X cheating on me---I cryed for days,couldn't believe it was true!! Church helped me get through it,read or meditate your Holy Bible!! There is a God !! GOD sees everything and your pain...Just pray and try not to meet the same kind of person..Also,LOVE is the greatest gift God granted us ALL..Leave the person alone cuz once a cheater ;always a cheater!!! | |
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| how did/do you cope
Posted: 1/18/2008 5:57:38 AM | | Ya gotta just put on your big girl panties and deal with it because there's no point in crying over spilled milk! If he didn't stick around then he wasn't worth it and there's plenty of fishies in the sea so get on with your life and go <img ,src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_011.gif border=0> ya never know, you might find a better bigger catch than him anyway!! | |
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1vman
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Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 33 | |
| how did/do you cope
Posted: 1/18/2008 6:09:42 AM | | Hi I just wanted to tell you my story In hopes that It will help you with yours , I was with a woman for seven yrs married for one , we bought a home together and seemed to be happy . I stood by her In all her decisions, even her breast augmentation unfortunately she got them and thought she was better than me ..and started to cheat on me , her friend called and told me, I hired a private investigator and low and behold she was having an affair, two weeks later I filed and went through a long and financially draining divorce [damn lawyers] , I didn't like women for a long time . and treated them as such ,witch wasn't fair to them, not all women are the same and Its up to you to weed them out. stand up be strong have confidence, you will find someone who will treat you good they are out there, Its been five yrs for me ,I havent found her yet ,but I will not give up . life goes on . leave her In the past dont see her dont talk to her thats what worked for me out of sight out of mind .It works. take her pictures down .dont through them away just put them away , there will be a day you can look at her and not hurt .. Time covers up scares , good luck to you keep your chin up | |
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| how did/do you cope
Posted: 1/23/2008 12:50:09 PM | I'm not sure there is any good way to cope except to believe that not all people are like that. And look to your friends.
I read one person say that if ou have sex with someone it gets better..
I hope he meant get close to someone.. I split up with my ex before I got close to someone. That is what any decent person will do.. It's very sad when a relationship ends but, please don't become bitter or like your ex because that'll just worsten the world for everyone else.. Sadly not everyone will have the courage to end a relaionship when they should. Lots of people want to ensure the next one is ready as they don't want to be on their own.
You sound great and there'll be someone amazing waiting for someone just like you .. Hang on in there x | |
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