| Specific PreScreening Techniques
Posted: 1/21/2008 1:42:23 AM |
land line can mean someone is married
Jiminy Christmas, *another* red flag?
I haven't had a landline in years.
The more I read these issues, the more I hear the word "proximity".
There's no way to get past all this paranoia other than to live in / around your target group of women for years on end. | |
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| Specific PreScreening Techniques
Posted: 1/21/2008 3:04:28 AM |
No land line can mean someone is married but many people today only have a cell phone, particularly if they do not have kids that might be left in a house without a land line.
If you are going to quote someone Broward and continue on to say that there is no way to get past all the paranoia, please use the whole quote so it is crystal clear that your point was made with the originally posted thought.
Some married men/women do use a cell phone to communicate because it is easier to ensure that a spouse or child does not pick up a call he/she doesn't want them to know about. BUT I know many people, male and female, that no longer have a land line because it seems an unnecessary expense to them to maintain a cell phone and a regular phone line. | |
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| Specific PreScreening Techniques
Posted: 1/21/2008 3:23:51 AM | the best way I've found to screen to to make a list of 5 important questions prior to meeting. Ask directly on the phone of after talking 15-20 minutes they sound ok....
height and weight?
age?
phyically healthy? ( ask all this directly, no beating around the bush, you are or your not)
mentally health? ( you can do this by asking if they are on any medications and what for)
marital status, number of kids and ages, also where they live?
if all thats ok with you..... ( the info you get )
then you have to meet in person, there is just no going around this. Meet at a mall or bookstore ( public place)and plan for 30-45 minute meeting. After leaving make sure your not followed and do not tell them where you live in the event they are a nut.
If after meeting them you like them... look online at your county free site for judgements, lawsuits and any other legal issues.
to get a history on their character ( do they pay their bills on time, are they wanted by the law, are they criminals? have people filed lawsuit on them for not paying bills? you can get so much info from your county free public sites online)
then you have to meet them again... ( a date) and if they are still to your liking... you should either join a site online or hire someone to do a background check.
there is just no other way and you can't be too careful.
Lastly......... you should find out about amount of DEBT... before you find yourself falling in love.
Within a few dates you will have to visit their home. are they slobs? is there a lot of drama at home? is her mother calling every 2 seconds? does her ex live with her? does he live with mom?
go slowly. and be ready to bail at any time. In the first 2-3 months... you may have to bail...
Happened to me one time too, a girl shows up in a wheelchair. She smelled of urine and she was not for me. Amazing people think you will overlook this, sometimes they try to keep you online or the phone a long time hoping you will like them and overlook things like this when meeting. Its a bad thing to do to someone to not tell them your disabled. | |
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| Specific PreScreening Techniques
Posted: 1/21/2008 3:41:30 AM | people with nothing to hide, hide nothing.
some of the responses on this thread, the girl who plays games and keeps a guy online 2 months before meeting ! LOL !!! and then making up senerios
now thats crazy..........
so many GAMES, so little time ...
LOL !!!
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| Specific PreScreening Techniques
Posted: 1/21/2008 3:57:50 AM |
If you are going to quote someone Broward
Oh, please, nobody cares that you think yu've been slightly because I pointed out your labolhbhalbkha;vha;slidfja;sdfjj;alsdkfn;slddfmnsdfkad
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christ. | |
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| Specific PreScreening Techniques
Posted: 1/21/2008 4:46:26 AM | Humm ~ that post went over my simple head ~dar
as far as phones and land lines ~ some of us ~ can be almost anywhere at any time.
One of the reasons that I was first attracted to POF ~ I have a home but rarely there.
Trust me ~ there are pleanty of places in the far outback ~and swamps and offshore is hard to get a message out of .
and that does little to deminish someone as a possible choice. ~dar | |
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| Specific PreScreening Techniques
Posted: 1/21/2008 5:55:13 AM |  Hi everyone Theres no rule on POF to "rush" in and let anyone you potentially think of as "eligible" to get to know qualifying for no "prescreen". I think POF is different than a bar in that theres a "control" on the alcohol and the distortions from its use.
But all of us can and will be scammed. A great philosopher once said "alas , a mans greatest strength be his weakness as well" (Don't know if thats the exact wording but it'll work as presented). We all just have to be aware that its our own "weakness" by having social skills strong enough to put ourselves on POF that could attract our "opposite" like moths to flame.
I make it a point to "know" someone. I listen to what they are saying and make sure they are listening to me. I'll put my emotions into a communication  but also stress that I'm not a glowing open wound needing help I also "never" let anyone think that the online experience here is for anything other than fun.  If they can't keep it that way, they've already flunked the primary prescreening method.
But "anyone" thats on the side of the "good" people on POF has the strongest weapon to combat any of the lies (ones I've heard anyhow) uses to fly in under-the-radar anyone and avoid being prescreened....... its called, just tell em the truth..... I let people I want them to be able to verify things they present. Too many people with "junk-in-the-trunk" and broken hearts prowl this planet..... of course some are gonna prowl POF. When you demand specific truth in your prescreening of "anything being said, by both of you, its boring  but it gets specific results and you don't get stuck with a imposter clogging up your life.
Bye everyone. I hope this has helped | |
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| Specific PreScreening Techniques
Posted: 1/21/2008 6:22:37 AM | | I don't use prescreening techniques or a specific list of questions for potential dates because it turns the "getting to know each other" phase into something boring and robotic (job interview). I spend some time getting to know people via email, phone, and internet chats and then leave it up to instincts, moving on to the first meet if there is a connection. First signs of screening techniques or resume's turns me off completely! | |
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Posted: 1/21/2008 6:26:21 AM | I have a suggestion to make:
don't ask :
spit or swallow......................?
unless you have had at least 3 dates after the first meeting. For some reason some women tend to get angry.
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Posted: 1/21/2008 6:32:31 AM | Talk about bad hookups ! I've met TWO men who had been in prison ! One who was a paranoid schizophrenic, one was a militia freak, one was in an "open marriage" (yeah...right ~ I left him settin' at the bar), one was a recovering alchoholic, two lived with their mothers, and a few were just deadbeats.
Some of these men have put their life together, but the underlying issues remain and will continue to remain....so it was my choice at that point.
Yep...I ran. Sometimes I gotta get hit with a "clue by four" and it always leaves a lump. I'm alot better now at receiving the signals than I used to be. I've learned what that churning feeling is all about, in my gut.
I gotta get a better radar. | |
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Posted: 1/21/2008 8:09:22 AM | | Land line can mean someone is married. But if I talk to them on it at various points in the day and their voice is not hushed then I figure it's okay. Sure the wife may be in Florida, but sooner or later if I wind up actually being invited over I'm going to know that just by walking through the door. Got to start somewhere and see where it goes. | |
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Posted: 1/21/2008 11:49:44 AM | I don't get it....
Are ya'll sayin' that because someone has a land line ~ that means they're married?
wtf ! WTF !
That's just absurd. | |
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Posted: 1/21/2008 2:07:01 PM | Do like I do!
Carry a small vile of "truth serum" secreted in your purse. Lure them to your vehicle with a ploy of offering oral sex. When they unzip their pants, jab the needle in their groin, and ASK AWAY!
Works every time.
Unfortunately, getting a SECOND date is sometimes difficult..... | |
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Posted: 1/21/2008 5:38:34 PM | | Yeah I know. All the guys did a visible "crouch and grab" move after reading my post...so were unable to use their keyboard to leave a post.................. | |
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| Specific PreScreening Techniques
Posted: 1/21/2008 6:36:31 PM | Dear Forum,
You have all been so very helpful.
It is me, I am spoiled I guess. Looking for instant gratification. I work and go to school and work on myself to become better, more enlightened individual.
My pleasant experience is that others do this also. Have goals and believe in honesty.
Needlees to say I have become educated to Online Dating.
Bethlett - You are priceless! You have provided me with a mental picture and hours of free entertainment just pondering the thought! Truth Serum. If we could only invent this product.
Robfish,I have used your technique with out a great amount of success. These thing take time. I will continue to use this technique.
Jamnjery- You are so right, this is just for fun!
Thank you to MrVitamix and Broward,I appreciate the response and I am learning more every day.
I have changed my status from LongTerm to Dating.
I personally have no land line just a cell phone for two years now.
The Rose City Classic Dog Show this weekend was wonderful! I had a very good date! | |
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| Specific PreScreening Techniques
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:27:26 AM | Although this thread is a little old, I'm keenly interested...
I would like to find someone with similar interests, motivations, goals...just because we're both single doesn't mean we have anything in common. Pre-screening is essential! I'm not interested in using this site to find a quick hook up and have made that clear in whatever correspondence I've written. That said, I have been shocked at the number of men who get the green light to "chat" via Yahoo or whatever and then launch into some line of questioning about my panties. Would you ever do that if you met someone in person?
So this is my screening process...
When I see a profile I like, I cross check online services to see if that same person has an ad out looking only for sex (AFF, for example). If so, they're eliminated.
If I get an email, I look it up on My Space or similar social networking sites. If they have a pervy personal page, they're out.
If I get an email or IM and that person's entire name is featured, I check my state's publicly available court records. Essentially, I'm just looking for an ability to comply with society's minimal standards for acceptable behavior. If they've had a number of lawsuits against them because they don't pay bills, have abused or stalked a woman or are not divorced as they claim...they're out.
If they pass the above screens, but during the course of an IM, continue to violate my established boundaries (and I will either state them explicitly or tell someone I'm not comfortable with such and such a topic), then they're out.
Anyone who proposes, even jokingly, during the first few IMs is out.
So far...everyone I've talked to so far is OUT!
I don't think that expecting respect is that high of a standard. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 8:45:54 AM | | OK, OP, you talk awhile and and follow some of the suggestions others have mentioned, but in the final analysis you meet (safely) face to face.........Bingo, thats when you start putting all the previous BS together with what U see in person. Its called dating and chemistry. To Ethernelle, msg #23,,,,,,,your prolonged email or IM exchanges probably weed out as many good prospects as well as bad. To this male when the woman just wants to exchange msgs for TWO MONTHS??? big red flag,,,Ms Game Player. Next.......... | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 8:58:14 AM |
Some married men/women do use a cell phone to communicate because it is easier to ensure that a spouse or child does not pick up a call he/she doesn't want them to know about.
If a guy's going to cheat, he'll use smoke signals if necessary.
Personally, if a person has a landline phone, I think they are a total fool if they give that number out to someone they've met on a dating site until they have a very established relationship. My ex gf lived with her mother, and I didn't get her home phone number until we had been dating for more than 3 months. But I figured she was trying to be careful, not that she was cheating on someone.
Red flags are good TO A POINT, but there's a line that can be crossed where you become so paranoid that you are seeing red flags in totally innocent behavior. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 9:02:58 AM | Screening !!
Like having a Guy Police Checked
then finanialy checked ?
employment status check ?
single married seperated check ??
sound like a controll issue to me
sorry | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 10:10:23 AM | Not at all, man! If any of these checks come back positive, then you've saved yourself the heartache/trouble of continuing a relationship with someone who is potentially violent or a deadbeat. Who wants that? It's best to do your homework early rather than find all of this kind of stuff out in retrospect.
I'd love to say that the majority of men pass my background check. The inverse is true. I may be alone, but I'm NOT paying someone else's bills or living in fear of an abusive boyfriend or playing "other woman" and causing some good wife a ton of pain. It may very well be controlling, but I'd rather save myself the time and trouble in the front end of a relationship.
Peace out. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 1:43:21 PM | I always exchanged a lot of emails before meeting anyone. I wanted to see if they were sincere, thoughtful, consistent, interesting, humorous, and had compatible interests and values, etc. I'd ask meaningful questions, and expect meaningful answers - or they're probably not right for me. It's not rocket science, but does require patience.
I guess it worked. I didn't have any bad dating surprises from the roughly 50 women I met, and most were really great people who were just who they seemed to be via email and eventual phone coversations.
Some of the stuff you seem to care about - financial stability, etc. - will become apparent fairly quickly. I didn't care about wealth - only about personal responsibility. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 9:15:50 PM | Definitely the iron maiden for a first date!! of course, i don't know why people have headsets and cams sitting on their desk and are afraid to use them, both skype and yahoo they're free to do both. That's how i drive all those "girls" from ghana crazy, just tell them i'll marry them as soon as i see them on cam  | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 9:35:43 PM |
Do like I do!
Carry a small vile of "truth serum" secreted in your purse. Lure them to your vehicle with a ploy of offering oral sex. When they unzip their pants, jab the needle in their groin, and ASK AWAY!
Works every time.
Unfortunately, getting a SECOND date is sometimes difficult.....
So you've admitted to a Class X felony online? Brilliant... Simply... Brilliant. | |
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