| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect to be nagged?? :)??
Posted: 1/14/2008 2:25:51 PM | My goodness gracious me pumpkin. Did you per chance read the statement you just made??? Here, let me quote it for you.
Ohhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. :)
i bet you always pass the buck for blame onto your partners rather than be responsible and address your own issues and have the balls to face them head on!
Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm??? :)
I thank you. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 2:25:52 PM | well yes of course but there is more to the situation than just sexual neglect and that is what you need to figure out. a relationship is more than just sex and if you jumped in before you knew him than ouch this ones going to hurt. If you can communicate with him about your unhappy sex life and work through it you will be much better off. if he is unwilling than you will know the balance of the relationship is on you and should never be that way.
so i guess my point is seek help and if he is not willing to than your decision is pretty much made. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect to be nagged? :)??
Posted: 1/14/2008 2:28:10 PM | Regardless of how you handled it people here will find fault. If the situation was so bad you had to end the marriage I'm sorry to hear it but you did what you had to do.
Married people are not supposed to neglect each other sexually. It says that in the Bible. NOW, you have got to make some allowances for the things that happen in people's lives.
If you were a guy and posted this all the guys would be accusing your mate of "using sex as a weapon" and advocating all kinds of solutions from cheating to abuse to divorce. Funny how when the shoe's on the other foot...
Cindy O | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 2:28:46 PM | | sexyintelligent thanks for your intelligent and very soulful post! iam too a pretty spiritual person...i even tried to get my ex husband into tantric sex etc...what makes you think though that our whole relationship was based on sex? that wasnt my issue at the opening post... my issue was i wasnt getting any sex at all! he made me sign into a marriage that was to soon become sexless and vow me to celibacy...ermm against my will! | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 2:33:51 PM | Well. You did say you married him because he was a sex god. Your words not mine.
You also put all the blame on him. Your words not mine.
So did ya fvck around on him to boot? The deserving, controlling plick that he must be?
This may teach you not to base marriage on purely sex then sweetums.
Or is there something I'm missing here?? Why you getting all derogatory and name calling on my self lambypoo? He MADE YOU sign into a sexless marriage also?? He deserves everything he got. Hmppppfffff. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 2:38:43 PM | | jesus people on here are judgemental...ermm could we stick to the issues in hand please scapemanspiffter... but if you must know...so not to judge me... my marriage to him wasnt just sexless it was loveless...after marriage...opps nearly forgot...it was funless too when i took away all my imagination and efforts inside and outside the bedroom...the guy never took the lead at all! never initiated nothing inside or outside..im very romantic..and dont focus on sex alone...may i add and didnt marry him purely for the sex...but because like alot of men...made himself out to be a god send! in every sense! | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 2:42:02 PM |
he,d go along when initiating the moves but erection wasnt has good as when he,d initiate sex!...like another lady said in this thread..i think it was all about control with him.... a true control freak...on his terms only...and never delivered to my sexual demands...only his.....
and this went on for yrs...not just a dry spell
my issue was i wasnt getting any sex at all! he made me sign into a marriage that was to soon become sexless and vow me to celibacy...ermm against my will!
So which was it? No sex at all, or just no sex when you wanted it? You admitted that he initiated sex, but that his erection wasn't as good when you would initiate it. But then in other posts you say it was a completely sexless marriage, nothing at all for years. Can't be both. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect to be nagged?? :)
Posted: 1/14/2008 2:46:15 PM | Not once was I being judgmental princess. YOU are saying all the things I'm repeating. Scroll back if you must.
Then to top it off you get all snarky on my wonderful self because I ask pertinent questions. Questions like......................... How long did you know this controlling jerk prior to marrying him? Like what was fun prior to him MAKING YOU sign into marriage that you LOVED about this nasty specimen of maleness?
Then POOF. It all changed??? WOW. Like WOW. AND it is ALL his fault. All of it.
I just have trouble accepting entire blame personally. I just wonder if you are being a tad unfair here (jewel of England.) I'n also getting the feeling you were unfaithful in your marriage and may be here trying to substantiate this unholy of holiest behaviours.
What would GOD think of such behaviour I wonder. :)
I thank you. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 2:47:56 PM | mmmhhhh.
So, on the basis that medicaly speaking , all is going and working properly.
Test 1: the control freak.
As you mentionned that he his the type of person who need total control; you might want to test that theory by playing a role of hard core silent master/slave. According to his reactions, you will see a difference or not and decide if you want to be dominated the rest of your life or not.
Test 2: the craving.
Do not even mention it to him anymore, make it as it doesn't bother you at all for a while (i know it will be hard, but heck, satisfy yourself secretly in the mean time). As things are no longer "delivered" to him, he might devellop an appetite..when he his ready: refuse him for a little while in order to make him realise the needs and your side of the equation; desir is a powerful tool.
One of the pevious poster made the corolation between "deliver" and "satisfaction", and he is right: most people only desir what they cannot have, so if it served a plenty, they are just not eating.
Test 3: the am eating out.
Maybe, just maybe, he does have "lunch" elsewhere...do not confront him with it...look by yourself and investigate...secretly.
test 4: low self esteem and stress.
Stress is a killer in many ways, if any form of problems, marital, financial, work related are present, it can kill a libido faster then margaret tatcher naked under a cold rain . If he experience low self esteem, he will never talk about it to you, trust me, he will hide his tail between his legs and that's it. Again, you will have to investigate secretly, as your "confrontations" have a negative and cumulative effect (nagging).
Test 5: Get pro
At this point, you should consider to see a couple therapy, but someone who can also deal with sexual problem. As "loveless" is also an issue here. If he refuse, call it quit.
From there, you will have covered most of the possible area that can jeopardize your couple complet life; at this point; you should have a frank and ferm discution with him about mutually "crossing the bridge" or simply call it quit with a peaceful mind.
Cheating is never the answer, for no reasons; you will not only lose his respect and maybe worst, but you will lose you own self respect. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 2:51:43 PM | OPie ~~ Yes, it would be if they knew ahead of time. But they don't. That first shine of love ups interest and ability. And they can hold that to about a year into the marriage. Then nature, their nature testosterone level reasserts its self. A really generous, loving, caring man will make every effort to fix it. Some won't/can't because it's too threatening to their inner core to admit that they "lied" to you in the first place. As for marriage counseling: you can't counsel yourself out of a physical situation. And *they* don't want that exposed at any cost in any case. (Before the guys start hollering, it works the other way around, too, lol!)
You're young, and pretty. Just get on with your life.
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 2:56:46 PM | It does not matter if he is withholding sex from you, You are married you should not
cheat on him. You stood in front of god and promised to be faithful... you should be faithful. if hes withholding sex probably means hes getting it somewhere else... But you should be the better person and be faithful. You cheating is not the answer I would confront him asking him why hes not giving you sex, | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:02:49 PM | You're an awesome possum.
I don't necessarily think he thought the marriage would end up the way it did either. And judging from the things you've written, it's probably a best bet to assume the little fella had (and probably still does) a hard time dealing with things too.
Who initiated the divorce?
Remember the penis is an awfully funny thing. And trying to figure it out, is a sure signed that you're talking to the wrong penis. Mystery is good...but complete confusion, not so much.
It seems like you two just grew apart. He went his way and you went yours.
On the bright side, though, (and this probably contradicts everything I've just said), you now get to experience the beauty that exists in other men. To see the grass on the other side of the fence. You know what you want now. And that's the positive (cause there's always a positive) that came out of this.
J. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:06:30 PM | | i didnt have time to read the posts,but i do know this.if i felt it was a responsability,i wouldnt be much for doing it.quite often men go through what is called biological withdrawl after getting married.its not that they dont love you.its that they love more then sex now.men have a tendancy to want everything that there lover can provide outside of sex when they fall in love.thats mainly because up until they met you,sex was thier goal.generally the womens thoughts were on love and surpressed sex to accomplish it.men generally fall in love with out ever really trying to do so.so... a women finds a man who she is comfortable in having sex with and kinda goes"yes i can start banging everyday".a man finds a women that he is falling in love with and wants to be with her in all ways he has never thought of.....god has a wonderfull sense of humor. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:08:34 PM | OP, it seems that you expected the sex to hold you over in your marriage, it really comes across that way from your posts so far.
Your posting of 'he bred my nagging' says a lot.
No one breeds nagging in others, unless the other really likes to nag and will take a little and use it a long way.
It sounds more like he has a normal sex drive and you have an elevated sex drive. Most marriages have the females slowing down. MOST marriages Not all. Females feel secure in that. Not a Natural thing just a Cultural thing. Women and men both have been bomblasted by most societies that the female is helpless and Needs to be taken care of so a marriage does that and they feel secure once that is obtained. Should be interesting how the newer view of marriage as disposible will affect that cultural level of thought. By no means does this mean that all females need to be taken care of or anything stupid like that. It would truly be a breath of fresh air to find enough females that don't follow that thought pattern. Not just to find a mate for life but to be around people that aren't so stuck in the cave man times emotionally.
Maybe your husband was expecting you to slow down some as it would fit his sexual drive that may have been elevated when meeting and courting and such and through most of the first part of marriage. Your argument that he was a control freak doesn't come through on your posts very well OP. Seems like you are more that way just from your responses posted here, plus what you have shared about what you did to get him going. Maybe you weren't romantic or enticing but more Pushy? That turns off anyone, unless they are into that sort of thing.
Your posting subject about husbands sexually neglecting their wives may not have been the best title for this forum of yours. It comes across more that you are venting here than anything else and still have issues with it. No humor coming from you on this subject.
You say he 'never delivered to my sexual demands', Never you say! Yet you also say 'but erection wasn't has good as when he,d initiate sex!' so Never is not reality here.
Poor guy.
You are cute physically but after viewing your profile and looking at your picture it is very easy to see you being a Big B about things and what a turn off you would be.
I hope you face this and grow some and then move on or maybe it will be the 3rd or 6th guy down the road that you learn it isn't just Them. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:12:03 PM | I have come to believe - some people don’t have a bit of affection in them.
That goes unknown sometimes. Sometimes the sex covers up the fact that they are not affectionate.
I also think some think affection is a waste of time and there is just no need for it. Some don’t even associate affection with love.
THEN there are those that consider love and sex two different things that have NOTHING to do with each other. Love is love and sex is sex.
I spent the better part of twenty years affection starved - that broke me. After that - I just did not care much anymore. I learned to get along without any affection (or sex). I kidded myself - the little bit of sex ...... I rationalized there was some affection included but .... it was just sex and had no affection attached to it.
A couple that are mismatched on affection ...... are headed for problems. Sooner or later one of them is going to have feelings of being worthless (esp if they actually love the ice cube they are with).
Stay in it long enough and you will lose every ounce of self pride - self esteem - self worth - you will be convinced you are undesirable ........... just where the other one wants you.
I feel very sorry for the person that loves their partner but ... have been "trained" to leave them the hell alone until (if and until) they are told different (that seldom happens). The training is often done with the use of condescending looks and words. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect to be nagged?? :)??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:12:58 PM | Yes, it is. According to the Bible, a man and a woman who are married have a duty to one another to take care of each other's needs. Who will argue that sex is one of the most basic needs a human can have? Legally, to refuse to have sex with your spouse, barring any physical ailment of course, is grounds for divorce. The argument can be made, too, after marriage if their is a health problem that was not disclosed prior to marriage, the marriage can be annulled because the contract was entered without all facts being known.
So, not only is sex good for you, but, you are legally bound to it if you get married! | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:14:17 PM | | Thats a very interesting and clever post passionandsong and i have read up on this before in some sex psychology artical! but surely this is still unfair to the one who wants a full sex life within a marriage....basically what your saying is... i should sacrifice my sexual human needs while he focuses on other aspects of our relationship...surely he,s controlling my life and needs this way...not attending to them...isnt this why we marry...so we share every experience with one person in a loving selfless sharing close way!...marriage isnt putting all your eggs into one basket...its spreading your eggs into every aspect! | |
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