as~is
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Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 26 | |
| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 1/27/2008 1:19:12 AM | My observation is that most relationships end with one person being left and the leaver already has someone to go to.
A person cannot be stolen from a good healthy relationship, but that doesn't put the blame on the relationship, sometimes a cheater is just always a cheater and easy to steal and their relationships are never good nor healthy.
I've left everytime without someone to go to, but it was usually after I had gotten insight to my value and knew that there was at least one I *could* go to if I were free and desired to do so.
I have noticed that while I am in a relationship more men pursue me. It may be the lack of pressure from me, or their competitiveness, I don't know. What I do know is that the kind of man who seeks to steal a woman from another man usually isn't happy with her once she becomes his. Women who are charmed away from a miserable relationship usually learn too late that Prince Charming was a fraud. This is why I say to people that they should be untangled from their past before weaving a future. | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 1/27/2008 4:04:40 AM |
I have a question for you though. Say you manage to pry her away from this guy. What would that tell you about her personality?
To me it would indicate that she has no integrity, and the next time a guy tries to pry her away from you she might just go for it.
So I have a question for you. You're dating a guy, things are going well, but you aren't totally head over heels. Then you randomly meet a different guy who absolutely blows you away - gorgeous, smart, funny, sweet, etc - makes you weak in the knees. You would stay with the original guy rather than breaking it off with him and going for the guy the blew you away? Honestly? Why? Would you stay with a man you liked less, and who you knew in your heart would be a worse mate for you, just to prove how much "integrity" you have? What does that say about your personality? That you're a doormat who will stay with guy #1 just because you're more concerned about his feelings than your own? (and I'm not calling you personally a doormat, i'm speaking of someone in a hypothetical situation, so please don't take offense, none is meant)
To the OP: I wouldn't "make a move" on her or "pursue" her per se - just continue on as friends. (I assume you're friends with her, or at least acquaintences?) If it's meant to be, she'll eventually figure out for herself that her boyfriend ain't the guy for her, she'll break up with him, and you'll have your shot. | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 1/27/2008 6:12:30 AM | yes, wait and see what happens, just be a sideline person, dont do anything to disrupt the current relationship, but stay a friend. That is what I would do. Usually, you have just made a new friend.
Good luck to you!
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 1/27/2008 6:26:40 AM |
Just because two people are in a relationship doesn't mean they are going to have the same feelings for each other for the rest of their lives. People change. Feelings change. .....And this is WHY the relationship and it's future needs to be dissected.
OP You should be patient and let this woman's relationship take it's course. Just because YOU think she is 'all that and a bag of chips' doesn't mean she feels the same way.
If she is already in a relationship, then respect HER wishes and that of HER b/f and back off.
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 1/27/2008 7:14:04 AM | I hate them kind of men, but i have been one myself....
i always think that even if your happy in a relationship with someone there is always someone else who has that spark perhaps you could never achieve.
i would say go for it and not to listen to these people who seem to have it in for you because human nature is weird. People like the comfort and the safety of having someone and 9 out of 10 they are most likely in a relationship not because of love, respect but for the simple fact is they dare not end it because they fear that they wont find someone else or that they couldnt cope to be on there own..
If you and this girl have something together then go for it, but the consequences could be that she could resent you and ultimatly you could be pushed out of her life. | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 1/27/2008 7:59:11 AM | "things are going well, but you aren't totally head over heels. "
Personally I would not be in such a relationship. If the relationship could not stand on it's own I would end it. Thus that scenario would not apply to me. But I can only answer for me and not others.
"Then you randomly meet a different guy who absolutely blows you away - gorgeous, smart, funny, sweet, etc - makes you weak in the knees."
For that to develop to a point where you would actually consider breaking off your relationship, you would have to spend considerable time with that person. By doing that, without breaking off your relationship, you are indeed not playing fair. If you think that this guy might be better for you, you already know that your current relationship is not all that good and you would break it off before getting to know this new guy. Again, that's what I personally would do.
"Would you stay with a man you liked less, and who you knew in your heart would be a worse mate for you, "
If I didn't like him enough to start with, I would not stay in the relationship to start with, see my first comment.
" That you're a doormat who will stay with guy #1 just because you're more concerned about his feelings than your own?"
See first comment, it wouldn't apply to me. Again, I can only speak for myself.
I understand what you're saying and I'm sure many people do that. I myself is a victim of such underhanded methods. I call it keeping someone on the backburner while you figure out if the new person you meet is better than the one you have.
I think that if you're in a relationship and come across someone else that you realize spark something within you, you have to take responsibility for those feelings and decide what they are.
Are they a sign that you are not perfectly content with what you have? In that case, break of the relationship. Then you can explore the possibility that the new person you've met might be a good match for you.
I would not encourage anyone to stay in a relationship if they are considering switching to a better model or trying to figure out if other men are a better match. I think you owe it to the person you are currently with to let him/her go since you obviously have not made up your mind.
I wonder how you (you being anyone) would feel if you later on learned that at some point in your relationship your better half was spending time with another man to see if he was a better match than you. I would not be flattered, but I can only speak for myself. | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 1/27/2008 9:05:56 AM | ya, i know its wrong, i wont do it obviuosly, but i was just wondering what you thought on the matter, i am a guy after all lol
and someone said i was'nt a good speller, i have dislexia, so THANKS for pointing that out
thanks for all the replies even though you all wripped on me lol | |
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fay98
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Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 34 | |
| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 1/27/2008 11:25:12 AM | I am sorry for the rude remark about your grammar but i didn't see anything on your profile to indicate dyslexia. You'll find someone of your own. So from now on when i see you on the forums i'll know. Good luck ...you're young..patience is hard at times! | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 1/27/2008 1:37:40 PM | | You have to let her deal with her relationship on her own time... you could leave her your contact number and just be patient. Down the road she may become available...and may still be thinking about you, at which time she can give you a call and take it from there. | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 1/27/2008 1:57:11 PM | Yes Jersey 101 some of us have done it. I did. WHEN I WAS 19 and stupid! A guy walks into Pizza Inn with his gf, and walked out with me. A month later I caught him with an entirely different girl. NEVER AGAIN.
If someone feels the need to cheat then it's probably because something is wrong with your relationship. And if so they need to work it out or part ways. Cheating doesn't ever bring people closer together, it hurts a lot of people. | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 1/27/2008 5:24:53 PM | | You should leave her alone.....if by any chance she becomes single then go for it. When im in love, no other guy stands a chance. And I would be angry at any guy who pushed it.....so wait is my opinion......or even better, find a women who is single. How much of your feelings are based on the fact that she is taken? | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 1/27/2008 6:30:20 PM | To answer your question specifically, yes, a guy has "gotten" me when I was already in a relationship. It lasted just long enough for me to get over my ex, and that was it.
Some girls allow themselves to get "gotten" when they're already in a relationship because they're unhappy and looking for an out. Others are just overwhelmed by the attention you're giving them and believe that the grass is greener on the other side. The girl who was unhappy in her relationship isn't going to want to jump into a new one with you (or anyone), and the girl who thought that the grass was greener will soon realize that it's not. Either way, it probably won't work out in your favor.
The way that you describe the situation (i.e., using the word "got") implies that you're not looking for anything long-term with this girl. It sounds like you perceive her as a challenge, and particularly so because she's not available. Is this the case? If so, please just let the girl be. You'll just confuse her and turn her world upside-down when you realize that you got what you wanted but no longer want it. | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 11:02:43 AM | Obviously I'm not a woman,but I do have an opinion on these situations.
I had a female friend( she was my sisters best friend) who was married.We would hang out and this went on for a couple years,the whole time I totally respected her,her husband,and their marriage,even though I loved her attitude,looks,beleifs,you name
it.She would talk about all the things her husband did to her(abusive,verbally).How unhappy she was,etc.,etc.The list goes on.
Never once did I allow myself to come on to her.
Long story short I was falling for her,my damsel(?) in distress.One day she came over and sat next to me,and asked,"can I put my hand there?"Well I'm sure we all can
imgine how the rest of the story goes.After a year of our Adultering and her wishy washiness,I'm going to get a divorce,maybe not.etc.
Morale of my story:
Do you women think y'all could be a little more understanding and quit
beating the guy up for falling in love?Granted I personally think he should "quit while he's behind".I think she probably needs the spankings,afterall she's probably the one
dealing all the cards.
Mr.POSTPUNK:
Love hurts,only you know if you are wasting time on her or not.
You're not being disrespectful,be careful that she's not manipulating you
to get your attention or her boyfriends.
SINCERELY,
SCHREMF
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 12:32:49 PM | Let's be honest. More often than not, girls are in relationships where they have little to no interest in the guy. They just want the company and to be wined and dined. Heck, girls will even marry guys they don't really love because of money, power, prestige, any of those things. So on the one hand that works for you OP, because that means there is a very good chance you can get her.
On the other hand, those sorts of girls have no loyalty, no honesty.. no integrity. That means that she'll always be looking for something better. So if you want something serious with her -- and you don't have mad game -- then don't bother approaching her because it is unlikely to last. If you just want sex or some short-term fling, then go right ahead and try. | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 2:30:58 PM |
The thing is: If the relationship is happy and healthy nobody will get between both partners. But if the relationship isn't what it is supposed to be someone might be able to catch you attention and eventually win you over.
A lot of truth to this.
I'm on the fence about this topic. I'm all for going after what you want and not settling for something less, but at the same time, I've also dabbled in this before, and I didn't like how I felt afterwards. | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 5:45:00 PM |
has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Yes, in an emotional sense, but not sexual.
This could easily end up in disaster, OP. People will stray when something is lacking. No matter what it is, eventually~ it will happen. It is human instinct, IMO. I'd approach this one with major caution to the wind. | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:11:40 PM |
Let's be honest. More often than not, girls are in relationships where they have little to no interest in the guy. They just want the company and to be wined and dined. Heck, girls will even marry guys they don't really love because of money, power, prestige, any of those things. So on the one hand that works for you OP, because that means there is a very good chance you can get her.
DesertBulldog.....Maybe its your area but none of my g/f's are in LTR a man they have no interest in. The girls I know realize that life is too short to be unhappy.
Heck, girls will even marry guys they don't really love because of money, power, prestige, any of those things
I think you meant to say some girls because your statement certainly can't pertain to all girls. I'd think there'd be lots more women who marry for love than for material things.
But OT, people that are in loving relationships and are happy, are not likely to stray. I think what the OP was contemplating was madness if he was looking for a LTR. If she cheated with the OP, who's to say it she wouldn't cheat again later or 'trade up' when the next guy came along?
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:17:05 PM | | Would you want a woman that would line them up like that? Sounds to me like she would define herself. Life is full of deceitful people, why make it hard on yourself. Find the right girl, not some cheating ho | |
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| has a guy ever got you when your already in a relationship
Posted: 6/25/2008 6:29:17 PM | i have been the guy who stole someone's girlfriend,,err borrowed her is more like it I guess. I never started a real relationship with any of them. Only one was I interested in doing so and this was when I was pretty young.
Basically what I noticed in the ones that cheat and betray is that they are either pretty insecure and selfish, or just flat out selfish: and needs a guy to be into her to feel remotely good about herself. So the boyfriend and her were having troubles, arguments, along I come rather naive at this point and soon find that she is hanging out with me all the time, having a nap with me during the day a few times, and then one night into bed together.
The other two, weren't all that insecure, one never even told me she had a boyfriend, I found that out and was a tad revolted but whatever. then a couple months later she started coming around to see me, hang out...lasted a couple weeks then I gave her the boot. obviously I wasn't going to take her seriously. Another girl actually had a debate in front of me with her friend trying to talk her about of cheating, and she said and I quote:
"I still want to date [boyfriend's name], I just don't want a boyfriend tonight...."
really turned me off anyone who reminds me of these three girls.
and to the OP, it's a catch 22, they aren't worth it if they actually do it. Maybe if the boyfriend is an abusive **** or something...then I think it's a far more complicated dynamic but I don't get the feeling this is this case. | |
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You probally have already done and got the girl.
