| | Over 50 with younger kids?Page 6 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | Hope 49 counts. I have 5 children 3 at home. They are 6, 9, 10, 19 and 32. 6, 9, and 19 are adopted. I didn't expect to be dating again at this age. It sucks, but my heart made the choice to bring more children into our family. They truly were meant to be with us. Guys my age are done with little kids. Younger guys want their own kids. Most guys that have custody of their kids seem to have a bad attitude. They think they are better parents then women. So I steer clear of them.
I seen a show where a woman with 14 children found a man and got married. So I am not giving up. I am sure there are men out there who have room in their hearts for women and their children. I know that I would love any man's child/children as much as I love my own. I know not everyone is wired that way.
The only time it gets me down is when we are out at amusement parks and I see the whole families together. I really miss that. Sadly though the ex had to go and our life is better without him. I ended up adopting the last 2 as a single mom. I would adopt more children if I had the means to take care of them. Too many children don't have a home or family.
I would be the crazy kid lady instead of the crazy cat lady. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/28/2012 7:00:32 PM | | I'm 52 and have a 16 year old. Yes, it has been an issue with some guys who chose to have their kids earlier in life and who are now footloose and fancy free at our stage of life. I've had some dates with thesetoupee of guys and they would like me to be spontaneous, but that just doesn't work that well for me right now. I would rather date a guy with kids around my son's age; then he will understand my commitment just as I will understand is. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/28/2012 9:42:49 PM | I love kids and have (almost!) raised four of my own. I recently dated a man who had never had kids or dated anyone with children. He said I managed to balance everything beautifully and the kids were happy. So, I guess I have learned to do something right..lol.
However, if the kids were younger, I don`t think I could be nearly as accomodating, or feel as though I was giving the best of myself to everyone involved.
I have dated men who could not manage their time well enough to have a relationship, even if the kids were older, and have dated men who expected me to be surrogate mom. Bottom line, if he has kids at home, I am going to be more cautious and selective.
I look forward to meeting someone that we can share grandkids with, this is more my stage in life. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/29/2012 1:30:04 PM | My kids are grown and gone now for quite some time (30 & 28) and for several years I think I would have preferred a man without kids as my "freedom" was relatively new... but now, I actually enjoy having kids around again.
I was a good mom and I wouldn't mind playing even a small part in another child's life. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/29/2012 4:28:25 PM | | My two boys are both in high school. I had them when I was in my mid/late 30's. I have not encountered much problem from men not wanting to date me because of the boys (those men probably don't contact me in the first place). My issue is how very busy I am- ithose boys keep me on my toes. Evrryone has their various appointments, activities, and needs. One boy is into sports, the other has a potentially serious medical concern. I need to make sure he'll be ok. Simply put, I am too busy to date right now. But I don't mind because I love my kids, They are the top priority of my life. I do enjoy browsing the forums and "window shopping" profiles. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/29/2012 5:18:00 PM | I am 58 and my only son is 30+ and living on his own.
So...Will I date a lady with kids at home? Certainly. Why not? It may limit some activities. So what.
If love is present, we will find a way to make it work.
This lead to another question; I still work full time. Should I refrain from dating someone who is retired?
Doc Sage | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/29/2012 5:42:33 PM |
Most of the men I meet around my age have children who are grown and seem to find my situation to be a deterrent to getting to know me.
I find myself in the opposite situation. A lot. My sons are 17, 21 and 23. The youngest will be a SR this year and the other two have graduated from college. My sons rarely need me for true "mom" stuff.
I keep meeting men who are my age and older who I think would be a great fit. We will talk about our children and they will mention their children who are close in age or older than mine and then....
their toddlers or preschoolers. Yikes. I seem to be surrounded by men who divorced and then married younger women who they had children with and now they are divorced again.
I love being a mother more than anything. I was class mom, team mom, coach, fundraising goddess, go to cookie baker, car pool driver, field trip chaperon, substitute teacher, etc. I really don't want to do those things again as the mother or step mother and I know that I would never be able to be the detached sort. I wouldn't be able to help myself.
So - OP (and all those after her since this thread is ancient) I understand a man or woman not wanting to be in that position again. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 6/30/2012 11:39:01 AM | | And I also have the same problem but obviously from a mans point of view I too have younger children and any woman I have spoken to seem to disappear as soon as I mention this. Help and advice please | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/24/2012 12:32:40 AM | | ^^^^^^My suggestion to your post is finding a single mom whom has the children the same or close to yours children age for dating because of similarity will help you both through the ups and downs of raising them while rebuilding a new life together as a separate one or combining to be one. | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 135 | |
| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/24/2012 8:24:29 AM | | I'm over 50 with younger kids. My youngest was born when I was 43. I know I am an older Dad, but there are lots of guys in my position. I don't think it is at all unusual to have dads over 50 with young kids at home in the least, so if you are knocking out older Dads with younger children, well you are knocking out a sizeable part of the population. Just one more reason to limit yourselves folks. And then some of you wonder why you are here for years and years. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/24/2012 9:11:46 AM | Interesting to read everyone's situation. My sons are 40 and 34.....8 grandsons from 5-15..
I have had no children at home since I was 43. I admit I was very surprised when I started dating again that so many men in their 5os and 60s had fairly young children at home. It isn't a situation I would deliberately walk into.... | |
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raicor
| | Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 137 | |
| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/26/2012 9:15:34 PM | rubber to the road... if one finds themselves single with younger kids late in life, then it will most likely be only the kids later into life. seems acceptable that people who have ended with the children experience would be looking for another experience. surely there must be men on here in the same situation. maybe a manual criteria in the profile may help???
"looking for a man who understands still having younger children at home."
hard line here against dating females in my age group with young kids. and yes, they do find it offensive when i provide that information. i think it may be a miscommunication inside when they discount young kids as a factor in meeting men. hmmm, 46 with and 6 and an 8 year old. 48 with a 26 year old. anyone??? | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/26/2012 10:59:52 PM | At your time of life many are grandparents and I would say dont want to have to deal with other peoples' young children. They can be a real problem, especially resentful or jealous teenagers and if you have them at home all the time, that can be a dealbreaker for some. Time together would be very limited and of course women always put their families first.
I would also be wary what man I let into my life with young ones still at home. Unfortunately abusers and paedophiles often target these sort of families. ANyone who you dont know the background of, such as from the net, I would find too risky. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 1:19:58 PM | | I appreciate that many of you have younger kids and you are genuinely interested in meeting potential partners who will accept you and be happy to make a family with you. I question, though, the mindstuff of guys my age (59) with younger kids approaching people like me, with no children, wanting us to accept their children and become a step-mother to them. I've had a few men request this of me, and I ran quickly into the mountains, as it were. I don't have a motherly instinct - never have - and the idea of bringing up children as I near my 60th year completely horrible. I guess these men are desperate and will overlook lots of red flags to get what they seek. The biggest red flag I fly is this: I don't want a live-in relationship with anybody. Seems quite a few men with kids don't read my profile! | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 140 | |
| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 5:07:10 PM | | I'm kind of surprised that you ever got to the point of a guy wanting you to be a step mom to his kids. Its quite obvious you have nothing to offer a single dad, in fact your attitude about no live in relationships possible would put you on the don't bother dating list of most quality guys. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:06:23 PM | | Wow this is so interesting. I had no idea so many over 50 have young children at home. I saw a profile of a man my age of 54 and he has a 1 yr old. I feel really sorry for him. My youngest is 17 1/2 and I am so ready to be done raising kids. I have a 35 year old so I think I've been doing this long enough. Because of that I really would like to meet a man who is done raising his kids too. At least if men do have younger children they don't usually have full custody. One problem is that neither of us has a place to be alone together so intimacy is a huge challenge. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:17:00 PM | My guy has a 9 year old daughter... my sons are 27 & 31.
It has been so long since I've had kids in my home -- I'd actually welcome the chance again. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:53:36 PM | " I saw a profile of a man my age of 54 and he has a 1 yr old. I feel really sorry for him. "
I don't know why you'd feel sorry for him. He made a life choice, not a damn thing wrong with that. The thing is, you're in a different space - you don't want more children in your life, so what. That's your choice. Why bytch about someone else's choice. Go find someone that fits you.
A person with young children should not have to defend themselves for their choices. Neither should someone who doesn't wish to raise children again. Easy, really. There are more than enough men/women out there for us to choose from. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 7:59:35 PM | [tbicon: I'm kind of surprised that you ever got to the point of a guy wanting you to be a step mom to his kids. Its quite obvious you have nothing to offer a single dad, in fact your attitude about no live in relationships possible would put you on the don't bother dating list of most quality guys.]
I'm kind of surprised too, given that the conversations start with this premise of me being a stepmother to their kids - as the opening conversation, not one further down the track. Quite obviously I have nothing to offer a single dad because I have no interest in mothering. I am too old. That's the bottom line.
My attitude towards a live-in relationship comes about from too many men thinking they'll give up their job and relocate and move with me. This has been said to me over and over again. Just because I own my house and have a good professional business. I may come to a position of deciding to share a live-in arrangement, but I want a relationship that develops organically and does not start with the premise of us living together in my house. Many of the men who contact me are not financially well off. I seek an equitable relationship with a man who is not needing from me a mother for his kids, but who chooses me because of shared interest and desires. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:17:06 PM |
I'm kind of surprised that you ever got to the point of a guy wanting you to be a step mom to his kids. Its quite obvious you have nothing to offer a single dad, in fact your attitude about no live in relationships possible would put you on the don't bother dating list of most quality guys.
That's a rather harsh assessment of someone whom you don't know. While I'm sure that based on what she wrote she doesn't care if she has anything to "offer a single dad" , why would her not wanting a live-in relationship make her a "don't bother dating" person for any relationship?
I personally do not believe in living with a man without being married to him. I have no issues with others who choose to do so, but I'm not going to do that myself. If that means that some "quality guys" aren't interested, then they weren't of the "quality" I seek and I wouldn't be interested in them. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:29:18 PM | I am 52 and I live with my 15 year old son. I chose to have this child and I have chosen him over his father and every other man in my life. My friend warned me...She said, "you'll end up alone." I am guessing she is right. I am feeling very alone. Now, my son is in that funky stage and he doesn't want his mother around much anymore and he is growing up and apart from me. I think this is natural. I just feel like he was the one I shared most everything with and now I need to focus on me.
I have had an opportunity to be with a very attractive younger man and I declined. My girlfriend said I was crazy. I don't want to raise another child. Some older men have proven to be children as well. I got on this site 2 years ago and got bored with the prospects. I was in a relationship at the time but, I wasn't very happy with the way it was going. I didn't give this site much of a chance. Then I moved and two years clicked by and I had just forgotton about the site. I got some emails but I would just delete them. I had to get a new password because I had forgotton it. I looked at the guys profiles who were most attracted and one of the guys I would have been very interested in. I feel like that has been my loss. I was no where to be found. I guess it is not the most honest thing to do: join a site and then take off. I am going to give it some time this time. I just read a profile for a paraplegic young man. I thought how brave. So I guess he has given me some hope. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/27/2012 9:08:04 PM | | OP, I'm in the same situation. I'm 51 and have my two sons, ages 11 & 8, who live with me full-time. As other posters stated, most people our age have already raised their kids and don't want the demands again that come with young children. I can't hold it against them. They made their choices and I made mine. And in that respect, I have no regrets. And yes, I keep telling myself that hope springs eternal and I'll find someone who can accept the whole package. | |
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| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/28/2012 1:11:39 AM | i fost/adopted three teens at age 50, ages 10 1/2 to 13. got divorced in late 50's and i was the one with the remaining child and the others in and out, but with all the issues. sure, there are some who don't want kids. some cannot take the issues. etc. etc. there are also people with kids, or grand kids, who really like kids no matter what. main thing is that you have a family life w/o major dysfunction. i know guys who've broken up with moms who did not 'manage" their families or dumped the kids on them. if "your" kids, you need to have the family in reasonable shape and not expect an outsider to run it for you.
there is another overlapping issue that some people who are retired are dating someone who still works. same issue. do you have time for the partner?
lastly, i've known many men who had babies with younger women who dumped the kids on them. usually due to addictions. they too are in the same boat.
so, if he doesn't like your kids, move on. don't use one or two guys who don't like kids as an excuse not to find the right guy for you. join parents w/o partners. if they are younger, network and have them find you an older relative or friend! this is how people used to meet. one must take advantage of all social situations? | |
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tbicon
| | Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 150 | |
| Over 50 with younger kids?
Posted: 7/28/2012 5:02:44 AM | why would her not wanting a live-in relationship make her a "don't bother dating" person for any relationshiip?
To me its a statement she has little desire to be close to a guy, so why would a guy want to waste his time?
What guy starts out meeting a woman for the first time, asking her if she will be a stepmother to his kids? That's just strange.. | |
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