| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:07:29 AM | | I think the first "meet" should be mostly free of physical contact. Yes, I would allow someone to kiss me but I would keep it really brief, and I'd only do it because I'm nice and don't like to hurt people's feelings. However, if I were having a good time (which it sounds like he was), that "too early" attempt at physical contact would make me very uncomfortable with that person again and I would be hesitant to see them again. I'd simply want to tell them to slow down but since that can hurt someone's feelings and only make it more awkward, I might just decide not to see the again at all (even if before the kiss, I was already thinking about a second time.) | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 12:48:41 PM | mstennis,
he was at ur place in the hopes to get laid, when that didn't come to fruition.. the bigger head took over... ie.. the not that into u thought... i like ur attitude..
at the end of the day cant do much about it if someone doesn't like u.. i am over some men though who .. wont date u.. but put the moves on for a root regardless.. errr what? big insult that one.. | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 1:10:27 PM | | Ya know, he could be sitting at his computer, wondering when you were going to email him again too and just not have the stuff to email ya back because he's too nervous. Either way, let it go for another couple of days, if there is still no response; just email him asking how his week went and keep the conversation light if you're still interested. | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 3:56:22 PM |
The truth is always the best policy. I am not going to play games and let him call me and be a coward and not take his calls. I feel a man deserves to hear the truth..just as much as women.
I also believe that truthfulness is best. If someone is not interested in seeing me again I'd like them to just say "I don't feel we are a good match." Thank you to the women that have enough courage to be honest. | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 4:52:36 PM |
Ya know, he could be sitting at his computer, wondering when you were going to email him again too and just not have the stuff to email ya back because he's too nervous.
Nah, this is not someone who comes of as that nervous type. Besides, some of the phone chat and date chat material would definitely not lead me to believe he was nervous...hence the feeling comfortable enough to kiss him. That and I DID write to him the next day. It nothing long...just thanking him for the nice time..complimenting on his kissing and hoping that perhaps it might happen again some time. He DID write back that he enjoyed his time with me as well and then made an off-hand cute remark about something we spoke of..but did not mention anything about doing anything again. I have not written or heard back from him. I am not going to chase someone that does not want to be but I just felt like I could not tell for sure if it was a brush off (even with kissing) or if I was just being too paranoid.
I think I am gonna chalk it up as to he is not interested. Once a week hits on Wednesday I probably WILL drop him a line just to see how he reacts. I am sure I will be able to tell alot by his response or lack there of.
I know this is not something to spend too much time worrying about but I was honesly interested in knowing what others thought about his actions and what THEY would think. Just have a few things I am working on when it comes to relationships like patience, trust, etc. I guess this particular situation has just never happened to me. Usually its obvious..this time it wasn't.
Thanks again for your input! | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 5:10:56 PM | Don't email him. If HE is interested, he will write or call you. I say this, because you are already feeling funny and if you do write and he doesn't respond or blows you off, it will be even less pleasant. Why boost his ego if he doesn't have the decency to let you know one way or the other. I want a nice guy, what about you?
The are LOTS more fishies in the sea..................... | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 5:28:36 PM | Hmm, yeah. Then perhaps HE will think that it is ME who is not interested, hey?
Umm, that's not playing games, is it? Nah, he probably wont notice any way, lol...
Thanks! | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 8:33:46 PM |
What do YOU think is the nice/right way to let someone down? Would you allow for there to be a kiss with a person you could not see yourself seeing again?
Today, I had a lunch date, as I sat across from him, I was thinking , wow this is a good guy to know for networking(he owns a headhunting firm), But to be honest, there was no attraction.
So during lunch I blurted out.. "Listen M****, I am not attracted to you, I feel no spark and there is no connection".
I followed that up with" I will even pay for the check if you want, but nothing will ever happen between us."
He followed that up with "Maybe we have to go back to my place to see if there is a spark."
SO ,NO there is no way to let anyone down easy.... you need to cut through the crap and tell it like it is, and No pity kiss....
~T~ | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 9:03:39 PM | | I have been in the exact same senario. Thats why I wrote the post I wrote Some men on here... Its not you its them , and another person said to listen better . Well I did listen , and TG I am foward and asked " where we could go" , or else Id be hanging . Just be straight foward and ask . This way you know where you stand . | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 9:10:04 PM | Does anyone remember the beginning of the movie where right after the two main characters meet and fall in love at a glance, then he gets creamed by a bus and a taxi! He was not paying attention, he was watching her walk away!
Think about whether or not your bad mouthing a dead guy!
~Belly~ | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 9:23:27 PM | I don't agree with a "pity" kiss at all. At least, for myself, if I am not into someone, I am NOT going to kiss them, since I believe it is a way to misguide and lead people on.
As most women on here have stated, we generally let a man know politely if we are not interested. Most of the men seem to take the easy way out, by ignoring someone. | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 9:39:24 PM | | Sometimes we need to say good-bye. Some good-byes may come suddenly, without warning. Others are anticipated. Sometimes they are a relief. And sometimes they hurt deeply. We say good-bye to things, people and places. We say good-bye to beliefs and behaviors that become outdated. Internet dating can be brutal. Mostly, because people IMAGINE AND VISUALIZE what the other is going to be like. He probably FANTASIZED about you way too much before the date, then when you weren't what he thought... POOF, he disappeared. | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 10:21:38 PM | Brithwen, you certainly are wringing your hands over this guy not calling you back.......
.........did you sleep with this dude or what? | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/21/2008 10:59:26 PM | Nope, sure didnt. Just has been a while since doing the 'on-line date/meet' thing. Used to being able to 'read' what's happening. Guess its not always gonna happen that way. Just wondering where politely letting someone know you are not interested..went. Rejection sucks any way you get it but most of the time it is more obvious right away than this particular time has been. Well, at least for me.
Actually...just wondering why I SHOULDNT expect SOMETHING other than absolutely nothing. That is all. Is it really too much to ask? THAT is where the wringing of the hands comes......... I liked him but heck, it was the first date. I just kinda want to say to him "What the heck??????"
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ptrman
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Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 40 | |
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:07:18 AM | Forget the "pity kiss" . Guys want to know if you are interested in going on a second date! What you consider to be a pity kiss could be taken as an invitation for another date. BOTTOM LINE, If there's no spark, move on...................
After all, you ladies have already decided within the first 15 minutes whether or not we have a chance with you, so why offer up a pity kiss? | |
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ptrman
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Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 41 | |
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 12:15:33 AM | | just keeping it real..... | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 11:24:02 AM | | It seems to me he was just testing the waters - he was interested enough to kiss you, but not necessarily feeling prompted to further action/dates at this time. I have gone on dates with people that I may have been interested in kissing that weren't necessarily a perfect match. I wouldn't over think it - just look ahead to your next date with whomever it will be. | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 11:36:59 AM | | Maybe he was interested when he kissed you, but lost interest sometime after that. Maybe he met another woman that he liked better or he decided that he wanted to remain single. Maybe he remembered something that you said or did that was a dealbreaker to him. I do agree that he could have sent a simple text/email message stating his non-interest instead of ignoring you. There is a sense of closure and the you can move on quicker. BTW first dates can go reasonably well and there isn't a second date. One time I exchanged some passionate kisses with a man during a date and then I never heard from him again after the date. | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 11:53:33 AM |
But I have been trying to work on the 'not being so needy' part of me. But his actions were very confusing to me. Why stay out with me without a necessary escape too soon? Why kiss me or allow me to kiss you?
Get over yourself. Women can't seem to get rejection well. And what will you learn from this? Never to kiss again?
First of all, why did the guy kissed you? First of all, you asked, second, to test the waters, see if it felt good, it's not that he didn't want to kiss you, it's that we guys don't have all the answers right away. Believe it or not, sometimes even when have the chance and in our heads, we go, I can bed this woman tonight if I try, yet we don't for whatever reason. Not that this was the case with you. Not at all. And your subsequent notes, are not wrong, or bad or anything. In fact, I would welcome them. But simply, he tested the waters, but didn't feel like going there. So really, don't over think it. And if in the future you meet a guy you want to kiss again, kiss him, this one may turn into your prince. | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:17:20 PM | I don't think it is a game NOT to email someone who hasn't bothered to call and say anything, whether positive OR negative.
I had a nice hiking date once with POFishie, and we had fun, and even shared some pretty good kisses, after talking, hiking for 3 hours and eating together. It was in broad daylight near our vehicles. BUT, when I took stock of it all, he really was not my type......... as far as our lifestyles, priorities, personalities, etc. He was great guy...........for someone else. Was it wrong for me to enjoy kissing him? Think of when we were teenagers, heck we did a lot of kissing! LOL I enjoyed it and am NOT ashamed of that! It was only kissing.
Now, I did not go out with him again, and he never said "Hey, why did you kiss me "like that" if you weren't going to go out with me again"? Maybe he wanted to. Maybe he will read this and ask me. I will post it if he does!
I am not being a smart ass, I am just saying that two people CAN experience the same date and ONE feels more than the other, yet the other person cannot sense that. I have had SEVERAL really nice first dates, and there were never a second one. It was usually me who did not sense the spark, and yet I had fun, and they were very nice guys. I bet most were surprised as the evening went well enough. Now I will say that most all of those enver involved a kiss of any kind.
Sigh.
Internet dating is like a 5# box of chocolates.....endless possibilities!!! | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:15:59 PM | Maybe next time you meet someone new, after meeting them instead of just saying 'thanks, that was really nice', and waiting for a response that is probably going to be ambiguous, you could try saying "I had a really nice time and would like to do it again. What do you think?" That opens it up for them responding with "yes I had a nice time too, but no thanks." At least that's what you would hope for. Of course there will be the guys who meet you for lunch and you're trying to get a feel for what they're thinking. They say I thought you were very beautiful, we should do it again, and then disappear. lol You know who you are...Mr. Man who I met for lunch last year.....ha ha ha
On second thought maybe nothing works. lol
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:24:14 PM | | My feeling is..for what it's worth is...men like to do the chasing. You took that away from him when you asked him if you could kiss him. | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:31:20 PM |
Get over yourself.
What?!?! How is this being INTO myself? I was truthfuly asking your opinion on what I should think reagrding this scenario! If I was all up on myself, I would have just said "f**k it" and would have moved on but...I really liked this guy! I was just not sure what his actions MEANT! I am sorry if the fact that he kissed me MEANS something to me! I wanted to know if by thinking that, I was being unreal...or whatever. Please dont think that just because someone shows me a little physical attraction, that I should be okay with it if he never responds again. That may be okay in YOUR book but hey...its a little weird in mine so please respect that fact without judging ME.
Then again, you ARE a guy so...maybe I am talking to walls here. Are all guys like this? | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:32:56 PM | Sounds like he found you in a manner, attractive and intriguing. But maybe wasn't sure if there was really any spark.
But what perks up my ears is that YOU asked HIM for a kiss...
So you made it really obvious to him that you were attracted to him for more than just one date. I'm not so sure he felt the same but I'm feeling that he may have been quite flattered just the same.
And you know what often happens when a person walks away from such encounters. They stick with you for a while. And I bet he thought about you all week. I would bet he wrestled over the situation in his mind all week even. And it's all because you kissed him, so to speak...
And that is good and bad. If you hadn't initiated the move, he may have moved on with less thought of you. (Hopefully you didn't have bad breath?)
But since you did make that move, you need to stand back and not push any further. Better yet, forget about him. Move on with your life. And if he does happen to pop up then that is nice. But it's his turn to make some initiations.
Romance is a dance you know...
Dance with the music and don't sing if you can't carry a tune... | |
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| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:37:00 PM |
you could try saying "I had a really nice time and would like to do it again. What do you think?"
I did..I wrote to him the next day...saying I enjoyed our time together..saying he was a good kisser and that I hoped that maybe we would get to do it again sometime.. (hint-hint!!!!)
He did respond..he had a nice time...and that any parts of the anatomy were fair game next time (saying this because he said his hands were wanting to wander--sorry for being gross but hey, that is what he said!)..but then never responding to anything else. Okay, so he DID say "next" time. And he DID respond. But have not heard from him since. So now..being that it has been a few days since I STARTED this thread, I am pretty smart enough to think he is not interested. Too bad it took a time with no response to realize this as a short not/text/call would have been more mature, but hey...that is why I asked you all!
Damn me for assuming anything.... | |
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