| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 12:57:23 PM | Dear Emeraleyz,
Run out right now and get the book "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo! Read it, learn it, live it! He's gone, poof, vanished into thin air. Well, there's no mixed message here. He's made it clear that he's "just not that into you". Don't ask yourself what you did wrong or how you could have done it differently. Don't waste your valuable heart and mind trying to figure out why he did what he did. He didn't want to stick around and didn't have the guts to tell you to your face. The quickest way to get over him is by moving on and choosing more wisely in the future. The best revenge in this situation is not anger but emotional distance. The lesson you should learn from this experience is no answer is your answer. There's no mystery, he's gone and he wasn't good enough for you to begin with! | |
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MNM08
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Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 52 | |
| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 12:59:20 PM | Women do the same thing, just disappear also. I am surprised he was persistant in the beginning. Hey, do not worry, you could be like me, just cursed. I can not even buy a look anymore, and I think the state of Michigan is having a poll, who is more cursed, The Detroit Lions or myself when women not even giving me the time of day. I must legit be the most butt ugly looking dude in dating website history.
So do not worry about it, there will be tons of other guys. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 1:11:42 PM | | I dont think anyone can answer that but him. But I get how you feel, I am going through the same thing with someone although were never intimate. It drives me crazy to not get an explanation from someone you care about and consider a friend. One day your fine and then the next nothing. But there isnt anything you can do. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 1:39:52 PM | The exact same thing happened to me..
I've spent countless hours wondering what happened or what i did wrong.
After talking to my guy friends, and my girls...I've realized that i don't need that sh*t.
Everything was perfect before we met and after...or so i thought anyways.
But I would just forget about him like someone else said "if he did it once, he can do it again"....you don't need to get hurt again from the same guy at that.
After all, there are "plenty of fish".
Next time I meet someone I am definitely taking it slower then i did...I only learned from my mistakes...yes i did get hurt, but I'm back fishing!!! :D
Good luck emeraleyz with ur searches and I am really sorry this happened to you too...it hurts..big time. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 1:46:35 PM | Its called "the game". Thats the very crap I hate. But guess what?.....women do it too.
Huggs, Dave | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 1:58:51 PM | Here's the reason: ITS EASIER. Plain and simple. Ask yourself why you would cease all communication with someone you'd be sleeping with...and the answer becomes apparent: It isn't working out, and its easier, cleaner, neater, lazier, whatever to just stop talking to you. Men are really honestly that simple.
And that lady that shook her electronic finger at you for sleeping with him "several" times should be ashamed of herself. I don't see her barking up some guy's thread because he was being indiscriminate. Sheesh. Women are our own worst enemies sometimes.
Warning: Evil man-bashing rant ahead...and its a long one.
The reality of the whole "love em and leave em" bit is that yes, there are a lot of scummy men out there who pick up women, promise them the world, play the game, get what they want, and get out when it isn't what they want anymore. They do this without so much as a shred of awareness about why they feel the need to fill "the void" with meaningless (at least to them anyway) sex, or why their once intense "feelings" are suddenly gone. Those men are basically wearing a sign that says "I don't really know why I do what I do. I'm an impulsive, oblivious butt, and I'm going to hurt you as long as I don't have to face any kind of truth about myself, or become aware of my own actions or purpose in this life."
Sadly, when faced with the sudden realization that all your dreams aren't going to come true with Mr. Wrong, many women assume (instead of waiting for a man who is conscious (sp?) of what they do and WHY they do it--men who are aware) that this is as good as it gets, and we must all play the game of "who can hold out the longest". They attempt to put off heeding a natural inclination to have sex, not in an attempt to achieve a deeper level of intimacy, or even to protect themselves from being hurt...those would be excellent reasons to wait to have sex. But many women will actually refuse to have sex with someone they'd LOVE to have sex with...simply to get a commitment out of the guy...a commitment that he can STILL break at any time.
This is fundamentally flawed and heres why: Women love sex just as much as men do...and thats ok. Not only that, those kinds of men never actually fall for that whole "you're not getting any a$$ until I see a commitment" crap anyway. And even if they did, would you really want to be committed to someone who was only committing to you to get what they wanted sexually? And once they did...they're going to resent you for not giving it up. Karma is a funny thing when you try to "hold out" on a guy just to make sure he's really technically your "boyfriend" or whatever, so don't listen to her. You aren't upset about this because you had sex with him...that isn't the issue, and it only confuses things to say that. You're upset because he was kind of a jerk and took the easy way out instead of telling you the truth. That should take focus, not some arbitrary insinuation that none of this would have happened had you been a "nice girl".
Simply put: Have sex because you want to. You're a reasonable, intelligent, compassionate woman and you have the ability to choose your partners for the SOLE purpose of your own pleasure, or for deeper reasons if you so choose. Anything in this world...sex...relationships...whatever...has the potential to hurt you...or to vastly improve the quality of your life, so someone telling you that the reason it didn't "work out" was because you slept with him "too soon"...like the **stard would have stuck around had you only waited that extra week...is really stupid. I mean honestly if we're talking about "you should have waited"...how long would have been long enough? A year? Six months? 3 months? Its irrelevant. You went on a feeling. Thats the best you can do, and while I understand that waiting gives you time to feel people out to see if they're going to be that way (and now you know how to spot them)...I also know that you can spend 20 years with someone you think you know, only to find out that you never really did.
Anyway, I'm done ranting. You're really pretty and intelligent, and you seem to have a heart to you, so don't sweat this guy. No matter what happened before, he has failed to meet your standards by failing to keep the lines of communication open with you, so while it may feel like he dumped you or something, really...he just made it easy on you. And now you're free to find someone who is truly up to par. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 2:03:48 PM |
Warning: Evil man-bashing rant ahead...and its a long one.
Nope, don't think sounded bad to me.
OP, I think you may have done what I seem to do, rebound. You meet someone new and they are real nice etc. etc. and the feelings you had for the last person seem to come out for the new one. Unfortunately with me, it is too soon and I end up scaring the guy off. At least I think I did that once again. Just am not good at just date mode, I want to do one date and be boyfriend and girlfriend...wish I knew how I could rewire my brain.
Good luck to you and sorry you have had a couple months of bad luck. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 2:25:44 PM | | I thinks he must be married? Wait after the divorce and hes all yours. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 2:58:42 PM | | Hi I have kinda been through the same thing. I think that men r sometimes just either looking for excitment or maybe he thought u were not interested in him.seeing that u ignored his e-mails. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 3:08:11 PM | | Thanx! for the kind words... I sure do need that today. Now I know I will never know what happened, he has removed me from his "favorites" list. LOL! Maybe he got smart and realized I could tell all the mermaids looking for their fish how he really is! Thanx everyone for making me feel better and knowing that it isn't all my fault. To all the men out there, be honest if we're not what you're looking for - it'll hurt less in long run and women will respect you more. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 3:27:14 PM | Its sooo time to move on. He didnt tell you that it wasnt working for him cuz that is really hard to do. Its hard to look at someone you think is fantastic and say "I'm just not into you long term...I dont see this going anywhere...your fantastic but I dont think this is a match".
I dont actually blame people for not saying anything...its HARD!! I know for me i dont want to hurt anyone's feelings and its really hard to convey that its just not a match...nothing personal...but its not a match on my end...but your still an awesome person...
It might sound harsh but get over it...move on..it is what it is. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 3:37:15 PM | | Sometimes after getting to know a woman better, you realize she's not the one. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 3:38:26 PM |
I think the state of Michigan is having a poll, who is more cursed, The Detroit Lions or myself
I'll vote for the Lions ,sweetie. If the opinion of the orneriest old bat in the history of the world means anything, I think you look just fine. Must be the women in your neck of the woods( and your age range) are blind or somethin'.
Back to the topic.
Men can't tell us because half the time I think THEY don't know.
OP, just shake it off and move on. C'est la vie, c'est la guerre...
Cindy O | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 4:21:04 PM | Lots of us women has had this to happen to them, and we dont have to play games it just comes naturaly with some men. Some Men is scared of being hurt by a woman, so they run before they begin to care to much. Some men has lived along for years ,after going throught a bad divorce until they don't want to go with a GOOD woman to long because they don't want to risk being hurt again. Most love the woman they were married to and if someone they love could do this to them they run before being hurt again. I've had some men tell me this. They don't stay around long because they don't want to be hurt either.
starlike | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 4:36:02 PM | | You made it sound like its only guys who do this. with the why do men and why cant men comments. GIRLS do it too and just as much here. i am of the opinion its the whole unpersonal / impersonal way of meeting and interacting. the scenarios as to why are numerous...1 he is married/attached...2 found someone else in the "real" world... 3 found someone else here to chat with/ meet in the real.. 4 found something he didnt like about you or your hopes and dreams.. 5 was lying the whole time and playing games.. 6 he died... 7 who really cares thats why this site is here to find someone, so look some more there is others out there. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 4:38:36 PM | he chased... you played... he conquered... he left..
age old story.
Next time don't sleep so fast till you KNOW.. | |
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Mulva
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Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 69 | |
| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 4:47:59 PM | Even if you think you know, you don't really know, you know?
It's always a gamble - sorry you got hurt
Try to date guys you don't like as much that way it won't really matter  | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 5:04:22 PM |
... but I would like to know why men just cut off all contact?
Probably for reasons similar to...
I ignored his emails.
Classy.
Why can't some men just put on their 'big boy' pants and be honest?
How insulting to men.
If I am not what you were looking for why can't you men be honest?
(In the vein of "An ignored email IS an honest answer!"...)
If a guy stops calling you, that IS being honest! He's no longer interested! Should be clear, simple and easy to understand!
Arlo | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 5:11:25 PM |
I wonder whether we'll even get any men to give us any answers as to why they do it.
SOME men do it. Please don't generalize.
In any event, it's no biggie. The OP said that she "ignored his emails" before she finally "gave in" to him; perhaps he took an "Oh, so you wanna play games, huh?" attitude to it, and didn't like being the PLAYEE, but wanted to be the PLAYER.
In any event, we only have the OP's side of the story. The majority of men don't break off contact on a lark, but for very good (to them) reasons. It's similar to ripping off a Band-Aid, as opposed to slowly peeling it off.
Arlo
(especially if there's a lot of hair underneath -- then it's just pure torture!)  | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 5:11:40 PM | | canam miles are you saying "pay backs are a ****?" If he went as far as having an intimate relationship with her, then in my opinion he at least owed her an explanation as to why he did not want to see her any more. People can be so cowardly when it comes to ending a relationship. It leaves unresolved issues. | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 5:22:17 PM | Emeraleyz... Hi!
Consider yourself LUCKY that he dawned his true color early on in the game!!!
The same damn thing happened to me.
It's very unfortunate that people HURT one another.
Do not be ASHAMED of your feelings.. you are only HUMAN with a SOUL!!!
You'll find him!
Take Care.
Dirty Girl | |
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| WHY DID HE STOP CALLING?
Posted: 1/24/2008 5:25:40 PM | | Hi, I completely get what you are saying....I just recently went through the exact same thing as you. It really hurt because after hearing time and again how he loved the way I am, I am a treasure, he feels so grateful to have found me...etc.....over and over again, you actually start to believe that this guy is for real. I waited 6 dates before I slept with him....probably not long enough and then after 6 weeks he stopped calling...so I guess this is a typical story. I have learned a valuable lesson in all of this, keep your legs crossed until you know that they are into you and not just your pants. Maybe it is the same guy........hmmm wouldn't that be the topper. Do the initials DMD mean anything to you? | |
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