| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 2:35:40 AM | women do the same thing. the answer is easy. if you want respect and honesty then give it...to yourself. don't get physically intimate with someone, no matter what they say without a real commitment. wine and laughs and music doesn't pass muster. there needs to be a foundation of friendship that's lasted through a crisis or two or at least spanned the completion of a joint creative endeavor that required commitment and follow through over time in practical ways. it's old school, but the old school was right. wait for a ring or give up any expectation or demand for real loyalty and commitment. PEACE  | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 3:13:19 AM | | it does hurt when you see that they are either player or scammers and not what they say they truly are as i see it they might be david copperfield with the magician trick | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 6:36:59 AM | | well let me start by saying its a poor shame for someone to do that to someone. i have been on pof for a long time and had only met a couple of people. well i met this guy from athens tn. he drove down its like 2 hrs away he rented a hotel room for himself. we went to dinner and sat and talked for hours. he asked if i would date him and only him, we dated a month with him coming down every weekend he even brought his kids. they got along great with me and my kids, we had a picnic at the park it seem to all be going so good, this last day i saw him was on a sunday he left like he always did with hugs and kisses and babe i will see you next weekend. we talked and chatted the whole next week everything good. on that friday i got a message that he was short on money and was not gonna be able to come that weekend. i was like well thats ok i know how tight money is now u try to have a good weekend, and we will see each other next weekend. since then i have sent him messages on pof and they were deleted unread, no reply. i left messages and sent text messages and no reply. i have not heard anything at all. how can someone do that to someone ya know gaw just say hey i dont want you or something! im so confused cause it was all going so good then poof he is not heard from again. i feel that is selfish on his part. why do guys do that? its just not cool at all. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 12:06:04 PM | I'm not a player or a scammer, but sometimes it goes like this:
I had been emailing a woman from out of state (not my norm; not into distance relationships). She happened to be coming to a nearby state and mentioned that maybe she could make it up to see me. When she finally got to my state (on other business) I was in the middle of my weekend work marathon and told her it likely wouldn't work out this time.
Ended the weekend work marathon, came home Monday morning and crashed, but left my cell phone in my coat pocket downstairs. When I found it Mon. night, battery was dead, so plugged it in. Well, when it goes dead, it shuts off, so even though it was plugged in, it wasn't on. Today I unplugged it, realized it was off and turned it on. Greeted by two VMs from her (kinda hey, how are ya, sort) and two texts. Replied to the texts (sorry, phone died, just recharged, how are ya?). Come home from dropping daughter off at a class and find and email where she rips me a new one for not contacting her, that I'm a player, yada yada.
Instant turn off. How the heck do you reply to that? | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:46:00 PM | My theory is...the *date* is attracted to you,has a good time and does plan to see you again...but then once *the date* is at the computer sees other possibilities..maybe you are 5'6" and his dream gal is 5'3"..and there she is..so the mission isn't over and you are just one of many that caught his interest while fishing. There is no emotion in the date..or the dates of those thrown back. The only emotion is that of the disappearing slacker who could care less about the people he/she has met and given the insinuations that all is well....when really..time was just being filled while waiting for more fish to choose from.
My favorite quote " Don't make someone a priority when you are only an option" | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:51:33 PM | I've never had anyone I was in an actual relationship with disappear on me.
Maybe you encountered a wierdo... Or maybe you misunderstood the relationship?
You're right, there are a lot of threads along both of those lines - Especially where one person thought they were "owed" some degree of consideration that they probably weren't, based on one or two dates. (Or worse yet, "How rude is it for people to delete my email without even replying?!")
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:53:47 PM | Oh geesh - infoseekngeek:
...my cell phone goes everywhere with me if I am expecting a call...havn't dropped it in the tub yet...but came pretty close !
Not to insinuate anything..but you were expecting a call...and ah...phone wasn't handy...and it kinda died..and accidently was turned off....
Did you really want to see her ??
OK....the scolding is over...perhaps you should try to explain one more time..and end the conversation just how you said it here
Instant turn off.
Just like the phone..*wink*
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:56:11 PM |
The only emotion is that of the disappearing slacker who could care less about the people he/she has met and given the insinuations that all is well....when really..time was just being filled while waiting for more fish to choose from.
Well stated and I completely agree, unfortunately.
My favorite quote " Don't make someone a priority when you are only an option"
and I'd like to add my own:
What you accept in the beginning, you can expect in the end.
I seem to attract those who think it's appropriate to disappear and then reappear. Uhhhh, sorry ~ I don't think so. To each their own, I'm an accountability freak. If he's not accountable in the beginning? He certainly won't be in the future either. I'm worth more than that. (And so is everyone else here!!)  | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 6:04:07 PM |
What you accept in the beginning, you can expect in the end.
Very true!! Thanx -I've added that to my book of quotes titled .."STOP LEADING ME DOWN THE DAMN GARDEN PATH! I ain't going to follow no more!!" | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 6:25:44 PM |
Oh geesh - infoseekngeek:
...my cell phone goes everywhere with me if I am expecting a call...havn't dropped it in the tub yet...but came pretty close !
Not to insinuate anything..but you were expecting a call...and ah...phone wasn't handy...and it kinda died..and accidently was turned off....
Did you really want to see her ??
OK....the scolding is over...perhaps you should try to explain one more time..and end the conversation just how you said it here..
Not that I need to explain myself or give you a call-by-call, txt-by-txt play-by-play, but no, I wasn't expecting a call. She'd left the state already.
Point is, we all have lives. It's not always all about you. When you over-text and over-email it's a bit melodramatic and needy and a huge turn-off, in my opinion, especially if we haven't even had a first date yet. If I haven't returned a call, an email, or a text, maybe, just maybe, I didn't get it yet. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 6:37:51 PM | Your right - you don't need to explain anything to me but I thankyou for your response.
And I will agree with you..that because texting, e-mails and ims are so quick and available a person can get a little put out thinking that the reciever should have responded as quick as the communication was made.
And for the record...I don't text! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/8/2009 9:43:32 PM | I had a womwn do the disapearing act on me once a long time ago. I have always believed that; If I take someone out and provide her transportation, I have the responsibility to get her home safely, even if I never want to see her again. If she doesn't want me to take her home she has the responsibility to tell me she is making other arangements for her transportation.
In reality all she needs to do is say, "take me home" and I'll take her home. Ofcourse I may want to talk about what is wrong. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 5/1/2009 12:18:30 PM | | hi it has happened to me a few times on this site.but i just smile and say thank god lucky escape .the most recent time was when i was chatting to a guy in another country and he was so into me,i told him i would come and visit him ,i went over and he picked me up from the airport we had dinner ,i had booked into a hotel for a week . and i never heard or saw him again all that week even though he knew i was on my own,but i had called his bluff by saying i was coming over,so i always make a point of meeting fast ,cause then you save time and energy on wasters. so chin upgirl it happens all the time and we always come out the winners !!!! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 5/2/2009 6:33:57 AM | | Wow - just what I feel like I am going through right now. I met a guy from POF hung out a couple of times kinda started to have athing for him and he said he'd like to go out again blah blah blah. I call and TXT and now starting to feel like that "stalker" type thing. He said to get a hold of him but I am starting to feel the brush off. For those that it "never happened to" good for you, but we aren't all rock stars. And it is kinda tought to "get over it" if you were thinking that it could lead somewhere. I totally understand the draining effect since you think that things were going well and then "poof" you don't get a "hi" or "bye." I am def a person that likes the closure too. I am a big girl, tell me if you aren't interested and I can get on with life. Otherwise I feel like I am hanging on to someone that is sending me mixed messages and some how I am the crazy one? | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/1/2009 7:27:55 AM | Hi Jenna,
I find that when a man "rushes in and rushes you" get it ready he will rush out too! Just think about how absurd to know a guy 4 days and he is texting or calling excessively. He doesn't really have it together because it's the lack of Impluse control. Not that you aren't great or desirable , it's about him and his needs. You don't need him and he will do this over and over. I know being older and wiser this happens a lot in life. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/5/2009 1:16:27 PM | | This thread has helped me get over what happened to me, most of you have come up with some right gems and have shown me why a person does what they do, and that its the person who has the problem and not you. I think we all have to not get involved with a person straight away if you hardly know them. So now after reading people's own views who have had the same happen to them, I can now accept that its not just me that gets treated like this but that it could happen to anyone. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 10/2/2009 6:39:10 PM | It was done once to me. We were supposed to meet up, at his invitation and insistence. He wussed out last minute, wouldn't answer texts, didn't come online. I didn't get upset, actually, I was glad it happened then instead of me getting out there and him not showing.
Best part was when he came back online, two weeks later, and accused ME of backing out. Right. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 10/5/2009 12:43:17 PM | I had one do that. On a first date, we went to a movie, while waiting at a table, he got up put MY ticket on the table said he would be right back, an hour later went looking for him in the parking lot---He was there, in the car on the phone!!!! He was watching out though, as soon as he saw me heading for his car, he jumped out like he had been shot out of a cannon, which made me even more upset.
Needless to say, that was the end of the date. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:10:48 PM | | Well try dating a guy for 3 months and then out of the blue just leaves vanishes. Stopped texting me and calling me. What the hell we dated for 3 months no explanation. I think its different when it was just 1 or 2 dates. It hurts but you get through it. I beat myself up over it but not anymore. Hes an ass you just have to learn to accept it and move on. Its nothing you did its just the way he is. You cant change someone! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 10/7/2009 8:38:47 PM | | Wish I would--, well it hurts three months or first date, still makes you feel unwanted and not even enough concern as a human being, such lack of respect,I cried all the way back to my car I was so humiliated. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:20:16 PM | Cindy, don't feel bad...you're a cute gal.
I think this happens to all of us in one way or another.
I've been "disappeared" on lots of times.
The dudes usually want me to come over and "watch videos". When I decline (because I don't know them), I never hear back from them again.
Their loss, though...:) | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 10/8/2009 1:02:46 PM | Gosh! How awful is it that there are so many people that have experienced this? I haven't posted anything on the forums before but felt compelled to after reading this post. My story is not unusual or remarkable by an comparison but here it is....
I started e-mailing a man from another site back in June of this year. It was great and we seemed to connect based on a similar quirky sense of humour that we shared. After a few months, it progressed to texting back and forth and this continued for another few months. He never seemed to be in a hurry to suggest a meeting but I was cool with just taking my time and seeing how things progressed and seeing whether or not he lost interest or fell by the wayside, which happens sometimes. I suggested the first meeting in september and it was fun. We continue texting afterwards and it is me who suggests another meeting, which he agreed to. He kinda stopped texting as much but he would always reply and say sorry if it had been a few days between texting. Our last meeting was last wednesday. Again, another pleasant evening after which he says he has had an enjoyable evening. I wanted to see if he would suggest another meeting but he didnt. I texted him as usual and then, saturday, he just stopped replying to my messages. I noticed he was back on the dating site after telling me on wednesday that he had let his subscription laspe....
I like to think I am a rational, intelligent woman but the lack of courtesy and acknowledgement just channels my inner crazy stalker gal! I hate feeling this way!! I know it wasn't a big deal: a few meetings and texts and whatever but, as others have said, the power of a simple no thanks, leave me alone, it's not you, it's me...
Maybe I will just push that big red button now.... | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:06:35 PM | Grrr.....now I'm really beginning to understand why people "disappear".
I hate having that done to me, so I always try to let people know that I either am talking to/clicking with someone else, or that I'm "not feelin' it" with me and them. And I do this courteously, respectfully, and pleasantly.
But after continual "parting shots" from Grown-A$$ Men, such as : Fxxk you, Fxxk You Fat ****, It's OK I was looking for someone bright & you're not, Here's a Big Cxxk for You, and other varied, sundry, snotty insults, I'm DONE. I'm done getting abused and punished for doing the right thing, that I would want done for me. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 11/3/2009 11:47:11 PM | The disappearing act is the worst thing that can happen outside of downright criminal behavior. Nothing is so hurting or infuriating. When it happened to me, it really made me rethink my whole view of humankind. I remembered the GF who broke up with me out of the blue. I was crushed at the time, but after the disappearing act, I actually respected her a lot. She may have broken off the relationship, but at least she had the deceny to let me know she was doing it and why. That is what I no longer take for granted: basic human decency. I never take it for granted anymore. Many, many people do not even have that.
Anybody who would just disappear is trash. | |
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