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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/9/2008 5:53:05 PM | yes you shoudl call it off. you are just doing yourself lots of damage by engaging in this sort of behavior. you are going to hurt this girl badly... do you want to be a part of that? come on! grow up! think about someone other then yourself!
lar | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/12/2008 12:21:20 AM | | WHAT GOES AROUND...COMES AROUND. Neither one of you have any values or morals, it really is as simple as that. If you did you would not be in the hot water you find yourself in now and believe me, the longer you keep it on the fire, the hotter it will get. With all that heat, someone is going to get burned badly and it could even be you! I will never understand how someone knowingly becomes the other woman! And why is it worse that he initiated it? I would think, from your point of view anyway, it would be worse if YOU were the one who jumped another woman's man, ya know what I mean? Do yourself a big favor and kick this jerk to the curb BEFORE his "real" girlfriend finds out and comes 'gunning' for you. You'll thank yourself later. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/12/2008 10:51:59 AM | | You're just the kind of person who has fvcked up a great many of my past relationships. FIND YOUR OWN MAN. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/12/2008 11:17:48 AM |
You're just the kind of person who has fvcked up a great many of my past relationships. FIND YOUR OWN MAN. I've asked it before, and I'll ask it again.. Why do so many women, blame the "other woman,when it was Your Men that betrayed you.. Frankly, if "a great many of my past relationships" had been "fvcked up" in this manner.. I'd seriously start looking within to discover why I'm choosing men who are inherently not the monogomous type.
(Fodder for a new thread I suppose)
*Disclaimer.. the above opinion does not condone the Oposter's behavior. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/12/2008 11:45:58 AM | | I know what you mean Wishes Granted. I think perhaps many women blame the "other" woman because we assume she "knew" full well what was going on and we expect more from women than we do men...I know I do. As a woman, I expect other women to be able to put themselves in my shoes and "do unto me as they would want me to do unto them" If she was "aware of my exsistence, I personally blame them both, but him I would kick to the curb. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/12/2008 11:57:51 AM | I usually would recommend leaving and move on. You are still young and have you life to figure out We would like a perfect world and this is nothing but a perfect world.
Love has many levels. Pyshical, Emotional etc. Lets face it you are still young so enjoy the college years one should. Just try to keep your emotions under control.
I know this isn't right but Live while you have the freedom until it is time to settle down and grow old with someone | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/12/2008 12:02:29 PM | You are right, this does sound horrible. Fact is you are the only person who can help you. You made the choice to sleep with this person, who has a girlfriend already, and is someone you apparently like. While he may have initiated, you had an opportunity to say no before it went as far as it did. Therefore, you are as guilty as he is in this situation.
Having feelings for someone is great, but there are times it is inappropriate to act on them, such as in your case. Having any kind of sexual relationship with another's significant other, date, whatever label you use, is wrong.
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/12/2008 1:38:48 PM | It does sound terrible and you should have more respect for yourself than to cater for this kind of gluttonous drama.
Every moment his hands are on you, theres someone behind the scenes who's in love with him, waiting for him to come home who he'll eventually return to and ****.
He initiated it??? Wait, let me wager a guess, he's Count Dracula and you're powerless against his charms...
It takes two to tango kitten and you're supporting him in hurting another human being, so you're just as much to blame and if you had any kind of decency you'd put an end to this immediately or encourage him to act like a man and break up with her
At which point, the pair of you can work on your own relationship and **** eachother over at a later date. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/13/2008 7:01:35 PM | | OP.............if they'll do it WITH you, they'll do it TO you! | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/13/2008 8:21:36 PM |
know what you mean Wishes Granted. I think perhaps many women blame the "other" woman because we assume she "knew" full well what was going on and we expect more from women than we do men...I know I do Unfortunately this is often true. "we expect more from women than we do men" .. begs the question.. who is to blame for the way of the world? Eve for tempting Adam with the apple, or Adam for going for it? .. How would itl be if he hadn't bit? | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/16/2008 6:33:53 PM | | Why would you want to be with a guy who disrespects women like that? And that includes you. Is that the kind of person you'd want to be with? I sure wouldn't. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/17/2008 12:45:28 AM | to all~
i just read sunny 228's reponse.. which is really just pathetic.. and indicative of the selfish me me me me me generation...
he says, " is the sex good? if it is then why change it." this is so disgusting. forget about thinking about how one's actions might impact another person. forget that sleeping with somene who is in a relationship is an ANTI SOCIAL act that can really cause another person a tremendous amount of pain. also, forget about having any sort of self control. no, that takes effort. instead, it is better to always do whatever feels good at the moment...and when the moment changes... well, one says, "i'll think i'll go over here now...i think i see something shiny..."
the lot of you need to grow up...
lar | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 11/17/2008 3:40:18 AM | | well if you know...what are you waiting for lol dont get me wrong maybe you did what you did because feeling vunerable in a relationship of your own is too scary of a feeling...whatever the reason ...if this is soemthing that is disrespectful to yourself and you choose to do it anyways then that is what you are leting in to your life. I respect your honesty but talk without action is meaningless. And also i know you really like the guy but can you really respect what he is doing? | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 1/17/2009 3:46:57 PM | storm?
are you listening?
CALL IT OFF
if he really wants you he will do the right thing..but seriously even if he broke off with her..do you honestly believe he wouldn't do the same to you?
i just don't get why a woman would allow a man to use her that way..but worse..would a true friend do that to her fellow sister? NO
I rest my case........
ABB ::eye roll:: | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 1/17/2009 4:14:24 PM | You are asking for validation of what you already know... this is a dead-end situation...
Its wrong on many levels.. and you know it..
If someone cheats with you they will cheat on you too.. do you really want a man so untrustworthy that sneaks around cheating on his own gf?
He is a guttersnipe and by association doesnt make you much better now does it? | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 1/17/2009 4:32:26 PM | | I get really tired of everyone picking on the "other woman". Do what you want, do what makes YOU feel good, the heck with our opinion. And no, it does not sound terrible. I'll bet the majority of the posters have done it. So don't feel bad about it. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 1/17/2009 6:48:39 PM | Yes you are the other woman and you knew it b4 you started sitting on him and she sits on him as well .
i dont think you feel that bad about it because your still doing it
Just remember at the end of the day what goes around comes around .
The more you get involved the harder your going to fall .
Hes thinking how lucky am i ,she knows im doing the other chick and she keeps coming back for more .
You can only help yourselve
oh i forgot you are | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 1/17/2009 6:54:51 PM | You actually need to help yourself. You've said that you know it's (sounds) terrible....and that you should call it off.
It doesn't matter who initiated it.
I don't think anyone has given you the justification that you might have wanted to hear.
Hmmmmm.....I'd be worried about who's next on his list for cheating on. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 1/18/2009 12:14:14 AM | I've asked it before, and I'll ask it again.. Why do so many women, blame the "other woman,when it was Your Men that betrayed you..
My take on it is cause the woman still wants the man, so she has to vilify the other woman, give her all the blame. If she gave him the blame, she couldn't stay with him.
But here's the really strange thing. A husband cheats on his wife and she confesses she feels responsible, the advice will be, it's not your fault wife, you're not responsible for him, you can save your marriage, try and work it out, talk to him, blah, blah.
A husband cheats on his wife and the advice to the other woman is, it's your fault, you are such a slut, you ruined their marriage, why would you want a man that cheats, leave him alone!
Either way, the man escapes blame.
OP, we all do what we know until we know better. If you don't leave him now, you'll learn whatever it is you need to learn and then you'll know better. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 1/18/2009 2:37:18 AM | My take on it is cause the woman still wants the man, so she has to vilify the other woman, give her all the blame. If she gave him the blame, she couldn't stay with him.
But here's the really strange thing. A husband cheats on his wife and she confesses she feels responsible, the advice will be, it's not your fault wife, you're not responsible for him, you can save your marriage, try and work it out, talk to him, blah, blah.
A husband cheats on his wife and the advice to the other woman is, it's your fault, you are such a slut, you ruined their marriage, why would you want a man that cheats, leave him alone!
Either way, the man escapes blame.
I never heard of the wife taking the blame for her husband's affair...guess it can happen... Whatever society may tend to think, I think that both of those involved in the affair are to blame, and not at all the wife. If there are problems in the marriage, the people in the marriage should be dealing with those problems, and if the problems can't be fixed, they should end the marriage. Having an affair when things are not going well is wrong, period. The affair is NEVER the responsibility of the partner who is not having the affair.
The woman who sleeps with a married man is just as responsible as the married man in the affair. They are both consenting adults, consenting to hurt and betray someone else. I don't excuse the woman at all. But I don't excuse the man either. I doubt that the woman has enticed an innocent man into her bed: a man can use self control and resist, so if he allows himself to be enticed, he is certainly responsible. But probably most of the time, the man goes after the woman (maybe not, don't know). The woman who allows herself to be seduced into an affair with a married man could also use self control, and when she doesn't, she is responsible, morally.
The one person who everyone seems to forget is the person who has been betrayed: the spouse, be it a man or a woman. The main reason not to have an extramarital affair is not to hurt that person. If anyone has ever been cheated on, you know what it feels like. And if you haven't been cheated on, try to imagine what it feels like. How can you do that to someone else? | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 1/18/2009 3:20:24 PM | | wowsad ... bravo ... well said ... well put together ... pick no. 4 and move on | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 1/19/2009 12:14:22 AM | Sounds like he is a player.How can you say you like her.Dont you realize you deserve your own man.Hes not yours,hes not hers either.Also carma,remember it,what goes around comes around.I wouldn't want a man thats cheating on another,he will just cheat on you.Your not the other woman just a piece of action.
BEE | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 1/19/2009 3:52:46 AM | | OP/good rule of guidence is,treat other people in the same manner , with same respect ,honesty etc... that you yourself would like to be treated.You wouldn't like to be in the girlfriends shoes under these circumstances an you should have a lot more respect for yourself,you are worth so much more.What is your gut feeling telling you?Please take care of yourself an find yourself someone who will respect you properly. | |
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| I'm the other women
Posted: 1/19/2009 12:41:49 PM | ismene1 I never heard of the wife taking the blame for her husband's affair...guess it can happen...
That's not what I said. I said, A husband cheats on his wife and she confesses she feels responsible, the advice will be, it's not your fault wife, you're not responsible for him
I think that both of those involved in the affair are to blame, and not at all the wife.
So a man and wife are in a relationship, and one partner strays, and you don't think it's worthy for the wife to look at her relationship, to see if she checked out, to see if there is anything in her behavior that could have made her husband feel unloved, unworthy, shut out -- anything?
I think that's a mistake. If I'm in a relationship and ANYTHING happens, the first thing I do is look inside of myself to see, not if I am to blame (because I can never be responsible for another person's behavior) but to see what part did I play, because it's a relationship so I definitely played a part. Even if it was being in denial.
The woman who sleeps with a married man is just as responsible as the married man in the affair.
With all due respect, I just think this is a ridiculous notion. The married man is usually lying, why doesn't anyone realize he is lying to both women! How can she be responsible for his marriage? She can only take care of herself. It's he who has a responsibility to the marriage and his wife, not the other woman.
They are both consenting adults, consenting to hurt and betray someone else. I don't excuse the woman at all.
I think a little compassion would go a long way in these scenarios. A woman, once she is involved romantically with a man, develops feelings for him (in a cheating situation, this is oftentimes cultivated by the cheating spouse -- whether man or woman) it's going to be hard for her to just break it off.
If she's been completely lied to and misled (her/him gender doesn't matter ) the other person hasn't consented to anything. They're just as much a victim as the wife/husband
I doubt that the woman has enticed an innocent man into her bed: a man can use self control and resist, so if he allows himself to be enticed, he is certainly responsible.
Are you kidding? So the role of the woman, is it always the enticer? How about the married man who pursues. I can tell you, I've gotten contacted by a bunch of them here on POF, and they were never ever enticed or solicited by me 
But probably most of the time, the man goes after the woman (maybe not, don't know). The woman who allows herself to be seduced into an affair with a married man could also use self control, and when she doesn't, she is responsible, morally.
Well, I'm glad to see you acknowledge the possibility. I think you can probably see the truth in the first statement. Many times the man is the one going after the woman. The rest of your statement it doesn't seem to account for human emotions and circumstances. If a woman is being lied to, she isn't allowing herself to be seduced. And you can't even "allow seduction". To seduce means to persuade to disobedience or disloyalty or to lead astray usually by persuasion or false promises.
A woman in this scenario is being manipulated.
The one person who everyone seems to forget is the person who has been betrayed: the spouse, be it a man or a woman. The main reason not to have an extramarital affair is not to hurt that person. If anyone has ever been cheated on, you know what it feels like. And if you haven't been cheated on, try to imagine what it feels like. How can you do that to someone else?
I think this advice works both ways. I've been cheated on and I have been the "other woman".
I believe it is the husband/wife that has the responsibility towards the marriage, not the "other" man/woman.
That man or woman only has a responsibility to themselves. To not put themselves into a situation where they will be used, discarded and dismissed. To love themselves more than that.
So IMO, the reason for not getting involved with someone who has a partner, for me, is because a person loves, cares and respects themsevles. We can't give to others what we don't first have. To be so concerned for the wife/husband, and not even think about the hell you'll be inviting into your life by getting involved with someone who already has someone is being dishonest.
As for trying to imagine how someone feels, all parties in the love triangle of an affair get hurt. Everyone.
It's unfair to put the blame all on the shoulders of the "other" man or woman.
Let's say the "couple" work things out or get back together. The "other" woman/man is abandoned, rejected and left alone.
Some people might say, oh, they deserve it, but I don't think anyone deserves that, especially when in many situations that person was lied to and mislead. | |
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