| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 11:11:52 AM | wow, having been on both sides of the fence,
I have to agree with pretty much 99% of the replies to your post.
I just hope that you come to your senses, that are clearly right, sooner rather than later!
It also sounds to me that you need to take some time out for yourself and learn how to love yourself more. Learn to see that you do not need to put yourself in a situation like this to get a moment of happiness here and there, but you can have what you want in life, and be happiest when you can call it your own.
Good guys do exist and they are out there SINGLE, just love yourself and know that you actually deserve a good guy. Right now it seems you think this is what you deserve or maybe that he actually has feelings for you. Trust me and the other million people who replied, he does not have feelings or respect for you, and if you stay in this you will lose all respect for yourself as well..
Wish you all the luck, stay strong, love yourself girl, it feels great :)
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 12:11:00 PM |
oh yeah, and i forgot to mention... why do you assume you're the only *other* girl? this is how people get std's
Exactly!.. I dont know why girls always think that they are the only "other woman"..baffles me really | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 12:11:41 PM | Not having read the other comments (too many of them!), but I'm assuming his girlfriend doesn't know:
-Are you okay with being a party to cheating? I wouldn't be, but not everyone minds.
-Realize that if he can betray his girlfriend's trust, he can betray yours, too.
-Realize that chances are she's going to find out. Are you willing to deal with the drama? | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 12:13:42 PM |
Your lover is obviously not ready for a monogamous relationship, in which case, it would be nice if he could rise to the occasion and own up to that....but he may be too intimidated by the pressure for exclusivity to actually do that.
Right now, he is holding all of the cards and both of you girls stand to lose... As does he....
Why not see if you can turn this around so that everyone wins...?
I'm thinking polyamory is NOT the best solution here. If he can't keep a commitment to one GF and do so honestly, why would you imagine he could do so with two? And if he's betraying his girlfriend's trust, why should she be okay with poly? Polyamory requires a great deal of trust and open communication, and if he's already failing to do that, adding more people to an already broken relationship is not a plan for success. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 12:58:57 PM | I like this guy. He is proof that women will believe anything you tell them.
Seriously though, if it is just sex (and to that mouse hung punk it is), then keep him around. A little pain will serve ALL of you as a good lesson in life.
After all, you gotta learn at some time or the other.
Things to remember (being in college, with so many "geniuses" as it were):
Any dude under 30 wants to hit it, and leave.
Any woman under 25, with no kids (I know, hard to believe) wants to hit it, and keep it by force.
Any person in college is a disaster waiting to happen in relationship standards.
Here you go, in simpler Spartan terms:
You are sharing a product with another female. Females in general are not known for their "sharing" skills. You are now treading on what I like to call "Death" territory.
Go ahead and keep doing it, not only will he get rid of you, she will get rid of him, and all of you will say, "Gee Batman, didn't see that one coming".
For the alternative, you have:
You are sharing the same product with another female. He will get rid of you OR her, but still come out ahead. If he gets rid of her for you, he will eventually get rid of you for someone else. This is called "Truth and Reality- Man Style".
If he gets rid of you for her, he will do the same thing to her he would have done to you.
Why? Because he is college aged retard, and women your age who hate "players" fall for it every SINGLE time........Hook, Line and Sinker. Fish with that for a while, your answer is in there somewhere.
If you have ACTUAL backbone, roll right up to her, and tell her Little Prick is a cheating POS. Then, man-up, and take the consequences for being stupid. You deserve whatever she dishes out, especially the ass beating she might give you. So does he.
That is what REAL people do, who are over 30 years old.
My best advice is stop being a POS like him, and fixing a problem you helped create.
"Responsibility" is a lifestyle, not a word you use when you feel guilty about ****ing up someone elses life. | |
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Gypo08
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Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 231 | |
| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:16:36 PM | There's plenty of fish in the sea (nice play on words)
So you shouldn't go fishing in someone else's pond.
Find your own man. If he doesn't have respect for his current girlfriend, what makes you think he has respect for you? | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 1:25:07 PM | He may have initiated it but you didn't keep it from happening.
Its called self-control. Thats it. It takes strong person, a real woman, to practice self-control. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:14:27 PM | LOL
what do you want us to do? Your hurting another women, this guys a scumbag for sleeping with 2 women, and your showing a huge amount of immaturity by cheating and not having self control.
Lets say you end up with this guy, you think he won't do this to you?
POF forums can't teach right and wrong. If you have the character, you will end this nonsense; if you dont' in the end, you will get hurt. Thanks for your honest post. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 5:46:20 PM | If he's cheating on her, he'll cheat on you someday. And frankly, the bad karma you're spreading around will come back to you tenfold someday. You reep what you sow.
The saddest thing is, you're young and this is how you're starting out your adult life? | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:28:56 PM | It seems that most of the women who have posted on this question are treating the OP in the same way I would expect a teenage bully to react to another boy looking at his "girlfriend". Try and beat the H out of him so he will never do it again. The OP may be wrong in your opinion, but a little gentle guidance is worth a whole lot more than your ****y meaness.  | |
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Gypo08
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Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 236 | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:44:17 PM | | Storm, it would be interesting to know if you are still with this guy. There are a lot of good comments posted here. My husband cheated on me so I know how much hurt and pain your actions (and his too) can cause someone - not to mention depression and feelings such as hate within you that you never knew existed, like how I wanted so bad for something really terrible to happen to the other woman. But even if that were to happen the bottom line is that would solve nothing. You would still have a cheater, and in my case I found out later, there were several other women, so you may not be the only other woman. You are still young and will probably meet a lot of other men who are unattached that would like to be with you. Why mess with someone else's boyfriend/husband - after all, you and his girlfriend are probably not the only ones. And like another poster stated - there are STDs that you should be concerned about also. Some of them have no cure. So my advice would be to dump the guy. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:53:13 PM | | The fact that he initiated it doesn't make it worse....the fact that you knew he had a girlfriend and chose to go ahead and sleep with him is what is worse. You stooped to his level. Ever heard of something called self respect? | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:30:09 PM | crittersmom wrote:
****** Its called self-control ******
Sadly, it seems very few have that anymore. Sca
What happened to right and wrong... morals and dignity? All shot to hell by the looks of it. There are posts about cheating and hundreds of responses from people who have been cheated on.
And then we get a post like this .... "he" initiated it? If OP knew what was right and wrong, she wouldn't have disrespect another woman or herself by letting that lowlife get what he wanted.... two women.
Sharzi | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:59:41 PM | | perhaps you could be the other other other woman....wake up smell the coffee. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/15/2008 9:16:48 PM | Lindylo said it well in the very first reply to this thread:
Yes i can help, stop sleeping with him break all contact, cause it aint going to go anywhere he's getting his cake and eating it. If he can cheat on his girlfriend he will do it to you
It's easy for others to judge the situation, but at least you are honest (to us). Just think about how you would feel if there had been "the other woman" in your own past relationships. Treat others the way you want to be treated, etc. Break all ties with him. Whether you like him or not, you now know he's capable of cheating. If he is staying with his girlfriend, then that spot is filled (for now), and more than likely he's just using you for a bit of fun on the side.
I'm not commending your part, but I can certainly relate to it. I was "the other woman" once, and it was horrible. I hated myself for what I had done to a girl I had never met, and I eventually hated him for stringing me along. He claimed he had never cheated on anyone before, but before long (while still dating the same girl), he "cheated" on me/her with a third - my best friend. It almost destroyed our friendship. Eventually, I broke all ties with him and his friends and have been a lot happier for it. I would never go down that path again and I hope you don't, either. You deserve better. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/16/2008 10:02:03 AM | | If you don't want to be his one and only..I suspect you have self-esteem issues. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:05:04 PM | | GO FOR IT BABY!!! ..for several reasons.. first, how does he feel about you? if the feeling is "mutual", then you have something going! second, he is FREE GAME! if he supposedly "cheated" on her then she wouldn't want him anyway! and third, you owe her NOTHING!!! There is one thing that the majority keeps refusing to accept.. you CANNOT make someone love you!!! | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:45:05 PM | discreet wrote:
****** There is one thing that the majority keeps refusing to accept.. you CANNOT make someone love you!!! ******
Ok, so choose to stay with her, humiliate, hurt her, and disrespect her? If you don't love her, why not leave?
I see no excuse for cheating other than someone being very weak minded and not being able to do the right thing for the other person... and themselves.
I wouldn't want someone who doesn't love me. But, I sure wouldn't want him to string me along, make a mockery of me either. I would never do that to someone... leave them with pain and questioning themselves. What is the reason other than someone who likes being cruel to someone else?
Sharzi | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:56:22 PM | Miashakti wrote:
******Maybe people feel so strongly about 'the wound of betrayal' because we have given our energy to, and created a big wound around an idea that doesn't serve most people anymore ******
I guess I will never understand the concept of purposely hurting another person. As you've mentioned... "fostered more love in the world"..... how is hurting others fostering that? If the idea of monogomy is not suited to you, then leave... don't plot, lie, cheat.
In order for the world to be a better place, we have to stop putting ourselves first and learn to treat each other with more respect and kindness. How is it kind to cheat on someone? How is it kind to be a party to that? How do we teach younger people to foster that feeling of good will to one another if we condone the very things that will destroy that?
I think it might do OP well to read the posts... to learn how people far older than herself feel about having been cheated on, and to know what it feels like to live with that pain years after someone did that to you. Maybe she will stop doing what she's doing... think hard about it... realize it's wrong.
I taught my children not to disrespect others. I taught them to stand by their word, tell the truth, live with some honor in their lives. I taught them that cheating is wrong. If they did it, I would be extremely disappointed in them for putting their own needs before everyone elses and hurting people who most likely didn't deserve that. If they are unhappy and can't make it work... leave.
Commandments aside.... hurting others is not what we want to do, should do, or aspire to. You said it yourself ....
"Monogamy must be consciously and freely given, to conspire to reach a higher state of love, happiness and fulfillment than we could on our own"
I'd hope we'd be encouraging that rather than cheating.
Sharzi | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:19:33 PM | Let me tell you something. I was the other woman once. I thought I had met the man of my dreams, we moved 3000 miles away together, had a child together and guess what?
He cheated on me.
I was devasted. Trust me...don't do that. Don't be the 'other woman.' You are better than that. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:30:07 PM | | Put yourself in her shoes and you will get your answer. | |
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| I'm the other women you are right...
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:19:41 AM | Please don't put sex on the guy since you knew he was involved with a friend of yours & you say HE initiated it... Try telling that to his girlfriend when she finds out... He'll say that it was you! You are the TRAMP etc... (he can not keep this a secret - it will one day come out by you or by him - Figure out what you have to say about it)
So it's his fault... HOW about saying NO for a change... How about taking responseability for your actions... YOU both wanted to have sex & SECRET SEX seems more passionate than straight sex since it's in secret & away from your friend...(which you are NOW NOT her friend since you stabbed her in the back & yourself)....
If you didn't want sex - then it was "RAPE" - but doesn't sound like it to me...
Just wait until it happens to you & see how you feel about Betrail !!!! Someone you love & trust just starts INITIATING sex with others to help the pain of having 2 or more lovers... (are you the only one OR are you one of many?)
You reap what you sow - STOP what you are doing & move on - It should have been a mistake? BUT guess what - This secret will come out by this guy confessing to his girl friend once you reject him & he admits to her that it was YOU that INITIATED SEX! NOT him...
You will wish you had never done that since this kind of thing now spills over onto YOUTUBE - etc...
STOP IT!
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/17/2008 3:10:52 AM |
Whats worse is he initiated it.
No, what's worse is that YOU gave in to it. Don't blame it on him. It takes two to tango.
1. Stop sleeping with him
2. Cut off all contact with him
3. If you are a REAL woman you would go talk to his girlfriend and say 'blah blah...I'e been having a relationship with your boyfriend. #1, I want you to know that I broke it off and have no intention of having contact with him again. #2, I'm sorry that I disrespected you and your realtionship."
That way she knows he's a cheater and you have apologized for the damage you have done.
Welder's Girl | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 4/17/2008 4:14:46 AM | A salesman will say "You never regret what you buy...only the things that you have not bought that you wish that you had"
I would say that at a more important level you never regret what you honestly do and say....
The only courageous thing to do hear is to sit down with this guy... let him know all of your feelings for him... but let him know that your relationship with him is now permanently and totally contaminated and ****ed up because of the way that it has been conducted... so that in reality it is doing you no real good... And no matter what he does there is no way of salvaging a healthy physical sexual relationship from it.
You need to only then see him as a casual friend if at all...
It is going to be more difficult to develop a positive ongoing relationship with his girlfriend.... but over time you are going to feel a hell of a lot better knowing that you had the strength and self belief to do the right thing by everybody... | |
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