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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:16:00 PM | Well I suspect it would depend on the couple? If the man is neglecting his wife because there is a medical problem and he's too stupid/stubborn to confide in his wife then besides slapping him upside the head , its time for the ultimatum or as we say " the talk"
Now if the guy isn't interested in you anymore and there is nothing that can be done about including sessions with counselors/therapists then its time to file the papers and leave ,he cant have it both ways,Its not your problem, some guys are just plain stupid and selfish, anyways the last time I checked a marriage was between two people
Too many guys like him thinks marriage is a a corporation , the two major stockholders are the man and woman The man thinks he has 51% of the stock and the woman 49%. In his silly mind he believes it to maintain a balance in the home, with him thinking he can veto major decisions, classic case of a abuser.
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect to be nagged?? :)??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:22:56 PM | ^^^^^ Third Post Up... OP reread your title for this forum thread.
Here you go again stating that he wanted sex with you even after you worked a 12 hour shift. Must have happened a lot or you would have stated it as a single or once a year type happening but you didn't!
I feel for you and hope you find someone that has your level of sexual drive, and not just as an initial time period. Try waiting 2 years before committing to marriage to find out and most importantly work out how you two will be together. Sex isn't everything.
For the poster that states that sex is something legally a duty to be performed should not become a lawyer as you cannot read law. What you are missunderstanding comes from finding out that someone cannot perform so there fore no Children which is the bassis for most marriages. PCers get your pink goggled heads out side of hind quarters and look around. This stated so the PCers out there don't start up on some emotion of the month topic about marriages. Yes, they are made mostly to procreate! That is the natural state of humans. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:24:35 PM | | does he show he loves you in other ways?have you tried just satisfying him in the ways you wanted him to satisfy you before you had sex?sometimes in this instance the roles reverse.now you are the one that has to "earn"sex.think of all the ways you wanted a guy to treat you before you got married.treat him like that.if that doent work...you might have a problem.i have not read these books you are refering to.this comes from personal experience and talking to a lot of people.also remember most men dont get married because they want,but because you want to.if it were up tp men,the marriage rate would be very low. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect to be nagged?? :)??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:27:05 PM | Jewel:
How 'bout this. I have certain standards I want in an eventual wife.
Intelligent, out of this world creative, warm, caring, polite and genteel.
If, after years of marriage, and years of me trying to coax her to 'write' a book, or engage me in some form of intelligent conversation, and she hasn't done either. I'd leave the marriage like a bunny from a whole...knowing we want two different things.
You can't blame him for not responding to you, despite all the years of you trying. You just can't. What you can do is realize the two of you had different wants.
If something is important to you, you got to find it. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:27:24 PM | Well I understand what you are going through,because I went through the same thing with my wife ,one thing I learned in my relationship with her is.Sometimes the partner looks bad,but people can't see behind the scenes that built up to what they are seeing before them!
AND if a spouse truly loves you they will try to please you one way or another to the best of their ability as should we to them.If in a marriage we all aimed to please our partner ans not ourselves in all areas,I truly believe our marriages would be so much better !
But that is just my personal opinion.I know if I had lost my arms or sex organ,I would still do my best to please my spouse! but what do I know eh? | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:31:23 PM | Hello OP......now this is just my opinion....so don't blow me out of the water...lol
I believe your husband had lost interest in you sexually and fell out of love with you.
He didn't have the guts to tell you because he didn't want to be alone , if you left him.
I think it is wrong to withold sex from your partner .....if this occurs, you really need to communicate openly to resolve the issue or recieve sex/relationship counselling to determine the cause.
However OP.....your post has come across as venting and leaning towards man bashing....so don't be surprised if plenty of posters will attack you...
Reasonable question......probably you should have worded your opening post better. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:44:44 PM | It is not just my opinion, it is fact that if you withhold sex from your spouse, it is grounds for divorce. This goes for both husbands and wives. Now, in response to a previous poster, that does NOT mean if a husband wants to screw his wife RIGHT NOW and she says no he can go ahead and take what he wants...but over a period of time, if she continues to refuse him, traditionally that is grounds for divorce. Same goes both ways. Now, most US states have no-fault divorces, which means you don't really have to have a reason, you just have to be in agreement that you want the marriage to end.
And, while traditionally the goal of marriage was procreation, it is not necessarily the case anymore. Many people cannot or do not want children. Does this mean they don't deserve to find companionship and love? | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:49:03 PM | I think it is. If there's issues then I think there should be some attempt made to correct what these are. If it's a relatively short-term thing ( I know I was not responsive at all when I was pregnant...works both ways), then if the relationship means enough to both parties they will try to get some help with it.
I left my marriage with something to prove which was not a good frame of mind to be in because that's how I ended up pregnant with the second guy I slept with afterward. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect to be nagged?? :)??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:50:29 PM | Jeweljess, when I first saw this thread I was going to post that it can be OK to be in a sexless relationship and be commited. but as I read through and saw your other posts that said it was loveless and funless as well, that is not a relationship of any sorts. More like you were unpaid house keeper / bed warmer. I hope my comments don`t upset you, but I have experienced that loneliness of a funless, loveless relationship and no amount of sex made it feel any better.
I would rather be single getting no sex, enjoying the love and fun of my friends and family than in a loveless, funless relatonship. It was one of the loneliest times in my life and I was faithful for 17+ years, not until the divorce was done with, did I get evolved with anyone else.
So to answer your question, a sexless relation is OK if the partners can meet each other needs on the fun and love front. It is not easy if you have a higher sex drive than your partner but OK, that is possible to enjoy life and all it has to offer in other spheres of life with your partner`s support and love.
In the type of situation you described, you did the best thing to get out of there. Being with someone who does not care about your needs is soul destroying.
Get out there and enjoy your life  | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect to be nagged?? :)??
Posted: 1/14/2008 3:59:46 PM | This is a tough one...On one hand, marriage is taken too lightly. It is far too easy to throw away the vows when we aren't happy with how things turn out, but on the other hand, in my book a large part of the marital responsibility is to be sexually available for your spouse. I suppose it is an unfair consequence of nature that men and women have different drives at different points in their lives.
I'd suggest real counseling if you think there is anything to the marriage worth saving.
I don't think infidelity is a good solution...ever.
However, you might "suggest" to your spouse that he is not meeting your needs and that it would be a shame if you were weak and gave into temptation when another guy offers to help you work off some tension. After all...you're hot and it is a sin for a guy not to recognize that. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:04:45 PM | | yes nicebluiz...hence me initiating the marriaged break up...i did choose life! sex is fun and meant to be a pleasure within a marriage...not something to be disregarded all of the "TIME" in order for tv and sleep!....odd how some people have a very attentive fun loving giving faithful attractive partner but still make no effort to sexually or emotionally please her... like some have said in this thread...some people want a slave...not a partner to adventure and grow with! my ex feared sex like it was a punishment...but yet i was considered by others the more attractive one in our relationship.....and i was far more honest open and adult when approaching issues he would cause...not me. he would just be verbally abusive when id tried to approach issues..ermm again the control freak! didnt like the fact i was trying to control his issues.. i played the perfect little wife for yrs...and got nothing in return... excuse my language but.... he was a first class p**s taker! | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:08:46 PM | unless there is a medical reason why someone can't provide for their spouses sexual needs then I feel that denying the person you love a sex life is a betrayal of the relationship. If you had both gone into the relationship with the agreement that it would be strictly platonic then that would be one thing... but you didn't.
Yes it is cruel to deny the person you love the sexual intimacy that strengthens bonds between a man and woman. I would be unhappy in a relationship that didn't include healthy doses of serious love making! | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect to be nagged?? :)
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:26:18 PM | I for one was totally out of line (jaded jewel) Sometimes in my skewed vision I try to use reason as to why people have problems in relationships. I should just take everything people say without question (even though) I only hear one side of the story at times.
From everything you have said I don't understand why you even married this fellow??? He MADE YOU get married number one. THAT is a biggy. YOU gave it your all and he was just a JERK.
You were right to ride the flag pole of your desire even though married. This guy sounds like scum. I hear this often from women. I just never realized I have been wrong all this time thinking there may be two sides to a story and possibly the other side may need be heard.
You laid it out (and yourself) it seems quite eloquently. He's a JERK. YOU are perfect and WERE at all times and FAULTLESS.
Thanks for straightening me out. I need this at times.
Best wishes for your continued sexual freedom. When's the divorce proceedings?
I thank you. | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:29:33 PM | Yes passionandsong ive worked hard all my life..he didnt work when i first met him! until a yr into the relationship when i became pregnant...so i also work hard and run around after children ...whilst he would sofa dwell every evening into a deep ignorant sleep until bedtime...when again he,d sleep after id wake him to join me in the marital bed!..a truely odd man my ex husband! | |
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| Is it wrong for husbands to sexually neglect their wife...but still expect commitment and faith??
Posted: 1/14/2008 4:52:07 PM | Ermm excuse me 2 shortu4...did you have hiden cams in my marital bedroom! ? lol i made alot of sexy efforts for my man! from sweet gestures to dressing up when he wasnt expecting it at all! to wanting romanctic picnics together in remote places.... actually let me let you into the bigger picture of my ex husband... which sticks in my memory... we went for a lovely day out once on a sunny day on a remote private beach to have a little picnic and sunbath together alone... im not considered a swamp creature and he,s considered a ginger short not very well groomed and untidy man...but i loved him unconditionally! regardless of his appearance! anyhows back to our little day out... i was laid there in a skimpy bikini and waited for him to initiated outdoor fun and frolics...after verbally flirting with him down in the sand dunes all nice and very private....but he didnt take the hint...either than or he ignored it..because he walked away a few yards from me left me laying in these sand dunes all lusting whilst he was stood on top of sand dunes watching the aeroplanes!...i mean com...on does this sound normal to you!? ohh and also 2short4u.... id done full of striptease to choreographed music in our living room for him.. im a ex professional dancer! so it wasnt a few daft silly un-experienced wiggles! full of pro striptease whilst i made him sit and watch... i do know how to blow a guys mind... my my ex husband just didnt have any mind to blow! | |
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to guys like this. If he can't or won't satisfy you then find someone who can, if kids aren't involved you should just leave him.
