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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/30/2008 6:51:41 AM | | Just suggest your place everytime. After a few dates, tell her youve got some beer so she'll need to stop and get whatever she wants. And, since shes going to the store, suggest that she grab you a gallon of milk. At least youre not a "doormat"! | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:50:09 AM | Guys do need to plan ahead for a date. Just don't show up & say you have no idea where to go or what to do.
I would ask a girl ahead of time anything in particular what she wants. Because women do have good ideas & that would give me even more/better ideas from what she may suggest. To me its more of a common courtesy then being indecisive. If shes allergic to dogs, I guess a dog show would be out of the question...see what I mean?
Wow, excellent thread... I had no idea that the ladies felt so strongly about it.
Me eather. To me life is is way too short to worry about little things like that so much. If she expects the man to do everything for the date & does not enjoy what you decide, its her problem. Within reason of course. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/30/2008 8:58:58 AM | I think that it gets old always having to make the decisions. If I have something specific I'd like to do, then I'll definitely put in my 2 cents. But mostly it would be nice to go along for the ride and see what kind of NEW experiences could be in store.  | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/30/2008 11:40:39 AM | | Like dancing, women expect men to 'lead'. After talking to her for a while, you should have touched on subjects such as what she likes and doesn't like. Then, offer to take her WITH YOU when you go some place you know is within her interest area. Example: She likes fish and is kinda' touchy about eating red meat? Don't suggest a steakhouse that has a very limited seafood or poultry selection. But don't suggest a seafood only place unless you REALLY like seafood too. If you've touched on other things, museum/comedy/music etc., pick a place you know you like and offer to take her with you there. One of the big advantages of being the person doing the asking is that you find out real quick if the other person likes the things that you do. And if they don't, then you really haven't lost anything, because it wouldn't have worked out anyway. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/30/2008 12:21:35 PM | This is how I like to do it. The guy asks, " Is there any place in particular you would like to go?"
I will respond, "well, what are our choices and what are you hungry for? I like this and this,how about you? This place has really nice live music, have you been there? Etc. Basically I like to have it be a collaboration and end up with a place we would both like.
Sometimes it`s nice if you haven`t decided, to stop off and have a drink somewhere and then decide where you want to dine. But it`s nice if it is interesting. And definitely let her know your tastes and input. She wants you to be pleased as well. Half of the fun of a sucessful date is watching the person you are with have a good time as well. At least it is for me. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/30/2008 3:39:48 PM | One stray thought on this thread:
I first noticed this indecision stuff with my kids. I take them to dinner every Wednesday night (Hmmm, have another 10 minutes before I have to go get them). I ask them what they want to eat and my son always says "food" (He's 17, he'll eat anything). My daughter always wants the same place (Mexican place with awesome margaritas). I make decisions all day long at work and would like to just put my mind in screen-saver mode for a few hours but, alas, a kid's job is not to make life easy on their parents. So, that's where I initially got the idea of picking two places and giving my date, or my kids an option.
Of course, sometimes, I already know where I'm taking the kids, but I'll sit in the driveway until they pick a place, then I'll still go where ever I had originally decided. I don't do that with dates, but hey, they're my kids, I can annoy them any way I want!!!
One of the first questions I ask after contacting someone is what is their favorite type of food. It's an easy conversation starter and also gives me at least an idea of where to go for a first date. If they say tofu or that they're a vegetarian, then I know not to ask them out. Nothing personal against veggies, but if I'm thinking of potential dating material, then they better be able to handle hearing my steak go mooo on its way to the table.. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/30/2008 5:10:36 PM | Hey, it's my old friend runed!  Didn't notice you here.
I don't think it is indecision that is the issue, it's not like you are struggling to decide, more like you simply don't mind either way. Rather than focusing on making yourself be superficially more decisive, you might be more sensible to work on being less passive by actively suggesting things instead: it is more frustrating to spend time with someone who never has any suggestions for what to do but will just go along with whatever you suggest -- the person doing the suggesting is doing all the work and may well feel responsible if the film they suggested turns out to be rubbish or whatever. Well, some people are happy to go along with whatever is suggested as to not cause a fuss. (I thought people don't like fusses.) Is this self-sacrificial of them? I wouldn't say so - I'd say it was thoughtful and that the non-selector likes spending time with the selector, despite trashy taste. Why? Besides the possible motivation of feeling good about themselves, by making their date (or friend) feel good about the choice, through enjoying themselves (or feigning to) either way - good choice or bad, it could be because he/she simply likes the person (a hard concept to grasp for even the most analytical). All the work? Some people decide everyday between thirst and letting their kids die of dehydration - I didn't know "What movie?" was such a problem for others.
I have a friend who is completely passive: she will go along with pretty much any activity that is suggested and will never make any suggestions of her own. I find it exhausting to be with her because I feel that she's sitting there looking at me waiting for me to come up with an idea to entertain her, and I have to get it right because she'll never say no or express a preference. Now wait a minute, why do you think you must "get it right" if she always agrees? Seems the other way around, that you DON'T have to worry about the choice, which I would think is less taxing. To not only be free and whimsical, but have a like-minded companion willing to take adventures with you, may sound bothersome to you, where it would sound refreshing to another - it's a matter of perception, and appreciation. Who says you have to entertain her? Perhaps she is merely content in your company - consider yourself lucky.
If she even would make suggestions like "we could go and visit that castle" or "we could go to the beach" then it would make a huge difference. I don't see any point in pretending to have a preference if you really don't mind, but failing to contribute to the decision process or the planning puts too much weight on the other person's shoulders in my opinion. Have you tried telling her all of this?
I think you're thinking of "passive-aggressive" -- "passive" isn't particularly a negative thing, just something that can get wearing after a while if it's taken to extreme. Yes, passivity isn't "particularly" a negative thing (like say, condemning patience), only when it's wearing to you.
I know a great activity to suggest - it's fun and free, but when my date doesn't agree, it's hard to bounce back. Of course, that's when indecisive can turn decisively indecent. 
Always a pleasure - take care now. 
- Your Excogitator | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/30/2008 5:23:11 PM | @excogitator
I know -- you don't get it -- there's a shock. Don't worry your head about it, and perhaps you might consider giving up tracking me from thread to thread to go into detail about how you don't get whatever it is I am saying. You and I are different creatures and our perspectives have no need to ever mesh. State your view by all means but let it stand independent of mine and be seen on its own merits: this is a forum where everyone can express their perspective on the OP. It is not intended to be a discussion or debate. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/30/2008 7:01:52 PM | Well, there's the guy who can't make up his mind...this...no this...no this.
There's the guy who doesn't seem to have a mind to make up: uh...are we in a town?
Or the guy who makes like he's decisive and suggests--no, simply states--let's go here (which happens to be a dive)...all the while avoiding all eye contact altogether, ensuring he'd miss my shocked grimace, should I happen to display one.
..in all instances (they've all happened), the guy takes no notice of me, avoids all eye contact (the first one makes fleeting eye contact....and then quickly looks away as he suggest the next place...and the next place), the other two are oblivious to ME being there and having any opinions--but maybe, in a Napolean Dynamite way, they're each in a tizzy about having "a date." From a gal's view (mine, anyway) none is an endearing trait.
So, look in your date's eyes, look at her face, her posture, and see if you can READ anything there...if not, ask. It will make your date feel like there's some actual interpersonal action going on!
One other thing: if you stare into her face without reading any signals at all, stop staring and start asking. That staring forever comes off as a kind of a zombie predator, like Lurch did so well on the Addams family.
Hope this helps. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/30/2008 9:00:50 PM | | Are you indecisive or laid back? I can't imagine that you really ARE "indecisive"--do you not have opinions? I mean, I eat anything, but some days I will NOT eat Mexican or something, and will dig my heels in. It does get a little irritating if I have to make the decision--small though it may be--ALL the time. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 1/31/2008 1:56:44 PM |
A woman wants a man who can make up his mind but isn't overbearing. So, my solution is to state my preference but give an alternative: "Hey, I thought we'd do seafood tonight. Hemmingways and the Fish House are both good. I haven't been to Hemmingways in a couple of months, lets go there."
My impression is that it comes across as decisive, but if she has a thing against where i've chosen, I've given her an out to express her preferences.
This is the perfect approach, karl-in-pcola. It's the person who does the asking (man OR woman) who has the responsibility of planning and paying for the date, especially early in the relationship. You are TREATING the other person to an experience and part of the treat is for the other person to relax and enjoy. They have VETO power but shouldn't have to make every choice. This is also how you get to know someone by their sharing what THEY like to do, while allowing for the possibility of options. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 2/1/2008 1:23:46 PM |
Are you indecisive or laid back? I can't imagine that you really ARE "indecisive"--do you not have opinions? I mean, I eat anything, but some days I will NOT eat Mexican or something, and will dig my heels in. It does get a little irritating if I have to make the decision--small though it may be--ALL the time.
Laid back, i can quite happily dictate where we go but want to make sure the woman s genuinely happy with the choice of pub rather than just going along with it. I'm alos put my foot down if i don't want to do or eat something, i just prefer to let the woman chopose and be happy. Maybe i'm too nice sometimes? | |
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jimi77
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Joined: 7/13/2004
Msg: 63 | |
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 2/1/2008 7:38:36 PM | Dan i feel your pain brother.. you want it to be special for them and and for them to have a great date ..but on the same note if you ask them them for there input . valadate there opinion and show intrest in there ideas.. some how your the lame date.. LOL..
BS.. I’ve taken women shopping, to Coney islands, malls, antiques stores, concerts, clubs, sporting events you name it and they’ve had a good time as did I. I know I’m fun to be around and offer good conversation. So if there’s a problem with the place I pick. It’s not my lame a$$ but theirs. | |
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Utre
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Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 64 | |
| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 6/9/2009 12:23:54 AM | | Peter,i couldn't agree with you even more. i had to think about that for a second,and i think a lot of people need to know those facts. because if you don't,one day you might be trying to figure out who is the "real you" after everything is all said and done. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 6/9/2009 9:10:22 AM | I don't think I could ever find something more pointless to fuss about. Being indecisive about picking something to do on a date? common... really?! There are so many more important things that women should be looking at here, like who is your date and what is he about.
The majority of men don't care where they eat, as long as they serve food a man will eat there. I would have thought that considering the taste/preferences of your date instead of forcing a decision on them would be, at the very least, considered chivalrous or thoughtful.
It's also find it very sad to see that some women on this thread seem to be seeing themselves as if they were children, unable to make a decision for themselves and expecting a man(daddy?) to make all of their decisions for them.
Come on... if you both don't care, pick a random place. If you both care then find common ground. Really, who cares, where you eat and how you decide where to eat are such trivial propositions. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 6/9/2009 11:04:36 AM |
..in all instances (they've all happened), the guy takes no notice of me, avoids all eye contact (the first one makes fleeting eye contact....and then quickly looks away as he suggest the next place...and the next place), the other two are oblivious to ME being there and having any opinions--but maybe, in a Napolean Dynamite way, they're each in a tizzy about having "a date." From a gal's view (mine, anyway) none is an endearing trait.
So, look in your date's eyes, look at her face, her posture, and see if you can READ anything there...if not, ask. It will make your date feel like there's some actual interpersonal action going on!
Heres a thought, instead of the guy trying to be a mind reader, move your mouth up and down to form words to let you know how you feel. You might can get some of that personal interaction you talking about for yourself! Its not a guys job to try to always interpret what you want. Its called communication. It works best when both people use it, not just one person trying to figure it out by himself. ( Rolls eyes... ) | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 6/9/2009 2:53:42 PM | You need to date more decisive ladies then OP.
Frankly, most men will already know what I like and don't like in food. I'm not afraid to speak up and neither should any man I date.
I often make the suggestions though, it's easy for me. So it's always refreshing when a man has ideas or sounds really excited about my suggestion. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 6/9/2009 7:00:16 PM | Okay, I read the whole thing. Some good advice here and there... Man-lead, but accomodate...have a plan...be intuitive... All fine. All good. But here's what I also heard...
The "numbers" part of me wants to go back through this and tally up how many women actually said something to the effect "The man should plan the date, but should know what I want, or at least be able to tell what I want...but I want to be included in the decision.
What many women "say" they want as to what they "mean" they want or what they "really" want is exactly what men talk about when they complain that women "don't" know what they want. Stop playing the gender or stereotypical roles game!!! It's REALLY not that hard. Ladies, if you want something, SAY what you mean! You don't need to be coddled...or protected...or led...or ANY of those submissive adjectives.
My advice, as a gentleman, to make it work... Plan for the evening, with some alternatives. Use pro-active wording. Don't ask "Where would you like to go?" Say things like, "I'd like to take you..." Offer non-open-ended choices..."Would you like seafood or pasta tonight?" NOT..."Do you like seafood?".
You've demonstrated that you are decisive, but have taken the other persons choices into consideration. This is exactly what most PEOPLE seem to want...someone else to make the decision. That's fine. If you can be that guy, you'll be AMAZED at what it does for you. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 6/9/2009 7:26:15 PM | | Who cares what a woman thinks, cares about, or wants to do? It's her privilege to keep you company if you're paying. Take her to a Gwar concert and let her get covered in blood and laugh at her for it. | |
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| Men who are indecisive when out with women
Posted: 6/9/2009 8:16:55 PM | Boy this is a can of worms Why don't you decide to take turns one night you pick and plan and the next time tell her it's her turn.
I personally do not like it when someone else plans everything I want to know that my needs and wants are important too so I will take turns. | |
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