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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/20/2008 3:49:10 PM | 1. "What do you say to them?"
If the family is atheist, you do not say anything about the deceased. At all. For an atheist family, their departed loved one is no more. He is gone; there is nothing left to say about him (unless you are called to give a eulogy, or until the wake, if there is one). Your beliefs are irrelevant; perhaps you personally believe he has traveled onwards (e.g. reincarnation) but a funeral is not an appropriate circumstance to share your convictions about an afterlife. Those who survived him, including yourself, now is the time for their grief and yours. Such a funeral is not about the departed, since atheists usually do not believe in an afterlife. It's for the family and friends of the deceased, a time for them (and you) to mourn his passing. Extend your heartfelt condolences for their loss, give them a hug if it's appropriate, and then resume the introspection of your own grief along with them. (I'm assuming that you would feel grief, too, since you were invited. Strangers are not usually invited to funerals.)
2. "What is an atheist funeral like?"
Nearly the same as a religious one, but without the religious features. Eulogies and condolences and so forth, just like any other funeral. The only thing missing is any talk of the deceased having moved on to a better place and such, since every possible facet of his life is believed—by him formerly and his family presently—to have been completely and finally extinguished. There is nothing left to say about him. The only relevant point remaining is their grief and yours and the eventual healing of closure.
3. "What would you like your funeral to be like?"
After first donating whatever can be donated, I want the unusable remainder to be cremated, with my ashes to be spread to the wind. My will contains, among other things, my login information for Facebook; my appointed executor will sign in to my account and send everyone on my friends list a notice of my passing and an open invitation to the funeral. And that is the extent of my wishes. I share the view that a funeral is not for me but for those who will carry on without me. It's their time, not mine. I'm dead. So the funeral will be arranged by them according to their wishes. If there is to be a wake, that too will be arranged by them and take the form they wish. Some people feel that a wake should be a celebratory affair, with music and dancing and such. I personally won't care; I'm dead. My family and friends will have whatever sort of wake they desire to have for me. | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:13:41 PM | My son was an Atheist, so with concern for what he would want, we made sure there was no religious reference during the funeral service. This concerned the Army Chaplin but he did as was requested.
My daughter, son and my deseased son's wife got up and talked about what Alex had ment to them.
I have to say I have a real aversion to the statement "I'm sorry for your loss" If you are attending the funeral I assume you know the name of the person you are there to see. To me "I'm sorry for your loss" is trite.
I think as with any time there is a death of a loved one, to sit and listen. Or to share your feelings about the person that has died is the most comforting. | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/20/2008 4:33:23 PM | "I'm sorry for your loss." No...it is not trite. People don't know what to say, so they do the best they can. It wasn't so much their lose! Would you like it if they said "I'm so sorry I lost such a good friend!"? Leaves little there to comfort the bereaved, doesn't it. Almost seems selfish.
sometimes, saying something along the lines of "I wish I'd of had time to get to know him better...I'll miss him." helps. But, those dying at a young age....it almost fits.
I find funerals difficult myself...but I've been to a number of them. Hopefully I'll miss my own..... | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/20/2008 7:19:02 PM | How about just "I'm so sorry".....Or I am so sorry about your ...son,daughter, husband,wife, sister, brother....whatever the relationship.
How about I am so sorry about ___________ fill in the blank with the name.
And we were asked for opinions, just having gone through this, it is my opinion as the grieving parent....that sorry for your loss hurt me more and seemed to minimize who he was. | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/20/2008 11:41:57 PM |
Msg 27
Well said, Ryft.
Christians believe that "God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, and whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life"
This thread isn't about those that believe this but those who did not and die suddenly.
you know that they never claimed to believe it and chances are slim they believed it a few minutes before they died.....soo, the pain is very fresh, the funeral (maybe) is about to happen...and family isn't religious....what do you say to the them?
I'ts been said before, but the most civil answer is still, "Nothing."
I would just like this thread to be about funerals...what do you say when you don't believe in Heaven?
It's all about context. A religious service would be a receptive and respectful venue to eulogize or offer sympathy that includes biblical verse and various "in a better place" cliches.
I can't say I have ever been to a completely atheist funeral
Entirely possible. Often, religiously-minded relatives of the departed will inject religion into the services, regardless of the views of the departed. But hey, they're dead, why should they care?
all the ones I have been to played Amazing Grace...what is an atheist funeral like?
Depends on the person, who they are survived by, and whether or not they had any stipulations as to the service. In other words, it is impossible to define and varies from funeral to funeral.
and what would you like your funeral to be like?
I don't want one. But if my family does, whatever they want it to be like is fine. After all, I'll be dead- and completely beyond caring a whit about it. :-P
guess tis the season to be Merry really is over...sorry
No need to apologize. Pondering mortality is perfectly normal. :) | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/21/2008 12:43:21 AM | | "The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is, in every individual, something which is inexpressibly peculiar to him alone, and is therefore absolutely and irretrievably lost." (Arthur Schopenhauer) | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/21/2008 11:09:26 AM | I would say:
I am sad. I will miss ---. S/He was so kind / loving / helpful / sweet. May I write to you soon with my memories of ---?
And my funeral? I don't know - though the internment will be in a wicker casket in a woodland especially created for burials.
I hope my children will remember the story I told them of a dear friend's funeral that ended with Liberty Bell - the Monty Python version, complete to the squelch at the end. It can be no better gift to those who are left than to give a smile. | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/21/2008 11:49:55 AM | "The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is, in every individual, something which is inexpressibly peculiar to him alone, and is therefore absolutely and irretrievably lost." (Arthur Schopenhauer)
How very very beautiful...thank you so much for sharing this...I needed to read this today, at this very moment in fact.... and there it was...thank you Ryft...
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/23/2008 11:28:55 PM | Ravenstarr quote "To even THINK that one can know that is the epitome of arrogance and self-righteousness.
did you forget the JMHO?
ok...the post said slim chance....hmmmmm why....cause he died pissed out of his tree in a motor vehicle accident? cause his mom said he wasn't religious???
yes, I know some people make their eternal retirement plans just before boarding | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/23/2008 11:38:55 PM | quote "My will contains, among other things, my login information for Facebook; my appointed executor will sign in to my account and send everyone on my friends list a notice of my passing and an open invitation to the funeral
what an excellent idea....I always wondered what in the world happens to the email addresses.....do the junk emails ever stop....how many laptops can a corpse use?
good advice. at my Dad's funeral I was stunned when they told us the hundreds of dollars it cost to for the "glorified jewellery box" they were going to put his ashes in after the cremations. Its crazy...any morticians here? for all those who want to be cremated...can we just make our own jewellery box, and line it with saran wrap and just use that for our ashes? or what about a wal-mart vase....what is the legal criteria anyways? | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/24/2008 1:33:30 AM | oldsoul,
 Now that a couple additional posts have been added, maybe the stupid frakkin Forums will let me respond to you. (Has anyone else noticed that this you-cannot-have-more-than-two-posts-out-of-the-last-ten-posts rule thinger is curiously selective? Sometimes it will let me, sometimes it will not. And what a retarded rule anyway.)
[Probably because it ISN'T a rule, it's a filter - you'll figure it out/late™]
What I WANTED to say to you, two days ago now...
You're very welcome. It was intended to be relevant and thought-provoking; the fact that it actually helped someone is an unexpected blessing. | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/24/2008 12:56:27 PM | I actually perform, and have performed many funeral services for people. All kinds from religious to non religious. Most of the time the focus is on celebrating the life that the persona has lived. And giving thanks that we where privileged enough to share life with them. When the family wants something more said, and don't have or want a religious reading. We usually find a poem that is fitting.
Even if (and probably especially if) you do not believe in an afterlife, a persons funeral SHOULD be a celebration of the life they lived. And although to mourn someone is healthy and needed, I try to steer family away from a memorial service that is sad and depressing. Because people heal better when they smile :)
So, I think, it is best to find something positive to say about the deceased and the life they lived, rather than a "sorry for your loss" | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/24/2008 10:54:02 PM | I'm an atheist. When I die, I've instructed my family to tell people who say "She's with God, now", "Actually, we prefer to say rotting in a box."
Most of my relatives have been atheists, and of those who've died, their funerals tend to be quiet. Most were cremated, and people got together and talked about the person's life. No mention was made of God, Heaven, or Hell. Mention was made of the good the person had done in their lives and the fact that they'd be missed.
If someone dies, unless you know the family and the deceased to be religious, it's usually best to say, "I'm sorry, we cared for him/her and they'll be missed." Or some varient thereof. I would be offended if a family member died and I was forced to wade through piles of cards about religion, when we're not religious. It's disrespectful. | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/29/2008 8:53:55 PM | | Cremate me and send me to the ocean or even better take me to the highest mountain so I have a great adventure heading to the sea however it does not matter as I be off to my next life so best of all have a party and remember me fondly for the nice guy I am | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/30/2008 12:07:24 AM | When someone passes. you can say to the family, "I'm sorry for your loss" or ask "what do you remember about them the best?" if you think a discussion of the passed can be made.
When I die, I dont want any flowers. Dont waste money on plant life. If you need to neutralize the smell of formaldihyde and decaying flesh diffuse some natural cinnamon oil or lavender. Those are my favorites.
I want to lay in my casket (plain pine box) with my arms above my head and my legs crossed like I"m lounging and relaxing. I want fun photos of my family and friends, I want you to remember the good times.
The wake should be a dinner where everyone has sauce and meatballs (the homemade recipie) and lots and lots of wine. Everyone makes a bawdy, raunchy poetry toast in my name and prayers are apprecaited too.
I dont mind a funeral mass but the songs-outside of "The Gift of Love" will be cheerful, bawdy and funny. I refuse to believe that God has no sense of humor. Just no swearing. He knows I swear outside of a church enough. | |
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/30/2008 3:40:08 PM | Ryft....I too have noticed this ...and it has happened to me also....on another issue ...it seems certain people can post anything...if you don't believe then your post are sure to go on forever...but as a believer...I have had my post deleted...and I am at the point of leaving the forums......I feel the believers are being singled out.... ....That writing was very beautiful.......and I know it will speak to the hearts of many more.....Angel
There is no "2 in 10" rule, it's a filter, how it works can be found in the FAQs Yes, invalid posts are deleted, for many reasons NONE HAVING TO DO WITH ANYBODY'S BELIEFS, ...but due to posting violations, again, ....check the FAQ to correct the problem.
BTW, this post would usually be DELETED for being OFF-TOPIC to the thread subject/late™
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| what do you do/say when someone dies who didn't believe John 3:16
Posted: 1/30/2008 4:32:52 PM | op. if the family isn't religious i doubt that referring to heaven or hell would be much comfort. and isn't that why we attend a funeral? to offer comfort and to hopefully celebrate the deceased person's life?
as far as my own funeral...what does it matter...pretty sure i won't be there. if everyone that has grand plans for theirs i would suggest throwing yourself that party before you die so you can enjoy it. i mean if you want people talking about how you impacted their life with a sit down dinner, or a bunch of drinks...do it next week. i promise you will enjoy it so much more.
as far as being buried in the ground, what would the purpose be?? do i actually think my friends or my kids are going to visit and what??? talk to me?? people if you got something to say to me...better say it while my ears are working. hello??? am i the only one who finds this weird? life is for the living. enjoy people while they are alive. don't wait until their funeral so you can say what a great person they WERE..tell them now while you can say what a great person you ARE.
besides every grave yard i have ever seen would look so much better with a golf course on it. | |
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