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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 1/24/2008 8:31:20 PM | What's with women and ATM's? Hmmmmmm...
MALE vs. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts."
"After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
************* MALE PROCEDURE****************
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
***************** FEMALE PROCEDURE *****************
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse & back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register, place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone .
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake. | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 1/24/2008 9:18:22 PM | Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAÏVE
Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the Jags and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the Bucs, what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?
At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells... THEIRS? | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 1/25/2008 2:04:39 PM | An 80 year old couple were sitting on the couch watching a movie. The wife says to the husband, "Do you want to go upstairs and have sex ?"
The thing that makes me go hmmmmm, is if the husband could actually do both.  | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 1/25/2008 3:20:57 PM | How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Taxes?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss
America? | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 1/25/2008 4:09:52 PM |
How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?
Assassination is when someone is hired (generally a professional) to kill someone, in that case while the assassin murdered the target, since it was professional (albeit only based on the person was paid) the victim was assassinated...
Whereas if for example SarcasticSmileygirl (hereon referred to as KittFu__) runs up to someone, whips out her shank and kills them, for... oh for example because they were wearing terribly bad shoes, then she only murdered them.
--Serenity | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 1/25/2008 4:19:06 PM |
Whereas if for example SarcasticSmileygirl (hereon referred to as KittFu__) runs up to someone, whips out her shank and kills them, for... oh for example because they were wearing terribly bad shoes, then she only murdered them.
OK but really....it's important for people to wear awesome shoes. It makes the world a better place!
And ok....I probably wouldn't hesitate to shank someone, if I thought they were a f*cktard. | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 1/25/2008 5:17:22 PM |
OK but really....it's important for people to wear awesome shoes. It makes the world a better place!
Ok, but only if I can wear white socks with them.
And ok....I probably wouldn't hesitate to shank someone, if I thought they were a f*cktard.
There's a joke in there somewhere. Guess this cold is slowing me down a bit. | |
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