| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 4:03:15 AM | Boomstrike, you wrote:
I love the posts about people comfortable dating up or equal, but not down. If you're dating up, that would mean your partner is dating down. It's OK to expect this from someone else, but not yourself.
I guess its not for us to decide if its OK for people to date up. That's why they say all is fair in love and war. For some of us there just are not many single men with equal or higher income available. Or DUE to their income the men are attracting women who want to date up and who are 20 years younger. I'm willing to date equal or moderately down but I want someone to travel, and do things with in life and I don't want to have pay their way. So its hard because you must find someone your attracted to, someone who likes the same activities, AND someone who can afford the same activities. | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 27 | |
| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 4:12:58 AM | Acttwo:
I agree with you. One of the contributing factors of me not marrying someone once was THEIR spending habits, and the debt they acquired for themselves while we were together, and no, the debt wasn't acquired buying me nice things, it was all for HIM, etc...when he finally walked out the door, I was actually happy, for his debt went with him :) | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 4:57:35 AM | Cobalt,
Money, is it the root of all evil as some say?
I know many that are rich and exclusive, some are happy, some are not.
A person can be wealthy, meaning happy or rich.
Many persons, man or woman, have acquired money and property through hard work while others p--ss their funds away.
Love has no boundaries girl, don't be afraid to date someone that is fashionable or rich, irregardless.
Many call women, gold diggers or high maintanence that only search out men with money, some only seek out men for looks, how shallow. Most men know who and what those women are all about.
The same can be said about men though who play that game, ? love um and leave um.
Sooooo, the bottom line, if a good looking exclusive wealthy man wants you, why stand off, he may be your knight in shining armor, let alone, he may realize that you do not love his money, he may realize that you love and care for him.
Thats what its all about, isn't it?
John | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:00:40 AM | | I think money is important only to the extent of where you want to go in life. I eventually want to buy a house, have a dog or two, some land out in the country, woods, etc... IF someone isn't financially responsible, I don't think I would want to get too serious with them. On the other hand, if they were filthy rich, I'd feel intimidated as well. I think there is a happy medium out there. | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:32:05 AM | the only finances I care about EVER....are my own!
It is none of my buisness what anyone else has, I didnt work for it so it isnt mine.
I am not intimidated by wealthy people....at face value they are just like all the rest of us. Thier flatulence still stinks!!
I treat people the way, I in return would like to be treated..It isnt about money..its about being a human | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:39:12 AM | A woman's financial sitution is important - to a degree. There are certainly more important issues than money - attraction, trust, responsibility... the list goes on and on.
I was dating a woman for almost eight years. We never once fought about money issues - never. Once she left me though, it seems like that's all she wanted to fight about. Of course, the lawyers didn't help much. I always told her we were above all that BS. I guess I was wrong.
Three years later, I still don't get it. At this point, it's fair to say that I never will. | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:41:11 AM | I think finances are something I would consider only when the prospect of a serious relationship was on the table. I think it is useful when dating to ask yourself is this person really suited for me and where I am in my life (and am I suited to them). But, I don't think for me it would be a massively important question unless I had some very substantial assets to worry about, but these can be handled by a binding financial agreement or pre-nuptial agreement.
It is a different matter if someone turns out to have problems with controlling their spending, treating you like a bank account or credit card with no limits, merely seeing you not as a person but a resource to augment themselves, or they have something like a gambling or drug habit. If someone is doing education and on a very low income, or has been made poor from events not of their making, that calls for reasonable consideration. I've had some bad experiences in the past in this regard so it is important to me anyone I have a relationship with sees more to me than just my wallet. While finances are important in life, and wealth made from decent industry and prudence on someone's own part is a good thing, money and wealth and fame do not make a person intrinsically good morally or spiritually or emotionally and they can easily corrupt. Some of the worst crimes in the history of mankind are done either by those with immense power or immense wealth.
A person's moral integrity, compassion, sense of justice and right, motivation to become a better person and learn new things, and capacity to forgive and love are just as important, if not more so, than their ability to progress in career and earn high incomes. Socrates and the Buddha were not mega-rich, and neither was Einstein or William Blake.
Greed and avarice are wretched vices and they tear apart human love, trust and relationships from the lowest to the highest levels in society and drain us of compassion towards those with less than we have. If someone shows these vices in the dating scene I avoid them by a mile. | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 6:54:49 AM |
I just want to find a regular, nice guy to be a partner..not someone well off financally. I find it intimidating if someone has tons of money. I do not lead a jet set life style..so I couldn't afford to spend time at country clubs, fancy restaurants, expensive vacations etc. I tend to be turned off by profiles/ppl that seem to be really high maintenance. ... This also gets me thinking in terms of looks as well. I sometimes also think that some guys look outta my league-or too pretty!
Lifestyle is the issue that attracts or repels in this case. The Beverly Hillbillies had lots of money, but how many would say that Jethro Bodine is a step up?
The same goes for looks. If our comfort zone is to have a man whom we know will be faithful, then that's what we want. We choose a lifestyle of fidelity.
Since women know that "out of their league" good-looking men will be frequently hit on, many will avoid them out of fear of the man's "weakness." (It's not weakness. It is a choice.) If it were possible to know that a certain "out-of-our-league" good-looking man would always be faithful, would we still avoid him? | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:04:31 AM | This has been my experience, so it doesn't necessarily reflect the rest of the female population. Most women I went out with did not care about your financial background, but with that said, they were very much an equal in terms of financial stability. That means, they had their own house, a decent car, disposable cash to take trips or go out to eat at good restaurants. However, I did go out with some women, who's ex had a Ferrari, or a big sailboat, or ran some company. Those relationships did not take either, some, because they were indeed very materialistic, and in others, for instance, this lady wanted to take off to Majorca and do a two week triathlon training camp.
I think more important than money, is education. If the woman has a college education, even if she didn't finish with a degree, but has at least 3 years of college, her whole attitude on life and the people she likes to be with is different than one that all she has done is wait tables at the Waffle House. Nothing wrong with any job but you tend to surround yourself with people with likewise views. | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:06:10 AM | | I believe some things that way Op. I believe sometimes when a partner has options they may not know how to handle it. They may make gestures like if you do such an such I will leave you. But I learned that that does not necesarily apply to just someone who is attractive or has lots of finances. I'd pay for a modest first date but I don't want anything serious right now. So I believe in that scenerio both the guy and the women should be able to pull their own weight. And treat each other. When you like a person you are going to know the right things to do and say to keep the relationship if you really want it. | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:17:01 AM | I think a lot of men feal the same way I look at someone atractive to me and sometimes pass them up because scared of that delete button | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:21:42 AM | CobaltBlu you are not alone in being slightly concerned about keeping up when it comes to finances.
I'm 28 and have only been in the working world for four years, but thanks to my generally simple and balanced lifestyle (don't drink, smoke, gamble or covet expensive things), I'm currently ahead of the game in savings & investments compared to my friends (provided they don't have kick-a$$ six figure salaries... **stards... )
While I'm personally wealthy for MY tastes and level of financial responsibility, I would be wary about dating someone far more established than myself for simple fear of being unable/unwilling to keep up: I don't feel the need to jet-set to foreign exotic places quarterly - sure I can afford it right now, but I'd rather put that money to work towards my early retirement plan & mortgage. 
So like other posters have said here: I'm not looking to date up and be someone's Cabana-boy, or date down and be someone's meal-ticket, I'm just looking for someone that also works, lives alone and is financially stable & self-sufficient, whatever level that may be.  | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 8:34:28 AM | If you're aguy, you probably care about your own finances, not hers.
If you're a girl, you definitely care about his finances VERY MUCH. | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:28:42 PM | ^^^ Silver's cheap.
If you tried to lure wimminz with silvr that wun't wurk... xcept for real dum ones, that dunno that.
Perhaps we should develop a typology of wimminz folk:
1. Gold Digger
2. Diamond Seeker
3. Platinum Herder
4. Cash Whore
Anything else that we need to add? Guys? And, by guys I mean only those guys who cannot resist any chance to spit crap about wimminz folk...
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:29:52 PM | Yes.
My own.
I know what resources I've available. I know what reserves I'm comfortable with.
If the particulars of any given day/week/month dictate a taqueria instead of a steakhouse or a dvd instead of a first run play, then that's what I offer. If she whines, I'll explain my position; the fact that I needed to will color the relationship.
I admit I'm not a very gracious guest. I prefer to pay and find it uncomfortable to be the "treatee". | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:32:54 PM | I never like to see "Fine Dining" and "Travel" on a woman's profile!
If your happy and content with your life's circumstances, you don't
need those things! I'm as happy being where I am, as going anywhere
else! Many people have a false notion that money can buy happiness.
It's probably more accurate to say that money can't take away your
unhappiness. Happiness is often found in life's simple and free
experiences! | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:34:55 PM | I just looked at your profile, and don't ever cut yourself short by thinking someone is out of your league, or too pretty ! Your a very attractive lady, very sexy looking, and seem to have a great personality ! Your top shelf sweetie :) If we lived closer, I would be at your doorstep handing flowers to you !
Hawk | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:37:20 PM |
Anything else that we need to add?
I would be happy with a pretty rock picker upper. I'm not gold, diamonds or any other precious stone or metal and I never will be. | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:43:42 PM | I definitely think that being financially secure is attractive. I did NOT say rich. I admire people who are not in debt, except for say their home and vehicle. Living within your means takes self-control, and that is a very admirable trait.
Having extra money to do as you like is nice, and while I am not a materialistic person, I am glad that my guy is conscious about his finances and can afford the simple niceties in life without using plastic. YES, I do contribute to the relationship, but in different ways. I cook for him, buy him things as he is so NOT a shopper, and I do not demand to go everywhere and spend, spend, spend. Also, he does most of the driving in our LD relationship, and I am very appreciative of that. Once he arrives, I usually drive around town, etc.
When dating, I found it uncomfortable when guys spent a good bit on a date. I would feel so awful if he would use a credit card for dinner, events, etc. I know that some people use plastic for various reasons, but I would never want to be the cause of someone chalking up debt. I would rather pack a picnic and go to the park than do that. My treat! LOL | |
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msiltd
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Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 48 | |
| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:44:24 PM | Know a guy that married way up at 55. They travel all over the world, live in one of her houses, bought him a screaming BMW motorcycle. He treats her like a queen and they are very happy. Looks good from here. Only ever experienced the other way around.
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 1:55:51 PM | I married up and my wife claimed to be happy to marry a lowly factory worker but it became clear that she wasn't. Some of her pushing was a good thing but the problem was that as I made more money she spent more money and we kept sinking deeper into debt. I went from not having a single debt in the world to being over $150,000 in debt in a matter of months.
As a result I really want a woman with simple and cheap tastes. | |
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| Do you care about finances when dating?
Posted: 1/25/2008 2:16:48 PM | I don't care about a man's finances when dating because it is none of my business what he does with his money. I prefer to date someone who is reasonably responsible but not cheap. By that I mean that he would like to go to the type of places I do, and not be dashing plans because he thinks a restaurant or activity is too expensive - meaning that he doesn't even want to pay his own way. I have no problem paying my way for any date that is my idea, or taking turns with who pays. I don't want to date someone that lets me pay all the time, and I wouldn't date a guy and let him pay all the time either. And if a guy thinks a restaurant I suggest is too expensive, he really is cheap, because I'm pretty cheap myself out of habit, and I usually don't expect to spend more than $20 at most for a meal and drink for myself. I don't expect to be going out to $8-10 a ticket movies (plus $7 popcorn) every week either, so overall I think I'm a pretty cheap person to date.
If I'm dating someone and realize that his spending habits are way different than mine, either because he's too cheap or because he spends more than it seems he can afford, I'd have doubts about forming a lasting relationship, as we would be incompatible.
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