| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:41:29 PM |
My feeling is..for what it's worth is...men like to do the chasing. You took that away from him when you asked him if you could kiss him.
yeah, but when conversation slides to sexual inuendos...its easy to assume that a kiss would be totally welcomed. Maybe that is naivity on my part but I would not have asked for a kiss if I did not feel it would be welcomed. I amy be a little out of the scene but I am not stupid!!!
Thanks for the advice though. Oh, and may I add that he called me after the kiss..on my way home. What would THAT tell you??? | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 5:42:07 PM | Take road trip.
Go South.
Stop in Ohio.
Meet YourCuteGuy1
He IS cute!
 | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:15:19 PM |
Take road trip. Go South. Stop in Ohio. Meet YourCuteGuy1 He IS cute!
Yes! He IS cute...but I have not had great luck in long-distance relationships. Otherwise, you be!
Regardles, thanks for the advice.
 | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:28:13 PM |
Then again, you ARE a guy so...maybe I am talking to walls here. Are all guys like this?
Yes, we can be. And noticed I said can be instead of that we are. Even if I had liked the girl, let's say in this case, you, and I had called, and didn't started to get immediate feedback, it's see'ya later alligator. And I wouldn't even think about it. For all I know she could just have a bad hair day.
Now let me ask you, did you ask the guy, can I kiss you, or did you went ahead and do it? In the past women that asked me came across as a little contrived, as opposed to those that just went wham and did it. | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:32:13 PM | RE: First post.
I generally tell them straight out. No muss no fuss.
Perhaps you were a bit forward and forthright hun (two qualities which I admire with some alacrity), some men dont feel comfortable with that. Also consider he may not have told you right away because he was working through his intentions and burgeoning feelings for you. If you want to go out with him I suggest calling him once and seeing if it can be arranged. If he doesnt answer and you leave and message and he doesnt call you back then thats that and you should forget about it. Also, out of curiosity, what made him a good kisser? | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:43:36 PM |
Now let me ask you, did you ask the guy, can I kiss you, or did you went ahead and do it? In the past women that asked me came across as a little contrived, as opposed to those that just went wham and did it.
I DID ask him but it was after he walked me to my car and was all smiles and well, like I said...after the chat material inside, I felt more than comfortable asking. Perhaps I was overanalyzing the situation to my benefit but hey. I am no stranger to dating. Perhaps I was too confident on my ability to *read* a situation...but c'mon. If you are not interested (especially after it is obvious that I think you ARE), show me some courtesy by letting me know in some way!! Heck, if you dont like confrontation, you dont have to call! But write or text or SOMETHING...that is all I ask.
Maybe I am asking too much to not be left assuming...to just *get the hint*. But I guess I like to put myself in their shoes. I am not saying I would not have kissed him, but if he had written and hinted to a next time, if I did not WANT there to be a next time, I would have made darn sure to let him know in some way besides silence! :)
That is all.... | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 6:48:26 PM |
Perhaps you were a bit forward and forthright hun
Perhaps...but all I can say is that when a gentleman is all smiles and forthright about talking about love/life/sex(in many aspects) AND allowing me to kiss him, I cannot help to assume a little, lol. That and...insisting on "one more beer" when he could have so easily decided it was time to go.
*sigh*
I dont claim to know it all...dont claim to know how things may be these days (after all, I AM 35!!!), but I have to think that I am not THAT stupid and naive.
I dont know. Maybe I have a lot more to learn than I think..... | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/22/2008 8:16:16 PM |
I say never do it again, I don't care how sure you are that you are attractive and what guy wouldn't kiss you. I'm guessing, he saw the chance and balked at kissing you, and that confused you.
You may be absolutely right. I will tell you though that I am NOT so confident as to believe that anyone would want to kiss me, lol. Perhaps I may not seem like the insecure type through these posts but I am not one to assume attraction unless I feel I have been given the hint. I guess that is what is so confusing. Through our chatting INSIDE, certain things were discussed/joked about/mentioned that kinda made me feel like this guy WAS interested. Trust me. If I didnt think he was, I never would have put myself in that position. And though I did not want to go into this, please let me say that this person got very into the kiss..made other physical contact though not lude....AND called me a few minutes later to tell me how good it was. Of COURSE I am gonna think *yay*! Maybe that is naive of me, but that is the truth.
You can bet the *next* time..if there ever IS one, I WONT be offering a kiss, lol. I think I have learned my lesson here!
On a side note, I totally know that I may not be everyone's *cup of tea*. And while that may be a hurt to my pride, I am old enough and wise enough to know it happens, lol. I accept it, really. I just want to learn more about mixed signals, I guess. | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/23/2008 3:35:17 AM |
You can bet the *next* time..if there ever IS one, I WONT be offering a kiss, lol. I think I have learned my lesson here!
I don't think you necessarily have to change the way you think and do things. I say keep kissing if you want to keep kissing. A lot of guys really like that. Some do, some don't. If he's the right guy for you, he'll like you for everything. You have to stay true to your authentic self or it will be contrived and you eventually won't feel comfortable in your own skin, and it will show. Don't overthink it. It was just a kiss, not the end of the world as some people would suggest. I don't think it was the fact that you kissed him, emailed him, didn't follow up with another email, or anything you did or didn't do. I think he simply wasn't right for you. | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/23/2008 4:14:10 AM |
...and that any parts of the anatomy were fair game next time (saying this because he said his hands were wanting to wander--sorry for being gross but hey, that is what he said!)..
I must be old fashioned because I wouldn't be flattered by this statement at all. It was way too early for this guy to be taking liberties like that. But that's just me.
Sounds as though he's moved on to his next conquest. I wouldn't write him again.
NEXT! | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/23/2008 5:11:06 AM | | You state OP that obviously you can't ask him these questions directly. Why not? I would, and I have in the past, asked a woman these questions directly. If you are certain that he really just isn't into you, than what do you have to lose? Ok so maybe he won't answer you, but really, what's it gonna hurt to ask him at this point? | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/23/2008 7:27:17 AM |
I just want to learn more about mixed signals, I guess.
Mixed signals can be very difficult to figure out. Different things can mean different things to different people. To one person a kiss may just be a friendly greeting, while to another it is a show of great affection.
I recommend direct and honest communication when dating to avoid confusion. At the end of a first "meet and greet", you should tell the other person directly whether you are interested in getting together again or not. It's better to say "I don't feel we are a good match" than to leave the person wondering.
Good luck in your dating adventures. | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/23/2008 5:52:29 PM | Okay, well against SOME better judgment, I wrote to this guy. i saw he was on-line on the site where we met (NOT a dating site) and decided to write...I am sorry but, I am just one of those people who has to 'let them know' whether I get a response or not. This is what I wrote:
Subject I got it...
Message Well, I purposefully waited for almost a week before writing. Now that I see that you have been around and have not taken the time to write anything to ME, now I will respond.
For someone who claims to be so up front and honest, I wish that you could have been that also with me. Do not worry your little head. I am in NO way chasing you. Trust me, I am over it. But I could not *leave* without letting you know how I felt.
If you werent interested in future anything with me, then a simple note or text or call would have been fabulous. Its not like I did not give you the opportunity. :) Oh, and you should not have agreed to kiss...or if it was just a "pity kiss", then you should have let me know something when I wrote to you the next day...hinting to about being able to do it again. You responded..but kind of left me hanging. Perhaps I should have taken that as a 'hint', but with everything you claimed to be...I did not expect that from you.
Regardless, it is what it is. If you were interested you would have made some sort of an attempt to let me know this. Sure, my feelings are hurt, but moreso because you didnt take the time to tell me instead of just letting me *figure it out*.
Best of luck to you though and thanks for the nice time...
So that's it. I am sure that it will not suprise any of you that he didnt write back. Guess by now I really didnt expect one but...at least he knows how I feel!
Thanks for all the posts regarding this!!
Sheri | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:22:07 PM | | Damn, girl. Next time just kick the guy in the balls. | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:26:59 PM | Trekker, you doofus. You're hopeless.  | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:42:05 PM |
Damn, girl. Next time just kick the guy in the balls.
Well, I meant to only be totally honest. If that hurt his balls then...too bad, lol. You hurt my pride....I hurt your balls, lol. (j.k)
Seriously though, I just had to let him know. What can I say? I am not *big* enough to just walk away...I fully admit it!! | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/24/2008 10:13:57 AM | Ok, so did that make you feel better about what happened? I bet it really didn't. And now he will be saying omg all online girls are psycho. This is what breeds the stereotype. Not saying I think you're psycho, please don't think that. But honestly, if I met someone and didn't really care for them, I might want to just fade away (especially after one meeting). If he wrote me later on saying what you said to him-I'd say "wow red flag...emotional issues!" I can say this is what my reaction would be because this has happened to me.
Some people just don't put a lot of energy, thought, or effort into one date/meeting as others do, and don't feel it necessary to follow up saying hey sorry I just didn't feel it. It hurts the other person, but some people just don't like the 'confrontation'. Say a friend set you up on a blind date. You met the guy for drinks or whatever just like you did with this guy. If he never called you again for another date, would you be having the same reaction?
Reading things into what people say is hard not to do, but you really can't do it. Shouldn't even try. And asking them to tell you what they meant by this word or that gesture is not good either, unless what they said is totally off the wall. Relationships take time to develop, and if this was to grow into a relationship, you would have known. Heck, if it was even to grow into a second date, you'd know. Actions speak louder than words. If you are the type of person who has to sit and pick everything apart, then that's who you are, and that's ok. But do it on your own time, or you'll get dinged for it in the end.
Sorry this happened to you, better luck next time! | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/24/2008 10:27:39 AM |
If you werent interested in future anything with me, then a simple note or text or call would have been fabulous. Its not like I did not give you the opportunity. :) Oh, and you should not have agreed to kiss...or if it was just a "pity kiss", then you should have let me know something when I wrote to you the next day...hinting to about being able to do it again. You responded..but kind of left me hanging. Perhaps I should have taken that as a 'hint', but with everything you claimed to be...I did not expect that from you.
Sheri, hate to tell you this but that sounded soooo needy and desperate. | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/24/2008 10:56:08 AM | Yes well...*sigh*...such is life. Thank you for those of you who don't agree with me and thank you for those of you who did/do. I certainly DID get some good insight and that's what I asked for. I appreciate that.
Yep, I can be needy...I DO have things I need and want or just want to know. Not sure that's ever gonna change. And as far as THIS particular situation goes, it really doesn't matter any more, right?
SO again...thanks for the posts. Better luck next time, right?
Sheri | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/24/2008 11:05:54 AM | Some people just don't put a lot of energy, thought, or effort into one date/meeting as others do, and don't feel it necessary to follow up saying hey sorry I just didn't feel it. It hurts the other person, but some people just don't like the 'confrontation'. Say a friend set you up on a blind date. You met the guy for drinks or whatever just like you did with this guy. If he never called you again for another date, would you be having the same reaction?
If person A contacts person B after the date and person B isn't interested, then it would take 2 seconds to send a brief, polite, but firm email/text message stating your non-interest instead of ignoring the other person. Person A can have some closure and move on quicker. Then person B could ignore all future calls/emails from Person A after rejecting him or her to avoid any confrontation. | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/24/2008 3:26:29 PM | If person A contacts person B after the date and person B isn't interested, then it would take 2 seconds to send a brief, polite, but firm email/text message stating your non-interest instead of ignoring the other person. Person A can have some closure and move on quicker. Then person B could ignore all future calls/emails from Person A after rejecting him or her to avoid any confrontation.
Yep, in a perfect world I totally agree that is the way it should all be handled. But since we are dealing with humans, we have to assume that everyone has their own issues. Some people wish to avoid rejecting someone, some people are busy and don't think it's warranted after only one meeting, some simply don't care. The issue here is keeping your dignity after you've been rejected with non-communication. | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/24/2008 6:46:48 PM |
The issue here is keeping your dignity after you've been rejected with non-communication.
Oh, I still have my diginity! I think that after spending the time wondering and writing about this certain situation has allowed me to *get over it* so much easier than if I was just waiting a week with no response without talking about it. That may make me needy or pathertic or whatever but that is just me and how I deal with certain situations. Even after all of this, I STILL believe that SOME sort of response is/should be warranted. After all, I AM only human.
If this is expecting way too much because of how things are or how they have beccome, then so be it. Guess I am behind in the times, lol. But, seeing where some of my interests lie, to those who have actually read my profile and such, guess you would not expect any less from me, right?
Regardless...it's all good. Even if it looks otherwise, I am not wounded...I am not unable to move on. I have learned a few things and been PROVEN RIGHT a few things as well. I have gotten what I needed from these posts and for that, I thank all of you for having the patience to listen/read my thoughts/words!
| |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/25/2008 9:30:23 AM |
Even after all of this, I STILL believe that SOME sort of response is/should be warranted. After all, I AM only human.
Unfortunately, in the dating world, "no response" is more the norm than the exception. I've come to understand that NO RESPONSE = NOT INTERESTED and not to take it personally. | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/25/2008 4:49:33 PM |
Unfortunately, in the dating world, "no response" is more the norm than the exception. I've come to understand that NO RESPONSE = NOT INTERESTED and not to take it personally.
I too, have learned this. Let's see how well I do the NEXT time! But now I am armed, hehe...
Thanks! | |
|
| Pity Kiss?
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:44:28 PM | | I didn't have the patience to read the whole thread, so sorry if it's been said. I just wanted to say that maybe it wasn't a pity kiss. Maybe he wanted to kiss you when you suggested it, and he even enjoyed it. Maybe it didn't occur to him that a second date wasn't a good idea later on. I know it sounds weird, but it's really easy to get caught up in the moment, especially when you know the other person is digging you. Sometimes guys think a second date means a lot more, so they don't do it unless they're really prepared to dive in. Especially if a girl is giving in any signs of being clingy - they don't want to break someone's heart by leading them on more, if they're not really feeling it. | |
|
Home
login 
