| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 2/28/2008 11:03:18 AM | Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?
So when Stevie Wonder's limo driver stops and rolls his window down, Mr. Wonder can truly feel his moolah! Geez, everyone knows that one, limo driver told me. | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 2/29/2008 7:27:44 PM |
Hmmmm.....I could never understand women and their shoe collections...
Don't even try. You'll never understand and there is a huge risk of inducing insanity (or even amentia) during the attempt.
Of course, no one seems to understand my navel lint collection...
Ah, I see my warning is too late.  | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/2/2008 10:37:21 PM | There are words or descriptions of things that make me go Hmmmmm
Lake Titicaca … what were those people thinking when they named that lake.
Oximoron … what did you call me?
Klondike Bar … is that a bar for lesbian sientists?
Dick VanDyke … a byprduct from those lebian sientists? 
Cumquat … I won’t eat that ... it soudns nasty. | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/3/2008 10:10:04 AM | Why does Donald Duck walk around in a shirt and no pants, but when he gets out of the shower he wears nothing but a towel around his waist?
Why do the muppets practice inter-species dating and no one seems to care.? Hell Gonzo has a penis nose and rapes chickens and my folks let me watch this stuff growing up! | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/4/2008 2:20:25 AM | can you imagine working for a company that has a little more
than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal a buse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.
The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to
keep the rest of us in line. | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/7/2008 3:07:54 PM | Some words of wisdom from Larry the Cable Guy...
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. That's the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'
22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow. | |
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GEQT
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Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 135 | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/7/2008 6:15:35 PM | The man knows his math!
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver, who cut
right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the
shoulder to avoid hitting her.
This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out is
window and gave the woman the finger.
" Man, that guy is foolish," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile
nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:
I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.
That's 96 miles each day.
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.
Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an eight-lane highway.
There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.
That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I
pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.
Statistically, females drive half of these.
That's 18,000 women drivers!
In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.
That's 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying
or unrewarding.
That's 449.
According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have
seriously considered suicide or homicide.
That's 98.
And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.
That's 33.
According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.
Give her the finger? I don't think so. | |
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GEQT
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Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 137 | |
| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/7/2008 7:48:55 PM | Wow someone's done their homework... let's see... I am pms'ing, I do have a lousy love life and men are one of my biggest problems lately...
Fortunately I haven't considered homicide in years and I don't carry a gun...
only 3 out of 5... I guess if you gave me the finger it would be your lucky day. | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/7/2008 8:49:48 PM | You know you are a cop if...
1) You have the bladder capacity of five people.
2) You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
3) You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air.
4) Your idea of a good time is a 'man with a gun' call.
5) You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you.
6) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills.
7) You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
8) You have your weekends off planned for a year.
9) You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.
10) You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it's located.
11) You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: 'Suicide... getting it right the first time.'
12) You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.
13) You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
14) You believe anyone who says, 'I only had two beers' is going to blow more than a .15
15) You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
16) Anyone has ever said to you, 'There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me.'
17) People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places... and you know where it's located.
18) You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body.
19) You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession.
20) You walk into places and people think its high comedy to grab their buddy and shout, 'They've come to get you, Bill.'
21) You do not see daylight from November until May.
22) People shout, 'I didn't do it!' when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original.
23) A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks, and 5 pairs of underwear.
24) You've ever referred to Tuesday as 'my weekend', or 'this is my Friday'.
25) You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction.
26) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, 'Boy, it sure is quiet tonight.'
27) Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.
28) You find humor in other people's stupidity.
29) You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten.
30) You feel good when you hear 'these handcuffs are too tight'. | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:46:42 PM | | It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/29/2008 12:10:40 AM | 30 Chuck Norris Facts
1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
2. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
3. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
4. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
5. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
6. Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
7. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
8. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
9. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
10. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
11. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
12. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
13. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
14. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
15. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
16. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
17. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
18. Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
19. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
20. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
21. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
22. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
23. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
24. Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
25. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship
26. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People
27. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
28. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
29. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
30. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. | |
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GEQT
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Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 143 | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/29/2008 9:24:38 AM | Why was there only one female Smurf? Smurfet?
Why was Papa Smurf the only old Smurf?
Where did the baby Smurfs come from?
(They had the new Smurf movie playing in the break room at work today.) - GrnEyedQT
#1) I seem to remember another female Smurf, with red hair. But I can't recall her name. I'll have to go digging through
my 400+ DVD collection & get back to you on that one.
#2) He wasn't, don't you remember Grandpa Smurf? But then again, why was there only 2, both males & no Mama Smurf?
Now, that's a good question!
#3) I have no idea.
#4) They have a new Smurf movie out? OMG! I never heard about that! I've gotta find a copy! | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/29/2008 10:44:41 AM | Did you guys really watch Smurfs? Now THAT is making me go hmmm....
Actually? No, I did not. I recently heard a story about them on NPR and that inspired me to look up the information. Never did care for those little blue buggers.
For the curious:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Characters_in_the_Smurfs
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/29/2008 11:21:55 AM | Guilty! I remember waaaaay too much about 80's T.V., especially cartoons.
<----knows all the words to Super Chicken *sigh*
What's wrong with Super Chicken? Should I feel guilty about still liking Rocky and Bullwinkle too?
For those that don't know the words:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FKss2pBYQ6Y | |
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| Things that make you go Hmmmmm....or the Andy Rooney thread !
Posted: 3/29/2008 12:58:08 PM | BEING guilty and FEELING guilty about wasting much of one's youth(?) watching the boob-tube are hardly the same thing.
Guilt is for suckers! Unless, of course, you run over a small child, or something.
Cartoons taught me that.
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