| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:35:35 PM | I can totally relate to ur issue! They take u on one or two dates then disappear.....never another phone call......never another email.....What was the purpose of ever getting to even know them??? For them to just walk away....never an explanation, never a reason? It's cruel and inhuman!
To me? Its a chickens way out of not having to deal with it and leaving the other person questioning who they r, what happened that turned things so badly and doubting ur looks, ur personality and ur out look on another relationship.
Why can't people just stand up and be honest? Honesty is easier to deal with than no answer at all. Some people just "don't hit it off". Don't think ur being a stalker.....ur just a woman looking for the "answer". If he never answers u? Just know.....u did nothing wrong......Its his issue.
Sorry ur going thru this AGAIN! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:36:18 PM | Posts 247 - 249
I am thinking that you did three posts in a row that I think you should have edited and put in English. Really, you need a course in English, spelling, grammar, the whole nine yards. I really think that you should do this before you post again because who can understand what you wrote?
OT I do keep thinking that all of us that have been through this should know that what the man did to us will probably come back on him. I just wish that we could find out what happens...ok...that is a bit sick or mean, but geez, I am tired of being hurt and just would like to see just once that the guy that hurt me has something happen to him to make him realize what he did was so hurtful to me. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:43:19 PM | I guess I think first, that if I only met a guy once or twice - whether on here or not, it wouldn't really be that big a deal since I have invested very little into. Why would I invest so much of myself that quick with someone I barely know. For the most part I think it's more of unmet expectations on our part.
Now on the otherside, when I have been seeing someone for a few weeks or more/dates/phone calls/outings then I have given more of myself and so it is harder to deal with.
I see a guy at the store alot, we always friendly flirt talk ect - my fav reason for going to that store!! But if he isn't there, well so what. Sure it wouldn't be as fun, but I am not going to feel jaded. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:56:45 PM | I guess I think first, that if I only met a guy once or twice - whether on here or not, it wouldn't really be that big a deal since I have invested very little into. Why would I invest so much of myself that quick with someone I barely know. For the most part I think it's more of unmet expectations on our part.
Now on the otherside, when I have been seeing someone for a few weeks or more/dates/phone calls/outings then I have given more of myself and so it is harder to deal with.
I agree that the disappearing act is worse when you have been dating someone for a while. However even if it was just 1-2 dates or some email and phone chats, I would still prefer a man to tell me that "we're not compatible or a match" instead of ending contact without any notice. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/8/2008 3:15:24 PM | ml456 I agree, it's just bad manners but certainly nothing worth crying over or feeling like somehow I did something wrong, it just wasn't right for whatever reason. I don't take it personal on the instances of one or two dates because for the most part I think the guy may just not have the ability to say he isn't interested and not feel like he is hurting our feelings.
I have talked to male friends on this and the majority say they really liked the girl but felt bad about hurting her feelings so they just let it go so to speak. And alot said that because they'd had girls who couldn't accept their response that it was easier just dissapear, that things would "blow over". Doesn't make it the ideal way to handle things but I can understand to a degree.
Again tho, this is in the shortterm situation. It's a whole different story when there's been some emotional investment, and the more there is the harder it stings. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/8/2008 3:24:03 PM | | I defintely wouldn't lose sleep over some man do the disappearing act after 1-2 dates. But if some men are concerned about a woman being rude to him ( or vice versa ) after he rejects her. Then he could end things with an email or text message and avoid any face to face confrontation. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:00:01 PM | the solution is for us as adults to act like we are adults,not to play gameswith peoples heads and to give them the common courtesy that we would like back to us. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:16:40 PM |
Then he could end things with an email or text message and avoid any face to face confrontation.
Text? Judging from the recent threads about that very subject, he'd be better off doing ANYTHING other than that.
Last year I was at the point where I needed to break up with someone, and it was suggested to me by someone who's opinion I valued VERY much that I should just cut off contact with her. And this was over a year and a half into the relationship. I did NOT follow that advice (I tried to do it in person, but she said she was too busy to see me that day, so I did it by phone instead). | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:19:36 PM | Text? Judging from the recent threads about that very subject, he'd be better off doing ANYTHING other than that.
A lot of people in other threads were complaining about using a text message to end a LTR. However I think ml456 was talking about using a text message to end things after 1-2 dates. Those are 2 completely different situations. I don't think a large percentage of people would complain about someone using a text or email message to end things after 1-2 dates or some email / phone conversations. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:00:31 PM | I'm just relieved to read that this just doesn't happen with me. My father left when I was 2, and men have left me ever since. I really think men are just that way. You may think I have abandonment issues, but tell me who really enjoys being abandoned? It doesn't matter whether you're beautiful or ugly, dumb or smart, easy or chaste, fat or skinny. a nice girl or a b i t c h. They don't know what the h e l l they want. I'd go back to being a spinster, but I want a little more fun before I die.  Now that I know this a common occurence, I suppose I should stock up on chocolate, find my cd of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" and watch Stephen King's "Misery" to take notes on hobbling so they CAN'T leave or maybe just a couple of bullets in the kneecaps and they won't be going anywhere - of course that would probably put the kabash on any romantic activities.  | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:35:14 PM | | The fact is, the large percentage of people on POF are flakes. Eventually, the odds are that you are going to run into at least one of them. After all, this site is like a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week club that will let anyone, and I do mean ANYONE in. So, don't sweat it, just go find another person to date. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:39:29 PM | | My ex pulled the same thing with me, I still love him and all but I certainly hope he feels the pain he put me through. I can say after 14 months Im happy and have moved on, though I do wonder every once in a while what he's up to and ultimately I want him to be happy, with or without me. It was a cowardly thing for him to do, but I think it was the only way he knew how to break up with me. I harbour no hard feelings, he is a complicated individual. I wish him all the best. One thing is for sure, I will never let myself get into another situation like that again. | |
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~Ai~63
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Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 263 | |
| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:59:14 AM | | so how are you supposed to feel when everything is good, been "talking" for 3 months or so and you find out your preggo, and then he flakes out but says everything is ok. goes on vaca and when he comes back deletes his profile, phone shut off, and hasn't contacted you... HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO FEEL/ACT?!? You didn't wanna be "with" them but you expected them to take some responsiblilty for the child that was created in a moment of passion that could have been avoided... and when you won't kill the "accident" he ditches you. You feel like CRAP thats how. What your good enough to screw but it gets tough and he dissappears!!!.. ok sorry to rant :) | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:10:48 AM | | Get the child support all set up; and then move on. You're better off without him. He needs to pay child support until the child is 18, no matter how long you were dating though. I wouldn't let him slide on that. It takes two. However, that said - why no birth control, especially in a new relationship only 3 months long? | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:49:42 AM | | It's just your run of the mill immaturity, don't waste any sleep over it. And don't fall for his passive-aggressive ploy to make you out to be a crazy woman who is stalking him, it will only fed his ego. Next, please! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:09:53 AM | This happens quite often I am afraid. It is happening to me now, also. Don't they all just say the same thing it seems..honest, caring, sincere etc.
Anyways, I met him here and we emailed just about every morning, then talked on the phone and then decided to meet. It was all so easy and nice. The date went well I thought despite a little nerves on my part for being the first time I met anyone from here.
But he seemed so nice and genuine and the date was pretty good..easy conversation. I found that he was someone I would really like to see again.
He even suggested we do it again the next morning via email.
Then he disappeared...poof!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you are left to wonder why?
I do think it would be easier for them to just be HONEST "as they say they are" and not say we should do it again and then disappear. That way you know right up front and are not left to sit and wonder why for days until you finally get it "they are doing the disappearing act". That way you can just get on with it right away.
It think it is pretty gutless myself. I hope I would at least have the guts to be honest with a man and say we just weren't compatible etc. At least you give that person the respect that I think we all deserve.
Treat others as you would like to be treated. But, unfortunately, there will always be the ones that just can't do that and this will just keep happening to many of us. Yes, it stings a bit, but you have to get it thru your head that they just weren't as "honest and caring" as they said they were and move on to find a guy that really is nice...FOR REAL! I do believe they are out there! But it just not easy to keep putting yourself out there not knowing when you will run into one of these gutless wonders!
That's my opinion!! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:19:23 PM |
you find out your preggo, and then he flakes out but says everything is ok. goes on vaca and when he comes back deletes his profile, phone shut off, and hasn't contacted you... HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO FEEL/ACT?!?
I got a call from the woman my ex was telling the lies to today. Yeah, more salt rubbed into my wound being told that his daughter didn't think I was pretty enough for him etc. But my God. I am crying not for myself but for you. I can't forget being in the hospital after delivering my first son with a husband and wife and their new baby next to me and there I was alone. I won't ever forget that feeling about life not being fair. If you decide to have your child and raise it, please make sure that you have friends and family around you and get counselling. You deserve all the support you can get. My thoughts and prayers are with you. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:08:18 PM | Funny... I got a reply message, asking me if I still interested and I replied yes. THEN the disappearing act. Stupid stupid stupid. It made me feel confused. Concerned for their well being, etc. But he did have really nice gray eyes. And I did get a free lunch out of it and a sweet little kiss. Keep fishing!!!  | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:17:10 PM |
so how are you supposed to feel when everything is good, been "talking" for 3 months or so and you find out your preggo, and then he flakes out but says everything is ok. goes on vaca and when he comes back deletes his profile, phone shut off, and hasn't contacted you... HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO FEEL/ACT?!? You didn't wanna be "with" them but you expected them to take some responsiblilty for the child that was created in a moment of passion that could have been avoided... and when you won't kill the "accident" he ditches you. You feel like CRAP thats how. What your good enough to screw but it gets tough and he dissappears!!!.. ok sorry to rant :)
I have one question.. ever heard of paternity suit? Most states now require that you give birthfather's name and they will go after him for child support. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:16:59 PM | | at first, completely befuddled and confused. when i eventually figured out what he'd done, i was pretty ticked off - and still am. that, btw, has nothing to do with still carrying a torch for him; rather, it has everything to do with my basic level of integrity - i cannot stand people who are dishonest and i believe if feelings have developed between 2 people, then it's incumbent on the party who wishes to break it off to say so in a tactful, but unambiguous manner. i simply won't tolerate that kind of behavior and i have no qualms about saying so. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:33:39 PM | | its happened,not a good feeling. you think over what it could have been,then you move on. what i ahte is the one who drop you,then try to contact again 'like nothing ever happened' and feign hurt when you won't forgive them | |
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Key_S
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Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 273 | |
| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:21:42 AM | How did you feel when he disappeared?
Remember meeting him and falling so deep in love for so long? Feeling that excitment, joy, sexual, stablity, Certainty, Complete...........
Now feel the total opposite of all these. Add fear to the list.That is the feeling after the'dissapearing Act'.
I'm sorry for eveyone who's had to deal with this. There is no sensible answer. Build up walls and try to move on is all I can suggest.
Wishing you peace | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:05:39 AM | | had an ex do that after a 12 year marriage i went to work and came home and found everything gone, no warning no clue, makes it extremely hard to trust someone after that happens. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/12/2008 10:37:34 AM | | i had a man who i meet on this site we messaged each other and many calls we had two dates he lived 4o miles away he said all the usual stuff even told my kids that he will be seeing more of them etc i was asked by him to stay the night so i did the next morning i was kicked out of his apartment at 7 30 his excuse was someone was coming to check out his appartment as he lived on a hoilday park so i left i never heard from this man again but came across him by accident on this site this is were we met to start with i read his profile lol 2 my surprise it says divorced he told me he had never been married and he has never meet a honest female on this site but i was honest with him he wanted to marry me so he said lol why do men say these things just to get a woman in bed why dont they say if thats wot they want i believe that some of these men use woman 4 sex and move on to the next and feel these people should be named and shamed and why should they mess around with our feelings | |
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