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| rotten johnny
Posted: 6/14/2008 1:06:51 AM | The teacher asks the kids in english class to use the word beautiful twice in one sentence.
Little Melisa says"My mother has a beautiful garden that grows beautiful flowers".
Very good,says the teacher.
Next,Billy says"My dad has a beautiful workshop where he makes beautiful furniture."
'Wonderful Billy,says the teacher.
Soon all the children have come up with sentences except Johnny.
"JOHNNY!,the teacher yells"Have you come up with a sentence yet?
Ya,I got one.
Yesterday,my sister came home and told my dad she was pregnant.................
AND?! the teacher yells.
............and my dad said BEAUTIFUL,just F' ING BEAUTIFUL.  | |
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 6/15/2008 11:57:44 PM | | A group of chess players were waiting in the lobby to check in the hotel. They had animatedly began to discuss their best games and moves when the manager stormed in at told them to leave. A bellhop turned to the manager and asked "What's wrong?" The manager replied "I can't stand chess nut boasting in an open foyer!" | |
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:25:48 PM | Need Samples
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"
"What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 6/16/2008 2:31:18 PM | Crazy Patients
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room.
He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing.
The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"
The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing.
Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb."
The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.
The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"
Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 6/22/2008 7:58:44 AM | Two nuns in a bath
1st Nun: where's the soap?
2nd Nun: Yes, doesn't it!!!!
Two eggs in a pan
1st egg: Geez it's gettin' hot in here!
2nd egg: wait til you get out of here.... they smash your head in!!!
Newly press-ganged sailor on board ship: What do you do for sex during the months at sea?
Bosun: See that barrel over there with the hole in the side? Every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday you get to screw it!!
sailor: what about Mondays?
Bosun: Monday is your turn in the barrel!!!
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:32:57 PM | Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, floating in the ocean?
A: Bob
Q: What did the blonde do when she first woke up?
A: She went home
Q: How many roaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Nobody knows. When the light turns on, they all scatter.
Q: How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but the lightbulb has to really WANT to change.
A blonde was walking down the road one day, and saw a dirt lot off to the side. Upon inspection, she saw another blonde in the middle of the field, rowing furiously in a rowboat. The first blonde yelled out, "IT'S BLONDES LIKE YOU THAT GIVE US ALL A BAD NAME!! IF I COULD SWIM, I'D COME OUT THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS!!" | |
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:21:31 PM | 1: A piece of rope is walking in the blistering heat, dying for a drink. He finally comes upon a bar, but notices there is a sign on the door that says "No Ropes!" The piece of rope ties himself into a knot and messes up his hair. When he walks into the bar, the bartender says, "You're not a rope, are you?" The rope replies, "No, sir. I'm a-frayed knot."
2: What does a gay horse eat?
*flicks wrist* Haaayyy.
God, that one kills me. | |
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