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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:39:20 AM | I was the wife in one of these situations. I was fine with him having a friend who happened to be a woman until he began to share more with her than with me, would lie in bed next to me texting or calling her, etc. Finally it got to the point that the friendship was more important than our marriage. Not surprisingly they began to live together less than a month after he moved out.
The moral of the story is - As long as lines are drawn that everyone (especially including the wife) involved are comfortable with, it can work. Respecting those lines is very crucial and understanding there may come a time where she was ok with it and later on not feel the same way about it. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:53:44 AM | | I would say not, if the spouse is aware of the friendship, and one acts appropriately enought that no questions should have to be asked I would say fine to talk, or maybe eat lunch if they work together, etc, but going to movies without the spouse? Come on between both parties working, and choirs etc, time is so limited that I would consider someone spending time with an old flame a big red flag. If she was from out of town, ok to spend time with both man, and wife. I think just that you have to ask says it is inappropriate. Lou | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 2/15/2008 3:07:36 PM |
without the wife being present...is this appropriate 'hang time' for someone who is married?
Go out with them, ( does it go quiet ) if your gut feeling is telling you something is wrong , trust your gut feeling, because it probably is. I talk to my mates wife alot, they are both really good friends of mine. I am trustable though. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 2/15/2008 3:31:05 PM | It's obvious, jealousy is a potential regarding both genders.
IMHO....this puts an end to the, "men are more jealous" statements
that are so ubiquitous on this site.
I am not making any "blanket" statement here......just that we all
have feelings.....and rightfully so.
One lady put things very succinct.........respect for your partner/relationship.
Yup....that about sums it up. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 2/15/2008 3:33:58 PM | I've know people who have a very honest and open relationship, they trust each other
very much, someone's gonna get hurt. Would I be o.k. with my wife or girlfriend going to the movie with a guy friend?? Probably not ! And I can tell you that no woman I've ever dated would want me go to a movie with another woman. Trust doesn't matter!!
Thousands of people who trusted their mate caught them screwing around, stealing, telling lies. Go ahead do the right thing, give them a rope.
It's just my opinion.
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 2/15/2008 3:46:16 PM | i don't like these situations....
i've ended up in a sticky one once b/c it went too far. i was friends with him for a couple of years before he met his wife. complicated circumstances (seperated/back together/seperated), but the bottom line was that he was still legally married.
my theory is this: having a friend who is married seems good on the outside b/c you figure nothing will happen. so you feel like you can flirt safely and whatever. but the whole thing is bad bad bad.....you get to know them on a different level then you did, and thats where it begins to get all facked up... | |
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Zee77
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Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 39 | |
| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 2/17/2008 4:34:34 PM | | If your spouse doesn't trust you enough to permit your friendship with a member of the opposite sex then what kind of marriage do you really have? I agree that honesty plays a huge role in this type of friendship but trust has to be strong between spouses. Ask yourself if this is a friendship that your spouse would be comfortable with, if so... talk it out. Trust and honesty aside, I think these type of friendships can actually help a marriage grow stronger. BEWARE, these types of friendships are only for those who are secure, confident, and above all, trustworthy. | |
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Zee77
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Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 40 | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:22:22 PM | To me, it's likely NEVER ok if you dated once upon a time.
That's generally the way I see things. It's highly situationally dependent on the woman's character, and how you feel mutually about the relationship. I think it's healthy to have friends of the opposite sex, but that freedom carries with it the responsibility to do it properly.
1) If you spend more time preparing to go out with them, then you do for your spouse - it's wrong.
2) If you mention them often, in regular conversation, it's wrong.
3) If you are closer physically or emotionally then you are with your spouse , it's wrong.
4) If you are doing anything with them that you would not do with your own parent of the same sex as them, it's wrong.
If someone affords you that freedom, I trust you will also respect them enough to know where to draw the line. Platonic relationships are possible, and offer great things to responsible people. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:43:53 PM | If this happens once in a while, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Being married to someone does not mean you own that person, and it's not realistic to expect them to cut off all ties with former friends. If the wife is fully aware of his actions, then she can do the same thing if she so chooses, that doesn't mean she's going to. 
Pink | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 2/26/2008 4:43:54 PM | | Uh knock knock anyone home - there should be NONE. If you are on here and married you need not ask that question. Yopu know as well as I do that everyone one on here is looking for the same thing or otherwise they would be sitting on the couch with their significant other watching TV. If you need to ask that question then there is more to it than we know. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/21/2008 4:43:07 PM | | Thank you Poodlefancy! I have recently been wondering about this topic.. OP, I think that if everyone gets along and is mutual friends.. like your wife is friends now with your old friend.. and everything stays above board.. it could be okay.. but it still seems a very fine line to walk, and as the previous post mentioned, a "moment of too friendly" could be lifetime of regret. Is it worth that risk? Ultimately you and your wife must discuss this issue and come to a mutual and respectful decision. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:15:34 PM | | Neither the husband nor wife should have to "approve" of their spouses friends. That's what parents were for when you were kids, and these are grown ups. When you get married, you're allowed to have a life. As long as there are no extra marital relations, it's fine. If you can't trust the person you're effin' married to, then you have no business being married in the first place. If your spouse cheats, that's grounds for divorce. You people over-complicate things. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:51:27 PM | I believe it is possible for people to be just friends with the opposite sex. I was involved in one relationship where my now ex had some serious jealousy problems with a long-standing male friend of mine... and we both simultaneously parked our friendship for the good of my relationship. When my relationship ended I called this old friend and apologized (groveled) for dumping him... and he said he thought it had been him who had graciously sacrificed our friendship, lol. Actually, he dais we had never stopped being friends, we just hadn't been getting together. A good guy, that one.
My sweetie hasn't met him yet, but will soon, and I really hope they enjoy each other... makes it much easier. If he has problems with my friendship I am sure we will be able to negotiate our way through it because our relationship is built on trust. I think it is easy to accept things if you are feeling secure and loved... it is when we begin to feel insecure that we try to control things to try to "hold on" to security. | |
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| What type of friendship is appropriate for a married person to have with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/21/2008 7:05:06 PM | I don't think it's a question of your partner "allowing" you to have certain friends, I think it's about YOU respecting your partner's wishes about your friends.
We all have flaws and ALL have insecurities. If I loved a man, I wouldn't feed his insecurities and make them worse and make him FEEL worse about it, and I suspect that is just what happens sometimes. Some people seem to say, "Hey, *I* am fine with HIS friends, he should be fine with mine." Maybe he should be, but if he isn't--are you going to throw it in his face? | |
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