| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/24/2008 2:41:37 PM | Dude,
Don't get down on yourself. The right one will come along. Put it this way, I have been on just about every damn dating website, Yahoo, Match, Fitness Singles, you name it. I also live in an area with more women than men. I am educated, in shape, and have a good job. You think it would be easy. You just have to kiss alot of frogs frankly. Your time will come. I haven't met the "one" yet, but when I get down about it, I just realize that we all have alot to offer somebody. She just has not found us yet! I have been told that it happens when you are least expecting it. Just exude confidence. Neediness reeks. You don't have to be a jerk, just carry yourself with confidence with the women you meet and have no expectations positive or negative. | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/24/2008 2:47:33 PM | Dont worry about it OP.................We are all doing the same wrong thing.........that is why we are all on here......some getting more and more bitter by the months...... Look for girls living near or around you....join groups, etc to meet people and dont stay on POF too long..... you are young and will get jaded............ | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/24/2008 2:53:25 PM | I'm not going to read through all the posts here and I'm REALLY shocked you have managed to keep this afloat for six days! I've had a number of REALLY GOOD threads that had no redundancy or personal attacks or whatnot get canned after a few hours lately with no clue as to why. But you asked for help, so I'm going to offer some insight!
Gut your profile. No wait, there's nothing in it TO gut! There is the problem. Most women like a guy who can talk about himself, and not about his exgirlfriends or his conquests or his weird collection of whatever. Find your strong points and focus on them. Tell a story. Tell a joke. Give some details about your life! Put some effort into it. You'll be surprised at the response you'll get. Women see two lines in your profile and think "he obviously doesn't care what I as a reader know about him so why should I contact him". Women contact men only 26% of the time it keeps telling me. So you really need to grab their attention. Also, get some pictures up there that show your face. And better yet, you are a carpenter. Women love a man that works with his hands almost as much as a man in uniform! Show some pictures of you at work, or at least in a toolbelt and hardhat! Tell them what you want in a woman, and what your goals are in life. They love aspirations. If I can help in any way you let me know dude. | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/24/2008 3:37:21 PM | I was going to say expand your profile (add something funny to it...even a stupid joke to make her smile)...put a clear face pic of you smiling...the dog is freaking awesome...and just relax...It'll happen.
Keep in mind too how many guy friends you have miss being single...there is a song that reminds me of this...
"You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins. The chorus:
You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
Basically my point is just enjoy this for a bit...go to mexico single...have fun 2 steppin with all the beautiful girls in the pub and sleep in on sundays having the whole bed to yourself...There are parts of this that are not half bad...and then when you first find that special girl (or she finds you)....listen to that song again...and keep in mind that your moving into dating...and should just enjoy that for a second...first kisses, holding hands...being nervous and all that stuff...I dont know...I guess i am one for not rushing things...enjoying the moment cuz it is what it is.
Enjoy and best wishes | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/24/2008 5:41:26 PM | | Thanks everyone for your help. I will take some more time on my profile. I just have no idea what to write. I don't want to talk about myself too much because then I sound vein. I do better talking in person or on the phone. Its hard for me just to dictate stuff onto a profile with no interaction. I is also hard to write about myself when I don't feel good about myself. I feel lonely,ugly and unwanted. | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:23:40 PM | ^^You know, that's always been my main problem on here. I really don't know what to write about myself. Anytime I start to go on about myself, I think I'm coming across as arrogant or full of myself.
Just thought I'd toss that in there. | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:28:38 PM | I think we can all relate to that....umm we all at some point said "this is stupid...i think i need to search online cuz i dont know anyone I would date and bars dont work for me"
Its honestly not a matter of not being attractive...its a matter of getting to a girl...there are lots of single hot guys on here in the same place as you...Your on equal ground here if you can just grab her attention...I dont usually do this but here is what you do...add a song/poem/quote whatever to your profile...something that will appeal to a girl...doesnt even matter what it is...just somthing that implies you have a sensitive side...
Post this in the about me part of your profile...right under what you already have...
"I guess its hard for me to say what I am looking for...but this song is what I want out of a relationship...
She's a yellow pair of running shoes
A holey pair of jeans
She looks great in cheap sunglasses
She looks great in anything
She's I want a piece of chocolate
Take me to a movie
She's I can't find a thing to wear
Now and then she's moody
She's a Saturn with a sunroof
With her brown hair a-blowing
She's a soft place to land
And a good feeling knowing
She's a warm conversation
That I wouldn't miss for nothing
She's a fighter when she's mad
And she's a lover when she's loving
[Chorus]
And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
I talk about her, I go on and on and on
'Cause she's everything to me
She's a Saturday out on the town
And a church girl on Sunday
She's a cross around her neck
And a cuss word 'cause its Monday
She's a bubble bath and candles
Baby come and kiss me
She's a one glass of wine
And she's feeling kinda tipsy
She's the giver I wish I could be
And the stealer of the covers
She's a picture in my wallet
Of my unborn children's mother
She's the hand that I'm holding
When I'm on my knees and praying
She's the answer to my prayer
And she's the song that I'm playing
[Repeat chorus]
She's the voice I love to hear
Someday when I'm ninety
She's that wooden rocking chair
I want rocking right beside me
Everyday that passes
I only love her more
Yeah, she's the one
That I'd lay down my own life for
And she's everything I ever wanted
And everything I need
She's everything to me
Yeah she's everything to me
-B.Paisley -She's everything
Cheers and contact me if you have any questions...I will respond to everyone"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ok so add that and if you see a girl you like ask her a question about her profile...
Where was that pic taken?
Really you like kiteboarding. I have never tried it, how did you start?
Great tattoo...can you tell me about it?
Wow 5 kids andf a drug addiction must be hard to balance...good thing you have no job right?
LOL obviously i am kidding....but you get my point...find one thing to ask about so she knows its not a letter you sent to 1000's of girls...
Ok trust me on this...it works...and for pete's sakes relax and have fun...girls can sense tension!! | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:30:30 PM | OP:
Just a run of bad luck, dude. The right girl will come along. One thing I noticed.
From your posts, it seems you're trying to fit who you are into some category or type for someone else to like. I know I'm not the best looking dude in the world, but the thing women always like about me is I don't care what another person thinks about me. | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:30:57 PM |
it is also hard to write about myself when I don't feel good about myself. I feel lonely,ugly and unwanted.
Ohhhh there ya go, first line on what you are doing wrong...
If you feel, and believe that way about yourself, the rest of the world is going to catch those vibes, and not argue with you...
Feeling lonely is NOT abnormal, but when you add it to don't feel good about, and unwanted...Then you have your problem..
So what do you do to correct this?
Jerry, Love comes from within, that is loving yourself whether you have someone in your life or not. If you learn what an actual awsome person you are, then others are going to want to get to know you too.
I for one look for a guy that has confidence in himself...Not an over bloated ego, but true confidence that says I know who I am, where I am going, and what I am doing to get there.
Gals like to know the kinds of things you enjoy doing. Not so much a shopping list of what you expect, or demand out of a potential partner, but a general idea on the type of gal you like.. Someone that loves the outdoors, has a witty sense of humor, like that.
It is so cliche' when someone writes, "I'm the nicest guy you will ever meet", or "I'm the greatest catch on here", these are hard to believe, and leaves people suspect of your whole profile.
It would seem that you need to work on your esteem, learn that being alone is not fatal, and that life is still pretty great even if you are single... Sure it seems like everyone else has someone wonderful, but when things are ugly, alone is soooo not all that bad...
One other question you have to ask your self... Do you want yourself? If you don't want yourself, why would others want you.
We don't have to be in the perfect place to have a partner... However it does help to up our own personal "emotional" real estate during the down times...
Good luck... | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:46:01 PM | Ok... here is my 2 cents worth.
First.... lose the sunglasses. Women like to see what you actually look like. The pictures you have up are great as alternate pictures but use one that shows your face clearly.... one they can see your eyes in.
If you keep looking so hard you are probably not going to find what you are looking for. You have to broaden your search a little and consider going to events. Lorimac and I never came up on each other's match list. If we relied strickly on this site to find each other it never would have happened. I was on only a month or two after she joined and in all that time we never crossed paths online.
From a guy's point of view, it is not about your looks or personality, however your profile doesn't really show much of either. Just relax, take your time and the right one will come along soon enough. | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/24/2008 9:52:02 PM | | They arn't sunglasses they are my RX glasses that tint automaticlly. I have to where these type of glasses due to tollerance of light. I expanded my profile a little, but I do have to get out of my own head to write more. I have tried to do stuff to make me feel better about myself like new cloths and I just got a hair cut, but then I get stood up, or rejected in some way, or the famous your a good friend but thats all. I see girls in town I like and would like to take out but I don't even know how to go about it anymore. Its like someone took my edge that little glimmer of confidance that helped me in those situations. | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/25/2008 5:20:13 AM | Quote;"Sorry..Like the other guy I just needed to vent. DATING stinks..whew..I feel better"
don't worry about dating ~ you are chasing the wrong rainbow.
You make yourself known and you get to know others without the process of "dating"
Lets call it "gathering" ~ the process of dating strangers does suck
figure out another way ~ in. ~ don't date strangers ~ know something about them first.
Invest the time to know something about them first ~ If you or they don't have to time to do this ~ your not going anywhere anyway. Just fanning the air. ` wasted movement.
Lonely , ugly and unwanted ? ~ thats a self image thing ~ I've told you how to address that already. The world reflects back what you send out.
~dar | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/25/2008 5:35:03 AM | Women aren't attracted to the "nice guy" that your mom raised you to be. Those guys are the ones that end up being "just friends" and get walked all over.
What you need is to learn what it is that causes that "spark" in a woman that makes her look at you as a man, and not as a "nice guy that will make a great friend".
There's a lot of good material out there that will help - spend some time on google and see what you find :) | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:22:53 AM | Little advice guys.
Put a picture up that actually shows your face. You know - a close-up. Smile. You don't get looked at if you can't be seen. | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:48:04 AM | jerrybuilt, another suggestion if you are having trouble writing this is to find a female friend or a sister or something and ask them to help you write it. And the reason you are being stood up and rejected and being lumped into the friend category is you a nice guy with little confidence, low self-worth and little love for himself. You need to accept all of those things and then work to fix them before you can look at dating seriously. Women love a man with confidence. Not arrogance. A little arrogance can be beneficial if it's funny. But while confident you also need to remain humble and modest. Funny that I suggest this but I just finished an argument last night against this guy and now I'm going to recommend him to you! LOL His name is David Deangelo. He's an internet marketing genius and his products focus solely on creating attraction in women and how to approach, talk to, and win over any woman you want. Obviously the material is only as good as the person absorbing and applying it but it may be something for you to look into. He has a free newsletter that I unfortunately receive on a daily basis. I tried and get off the list and I have no luck. But I've read through a number of his letters and find the information just common sense but for me it's hindsight because I am confident. If I wasn't I would be blown away by the things he teaches. So google his name and if you don't have any luck you can email me and I'll forward you an email of his. He has a number of ebooks as well that focus on different areas. The thing is you don't have to lose the nice guy touch. You just have to become the good guy. You can be confident and somewhat**** while remaining true to your morals and values, and still be a good guy. I'm not an overly attractive guy and I don't have a beach body but I have confidence and I can carry a conversation and for that I do well in the dating department. Look this guy up. I think you'd benefit from him.
And sometimes you just need to man up and force yourself into situations. When I first ended my marriage I'd never really dated. Ever. In high school I always seemed to have a girlfriend but it was like I ended one and there was another ready to take her place. But I was a little nervous as to not having done it ever really but I would force myself to approach women. Be it in a grocery store or a bar/lounge. When you make eye contact and the nerves in you are telling you to break eye contact or make it seem like you aren't looking RIGHT at her you need to fight that and just keep gazing at her and smile or wink or nod or make a funny face and get her to laugh. If you can make her laugh you are in 80% of the time. But once you are in you have to find a way to stay in bc you can blow it in a heartbeat with something you either say or do. Men are much more forgiving when it comes to the initial courting and dating process! LOL | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:56:53 AM | I hate to sound mysterious, but no one here is going to be much help to you including myself. However, I'll try.
When a man and woman meet, certain impressions are immediately formed. Those things can't be seen or determined by just looking at a profile on POF. However, if you expect to meet women on the Internet, you'll need to make some sort of impression that will be attractive to the kind of woman you want to meet. Perhaps, you should first decide exactly what kind of woman you desire?
After looking at yours, I come away with a vague uneasy feeling about just who you are. For one thing, I can't see your face very clearly. A good face or head shot would be very helpful (BTW, my profile also doesn't have a good face shot - a major flaw).
Also, I suppose that fishing is a wonderful activity being out on the water and the sunshine and all that, but it's a very masculine activity. In my opinion, your profile would be more appealing to a man than a woman. Maybe a good one if you're looking for a buddy to go fishing with.
I lived in Florida for many years, and I had numerous friends who liked to fish. Many of them had boats. Some were single and others married. I sometimes joined them on their boats on stayed ashore when they went fishing in shallow water. I can never remember their women coming along to join us. What I'm saying is I don't think fishing is a very interesting activity for most women, but then again, this might be one of your requirements in a lady?
Your profile is a little thin on exactly who you are. It doesn't really say much about you. Perhaps you could pump it up a bit? You might even consult with some of your friends and ask them for some feedback. They might have some suggestions that might be helpful. Often times others see us better than we see ourselves.
Finally, when you do meet women, don't place your expectations too high. You might be very disappointed if you do. The only thing you can do is present yourself the best way you know how, and each meeting is a learning experience in itself. We all seek the magic connection that makes the early stages of a relationship possible. In that regard, no one has any worthwhile advice in that area.
Ciao,
The Eagle | |
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MNM08
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Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 44 | |
| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:07:00 AM | | I am suffering through the same thing, I wonder if I am cursed. I guess we just have to hang in there, but man doesn't get frustrating?? | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:18:13 AM | | boy do i know what you mean. i have been single all my life and i am so sick of dating it makes me want to puke. but if you are to ever meet someone you have to do it. i would love to have a meaningful relationship with someone. but all i find are men trying to get in my pants. what a drag. so i understand exactly where you are coming from. i wish you lived by me i would like to get to know you. | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:37:37 AM |
boy do i know what you mean. i have been single all my life and i am so sick of dating it makes me want to puke. but if you are to ever meet someone you have to do it. i would love to have a meaningful relationship with someone. but all i find are men trying to get in my pants. what a drag. so i understand exactly where you are coming from. i wish you lived by me i would like to get to know you.
You've got to be kidding! You put up a picture like that and don't expect men to want to get into your pants? Exactly what are your motives for posting a pic like that?
I supposed to believe you're so disingenuous and naive that certainly any man would want to get to know your for the lovely person you truly are rather than a roll in the hay? Give me a break.
Ciao,
The Eagle | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:40:25 AM | This is what you are doing wrong:
Interests Anything out side
About MeLooking for someone simple. Not into the big show. I am a easy to read easy to please kind of guy. I enjoy the simple things in life. I like country music, 80's tv, and I am a major gear head. I am sensitive and caring. I hate filling these things out because in makes me feel so vein. If you like to kick back have a beer and watch the sunset with me and my dog while listing to the radio I am your guy.
**************
Are you by any chance "the guy who owns the boat"?
If so, thats why you have "so many friends" but no girlfriend.
P.S.
Run spellcheck. | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:41:00 AM | Eagle Eric,
I wouldn't saying fishing is a turn off. I know a lot of women who love to fish...
HOWEVER , I do agree that a nice close up would be a great idea and benefit to spicing up the interest. Hard to be interested in someone that does have tinted RX glasses, eyes are the windows to the soul.
I also agree on not placing high expectations, however that doesn't mean show up to coffee ho hum, this is just another waste of time...
By the way, to the guy who said women DON'T want a nice guy...That is not true at all... Women LIKE nice guys, however they want a guy that is CONFIDENT in himself... Likes who he is, and knows where he wants to go.
There is NOTHING wrong with being friends with a gal either, SHE has other friends that might be perfect...(wow the old fashion way of meeting someone, what a novel idea) | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/25/2008 8:00:24 AM | I agree with sucks2besingle. Overall you need better pics. Sadly most people will not even acknowledge you if you don't have pic's. Your's are so far away you could be anyone. You need one as good as the one of your cute dog!
Best wishes. | |
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| What am I doing wrong
Posted: 1/25/2008 8:39:05 AM | | Nexthyme, I think you were talking about my comments. If so I maybe should have been clearer. By nice guy I meant the pushover with no opinion or decision-making process of his own. The guy that can't form an opinion of what he wants on his pizza and is willing to let you pick every detail about everything. The ones that apologize for nothing and everything and all that stuff in between. Apologize when necessary, not whenever you open your mouth! I was this guy for a few years during my marriage. I hated that guy! LOL OP you seem like a nice guy and there's a difference between being easy going and open minded and being so open minded your brain wants to fall out whenever you smile! ={) But I suppose there is someone out there for everyone, and very likely there are some that do like a man who is a pushover. If this is you then hopefully either they find you/you find them, or you decide to beef up. | |
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