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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/26/2008 2:14:28 PM | | MariaLyn, just coming here and asking everyone seems to say that inside your heart you already know the answer. You are not being possessive in anyway...you are being a smart girl. You are young....plenty of other fish out in the seas :) | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/26/2008 2:17:20 PM | | Not a good sign luv, you are smart to question why they are talking all of a sudden especially after 3 years. You are NOT over reacting, you are being a human being! It's totally not exceptabe for them to be talking, at all, not to mention 3 hours. | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/26/2008 2:19:24 PM | ~OP~ In case it has eluded you ~ you've entered the the "Kingdom of No One Is Honest." Seriously ~ I have ex's that are friends and good friends even. I make it clear when I date that it's fact, it's out in the open, and no man will stop me or come between me and my past. PERIOD. I have not had a break up in my life worth forgetting the better times in that relationship and it's dreadfully sad that people feel such anger when something ends. Things end. It doesn't mean anything other than it's over and parties are moving on.
On the other hand, if you are 19, he was dating a minor for a long time before you became legal and that in and of itself tells me he's either a tad immature for his actual age, or he wanted something he shouldn't have been messing with ~ regardless, that time has passed and you are now a couple and the ONLY person who can answer your question or put your mind at ease is HIM. If he truly is ONLY her friend, invite her over for dinner, get to know her with him there and if one or both decline that offer ~ I'd likely be finding someone closer to my own age who doesn't have an April popping up. As for her drug issues ~ that isn't appropriate to discuss ~ it's her business and most likely a one-sided version. It's likely he was right there next to her indulging as well ~ it usually works that way. No matter what you decide ~ it's HIM you need to be talking to. JMO  | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/26/2008 2:34:20 PM | Thanks for your input everyone. I have been trying to talk to him all day about what happened. He says he doesnt want to think about it. And he said, the next time you bring up her name, you can move out. He said he is getting tired of our relationship. And not once has he ever said this until today.  | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/26/2008 2:35:05 PM | Ok, forgive me for not reading all the posts, but I will stop at this one for a quick comment...
My boyfriend has not spoken to his ex girlfriend since they broke up.
Which is well over 3 and a half years ago.
And then all of a sudden there talking for hours on end.
1) You said they talked for two hours, so where do you get that they are talking for hours on end ?
2) You also said he has not spoken to his ex since they broke up. How do you know this, for sure !
3) You have been DATING for 2 1/2 years ! Sounds like this relationship has hit its peak, and now he has decided that the old stuff is better than the current stuff.
In my old, old opinion, there are a lot of serious problems in this relationship. You are now 19, so you were sixteen when you met him(?) and he is eight years older?
His ex is a crack whore ???
REALLY ! This doesn't say much about this man's maturity, or his ability to make good and reasonable decisions.
What do you think you should do ???
ps.. I don't think the crack-whore is the problem here. | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/26/2008 3:24:32 PM | | Yes I was 16 when I first met him. And right now I have no idea what to do. I have told myself a few times before that our relationship wasnt working. And that we can't move our relationship to the next level. But it seems as if everytime I follow through with the leaving part, I end up back here. Or he says hes sorry for doing something and Im right where I left off. I think maybe it is time to just cut off all ties with him and for us to go our separate ways. We need to figure out what is best for one another. | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/26/2008 7:28:20 PM |
We need to figure out what is best for one another.
I have a daughter who will soon be twenty. And over the years I have met many many women, a few I even dated and had a couple of relationships. There has always been one consistent curiousity.
Many women take responsibility for their partner, and usually these same women, sacrifice their own needs and their own identity, for the sake of the 'relationship'.
What I have tried to instill in my daughter's attitude, is she should be looking out for herself, and she should be sure to let other adults be responsible for themselves.
So far, I am very proud of her. She is very independant, and yet she is very social, community minded and productive. I could write a page-long list of her 'accomplishments.'
Do what is best for you. Let him decide what is best for him.
If you are not getting what you need, and if you are not getting the respect and caring you deserve, then you can make a change. You do not have to make it good for him.
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/26/2008 10:15:29 PM |
April who he claims is an old friend, is actually his ex girlfriend! He talked to her for 2 hours! 2 hours. Good lord. When they were dating, which was for 4 years, he bought her fake boobs and gave her a mustang.
sounds to me like he wants to clear up the tab on that pony car and fake boobs. | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/26/2008 10:17:30 PM | | well based on your last post I think you have your answer, seems he's being nasty to try to get you to end things that way he's not the bad guy etc, way I see it , there is no need to be buddy buddy with an ex ,and talking for 2 + hours then griefing you when you ask him about it, *is* cause for concern (whether or not they are doing anything isn't the point, his lack of respect for you *is* the point) | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/26/2008 10:39:12 PM | Ruckus123 said it plain and clear, "the best way to hide something is out in the open".
After you posted, "he doesn't want to think about it", "next time you bring up her name, you can move out","getting tired of the relationship". Sweetie it is over for him. Chances are this isn't the first time he's talked with her either.
Move on, ZERO contact is the only way. Your young and strong, better men are waiting.
Best wishes. | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/27/2008 12:20:11 AM |
Ok. So my friend Lindsey and I go out to play pool and grab some dinner. When I get home, my boyfriend is sitting on the couch on the computer. I ask him what he did when I was gone and he says "oh, I talked to my friend April on the phone for 2 hours!" Now mind you, April who he claims is an old friend, is actually his ex girlfriend! He talked to her for 2 hours! 2 hours. Good lord. When they were dating, which was for 4 years, he bought her fake boobs and gave her a mustang. And they broke up because she was a fuc**** coke whore. GRRR!! Tell me why all of a sudden they are talking on myspace and calling each other. I don't know if I am over reacting or if this is something I should worry about. I just don't understand why after 3 years of not talking to one another they all of a sudden are buddy buddy. Please give me your insight. It would be greatly appreciated!
Maria
Maria, you need to ask yourself a very simple question, though the answer may not be easy. Can you trust your, boyfriend? No one can help you with this question because we simply don't know you or your boyfriend well enough. You already know the answer to this question but you have to look deep into yourself to find that answer. You need to look past your wants, needs, fears and suspicions, and uncover the answer that your heart already knows. If the answer is 'yes' then forget about the ex-girlfriend. It's not unheard of for ex's to be friends after a breakup, sometimes even better friends. Even with fuc**** coke whores. If the answer is 'no' then you also know that your decision is already made, you just have to implement it. I know this probably didn't help very much but really can you expect this site to make your choices for you? | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/27/2008 12:29:38 AM | | hey OP... maybe there is more to the story... he could have said that just to get a rise out of you... maybe he feels that you are becoming to detached or moving back in your comfort zone... that's a big no-no and he may just be proding you out of it... nothing to respice a relationship like a little jeliousy | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/27/2008 12:34:49 AM | | ok... just saw your other one... but if he's been honost about the calls and talking to her there is a leat some trust there... don't take it as signs he's going to cheat or anything... talk to him about how you feel... dispite the rumors guys talking to exs doesn't mean he wants to **** her... perhaps in a moment of weakness he sent her a message and perhaps he was lonely with you gone and when she called they had 3 years of catching up to do... I talked to an old ex the other night for almost three hours... I hadn't seen her in years and years... she's married and doing pretty well... so find out the whole story and remember that he hasn't broken the trust yet... so don't get to mad | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/27/2008 12:35:52 AM | | well I would just ask him outright,, if he had any respect for you and your feelings ,he would move on and forget thew ex, especially if you have been with him for over two years, which actually means you were 17 when you met,,, thats too young girlll get out there and have a life,,, your only here once | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/27/2008 1:21:12 AM | Dear I have reviewed the thread and your profile too.
Here is what I fear. All suggests the worst scenerio is that you started to play big girl at a very early age running with a pretty fast fellow. You did not just accidentally fall in with bad company either. The photos you post are neither of a young lady nor someone thinking that they would attract others for platonic friendships.
Now dear the heat is on and it could be so much worse as you could be out in the cold with nowhere to go to live, at least immediately. I sure hope that for your sake your folks still have an open invitation to you.
The best advice "Slow down! You have plenty of time to become a grown up with all the responsibilities and stresses too for up to 80 years!" You can not avoid that for long but do take the benefit of using the time to get wiser and also more mature cause it does get a whole lot more challenging with kids, finances.....
We can only at best guess for you!
You now are in the BIG GIRL challenges that most of these Gals would even prefer not to face as they are judgment and finess plays at best.
1) Don't panic!
2) Don't be in a hurry to make a mistake! Or you can be near sure you will!
3) Pick your best play!
The question is not actually if you should stay with him but rather What should YOU DO without considering him?
4) If he chooses not to cooperate in the process then you should not either! Just tell him clamly if he will not discuss it with you, you choose to move out! That may even be to his choosing.
Realize there is way over an 80% chance that he will long be gone when you look back in 10 years. | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/27/2008 1:42:27 AM | | From my experience, when you talk to an exboyfriend/girlfriend there is always going to be one of them that still has more than friends feelings. If he is talking to her for 2 hours, than definately be alarmed. Just as him questions. Why are you talking to her? And so on. If he is lying to you, you will catch him. | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/27/2008 5:02:44 AM | | He is interested in her again. How old is this guy. Why do I get the feeling that he is much older than you. Face it. He likes having sex. The sex with you has gotten old and he is ready to move on. If this sounds harsh it is meant to catch your attention. think about what is best for you as he is not thinking of your best interests nor does he seem to care about your feelings, or your heart. Do you really want to allow this guy to have access to your heart? | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/27/2008 5:40:32 AM | Isn't it interesting how we seem to be so intrigued with the one that hurt us the most?
I have been trying to talk to him all day about what happened. He says he doesnt want to think about it. And he said, the next time you bring up her name, you can move out. He said he is getting tired of our relationship. And not once has he ever said this until today.
Darlin, the writing is on the wall. Sure, he's probably just irritated right now and didn't mean to be so harsh, but all the same, he's clearly quite interested in her and you're apparently crowding him and making him even more aware of the guilt he's feeling that he doesn't want to deal with. I suggest you take his words to heart and back off.
Yes I was 16 when I first met him. And right now I have no idea what to do. I have told myself a few times before that our relationship wasnt working. And that we can't move our relationship to the next level. But it seems as if everytime I follow through with the leaving part, I end up back here. Or he says hes sorry for doing something and Im right where I left off. I think maybe it is time to just cut off all ties with him and for us to go our separate ways. We need to figure out what is best for one another.
Now see...that's the thinking of a woman that's realistic and self aware; don't start thinking emotionally now! However, no--you don't need to figure out what's best for eachother, you need to figure out what's best for yourself. Leave him to his folly; he isn't about to stop riding the fence as long as he can have both of you. From everything you've disclosed in this thread, it's obvious that this isn't working for you, so take responsibility for yourself and get on out the door. You're so young...too young to be living in so much pain and unhappiness. There are good, viable, happy and meaningful relationships and experiences right outside your door...just do it! | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/27/2008 6:20:11 AM | Dear I have reviewed the thread and your profile too.The photos you post are neither of a young lady nor someone thinking that they would attract others for platonic friendships.
Yeah..... I read with mild interest, and then had to check out your profile to see if you'd checked off "Not Single/Not Looking", which you had..... but then that pic of you laying on your bed with nothing but your panties on.................... HEY NOW! lol..... 
My opinion is that you have a lot of growing up to do... "duh".... and this experience is just a stepping stone to you figuring out what you want and how to get it. Coming on a site to find friends while living with your boyfriend and posting a nearly naked picture of yourself is immature and in bad taste. Now, this is only my opinion hon.....
I'd try to imagine my life with him 5 years, 10 years down the road.... play the film out all the way to the end... is he the kind of man you envision in your life, helping you to grow, become a better person, being there for you through thick and thin..... or can you see this for what it is.... just a blip in your life.... a lesson to be learned?
I'm not saying dump him.... there might be nothing going on here other than an innocent conversation with someone that happened to cross paths again..... but the key to finding that out isn't here..... If you truly wanted to learn from this and grow, you'd have communicated your fears and thoughts with HIM....
So do that. See if he's ready to take your relationship to the next level.... If you're living with him and he can't communicate with you openly and honestly, think long and hard about where you think your relationship IS and where it's headed. And don't kid yourself... at 19 you have a lot to learn about yourself and men in general. But don't waste your time on someone that should know a little more, and probably does.
Realize there is way over an 80% chance that he will long be gone when you look back in 10 years.
You don't wanna read that, but in all actuality, it's more than likely true.
EDIT:
I have been trying to talk to him all day about what happened. He says he doesnt want to think about it. And he said, the next time you bring up her name, you can move out. He said he is getting tired of our relationship. And not once has he ever said this until today.
Done deal darlin'..... move on before the pain feels like it's a weight you can' t carry... And know you CAN, so get your move and groove on OP!! {{{hugs}}} | |
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| I am just so confused. I need some insight from my fellow POF'ers
Posted: 1/27/2008 6:28:05 AM | Holy effing crap! Dang woman, get your clothes on! You're bytching about him talking to someone else, and here you are posing all naughty like, on an internet dating site?! Wow, talk about riding the fence! Why'd I waste my time?
If I were doing this, Ricky would kick my sweet ass all the way to China, and I'd deserve it, too! | |
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