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| Why men don't talk about their feelings (an explanation, warning, it's a long one)
Posted: 5/29/2008 5:55:08 PM | This continues to be a good read :) I believe it is more hard-wired and due to nature than it is men being trained as boys to be the way they are and I think people, although they may not be aware of it, are ultimately happier when men and women act the way nature has intended them to.
Well, here's the thing. There are a lot more cultural overlays on top of our innate tendencies--so much so that we cannot really know for sure how women and men would act. In a different cultural context, a genetically identical clone will act very differently than the original. Identical twin studies show that many behavioral traits supercede culture, but also many that do not.
That's where freedom comes in. Expanding the range of acceptable behavior for both women and men makes our society more flexible and more adaptive. It also makes things more confusing for those who depend on rules and structure--but to my knowledge no man has died from changing a diaper, and if a woman is too bigoted to consider that a man who cries might still be capable of heroism when called upon, that's her loss.
Let's take, for instance, all the nerd boys who wound up as Silicon Valley millionaires. Don't you think the girls that spurned them are kicking themselves? Shouldn't they be? And let's think about who and how we now win our wars. We win them based on the brilliance of our engineers even moreso than the bravery of our troops in the field.
Any lunkhead can sit tight in a firefight, but the scrawnly little brain who those manly men picked on for being "weak" is the one who's going to get their asses out in one piece--thanks to GPS, superior body armor, helicopters that work, and tracking systems that guide missiles directly to enemy artillery installations as soon as they fire their first shot.
If a nerdy little brain wants to cry over his spilled milk, I happen to think we just might owe him that.
What do you think? | |
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| Why men don't talk about their feelings (an explanation, warning, it's a long one)
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:09:55 PM | I think actions speak louder than words. Sometimes the person is communicating to you, but you are not open to listening to them. By listening, I don't necessarily mean what they are saying either. I have learned that communication is key in that we both try to take time to see how the other best gets what they want to say across and coming halfway to learn that form of communication. If they l ike to talk tech all day long, talk tech a bit and you get more from them than you would otherwise. Show that you want to know what makes them tick, and they will open up to you. It becomes less of a man/woman thing when that happens. Consider yourself as though in a foreign county. You would put a lot of effort not just in learning the language, but also the customs and nuances. If you love someone, shouldn't you want to do that even more? I think the challenge is worth it. =)
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| Why men don't talk about their feelings (an explanation, warning, it's a long one)
Posted: 5/29/2008 8:00:38 PM | AceOfSpace, now you're the one trying to put people into categories. How did this become about the nerd/brain vs. bully stereotype? I thought this was about men expressing their feelings. Sorry, I don't buy that whole...nerdy, brainy types are/were the nice guys and the tougher manly guys (you say "lunkheads") are/were not. People are people. More specifically, men are men and women are women.
Let's take, for instance, all the nerd boys who wound up as Silicon Valley millionaires. Don't you think the girls that spurned them are kicking themselves? Shouldn't they be?
I wouldn't be. I DID and still do like the nerdy boys but I still want them to kill the spiders for me! lol I also want for them to just be themselves and most men I know, nerdy or not, have a different way of expressing themselves than I would. I like that about the male/female dynamic - the fact we are not the same.
This thread isn't about successful and unsuccessful guys, it's about men talking about their feelings. If you're going to talk about nerds vs. tough guys, not knowing them I think I would take a tough guy over a nerd guy any day for expressing his feelings, lol | |
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