| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/28/2008 5:12:27 PM | Hi Sunkissedqldr
I totally agree with you. Im getting exactlythe same kind of messages. Just online sex and it floors me. Whatever happen to meeting ? and Im not sure of your age, Im 43 and have found that its predominanlty guys around my age messaging this...I realise that may be generalisation on my part.
Is it because they are attached and this is a cheap thrill for them ? Cheap being the operative word as here they dont even have to buy you a drink. It really pisses me off because there are plenty of sites around where if thats what you want, you can get it easily.
I always consider POF as a "nice site" where I might meet someone "nice" who may be interested in getting to know each other, maybe enjoy a few things together eg: dinner, movies, a long drive etc and IF something came of it, fantastic, if not maybe friends. Because I was under the impression that nice guys sat at home nite after nite like I do and maybe they also would enjoy some company. Am I being naive ?
And lets be honest here, how boring is online sex ? Hey yes it can be titillating, exciting even, but can you you really beat meeting someone and the chemistry between two people, if there is a spark and the thrill of the chase ? Am I being old fashioned ?
Im a little shy by nature but decided that in order to meet some guys I had to take the initiative and so I started messaging the odd one, to no avail, so I dont know what the answer is I really don't, Guys can you throw a light on this at all ?
I have received some really disgusting messages, the last one being last nite. I get an email from a POFer, in my inbox, I think wow great someone to chat with and get to know, only to get a foul email from "grown men" and my heart sinks with disappointment. I then check their profile which appears to "be normal and nice" but their emails are far from it. Im not a prude dont get me wrong, but I also dont appreciate emails from men asking for a f^(&&k first contact !!!
Am I under an illusion that men want the same as us women ? That they want to meet someone, establish a relationship with them and if that grew to more, then so be it. Is that what men want or am I, and my fellow female POF deluding ourselves..Please guys, please tell us, are our expectations too high ?????????????
End of rant. Have a great Day !!! | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/28/2008 11:01:21 PM | Pookie,
I am also 43...maybe we are getting the same "tools"? You sound very similar to me. I actually had one guy who emailed me a couple of times...then I msngd him a little. He then called and went straight into overdrive on what he got up to with two women on the weekend! I just told him not to call back and hung up on him...He hasn't thank god.
I guess it's a matter of sifting through all the sh#t on the site. And what can I say...Guys when a woman says she just wants to be friends... doesn't mean sex and no ties..it means coffee...ie check the spelling C O F F E E not S E X???
Hmmm.... maybe I'm being too judgemental? Tho I thought I was fairly "casual" and easy to get on with? | |
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kinda3
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Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 28 | |
| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/28/2008 11:16:01 PM | | Hey Ladies... i had a guy message me... it seemed normal... he then added me on to his msn list... i only talked on POF and then msn for about a week... actually never on MSN as he seemed to send messages through in the early hours of the morning... hhhmmm should have been suss then... he then got really weird and messaged me on MSN saying i never say hello so i can F.... off.... i thought hhmmm i havent even met this guy or any others on here as i am very new on this site... he then messaged me on POF and said he had talked to other guys that i had been with and i was a naughty girl... i have NO idea what he is talking about as i cant even get past "your not my type" so i can only assume he is deranged and that is why he is still single! scarey!!!!!!!!!!!! and in answer to your question i am only 34.... so i am not 60 which i would think would be more "your not my type"! hope you all had a great day! | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/28/2008 11:23:48 PM | I'm at work trying to escape it for 10 minutes so i've just read the last two posts.
I think its common for guys to use POF as a means to sex. I've heard a number of women complaining about getting dozens of messages relating to sex.
So let me tell you from a male perspective, that you can sit in the corner for months and not get one single message. I know its up to the boys to make the first move but there are significant roadblocks in the way sometimes. I must have sent flippant messages to dozens of women only to get ignored or to get hard edged replies. I mean, I was just having some spur of the minute fun. ...and no the messages werent dirty. Maybe just a gentle dig at their profile....
Personally, i have given up online. Maybe some day in the future, i'll see her across a crowded room...lol | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/28/2008 11:50:18 PM | I'm hoping that perhaps your just having a run of bad luck, I have met some great people on here who's friendship i truly value.
I'm a single parent , so moving is not an option for me, that was one key area i had to be totally honest with myself about, it may have reduced my options but being realistic can save everyone a lot of mixed messages. | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/29/2008 12:00:42 AM | Staying postive and trying to steer clear of generalisations is probably the best way to find someone on a site like this.
Its the nature of the net that its going to provide cover to those who want to hide something ....or to muddly waters when clear communication is required. I think you have to be a bit dogged too...persistence is a good trait for net dating.
of course, i've got none of it...lol | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/29/2008 12:16:40 AM | | If it wasn't so weird for those involved, it would be funny....the thing that gets me is they message for "online sex"....when I first read it I thought you meant they were contacting "online" to meet up for "sex".....lol...I'm slow, it's OK.... | |
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Naamah
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Joined: 11/22/2007
Msg: 33 | |
| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/29/2008 12:19:24 AM | Wow...reading through this thread I see so many new faces appearing. The fact that being unable to find the right partner has brought all of you new and interesting posters to the Aussie forum, is a definite plus for the forum anyway. I think it's fantastic that so many new faces are popping up and posting and giving this place a makeover in the process. 
...Whaddaya mean you'd rather find a partner and ditch this joint???  | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/29/2008 12:31:52 AM | Howdy Kinda and all of the other lovely ladies on here,
Well as far as I can tell its harder for woman then it is for men (well some men) I guess the men who has contacted some of yall being dirty and got turned away also think its hard because they probably get turned down all of the time.
I used to think dating was hard and did not get much response either then I decided to stop trying so hard and to stop trying to be who I thought women wanted and to just be my self, I decided to stop looking and to just go out and meet people and enjoy life as one should and to stop feeling so lonely and enjoy my friends (old & new) and what has happened is one of my new friends quickly became my girl friend I think often we try to hard, also loneliness and sadness is picked up in ones mind as being unconfident and there for unattractive where as happiness and joy for life is very attractive.
Looking over the ladies that have responded to this forum none of you have anything to worry about as far as looks goes you are all beautiful on the out side just be your self and take your time let everyone see the beautiful inside part of you and try not to let the jerks get to you, often when lonely and sad women pout to their self and men become worse jerks and try to pass it on to others, when they try to give you their sadness you don't have to accept it. | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/29/2008 12:48:53 AM | Kinda3, let me tell you my side:
Just because I am writing nicer than others - as I know by reply messages like the ones below - I received these kinds of replies:
1. “You are writing so nicely but I suspect that you are a game player”.
2. “You are writing so beautifully and I am sure that Don Huan, like you have many girls around and I don’t want to be just another one of them”.
So what I suppose to do? Write a 2 line message – not good – it’s like everybody else and will not get reply.. Or write plain message - than again it’s just another message. I tried both ways. None works properly.
Well, I’ve been on few dates and I’m not giving up, but it looks like there are some people here that are not really able to commit to relationship. Here is another example:
“…i run out of things to say quickly so i hope to hear from you soon”.
After that I posted a polite reply message and my phone number. Never heard from her again…
So WTF is that?
But the best of all was this one: After talking on the phone for 30 minutes and arranging a date, I’ve received this message:
“ive thought alot about things and we are two very different people with very different backgrounds that i dont think would be complimentary in a relationship.”
So it is about our backgrounds??? - I do not pressed for a date - I just asked at the end of the conversation if she likes to meet and she was happy to.
As I said – some people here are not sure what they really want and looking for… so don’t get upset too much, and I know it is frustrating, – just say, next!   | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/29/2008 1:01:50 AM | I notice that there are two kinds of people on this site: One that are much more open and after a short phone call wants to meet the person and the other that needs many phone calls and at the end, that chance for date is slim.
Over two years ago I met a girl on another site. We exchanged 2 messages, met the same day and... stayed together for two years... So don't gave-up, one day the right person will find you  | |
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kinda3
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Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 37 | |
| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/29/2008 2:00:07 AM | | Thanks everyone... its encouraging to know i am not an outcast and its not just me that this is happening to... i was starting to think i may have had a 3rd eye appearing as i was starting to feel a tad like a freak! i just had no idea what was going on... its so nice to be able to chat to other people about this as being new to the site i guess i had so many more expectations of it... now i am realising dont have expectations and everything will be spiffing!... | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/29/2008 2:01:56 AM | without trying to be a smartarse.... can i say such a thing?... anyway, i think there are thousands of types of people on here..
however, i think there is something about the net that attracts certain types of people. Either they're shy or they hate going out or they are married with children...lol..but there is definitely a net-related reason why they choose to meet people here than to do it in the "real" world...
and its that reason that we have to be mindful of. ...because that reason might be reasonable or unreasonable..step carefully grasshopper.. | |
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kinda3
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Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 39 | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/29/2008 3:11:45 AM | | Good point about "certain types of people" using the net. I know I am here as I have kids, am self employed (work long hours). Work by myself ( used to work from home)...so don't really have much opportunity to get out and about to meet poeple. I actually work on the net...so I guess dating via net was the next step. | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/31/2008 1:18:57 AM |
I don't know why you would be getting those types of replies either. What type of blokes are you contacting? Blind ones maybe!!
I certainly would not want to be next to your profile in a search, you are a good looking chick.
I prefer to be surrounded by the fuglies.........increases my chances of looking awesome!!
Now that's the funniest thing I've read all day ! | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/31/2008 1:47:54 AM | Hi Pookie.....
Don't remember if I have previously msgd you or not... but I'm a 40 y.o. guy who is NOT looking for a shag 
Seems I must be in the absolute minority !
I'd rather have a friend who could become a lover, than have an instant lover I have to become friends with.
I've had terrible trouble getting any responses, but I put that down to being tarred with the same brush as the more energetic and virile of my type ! I'm now on the verge of migrating elsewhere online, but no doubt it's a universal problem.
All the best ! | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/31/2008 8:12:54 AM |
I'd rather have a friend who could become a lover, than have an instant lover I have to become friends with.
Why? You're going to have to become friends either way. You're basically talking about a stranger here. Might as well get some good nookie in. :) | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/31/2008 1:17:44 PM | The question about this seemingly oddness the people on the internet exhibit has been asked ever since the internet came about and only used by the odd geek or two. This stereotype belief that people on the internet are odd has stuck and sadly many people believe they should behave oddly to fit in. Having said that though, the chances between finding a potenial partner on the internet or the pub is like asking what is the chances of catching a fish in salt water or fresh water. Both may have fish from both water types but in general you'll find two completely different types of fish. You'll have to ask yourself if you prefer a partner that spends time at the pub or one that may or may not be an odd internet geek.
As for you, Kinda3, finding it hard even to strike up a conversation it sounds like you find it hard in both the pub scene or the internet. You're just a little out of practice is all. Plus it's a numbers game. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding a Prince. No matter whether it's at a pub or on the internet you'll keep finding frogs and toads. But the internet does have it's advantages. You have time to think over what you want to say before striking up a conversation instead of that spare of the moment thing the pub scenes give you. Plus you have the time to think up replies too. And, unlike the pub where you have to pump as much info out of someone in the time you have while both of you are at the pub, the internet allows you the freedom of as much time as you both like to find out about each other. All of this without the added fear of a face to face meeting, bonus!
So don't panic, Kinda3, a little more practice, kiss a few more frogs, and ignore the fact that some people on the internet believe they have to be odd to fit in and things will pick up. | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/31/2008 2:45:26 PM | Seconded.
The internet has the advantage of anonymity, which sometimes makes people behave slightly differently from what they would outside. But the notion that the internet is all freaks and geeks has long gone. Or should have.
Judging people who use the internet is like judging people who have a TV. Or use electricity. Ask yourself... why are YOU here? Most likely the same as the rest of us. You work too much, don't have a lot of free time, and don't like the bar and club scene. And where else do you meet people? Libraries? | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/31/2008 3:41:57 PM | I can only say something from personal experience but I've usually used my name on the internet. On the odd occasion that I have made up a nickname, it seems to have given me a licence to act like someone else.
More than a decade ago, I worked in a university with access to the internet. I spent an afternoon with a phd student who was doing research into MOOs and MUDs and other such things that had just appeared where people took on roles in a gaming environment or just a chat room environment.....the nick name was part of the character......people took on another character to explore etc....I know that things like that still exist but the graphics are more sophisticated ....
I know most would say that forums like these are completely different from the role playing etc etc chat rooms, gaming rooms etc etc..... but I tend to think not. Most people put on a face to some degree... | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/31/2008 4:51:19 PM |
Why? You're going to have to become friends either way. You're basically talking about a stranger here. Might as well get some good nookie in. :)
Yeah true.... but I guess I'm old fashioned and would like to get to know someone first, before we took that 'next step'... whatever that is ! | |
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kinda3
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Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 48 | |
| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/31/2008 10:07:29 PM | | I will definately agree that i am certainly out of practice... i think i need to have the frogs here so i can kiss them and get to the next... hehehe... just being cheaky!... i am getting better... i am definately not a recluse... i am an outgoing sales rep but selling a product is easy... selling me... not so easy... and no not for money! LOL things hopefully will pick up and by the time 2008 finishes i will have met a charming nice lovely man! | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 1/31/2008 11:37:30 PM |
Might as well get some good nookie in.
LOL.....I second that. And while you're at it, you may as well get some bad nookie in too.....And if the opportunity arises, why not get some weird nookie in as well....There's nothing like someone pushing the boundaries to make you sit back and wonder about what makes some people tick....lol... | |
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| why are people so judgemental.. is it time to give up?
Posted: 4/29/2008 10:55:34 AM | We judge for our own selfish reasons for example we sometimes become critical wehn comparing ourselves to those around us. WE try to find fault in others to prove that we are smarter, better looking, happier or wealthier, but these are selfish reasons.
We simply want to feel better about ourselves.
By judgeing other we hide our own hypocrisy for example wehn the religious leader brought a woman to Jesus who had been caught in sexual sin,they wanted to kill her. But Jesus responded, If any of you have never sinned,then goahead and throw the first stone at her, (john 8. 7) Nobody threw one. All have sinned God alone is the one who judges each person. | |
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