| | I had a relationship with someone who was a muslimPage 2 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | MSG 22 - no offence taken and I appreciate your point.
In fact many cases even in non-muslim areas are not reported for the reasons mentioned by the poster above and the website I mentioned earlier. In fact if you go to the website you will find that some authorities believe that 50% of all women in this country have experienced some type of violence towards them.
Having travelled a bit and lived in a muslim country for a few years I also understand that in Muslim society even less of this is reported for fear of reprisals such as in the awful Saudi case that was mentioned. | |
|
Lucee
| | Joined: 11/23/2007
Msg: 27 | |
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 8:28:04 AM | This thread could quite easily have been titled "I had a relationship with someone who was a barstard"
The fact that this particular man was a muslim is irrelevant. There are abusive men from all backgrounds and cultures.
I'm sure there are many women who have experienced this kind of abuse, myself included, from men that aren't muslim.
I'm pretty sure not all muslim men behave like this and its threads like this one that create stereotypes that cause animosity toward a particular culture.
Its quite sad actually, because I'm sure if I were to post a thread along these lines titled "I had a relationship with someone who was English" there'd be a totally different response.
Are muslim men like this through their upbringing that they would ill treat women
The answer to your question, OP, is that some men are like this and others aren't
I'd also like to add that there are also some women who are like this too ! Let us not forget that its not only women that are victims of domestic abuse. | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 9:39:26 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
You are so right !
You wonder how on earth there is abuse and domestic violence in Britain because we are so perfect .I mean...............Jeremy Kyle has majority white cases on his shows . Runners up are black people .There shouldn't be one single white case going on how perfect we are . We should see fragmented muslims families and care homes brimming with muslim children and yet.....................we do not see that.We see less than their numbers in proportion and of the whites and blacks......more than their numbers in proportion. You hardly see a muslim /asian lady as a single parent . Yet you see all others.
Ok....let me tell you a story hot off the press .I work with a white guy who was dating a Pakistani girl for 10 years .She was born in Pakistan and these are now both 29 .
We have heard all the hype and took heed by being wary .She said to the guy....my family will accept you if you pay lip service and convert but you can just be your normal self otherwise.Convert to marry I mean because thats how in love these two are and were .They both wanted marriage.Believe it not it was the white family who was scared to get involved because of the bad press..........muslims are this or that.
Since 2004 this couple tried to convince first her family and then his .The couple cried and pleaded and hers came round if he would convert to marry.
His was happy with her.Loved her very being but so so wary of all the islamic bad press that they began to see terrorist behind every word and innocent deed. The muslims still waited and waited and waited while the couple begged and pleaded.
Last year she decided that she wanted marriage and a family life albeit where both families were agreable so if his were not happy.......she would break it off and find someone else. Inside 6 months she found someone else.She also told him that she was with a white guy for 10 years and if thats not acceptable then she quite understands .
Believe it but he agreed and thanked her for her honesty.They married November 1st 2007 and to all intents and purposes they are happy.
The white guy is traumatised that he let her go .She wears a headscarf by the way and has done for the last 8 years.
Now.....these people didn't not behave as we thought.First off we thought they would be manic to hear that their daughter was with a white guy.Second we would think that her new husband would not have her knowing that she had had a BF and a white one at that ..............totally different to all that we heard and it caused my mate to make the wrong decision in letting her go. They invited the white family to their house to talk about it and to clear the way but to no avail.
She is one of 6 daughters by the way and they are all working class but all graduates.
Deep and lasting love sacrificed due to islamaphobia .I admit that I too tended to believe the hype...............
They both worked in my dept and he has had to transfer because he is traumatised by loosing her..........for no reason except he believed the media rubbish about muslims. | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 9:40:38 AM | Lucee......I actually find myself agreeing with every word you have just stated.!!!!!
I have white female friends who are either married or in a relationship with muslim men. Although i may not know what occurs behind closed doors with these couples, what i see on the outside doesnt portray an oppressed women walking several paces behind her man....no bruises or signs of beatings and abuse....but generally an ordinary couple who probably have their ups and downs like everyone else. I guess it depends on how extreme the muslim is about his faith and his view on women in general.
One muslim man i know from Iran has been married to his white Catholic wife for 27 years, He adores her, shes his princess and nothing is too much for her. Their marriage is solid and never would he lay a hand on her......so we carnt generalise all Muslims.
Abusers come in all shapes and faiths and colours..... | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 10:05:18 AM | A friend at high school was Muslim and she'd come into school most days and cry, because she was to be forced into a marriage at age 14. She was really scared, I felt proper sorry for her.
I haven't dated anyone Muslim myself, but had a couple of friends that have over the years. They were both treated badly and made to feel like the lesser being because they were women. They both finished their relationships and vowed never to date someone Muslim again.
But as someone else stated, there are twatty men from all walks of life, backgrounds and religions. | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim --- Me too!
Posted: 1/19/2008 10:32:57 AM | I don't want to take the time to read all the replies to date, but in my experience - having dated a Muslim woman, I found her to be the most wonderful & kind woman that I have dated. I would want to be with another Muslim woman compared to English woman given the choice because:
OK, she was the mark (she was the first woman I ever dated [2 years ago]) but the English women I have dated since then are rude, inconsiderate, demanding & seem to have slept with loads of men by comparision (one 21, one 20ish, one couldn't count, another 15 & one I was the second) & the Muslim woman I dated - she had slept with nobody. She was still a virgin AFTER I split with her & she wanted ot remain so until she was married & good on her. I wish I had made that choice & not had had sex for the first time 3 months after I split with her. Such a let down & I seriously regret it.
I am being serious here as well. I know that Islam is the Religion of Peace & that Christianity (I'm Christian) & Islam seperated around 400AD. For my 2 cents, in Islam it is the extremes that are radical. The rest are very kind & polite.
I think you just dated a complete w**ker personally - from what I have seen of the Muslim community. Mind you, from what I have seen from the English community, I seem to find all of the w**kers. Weather that is just that I find them or the whole community is like that I am still undecided on. | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 10:35:16 AM |
Are muslim men like this through their upbringing that they would ill treat women
My experience includes dating for 4 years (*gasp!*) a Muslim woman from a relatively liberal family, who were so ever nice and accommodating to me -- a caucasian and an atheist good and hard. I found not an iota of evidence that the male members of her family ill-treated women. If anything, the women seemed very much in control, if not holding the dominant hand!
Statistically, perhaps, one may have just cause to be prejudiced. Nevertheless, the above is a counter-example. Not all Muslim men are the way you describe. It really comes down to appreciating that not all of Islam is fundamentalist. | |
|
Lucee
| | Joined: 11/23/2007
Msg: 33 | |
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 10:58:34 AM | Blimey, have I stepped into the twilight zone or what?!
How refreshing to see positive comments about muslims for a change.
I've always advocated integration and my posts on other threads have always attempted to encourage this. I think the posts after mine here are proof that its much better to judge on your own experiences than to listen to stereotypes when you don't integrate.
I, personally only judge on my own experiences and I have to say that the muslims I've come across have always been very polite, well educated and very respectful individuals. Yes, there are extremists, but there are those in any religion/culture and they are not the norm, whatever the media would have us believe. | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 11:40:34 AM | | I believe you should be more clued up when dating,an experience in the ways of the world, to realise that certain cultures,muslims,turkish, among a few, the mans in charge, an they treat there women like dogs. | |
|
2mass
| | Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 35 | |
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 11:55:36 AM |
I believe you should be more clued up when dating,an experience in the ways of the world, to realise that certain cultures,muslims,turkish, among a few, the mans in charge, an they treat there women like dogs.
cmon m8 they dont treat em that good. | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 12:18:08 PM | I believe you should be more clued up when dating,an experience in the ways of the world, to realise that certain cultures,muslims,turkish, among a few, the mans in charge, an they treat there women like dogs.
But it' s not just the ones you have mentioned in the post, as post 29 posted.
Abusers come in all shapes and faiths and colours.....
And post 30 posted
But as someone else stated, there are twatty men from all walks of life, backgrounds and religions.
And i'll agree there are twatty men from all walks of life who use and abuse, and the UK has quite a few.
And i have no doubt that the UK forum even has a few twatty men posting on them as well.
Just an observation, but has anyone else noticed the difference in the standard of posts by those people who believe the stereotypes and those that don't?!
The only way i can think of , not to see it, is to remove my eyes and crush em and then shove em up my arse or stick em in a pickle jar.
Its not just Muslim men who shout at, beat up, abuse women.
Men from all over the world and all different religions are capable of what the OP mentioned in the opening post.
| |
|
| |
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 3:20:47 PM | have lived in saudi, so can quite understand what the op went thru
koran is all they need to prepare them for life ?
friend in the services had a tale of a saudi couple, the wife could not get pregnant, therefore it must be her fault... doctor found she was a virgin and hubby was told flip her over and try again :) he asked my friend who told him in more detail, hubby came out with it was haraam / forbidden.....
Looks like the op had a good escape  | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:00:40 PM | Me too! I was married to my ex-husband for four years. It was a very violent and abusive relationship, both physically and mentally. I was expected to do all housework, childcare, paying of bills and work a full time job whilst pregnant with sciatica in my back!
I think the main issue is with the way that Muslim men are brought up. They arent taught that it is ok to be violent towards women but they arent taught that it ISNT either. This leaves them free to do as they wish in that respect when in a relationship. Hence why some are violent and others arent. Everything is kept very quiet, for example, we have been divorced for 2 years but my mother-in-law still wont tell half her family about it!
The thing that needs to be excepted is that Muslim culture is very different to the British culture. Not better, not worse, just different. My advice to women out there is that if you are a strong willed independant woman who enjoys equality, do not enter into a relationship with a Muslim without knowing exactly where they stand on certain things.
Btw, Womens and Mens Aid provide statistics on their website for domestic abuse. | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 4:09:33 PM | I've done 5 years with a Muslim woman...I had plenty of opportunities to see how it works....
If, after all that is known, some total idjit still chose to get into a relationship like that then...sorry...they will deserve what they get. I deserved to be dropped as I just didn't listen to all the people that told me that she would chose her religion over me evenctually.
I learned my lesson and also had a chance to see it from the inside.
Good luck with being a woman there...
And p-lease, do not quote the few exeptions, just listen to a muslim woman or someone that has been into one of those realtionships.
There are bad relationships regardless of faith but it is by now a known thing that a woman is very little to a muslim man and to deny this and to mix it all with the "other men do it too" is typical of a dishonest mind. THE SCALE IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT; a cut hurts too...but not like cancer.
Just go to any muslim country and see for yourself. | |
|
Lucee
| | Joined: 11/23/2007
Msg: 41 | |
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 5:21:42 PM |
I was married to my ex-husband for four years. It was a very violent and abusive relationship, both physically and mentally. I was expected to do all housework, childcare, paying of bills and work a full time job whilst pregnant
Those could be exactly my words about a past relationship. The only difference is my partner wasn't a muslim. | |
|
*rem*
| | Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 42 | |
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 5:57:49 PM | Stereotypes/bad publicity/hysteria are all wonderful things arent they?!
Islam. The modern day bogey man. Women all over the world themselves think they should behave in certain ways because of how they will be perceived, but if a non white man expresses the same belief then they must be evil to the bone right?
A few years ago black men were considered the biggest woman beaters on the planet and now Muslims have taken us off the front page! Cheers Osama!
White men going to the pub, getting bladdered then coming home and giving the missus a bit of a slap has been in British "culture" for as long as i can remember but you know what?
I've never seen a thread on the subject! Why is that then?
Sweeping things closer to home under the carpet?
"Domestic violence & ethnicity: Findings from the British Crime Survey (Walby & Allen, 2004) show that there was little variation in the experience of inter-personal violence by ethnicity. "
"You'll feel the back of my hand"
Ever heard a Muslim or black man say that? | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/19/2008 11:59:43 PM | If the ex was English, white and non religious and treated you badly, what would have been the reason ?
I am not religious but know of women who are being abused by their English husbands.
You were married to a bad individual, you cannot blame the religion !
I simply choose not to date a Moslem because I love my wine and will never stop eating pork !
Wish you well for the future. | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/20/2008 2:00:00 AM | To those who say there is good and bad everywhere, I hardly think most of us are so naive that we don't realise this. Sigh.... I have a friend who was abused by her (non Muslim husband). On rarer occasions, it's the woman who is doing the abusing. Conversley, there will be some brilliant Muslim husbands around.
What we are saying, at risk of being labelled racist, is that this attitude to and treatment of women is a cultural trait. Those of us who have Muslim friends or live/work in Muslim areas know this to be a fact. Much of this won't show up in crimes stats because so much is swept under the carpet. Well done to the OP for raising this. | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/21/2008 2:42:46 AM | Lucee, what exactly is your experience of Muslim men?
This kind of behaviour did not only come from my husband, alot of the men in the Muslim community in our area behave like this, as a wife you talk to other wives.
To be quite frank, you do not know about this kind of behaviour in these communities untill you are in one.
It is not racism, it is not generalisation.
It is part of their culture. Yes, people in the British culture behave in the same way BUT the difference is it is not acceptable in our culture anymore!
Those could be exactly my words about a past relationship. The only difference is my partner wasn't a muslim.
And your point is what?
So your situation was different to mine. | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/21/2008 2:48:58 AM |
"Domestic violence & ethnicity: Findings from the British Crime Survey (Walby & Allen, 2004) show that there was little variation in the experience of inter-personal violence by ethnicity. "
That is a load of crap and you know it. For every study like that there is another contradicting it! The difference is that Muslim women and women in a relationship with a mUslim man DONT speak out, it is very rare that they leave (I was lucky, my family clued on to what was happening) and they certainly dont report any violence that goes on to the police.
I've never seen a thread on the subject! Why is that then?
Try 'have all women been abused?' and the domestic violence forums.
"You'll feel the back of my hand"
Ever heard a Muslim or black man say that?
Nope. They dont say, they just do. | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/21/2008 3:00:43 AM |
Are muslim men like this through their upbringing that they would ill treat women
This is very sweeping generalization on the Muslim Community. Women and men find themselves in violent relationships and the excuses the abuser use range from... your fault! your fault! your fault!.
There is no excuse for domestic violence, whatever the situation.
You have been through a traumatic personal experience and (if you do not mind me saying) have a blinkered view on Muslim values. He may of been a violent man with huge issues, that may of stem from childhood teachings. Although I know many Muslims that are peaceful souls with good relationships.
Don't let this experience cloud your judgement on future relationships, if the man you take an interest in, is Muslim. | |
|
Lucee
| | Joined: 11/23/2007
Msg: 48 | |
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/21/2008 4:26:21 AM |
Lucee, what exactly is your experience of Muslim men?
What? You want my life story now?!!
Its sufficient for me to say that I have known many Muslim men and their families and not one of them was violent toward their woman.
You've known Muslim men who are violent, I've known Muslim men who aren't...stalemate !
My point with this statement I made earlier
Those could be exactly my words about a past relationship. The only difference is my partner wasn't a muslim.
is that I had exactly the same experience with a man that wasn't Muslim (on more than one occasion in fact!) Therefore, blaming a man's religion/culture on his violent tendencies is totally unreasonable, because there are many men who do this.
My point all through this thread has been that there is in fact no need to specify this man's religion, just that he was a bully and a barstard !
Get it now princess?!!
it is not generalisation
They don't say. They just do
Those posts, considering they came from the same person, seem like a major contradition to me. Who are they exactly? | |
|
*rem*
| | Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 49 | |
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/21/2008 4:30:35 AM |
That is a load of crap and you know it.
No i don't but thanks for giving me my opinion.
Try 'have all women been abused?' and the domestic violence forums.
Then by your own admission theres more than enough domestic violence perpetrated by people of all persuasions to make religion in ths case completely IRRELEVANT!
Nope. They dont say, they just do.
See above.
Redundant argument. | |
|
| I had a relationship with someone who was a muslim
Posted: 1/21/2008 4:37:23 AM | im sure we all know of men of different races who commit acts of violence....violence knows no colour, race, or religion...as it is a physical response
All that being said it cannot be denied that there is an element of the muslim faith that does regard women in a very differnt light from what western culture and certainly the ethos of the UK would find acceptable.
To say 'ALL' in regards to any issue will always be wrong. i.e. all blondes are not dumb, all umemployed are not lazy, all men are not mysogenists and all women are not feminists
It is however very difficult to quantify and compile figures from this demographic as those who are affected by violence as a result of being a muslim or married within or to someone of that faith are far less likely to report it than other demographics.
It is however..reasonable for those affected by this specific type of violence to state that it was as a result of the faith and indoctrination of the offender. in other words..if a wife or partner is beaten because she did not somehow comply to the beliefs of her partner..then that is a reasonable deducation to make that it was that particular faith that led to a set of events
lou
xx | |
|
Home
login 
