MizBex
| | Joined: 3/27/2010
Msg: 76 | |
| | Over 50 with younger kids?Page 4 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | I'm 53 and have 2 young daughters, ages 11 and 14. They live with their mom, but i treasure them and see them very often. I have had women from POF stop a chat in mid sentence when i mentioned my girls to them. Can you say selfish? Can you say shallow? UNREAL These women have no clue. What the hell do my daughters ages have to do with anything?. Amazes the sh!t outta me.
While most of the men I have dated have had childern, the children were either older or lived with their mom. And to be honest, I would rather date a man who has been a father.
However, the last couple men who I have encounter with children under 10 had somewhat of the imfamous single mom "my kids are my world" attitude.
And you know, that's great. Because if you have kids it is your responsibility to take care of them and raise them and they should be your priority.
That being said, it is really not fair to get upset with someone who doesn't want to date you because you have kids. If someone is childless or their kids are grown, they are probably in a very different place in their life, which does not include raising small kids. It doesn't make them a bad person, they just have a different life and different priorities.
I just had this conversation a few nights ago and it was the first time we spoke. I knew he had younger kids, but there seem to be enough there to at least have a chat, but during the conversation I realized that we had very little in common and he also made it clear that should something develop between us I would be the one to make most of the compromises because of his kids re: time, travel etc...
As much as I believe people should take responsibility for their children and make them their priority, they cannot expect everyone else too as well. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 5/19/2010 10:12:55 AM | Having teenage kids when you're in your early 50's isn't that unusal, and as time goes by it will become the norm as subsequent generations are starting their families later and later. Having spent my 20's, 30's,40's raising kids, I can handle and accept a man with kids in their late teens, but I draw the line on very young ones.
With 2 grandchildren I love dearly, I can spoil and give them back to their mom. I recently found myself backing off when I talked to a gentleman who was 58 with 6 year old twins and an 8 year old! I love children dearly, call me selfish if you want but I just couldn't see myself at this age raising more kids for the next 15 or so years!
He obviously hooked up with a much younger woman 10 years ago, felt he was reliving his youth and brought these innocents into the world. Now that things haven't worked out, he's looking for someone his age willing to co-parent. I couldn't do it! Perhaps if I had never had kids it may have been a different issue.
I just think that there's someone for everyone out there and it's just a matter of being truthful and looking for the right one. Don't waste time and energy being angry at the ones who aren't on the same page. Just keep looking. You never know when the right person will come by.
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 5/19/2010 10:32:19 AM | ^ There are so many ways to look at the situation with kids.
His kids, his rules, his time line.
The age of a person's children makes a big difference. 12 and 14 year olds will definately make a fast judgement about you, good or bad, and maybe he wants to feel solid enough in how he feels to deal in case they react negative.
Then there is you, how long have you been dating? How well do you know each other?
Will you be ready to run at the first sign of negatives from the children?
Your time line is important also, if you are ready, tell him you are ready and work on a time line that will suit both of you. I am thinking that you may be feeling like a "dirty lil secret" that he is keeping. Time for the children to realize he is talking to a woman on the phone who he has been dating! If you live in the same town, a meet for a quick lunch or dinner with all would be pretty simple to set up and would be an introduction.
Dating with children has always been difficult, seems to be even more difficult if your over 50. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 5/19/2010 1:51:03 PM | I don't think it's selfish if you don't want to raise young kids again.
It's a personal preference.
There is always something about you that someone else might not
like. And sometimes that something is young kids at home.
Doesn't make them a bad person, just makes them a person that either
doesn't like/want kids or has been there/done that with kids and doesn't
want to do it again.
You have to do what works for you...it's pretty much that simple. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 8/29/2010 1:43:58 AM | It doesn't matter to me unless the woman has no time. I have dated women with even younger kids and the women usually have every other weekend or more free.
I like kids. Just be prepared for me to tell them to show their mother some respect if you don't.
If anyone over 35 is looking for someone without bagagge, then you really don't want to meet anyone. That you are looking for someone with no bagagge is YOUR baggage. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 8/29/2010 2:41:32 AM | | Why not put it clear on your profile you are looking for men with children as well, then he would understand completely and if it works out you could make a 'Brady Bunch' of your own, put a web cam up in the house and sell it to the world, making millions and have a great life together. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 8/29/2010 2:50:59 AM | MSG 67 - wow that is one big chip on your shoulder.
Maybe there was lots of reasons she cut you off mid sentence, go back and re-read the whole correspondece, why put it down to your talking about your children
. Maybe talking about your ex and her children by you, and maybe you, your ex and your children and how much you are 'not going to change a thing to rock your ex's boat'. I know men dont mean to do it, but the ex's name does crop up a lot, well it would she is their mother.
Sometimes I find, men forget to talk about the child, they tend to talk about the ex and what she wants and needs in the name of the children - and then find it odd when other women wonder off bored.
Just my thoughts on your post, not ment to be nasty, but when we all relax we forget to think of others feelings on your subject. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 8/29/2010 1:59:25 PM | I would no longer be interested in a man with school age children.
I've brought 4 of my own up, loved every second, the youngest is now 18 and I aint about to go back down the road of kiddies attractions and babysitters again in my precious leisure time.
I dont mean to sound harsh here, but my time for that has passed. I dont want it any more. If I met a man I wanted to be with now, I would want to be with him, not his small children and having to tolerate an ex all the time as well.
I positively encourage a man to see his children, thats only right, and the best thing for the children, as it should be. I just dont want to be part of that at my time of life now where every second counts. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 11/25/2011 11:34:27 AM | I've tried having Older kids....It just never seemed to work out..!!
"I Love kids....especially ~Well-Done~!!"
~ W.C. Fields
Children are wonderful...
I just don't have the patience for bottles, diapers and Potty-training, anymore! | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 11/25/2011 7:08:36 PM | It is definitely a hindrance for sure. But, my situation is a bit different perhaps. The child I care for, needs me to care for her. I have no choice..kinda looks like I am not going to date or get serious with a woman. I have resigned myself to that. So be it. Women my age..are long past raising children. Their grandkids are for spoiling, have fun with..then sent home to their parents. I can't do that.
I have a nine year old granddaughter that I am the primary care giver. I help dress her, do her hair, get her to school, we do homework, go to school functions, we bake cookies, play, and I cook, clean, etc. Plus, work so that I have money for her medicals, clothes, etc.
Her mother, my daughter, is deceased (pulmonary embolism). Her Nanna, my wife, is deceased (colon cancer, passing away 27 days from her first doctors visit). She has lost the two most important women in her life.
Her father, is here and then gone again, looking for some woman to take care of him financially and sexually, while he watches sport and drinks beer. He has drug her into so many relationships, with each one ending the same..he gets them kicked out because after the sexual aspect wears off, the women are stuck with a deadbeat liar, and a child as well. Luckily he has only drug her out of my house and into theirs twice. But the countless women he has exposed her to is amazing. It's like a roll of the dice; Maybe he will have a job this week, maybe he won't. If he gets his hands on any of her electrical toys..he will pawn them. HE lives off of the money he gets that is suppose to go to her care.
She loves her father very much, but is very saddened to the point that she said to me yesterday; "Daddy only wants me for the money." Sad..sad..sad. I do the best I can, making her feel good about herself, and life. I give her stability, whole lots of love, and let her be a child. She knows she can always count on me..I got her back. And I love her very much. I will never, ever, speak ill of her daddy in front of her, but he does frustrate me a lot. He will even ask his daughter..to ask me, if he can sleep in my house. No guts..he knows how I feel with him and his lifestyle..I despise it, and want none of it in my house with his daughter present.
Am I ruling something/someone out?
Nope..but then again, I am not expecting it either. I guess I am sorta giving up on me, I have a responsibility to someone else. Someone has to.
Life sucks sometimes..but to me, it's worse when you have no Momma, Nanna, and worse of all..no Daddy. She doesn't even know her other grandparents. They were never married, never lived together, don't care about each other. Daddy was a product of a liaison, no more no less. She gets very little cards or presents from them..and it hurts me that it hurts her. I try to shield her from hurt as much as I can. She doesn't need anymore.
So, I try to be all I can, and so far..it's working..but dayum is it tiring sometimes..sigh | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 11/25/2011 7:36:43 PM | Hang in there, Ping. Sometimes the only reward you get is knowing that you're doing the right thing. And you are. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:48:05 PM | I was in the same situation even now the kids are not with me due to their choices since dad is more fun to be with and not put any restriction on them. My opinion is if the guy could not accept the whole package, he does not belong in my life either.
You will find someone after the kids are grown. My girl friends had found someone to be with at later in life( they are much older than me). | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:52:12 PM | | I`m 47 and my kids are 20 and almost 24 and there`s no way would I date anyone seriously with very young children.I have done my time and now its my turn | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 11/28/2011 12:58:50 PM | I agree with the postr in msg 4 and the rest of her comments in other posts.
Dating someone over 50 with dependent children and worse if they are over 21 and still depenedent.. going to be hard to find someone interested.
Not just that... others who have children are going to be very careful in dating others with kids as to what ages and if they are boys or gorls, so I'm saying you will have discrimination from both thoose with kids and without !!!
there is nothing less appealing to me than someone my age with small children... I would rather eat a volkswagon, tires and all than mess with any of that. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 11/28/2011 1:08:22 PM | | If they aren't able to accept it than move on. You will find someone that loves children I have a 10 year old and a 20 year old living with me. Yeah it's tough but what are we to do. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 11/29/2011 6:27:18 PM | I'd love to find a Beautiful Lady like you with children. My ate wife couldn't have children,but I have always wanted to be a father. To bad you don't live closer. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 11/30/2011 6:16:55 AM | Dear Pingshooter...
Guess what...there ARE women over 50 out there that would happily and gladly meet someone of your caliber and embrace having the opportunity to meet a man who is as family oriented as you are! I know...because I'm one of them! You just have to wait patiently, keep doing what you do best, and one day it's right there in front of you!
Never lose your optimism or stop pursuing the dream of that one special woman!
Lynn | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 12/6/2011 6:28:27 AM | | I prefer not to date men with young children. I dont have children at home and prefer it that way. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 12/6/2011 6:35:26 AM | my sons are 21 & 27..the 21 yr old lives w/ his dad & the 27 yr old is more like my roomie...pays for 1/2, love it!
i love them & we have a relationship, but they are not youngins...WHY WOULD I WANT TO DEAL WITH LITTLE KIDS OR TEENS NOW THAT I FINALLY AM FREE???
so if you have kids, it most likely would be better to date another who is in the same boat...some people don't mind, BUT I DO
I was drained from raising mine w/ no help, so I am not about to put myself through any of it ever again
PS- I was recently contacted by a 58 yr old w/ teens in school, he had a laundry list of this & that & was very unattractive to boot...he went off on me when I did not want to run out & meet him...very unstabile!!!
He obviously hooked up with a much younger woman 10 years ago, felt he was reliving his youth and brought these innocents into the world. Now that things haven't worked out, he's looking for someone his age willing to co-parent. And what is that indicative of??? to me it is selfish & immature to bring kids in the world just to boost their own ego, then to expect someone else to pick up the slack!!! UGH!!! | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 12/6/2011 7:18:20 AM | Having never been a parent, nor ever having the desire to be a parent, I've always taken a pass on men who had minor children; this was true even if they didn't have custody of them.
I've always insisted that the man I'm involved with be unencumbered in every sense of the word. He needed to be free of contact from an ex-wife, free of child-support obligations, free to travel, and free to make a relationship with a woman a top priority in his life.
Men with younger kids couldn't do that. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 12/6/2011 10:06:01 AM | At 47, I have an 8 yo daughter. She is from my first and only marriage. I was asked what I was even doing on POF since I did not have time to date. I may not be as free to go as an empty nester, but I'd make what time I have quality.
I hold nothing against people who do not want to date me because I have a child. If you don't want kids, like kids or whatever {many reasons given in this thread}, fine with me. We won't date because we are not compatible. What does surprise me is getting an attitude when I am being honest and upfront about having a child. Being told why would I waste the time of a serious dater, whatever that is, if I don't have time to date. I have time to date, just maybe not the time you require. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 12/10/2011 10:00:29 AM | | I did not see this thread and I started one as well. I am 47 and I have a 4 year old. I guess it takes that special someone! | |
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