L.D.
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Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 226 | |
| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 5/18/2008 8:23:50 PM | I've learned that women are the most astonishing deceivers - of themselves and potential dates.
Others have already discussed "cover up" pictures and other things. What's astonished me is women who have major DISEASES yet just somehow fail to tell you that until you're on a date. They shouldn't even be dating. I met someone who had cancer - no wonder she didn't look like her pictures. Last weekend I had dinner with someone a good distance away who tells me that she has kidney failure, has had 21 operations, but because I'm special she's telling me - usually she doesn't tell the guy on the first date.
!!!
It's just psychotic.
I've met more crazy people doing online dating than I have in real life. I'm about to give the whole thing up completely. | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:07:48 PM | 'psychotic'??^^^ SO Blessed What a woman told you on a date she has 'kidney failure'? and, omg,op, "after all those e-mails, and phone calls, and a whole 35mile drive to dinner with her she tells you... HOW DARE she Be HUMAN....  (you not only mention this poor woman in your post, but in detail in your profile-truely classless- MAYBE the woman (who was Brave enough to think she could TELL you) needed a KIND person to socialize with? thank God she didnt tell you after you were in a serious relationship with her!!  you said "that women who have major diseases "shouldn't even be dating".... that is so sad... you are sad.... i have already posted in this thread before, but when i was reading through it to see other PoFr's answers, i am really dissapointed that you sound/talk like you do... how very narrow-minded... What have I learned from on-line dating? just like in 'real-Life', there are miserable women AND men out there^^^ Hugs to all...    | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:42:24 PM | I'm sorry but I can't agree with this ^^^, I'd like to know that a woman that I've gone to see is going to be alive for the 3rd date. It's 1 thing to strike up a friendship knowing full well that she may have serious health problems, but to try and start a relationship with someone new without even letting them in on the "secret"? Have you ever lost somebody? I work in a hospital and patients that you see on occasion can pass away, it's depressing, a fact of life but I mean my job doesn't really give me much chance to have much more than a conversation in passing. Just think if you're in a serious relationship, 1 minute you're thinking "this could be a good match for me" and the next minute she's telling you she has inoperable cancer and is not likely to last out the year. If that's not a severe mind f*ck I don't know what is...
On topic though, I've learned not to trust people without full length pictures, I learned that being nice doesn't compete with being douchey and I learned that eyepatches can make you look more dashing. | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:56:30 PM | | I agree with Stragerstill-- its harder to connect in some ways because online communication is often viewed as "disposable" . .. they dont meet us in person FIRST and arent exposed to us in the outside world right away.. also many people still treat online dating with disregard and stigmatize it --though I have heard it has grown exponentially in the US just recently.... | |
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L.D.
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Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 230 | |
| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:06:04 AM | Hugs my butt. It's PRECISELY deceiving, creepy attitudes like yours that keep so many women single.
I would NEVER date someone if I had a major disease that could kill me. I'd just concentrate on getting well. But for you, it's perfectly OK for a woman to deceive, right? According to you, it is, it's "human." What a joke. | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:40:54 PM | Mr. LD.. you need to Chill, and re-read what You wrote/write... you WERE speaking about this womans' "kidney failure"... NOT "a major disease that could kill you".... and NO i Did Not say its 'perfectly ok for a woman to deceive'. Now, for YOUR benefit & ****ing, you are taking things out of context and twisting things around... I said "that there W-O-M-E-N and MEN both ONLINE and in 'real-Life' who make it rough/deceive.... you need to think before you open your mouth & type.... i will choose not to get nasty & insulting like you, for its obviously something you can't see that you do... shame on you...   | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:17:30 PM | That there are too many phoney profiles and they don't make much effort to disguise themselves :
Quite above avg in looks, photos usually look professionally done, and the about me section is usually 5 lines max without paragraph breaks.
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 5/21/2008 11:30:12 AM | I hope you never get sick.
I have a rare and uncurable blood condition, you can't catch it from me and my pictures don't show it. But the bottom line is it still killing me. Those of us that are not perfect find it interesting just how many people reject us. I do tell those I date and because it is so personal I might weight till the first date. Wait till 15 doctors tell you your dieing and see how you feel?
Jon | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 5/21/2008 12:15:50 PM | Oh L.D. what a very sad perception you have of people, full of negativity. The lady with cancer may possibly simply have wanted to meet as many nice people as she could, fill her life with as much as she could. Shame she appeared to pick someone as shallow as you. Poor lady.
As for women being deceiving etc per your observations. Heaven forbid that men should do the same eh! Well, here's a home truth: they do, they have done and will continue to. Just like some women. Life aint perfect. But hey: I guess you know that already !
As for anyone else who should deign to have any form of illness: I don't think you need to worry about them contacting you. Nor any very healthy person for that matter: it's clear from your comments that if you met someone, really hit if off and they received bad news on a health aspect in the future: your words clearly say, "Dont expect me to stick by you and be supportive if you fall ill". Hit yourself with the big stick on both counts there.
Oh dear dear. Seems you have a rather over inflated view of yourself. I beg to ask: why have you chosen an online dating medium as a way of meeting others? particularly when you are not over enthused about the results and remain disappointed. Did you choose to do so because you couldnt meet anyone in everyday life, or that it ALSO were disappointed in that option?
Methinks a little self reflection may not be a bad idea. I wonder what the common denominator is?? | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 5/21/2008 2:19:03 PM | | I have learned that alot of people are not truthful and that any one can be any thing behind a computer screen, but for the most part I would like to think that people are honest but then again people will only tell you what they want you to know. I have only dated one person off this site and that person turned out to be a very untruthful. although I have not dated any one for a long, long, long, time I still have talked with some very nice people. | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 5/21/2008 2:22:37 PM | | Men love to take the p*ss out of women. They seem to think that at fifty you are going to be so desperate you going to let them get away with treating you like a piece of filth. WRONG | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:01:43 PM | HAHA, I totally agree with the physical description part. I see a lot of people's pictures and their description, and I wonder if they looked in a mirror. Not to be rude, but I am realistic and I think some people on here are not.
Otherwise, I have learned there are a lot of beautiful girls on here. And not just bomb shells, but I find most girls on here are pretty in their own way. I can find something I like about them. Doesn't mean I will date them though. | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:32:27 PM | Ms. Blondago56.
You're a jerk.
The woman told me she'd had 21 operations. She was seriously ill and shouldn't have been dating. From your posts, you might be seriously ill, too, mentally. | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:12:09 PM | | Online dating is not for the faint hearted. My motto is this: Don't expect perfection, don't take anything personal and that in turn will allow one to have fun with it while just maybe, you never know, finding what or a darn good close to what one is looking for. It's like rolling the dice and taking a chance, and with doing that, there will always be bumps in the road along the way. One just has to keep rolling, while figuring ways around those bumps because that is just life in a nut shell. LOLL, like the movie, Forest Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one your gonna get". Find humor in the unexpected and keep on a rolling! | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:25:34 PM | I've learned that I had a bit of bigotry in me that I didn't even realize was there. That I was judging people by their education level and writing skills and not giving the less educated or skilled a fair chance or even trying to make an effort to be understanding. That realization changed my life a lot. Seeing what appeared to me to be a major flaw in my self perception (I always thought I was a very kind and understanding woman) led me to do a lot of self evaluation and housekeeping. Led me to nice people with great skills and harmonious lives. I found 3 other things that I was unhappy to realize were part of who I had become and set about getting rid of bitterness (in all those hidden little corners) and impatience and self pity.
Even if I never get to meet my new partner here I cannot thank online dating enough for holding up that mirror so I could see who I really was and change into somebody I like better. Thank YOU forum fauna I love you! | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 6/25/2008 8:13:54 AM | I have learned That Maybe HeartLove is not for everyone !
There are Some GOOD SPIRITED People Here ''
And ? there are some mean Spirited people online here in the pond ....
Maybe ? There are too many people who are still carrying that Big Bag oF
Baggage '''''''''there are {those who have worked} thru the past Heartaches ''Pain "'
Sorrow "'And {those who continue to carry it } on there shoulder > Or still lost !
Some people just do care "'have no compassion for others ......SELFISH
Self Obsorbed ........
Some people want to be Loved and accepted just as they are
and for who they are .
Some just want a Friend or two ..
And then some only want what
they can get from you ''or you are willing to give or
show them "Online or in person.
Some want A FREE RIDE !
Some People really dont know what they want .
Some people stand you up because its too easy to procrastinate
or lack feelings do
to the online blinddate ....Or they dump you '''''''''cause they can go
on to the next online cyber gender.......
BTW '''There are some great fishes ''a fishin here in the POF pond .....
However age ''desires ''compatability '''Beliefs '''were an obstacle .....
Maybe the Great person This fish would hope to meet is just not meant
to be at this time <
Therefore one can only Enjoy being Single "'Cause once the Life of being Single is gone ''It like everything else it is GONE !
I have learned to Accept & Embrace the Good Life ''''JOY ''''Peace ''Laughter''Live to Love Life ...Right where I am TODAY !
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:42:34 AM | my learned lessons..
no one i've met in via a dating site seems to be able relate to themselves as their profiles tend not to be a true reflection of what they are after. (see profile for breakdown definitions of what people in my area seem to think any kind of relationship means to them)
even after having met someone some think they can have anonymous sex with you ..at will
most on dating sites refuse to have a real conversation of any kind because then they label you as too "serious" and not having any sense of fun...undatable because you spoke your mind as you would outside of this venue.
in most cases, any kind of relationship formed via online sites are a real 'backward engineering' of the way any relationship forms naturally over time...so most relationships suffer some kind of break down before any "REAL" relationship(friends or otherwise)forms...
its sad to say why i'm still here after posting what sounds like nothing but negative experiences, but i'm still hopeful, so i end up in this love/hate mentality about using a dating site to meet someone that genuinely wants something real with me... | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:04:11 PM | If you're going to Start a Forum . . Wear your Thickest Skin...!!!
Because .. No matter How innocent and friendly your subject matter is . .
There's _Always_ SOMEone out there that will Cut you Down for one 'reason' or another...!!! | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:10:59 PM |
What have you learned from online dating ?
Patience.
Don't believe everything you're told (although I knew this before dating online).
Don't take things personally.
And related to "patience": Don't give up. | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:26:36 PM | PICK ME .... PLEASE PICK ME ......TO ANSWER THIS ONE!! LMAO
People say what they think the person is reading wants to hear. There are allot of players out there, and allot of people who need some serious help!
5 signs you could have a player on your hands…
He’s bold. For the player, the pickup is a game. He doesn’t approach women with the same nerves or awkwardness of a normal guy. He’ll walk up confidently, with a big smile and great eye contact. His manner will be smooth and put-together. This doesn’t mean you should look for the opposite — a stuttering wreck — but be wary of a guy who acts completely bulletproof. A little anxiety is natural.
He declares his feelings right away. Players employ a “fast come-on,” according to Dr. Kalish, making sweeping statements of affection (e.g., “You’re the most perfect woman I’ve ever met”) from the word go. These declarations can feel very welcome, especially if you’ve been in a string of relationships that lacked such intimacy. Just remember that true closeness takes time, and it’s normal for a guy to be more guarded about his emotions.
He always plans romantic dates. Dating for the player is kind of a performance art. And he’s going to be good at it. “He won’t just bring a box of chocolates,” Dr. Kalish warns. “He’ll take you to a state fair and offer to share cotton candy.” Nice guys can be romantic, too, but life with them won’t always feel like a John Cusack movie. Non-stop rooftop picnics and weekends at the cottage could be too much.
He has lots of acquaintances, no close friends. The player tends to be a lone wolf. That doesn’t mean he lacks for drinking buddies. The same way he charms women, he can charm lots of people in his life. The key is that, in friendship as in romance, his affections run broad but not deep. If solid pals are hard to come by with this guy, consider yourself warned.
He’s a thrill seeker. A guy who spends his spare time looking for a rush — fast driving, bungee jumping, kite-boarding, heli-skiing — should give you pause. This type, says Dr. Kalish, craves the high that comes from conquering a difficult challenge, and that goes for his relationship goals as well. Once he’s “conquered” you, your allure may quickly fade.
…And 5 signs he’s just a nice, upstanding guy
He’s goofy. The sincere suitor is not suave. He doesn’t always say the right thing. It may sound weird to go into a date hoping for a pratfall, but it’s not a bad thing. “Believe me,” Dr. Kalish says. “The false charmer does not trip. He knows where his feet are at all times.”
He remembers personal details and events. It’s the most basic way to show someone you care—by learning about his or her life and interests. Players can’t be bothered with this. One of the most common complaints Dr. Kalish fielded about false charmers was that they failed to show up at important events. “They are narcissists,” she says. “Dating is all about them.” Trifling as it sounds, if a guy remembers to bring over your favorite ice cream or shows up at your pal’s birthday party, he might just be a keeper.
He treats his mama right. Generally speaking, a loving family begets a loving person, and the opposite is also true. Dr. Kalish often heard about alcoholism in the families of insincere boyfriends. While this might incite an understandable desire for you to reach out and help, you should also be cautious. The wounded outcast who is betrayed by his parents makes a hot lead in a soap, but not the best boyfriend. Try the good-hearted guy who flies home for his mom’s birthday instead.
He can mingle. “The sincere guy doesn’t mind being in a room with people who are more accomplished than he is,” Dr. Kalish says. Conversely, the player wants to be in situations that will glorify only himself, especially around his woman. He doesn’t want to listen to another man’s interesting story. A loving guy, on the other hand, can mix with others even when he’s not the star of the show, and actually enjoys learning things from them.
He says, “I love you.” As fawning as a player’s affections are, there’s still something sacred about the L-bomb. Kalish found that insincere men would say, “I want to grow old with you,” or “I want to have children with you,” but “I love you” remained somehow off limits. A guy who says those three magic words may very well mean them.
But where esle do we meet someone?? All my friends are either married or engaged, dont have available friends or "brothers" to hook up with, so now what do we do? | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:11:05 AM | | I also learned, don't take yourself too seriously because there's always someone to do that for you. Oh billy and they'll cut you down. When it comes to dating, being bitter probably isn't worth it but there's a hell of a lot of bitter people roaming around in packs online and otherwise haha. | |
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| What have you learned from online dating ?
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:32:40 AM | I'm in sales. I know, saying that can be sort of like letting a fart in an elevator. But I want to answer the OP's question so I won't worry about metaphorically spraying some air freshener by qualifying that statement at this time. So here are some lessons from my job that I've found equally applicable here:
--I sell more when I spend most of my time meeting and interacting with potential clients. Yes, good preparation is important and one must do one's research...and there are always going to be specific questions and issues that require some targeted study; but the business doesn't come looking for you. Sooner or later you need to write some emails, pick up the phone, make contact. It really is a numbers game; the more people you contact the greater the likelihood for success.
--I believe in high-probability selling. I'd love to have Merck as a customer. They are perfect. But they know they are perfect and they make you jump through hoop after hoop after hoop. And you can spend months pursuing them, pouring your heart and soul into the RFP. Besides your precious time you'll also invest a lot in traveling to see them, entertaining them, trying to build a relationship. And even if you do everything absolutely right, hit every note pitch-perfect, you probably won't get the business. It will drive you insane because you know you have the best solution for them. You'll come to learn they made their decision a long time ago and the entire RFP process was a sham; nothing but an exercise to keep the incumbent on their toes. And if by some miracle you do get the business you may find you should be careful what you ask for. Odds are they'll be a nightmare customer. They'll be HIGH MAINTENANCE! They may treat you like crap and expect you to be grateful they're blessing you with their crap. And after all that, if you run the numbers carefully you'll probably find they're not profitable. The margins just aren't there. You've been killing yourself for nothing.
--It is important to manage a potential client's expectations. The majority of sales people don't. They will say or do anything to close the deal. They give all sales people a bad name. But all sales people aren't bad. There are many who are honest even though they know that by not lying their job is going to be more difficult--since so many prospects assuming you're lying and adjust accordingly . They have built successful, long term careers by making sure their solution was the best fit for the client; and they would be the first ones to tell the client they should buy "brand x" if they felt that was the better fit. Because if the fit isn't right there will be nothing but trouble after the sale. The sharks will always be out there. They move from company to company, leaving devastation in their wake. They will always find gullible buyers who don't do their homework and don't have a clear understanding of their requirements.
--Success breeds success. When you close a big deal you exude confidence. You are financially secure so you don't reek of desperation. Potential clients will sense this confidence and will be more inclined to opt for your solution. You feel you have the best product on the market and if after a valiant effort you fail to convince the prospect you walk away feeling it is their loss. You'll be even more selective of who you target. You'll bump into the buyer for Merck at a conference and tell her you're not going to participate in the RFP this year and it will drive her insane.
--No whining, no excuses. Everything is cyclical. You can be the golden boy one minute and then, in the blink of an eye, through no fault of your own, the business climate can shift cataclysmically. Or you can hit a rough patch of your own. Maybe you took your big customer for granted and didn't give them the attention they deserved and they fired you. Maybe you got sick. Regardless of the reason, you're no longer the golden boy and the pressure in on to turn things around. All the things that were tolerated or ignored when you were on top are now suddenly in play and the downhill momentum keeps building and feeding on itself. When this happens, you have choices. If the problem is with the company, you either need to work honestly and openly to change it or you need to leave. It really is that simple. And if you do complain, you need to complain to someone who can do something about it. Incessant **** sessions with coworkers may feel cathartic at the time but they won't solve your problem. On the other hand, if the problem is within you, you need to change. Some people just get tired of the pressure of a big-time job and decide to downsize. They don't feel as if they are "settling." In fact, I know many people who have done this and are happier than they've ever been. Some people say "game back freaking on" and get after it. It is your choice. Doing nothing gets you nothing.
--Focus on process, not outcomes. If you keep tweaking the process and get the process right, the outcomes will follow. Have a little fun. Enjoy the people you meet regardless of what does or doesn't develop. Make friends. Help others. Laugh at yourself. Don't be so quick to judge. Keep an open mind. We all know the biggest deals often pop when its least expected. Why not have some fun while we're waiting?
--Never quit. If your best efforts still aren't closing deals, then you need to go back to basics. Are you prospecting for the right clients? Are you trying to sell a Wal-Mart solution to a Saks prospect or vice-versa? Are there other channels you haven't thought of to get your product in front of the right prospects? Has your pitch gone stale? Shake things up...try something different...push outside your comfort zone--which actually has turned into a discomfort zone. Maybe it's time to update the wardrobe? Maybe you need to hire a consultant/coach to analyze your situation? Maybe you need to get off the couch...MOVE...a body in motion tends to stay in motion.
--If you're still reading this...STOP IT. Go write to someone. NOW. And if they don't write you back, that could mean they aren't interested. But it could also mean they died. You don't know what it does or doesn't mean. The only thing that is for certain is that you should not waste another second thinking about it. They don't owe you a response. No one owes you anything. GET OVER IT. Delete the sent message and send five more. Repeat as necessary until desired result is achieved. | |
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