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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:46:45 PM | How do you get a nun pregnant?
You F@%& her. (don't know why that gets me)
2 blondes are in the woods and they spot tracks.
blonde 1: Those are moose tracks!
blonde 2: No! Those are bear tracks!
Then they were hit by a train.
There's a knock at the door. The guy answers and sees a snail on the porch. The guy picks up the snail and throws him. 8 years later there's a knock at the door. The guy opens the door and it's the snail. The snail says "Why did you do that for?" | |
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:26:23 AM | A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so.... thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
Mahatma Gandhi , as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Get ready...)) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. | |
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:13:55 PM | | Afer a zesty session of making the two backed beast a couple are laying in bed. The man turns to the women and says " I'm sorry, if I had known you were a virgin I would have taken my time." She replies, " If I had known you were a virgin I would have taken off my pantyhose." | |
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:45:10 AM | A beautiful young woman is standing on the corner, waiting to cross the street. A man walks up to the corner, also waiting to cross. Suddenly a gust of wind blows the woman's skirt up; she has nothing on underneath. As her skirt settles back down, she notices the man staring where the skirt blew up. "It's plain to see you're no gentleman," she says, glowering.
"Ditto," he replies. | |
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:17:08 PM | In the ward of a asylum for the criminally insane a murderer, a masochist, a necrophiliac, an arsonist, a sadist and a bestophile are sitting around in their ward feeling really bored.
The sadist eventually says "Hey, why don't we go for a walk round the grounds, if we can catch a cat I can torture it?"
"Great" , says the bestophile, "then I could have sex with it".
The murderer chips in, "then I could kill it".
The necrophiliac perks ups, "well once it's dead I could have sex with it!"
The arsonist smiles, "then I could burn it".
They contemplate the potential for a happy afternoon and then suddently realise the masochist hasn't said anything. He grins sheepishly at them and says, "meeeooow"........ | |
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:04:59 AM | Three tampons are walking down the street, a small one, a medium sized one, and a large one. Which will be the first to talk to you? None. They're all stuck up ****es.
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Canada's worst air disaster: Canada's worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Newfoundland. Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.
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One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.
"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad.
"But what about the 10,000 dollars?"
"Every time I got a dozen, I sold them."
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Do you want to know a funny joke? Pull down your pants and look down.
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Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 72 years old, how do you honestly feel?''
''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself.''
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What is long, hard, and stiff, is used inside a warm, wet place, and gets moved back and forth for the best effect?A toothbrush.
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An expert fisherman is a ''master-baiter.''
HAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!  | |
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:03:37 AM | Two rather nerdy engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/6/2008 4:17:59 PM | How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a pink elephant?
Squeeze his trunk shut until he turns blue then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a madras elephant?
Put him in hot water and let him bleed.
Let's see who gets this one....
Miles Davis and his entourage were travelling and decided to eat dinner at a roadside diner. After dinner he asks the waitress "How's the pie?" The waitress replies "The pie is gone." Miles Davis immediately says "Then I'll take two pieces!" | |
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:36:50 PM | A blonde and a brunette were walking down the street.
"Oh look, a dead bird!" said the brunette.
The blonde looked up and said "Where?!"
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How do you know a man is well hung?
When you can juuuustt barely put your finger between the noose and his neck.
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A Newfie and a Quebecer are walking down the beach one day when they discover a lamp. Remembering old tales, they rub the lamp and lo and behold out pops a genie.
"Normally I grant 3 wishes, but since there's 2 of you; you may each have 1 wish" says the genie.
"Me first, me first!" yells the man from Quebec. "I wish for a wall a mile high, a mile thick surrounding Quebec; keeping these damn Newfies out, the Americans at bay, and the rest of the stupid country away from us!".
"Done" says the genie and POOF, there's a wall a mile high and a mile thick surrounding Quebec on all sides.
"Newfie, you're next" says the genie.
"That wall waterproof?" the newfie asks.
"Of course" says the genie.
"Fill'er up" says the Newfie.
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A Newfie went down into the US one day and on his journey stopped at a road side cafe. He ordered some meatloaf and some mashed potatoes and gravy. As he was eating, the waitress came over and said "is everything all right?". The Newfie said "No, do you have any tin gravy? I don't like this kind". So the waitress goes back and looks but returns and tells the Newfie they don't have tin gravy.
"Well, can ye look again? I want some tin gravy". Exasperated, the waitress again checks with the kitchen and comes back to the Newfie saying "No, we don't have any tin gravy. I'm sorry."
"Well then," says the Newfie, "just get me a cup of water. Dis gravy's too tick!". | |
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:20:21 PM | There was an Indian chief who wanted to show his son the way of the woods.
He gets on the ground and hears a noise.
"Buffalo come."
"How do you know?"
"Ground shaky."
The boy wanted to try. He gets on the ground, listens.
"Man come," he says.
"Is there a vibration?"
"No."
"Then how do you know?"
"Ground sticky." | |
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| Jokes that crack you up but others don't find 'that' funny
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:23:33 PM | A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic,"It died."
After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She says, "How often do I have to do that?" | |
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