| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/31/2008 6:32:05 PM |
So now he just wants to be left alone and he doesnt want his friends or family around him
hon, I don't want to ALARM you but if he is in a lot of pain/taking a lot of meds/not able to work, this isolation thing might be stemming from something other than being a butthead!
If you have contact with a friend or family member that can watch over him, maybe talk to him about chronic pain and depression? I don't recommend that YOU try to talk to him because he's gonna do the "I'm all right, tough guy" act, the whole thing will be counterproductive in the long run. But if you can involve someone with a stronger and longer tie to him, it might just save him a stretch in psych ward...it might even save his life!
Cindy O | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 1/31/2008 8:12:54 PM | I hate that this has happened to any of us. Male or female, short or long time frame....
Mine was over a 6 month period on here, he made first contact, basically swept me off my feet from the start.
Endless heartfelt conversations, exchanging pictures, fantasies, wants & needs.
Then he says he wants to meet, I plan the trip to Georgia, go to allot of expense to make things just right and perfect for him.
2 days before Thanksgiving he says he is going to his folks in N.C. and will be back on Sat., says he just can't wait till the following Thursday, the day I fly in. Even tells me he got me a present, this was also a birthday celebration since we both were born in November. Checked to see if I had any special food needs, likes or dislikes. Said he loved me.
That was the last time I heard from him. Which wasn't so unusual, always was having PC problems. So I boarded the plane (no refund) and prayed for the best.
Well as you may have guessed he never showed at the airport to get me. So there I was for a week.....
The hardest part was knowing that something could have happened to him and I would never know. So I worried that he had been in a wreck over Thanksgiving and was either dead or in a coma.
Just knew something had to be wrong. He was always caring , kind and wonderful.
I would leave him messages to please let me know he was alive. A month passed but the pain held on.....then he appears on my profile. It felt as if someone injected ice water though my veins. All my emails were then read, not deleted, never answered and still no contact.
Just the the other day, almost 2 months later he IM's me and says he is sorry.
So gentlemen please try to understand a lack of trust, EVERYONE please be honest, be up front and remember the Golden Rule "Do on to others as you would have done on to you", treat others as you wish to be treated and Love as you would like to be loved...
  
I told him I forgive him, but please don't do that to anyone else on here... I wish him the best and pray he never is done that way. I know I gave my best and I will not hang my head when I meet my maker............... | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/1/2008 5:15:16 AM |
remember the Golden Rule "Do on to others as you would have done on to you", treat others as you wish to be treated and Love as you would like to be loved...
This one should be something someone learns very early in their lives, yet it amazes me that there are people out there that have never heard of the "golden rule". And THAT scares the bejesus outta me. If everyone had this thought in the back of their mind when they are doing "things", I'm sure there would be a lot more smiling going on. | |
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IGRONN
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Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 79 | |
| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/1/2008 5:27:19 AM | I was also wondering the same thing and have been for two months now without an answer. I was involved in a relationship for almost two years. On November 29th her daughter celebrated her 15 birthday. We both decided to take her out to dinner for her Birthday. I called the next day only to get her voicemail on both her cell phone and home phone. I continued to get voicemails for about a week. I began to get worried, after all this was THE WOMAN I was intending to spend the rest of my life with. I thought something may have happened. I called her at school and she said I can't talk right now I have people here. I asked what was going on and she said nothing why are you giving me the third degree?
I have not heard from her since that night and have never spoken to her again.
So I took my wounded heart and returned back to Massachusetts from Florida. We don't need closure... But you are correct in saying that at least they can be honest. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/1/2008 9:11:06 AM | HONESTY......Works wonders!!!!!!
Makes me feel like whats wrong with me??.. what happened?? and what did I do???
I got my closure.. I asked for honesty...... and said.. NEEEEXT!!! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/1/2008 1:59:09 PM | | Have had this happen and I have to say that sure it made me feel sad, sad for her, the sorry b**ch didnt have the courage to face it, couldnt be adult enough to make a call.. whatever the case she did me a favor and I didnt waste much time.... All in all, its supreme immaturity and who would want a person like that anyway.. I say if you need to grieve, make it a short, very short pity party and get on with it.... a verse from the pond, that was smaller then the one you used for bait, toss it on shore and let it die, tossing it back will only let it breed its dysfunction | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/1/2008 4:13:29 PM |
So I took my wounded heart and returned back to Massachusetts from Florida. We don't need closure... But you are correct in saying that at least they can be honest.
After a two year relationship one would think that there would be enough communication that you would have a good idea what the woman was thinking. Clearly, she was unhappy and wanted out of the relationship. She didn't know how to tell you she wanted out, so pulling the disappearing act was her solution.
One thought is that, perhaps she felt like you would react negatively (get angry or get violent) and she saw the disappearing act as her only way out.
Most women do have the courtesy and civility to talk about htings after a two year relationship but I guess there are some that don't for some reason.
I know it's painful, but this is better than spending years in an unhappy relationship. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/3/2008 8:41:38 AM | | People use old photos, doctored photos and the like to the point that any more...I was unable to even recognize the person upon meeting. I carry a brown paper bag in my left rear pocket with cut outs for my eyes and nose now when I go to meet someone. If they barely resemble their photo...I slip the bag over my head and walk right by them. It works. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/3/2008 8:52:18 AM | | yup, had it happen many times. Be glad it did as that person was saying you were not right for them and they wanted to move on and look for someone else. You said you would never do that, yes, you would if the person was not right for you. Maybe you would call and email and say so, but some people have no nerve and are afraid to let people down, move on be glad---------- | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/3/2008 9:04:46 AM | Back in the Summer of 1978, I accepted a blind date with an absolutely GORGEOUS man who drove a new sportscar and held a high-paying job. He seemed to be interested in me, and I was in absolute HEAVEN!
We decided to go to the movies, and thank goodness I picked a theatre about 3 blocks away from me. (The reason will become apparent later on in this story.)
In the line-up, he suddenly exclaimed, *Oh, no! I forgot my wallet in the car! Be a doll and buy both of our tickets. I'll be right back.* He took off, and I never saw him again. Embarrassingly, I had to convince the ticket-taker that I deserved a refund on the second ticket. (Thank goodness it was a movie that I wanted to see!)
I walked home, called the person who made the introduction, and tore a strip off him based on what happened with Mr. Stand-Up-And-Leave-Me-Stranded. Only then was I told that this was Mr. Stand-Up's pattern of relating to women! Incredibly, Mr. Stand-Up called me the next week, all apologetic and begging for restitution. With heartfelt satisfaction, I emphatically stated *Hell, no!* and hung up the phone.
I deserve much, much better than that! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/3/2008 9:09:23 AM | | I've been through this a couple of times and it really sucks. I figure if they aren't brave enough to tell me they want to move on then I probably didn't want to be with them anyways. I don't stalk. I try to email and call once and if no response I take the hint and move on. All in all, it's there loss. Actually, I've had guys talk to me later and tell me they got scared, because they really liked me and I was who I said I was and wanted to date again....LOL....I tell them no. They lose. We just got to keep our chins up! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/3/2008 1:27:06 PM | | this is what im going through right now met a guy 6wks ago said he was captain of cargo ship wanted to retire and settle down,i was divorced 6yrs ago and felt that was what i wanted?we have been in constant contact up till 8 days ago got on realy well we exchanged pic he said he was on leave at the end of jan he was going home to carnwall pack a bag find some where to stay so he could c me every day and we could get to know each other better?told his family about me i told my family about him witch he was pleased about he said he wanted to meet in a publick place?his last trip was to malaga spain he was due to arrive there on thursday 31st jan i have not heard a word since i was the one 2 txt him last he did not reply i know it sounds daft and i should know better at my age but im devastated i realy did fall 4 this guy and he said he felt the same about me?i keep hoping he will still get in touch but i know if he was he would have done it by now,we planed on meeting at the end of jan.this has made me so depressed i thought at last some one is interested in me i was not ready to meet any 1 untill now i dont know how he could do it?i know i could not do that to any one,i didnt think it could hurt so much but it hurts like hell. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/3/2008 7:14:57 PM | I've had this happen a few times. The first few times really hurt, especially with one guy, we were dating for about 2 months - we had a nice time every time we saw each other, great phone conversations, text messages - everything seemed great. Then suddenly - nothing. I sent him one email and didn't hear back so I figured that was that.
The funny thing about this - he tried to come back after 2 months - which I didn't allow.
Actually since then a couple of the disappearances have tried to come back - kind of like a boomerang effect...!
Guess I'm sufficiently cynical now or something - it doesn't bother me anymore. I no longer need closure or need to know what happened. It's simple. If a guy disappears, it means he's lost interest. Time to move on. As a girlfriend of mine put it, "Next!" | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/3/2008 9:41:57 PM | Are you talking about literally vanishing? Did you find any ashen residue where they stood, it might have been a case of spontaneous human combustion, it doesn happen:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spontaneous_human_combustion
Perhaps he was a magician trying out a new trick that went a little too well?
Maybe he didn't disappear at all and you simply misplaced him? I've lost my car in a parking lot god knows how many times, maybe it can happen with people too.
Ok, really what I'm trying to do here is say as much as these things suck, we have to learn to smile again and move on.
Just remember that wherever he is now, hopefully he's in a lot of pain. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/4/2008 7:10:33 AM | I'll add my story to the list. Warning, this is a long. It didn't make sense without certain details, so I just left it all in instead of trying to cut stuff out.
A cute girl emailed me on POF one time. Wrote a very nice and well-thought-out message. We exchanged emails for a few days. Our email dialog was informative, fun, and most of all refreshing. She gave me her phone number (numbers to be specific) before I asked, which was a pleasant surprise. The first time we talked on the phone was for a few hours at least. The conversation flowed smoothly. Not even thinking about it being too forward, I just asked her out for that weekend. This was Thursday evening. She said she'd love to, but would need to find a sitter for her daughter.
During this time, we're texting like crazy. Keep in mind that we have not met in person yet. Our texts have already progressed to some steamy messages. Normally, I don't like to rush into something like that, but that just seemed to be the natural course of action it was taking. She would text me things like "You make me smile so big, and I've never even met you." or "I've never been so attracted to a man that I have never even met. You just so do it for me."
The next day we get word that there might be snow that weekend which might put a damper on our plans. She hints about not having lunch plans for that day (Friday), so we decide to meet for lunch. Had a wonderful date. An hour lunch turned into two hours. We kissed goodbye at her car. The kissing turned into a mini make-out session. She said she liked the way I kissed. Good sign! Then we texted the rest of the afternoon. She would tell me how sweet, wonderful, hot, cute I was. All her words. She told me that I was driving her crazy with all the "naughty" thoughts she had of me. I think you get the idea. This continues the rest of the day.
We end up going ahead with our original date plans and meet up for dinner and a movie over the weekend. I actually got lost driving to her town and had to call her for directions. She texted me after I hung up to tell me that there is nothing hotter than a man who can admit he is lost. LOL!
We get to the movie. We can't keep our hands off each other. At one point she leans over and tells me that maybe we should have rented a movie and stayed home. Your minds can go where you think, because that's what she was implying. We go to dinner and have an amazing time. We even do that romantic bit where the two of you sit next to each other in a booth. It was great. Neither of us couldn't stop smiling or glancing at the other. We're constantly holding hands or doing little kisses. It felt really good. The date had to end because she needed to get home to her daughter and release the sitter.
As I am driving home after the date, we're both telling each other how amazing we are and what a wonderful time we had. We were so ready for the third date and were making plans for the restaurant she wanted to visit and possibly making an interim afternoon date because it's easier when her daughter is at day-care.
Monday, I was off and she was supposed to meet me in the afternoon for hanging out, but her boss came in from out of town and she couldn't make it. As the week progresses, the texting slacks off considerably, which can be expected I guess. Friday morning we talk and text. I wish her a great day. She tells me how sweet and cute I am and wishes the same for me.
Since we hadn't discussed more about our next date I text her to see what her weekend looked like. No response. I call her Saturday. Get the voice mail. I never heard from her again.
Logically, I will never understand how people can act like this. You'd think that there would be mutual respect between adults to let the other person know that feelings have changed, especially when your actions go against everything you've done up to that point. I think it's only natural to wonder if something bad happened or if they had an emergency. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt, because it did. But you move on. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/4/2008 8:58:42 AM | | Response to the enigmatic_juggler: Wow. I've seen this pattern before. It sounds like you met someone who loves the initial excitement of meeting someone but sounds like she tends to lose interest fast. This type of person doesn't really care about you as a person. They are more into the excitement of finding and being with someone new. It's too bad because you deserve better than this. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/4/2008 3:00:31 PM | this did just happen to me as well; however, i was the one who did the breaking up. the thing was, it needed to be done, but i certainly didn't want to have to do it. i did date this person for several months, so it wasn't just like we just met. anyway, it happened very suddenly, and there was certainly no closure for me at all. i wanted to talk about it, but he did not. it made me so angry that he just blew it off as if it were no big deal...i think that was what made it hard... the feeling that i had been played a major fool...but then i started having flashbacks...
last week i realized that this was just how my father handled things when i was growing up... he used to get ticked off about things...and simply bolt... he would simply NOT TALK to me at times, and it really really really hurt a lot as a teenager growing up... that was just his method of dealing with family issues, and interpersonal relationships...
however, pops and i are close and have a good relationship now... (he isn't like that so much...lol)
anyway...when i realized this... i could see where the real hurt was coming from... and i could also see that perhaps i had picked someone who was not good for me in the first place.. ultimately, it's my issue to work through... and i will given time...i refuse to let things bog me down... i don't like to wallow...
i have always maintained civil relationships and even friendships with ex's. for me, i like to leave things on a good note... a positive note... that is also hard... because in this case i don't think it is possible... ultimately, that makes me saddest of all...
lar | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/4/2008 3:12:46 PM | | I totally understand!!! That happened to me about a month ago.....We have been dating for about 2 yrs....And trust me I did not even see it coming!!!! it hit me like a train...well I forget NO!! does it haunt me?? everyday!!!! Just always wondering what happened.......... | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/4/2008 3:52:38 PM | fun size~
2 years? OMG! i would be very very angry... no explanation? nothing?
wow! what a ....hole.
there is a special place in dante's hell for this guy... that's all i am going to say... i can't believe someone would do that to someone after two years... that is about the most cruel, cold thing i have ever heard...
wow.
lara | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/4/2008 4:50:26 PM |
Just remember that wherever he is now, hopefully he's in a lot of pain.
Is it bad that that was the line that made me smile most... ? :grin: | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/5/2008 10:22:24 AM |
That happened to me about a month ago.....We have been dating for about 2 yrs....And trust me I did not even see it coming!!!! it hit me like a train...well I forget NO!! does it haunt me?? everyday!!!! Just always wondering what happened..........
Very strange. After 2 years I would think that there would be some communication about how the relationship is going. Even a "Dear John/Jane" letter would be better than just disappearing.
I wonder why it's so difficult for some people to say what they are feeling and what they want to do? Are there that many people that are so fearful? | |
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dewitt
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Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 97 | |
| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/5/2008 11:03:42 AM | The art of ghosting.....from my experience women will do either three things when not interesting in going further. 1. they will either tell you up front honestly 2.Use the famous ghost vanishing act 3.or do something that will turn you away. Number 2 is the most popular one from my understanding. It's easy and they don't have to worry about any arguments,and i have felt just like you. But I can say that men will do the same thing. One good way to prevent this is to ask yourself from the beginning how much interest this person has in me...if the person you've been dating does'nt ask you any questions or knows very little about you then there is a good chance that they are not interested in you and they are with you for other reasons unknown. It's like a student in class..they are not there to learn if they never participate in a discussion or raise their hand in class ...just like a teacher standing in front of a class will know you should know that someone can't possibly be interested in you if they dont know anything or much about you. Dont expect that person to last long in your life....Look for little signs and clues then that way you will beat a ghoster to the punch  | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/5/2008 11:21:21 AM | That's why I don't cry when my dog runs away
I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay
I don't get angry when my Mom smokes pot
~Sublime lyrics from Love is what I got.
What makes this profound is that you are in control of your emotions ... it is your choice each moment of each day ... choose peace love and happiness and it is yours, radiate bright joy and beauty and it is the worlds ... exude romance and passion and it will come back to you!
You cannot do anything about anothers actions ... so to react to those actions is silly!
We all have to go through the dating game - and you may have to kiss some toads -
I have been on hundreds of first dates - it's pretty rare for two people to feel equally elated with each other - but it happens - and even then there is no gaurantee on longevity - so enjoy every minute! Each smile, each bite of food, because if you are waiting for someone else to make you happy ... you will never be!
Jonny | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/5/2008 11:25:35 AM | | ^^Jonny--Well, to me, to react to these actions is to feel. I like to feel, even when it's bad. At least I know I'm alive. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/5/2008 11:56:34 AM | yes i have had the same thing happen only recently after 4 months of ringing me everyday and going on dates and having a great time..there was no warning it just happened but the way i see it is that i done nothing wrong, he obviously wasnt mature enough to end it in a friendly sensible manner,dont torture yourself op over this as it does happen,but im happy in myself so im looking forward to whats next around the corner for me..turn a negative experience into a positive one and be glad it wasnt years but only a short time..as i always say when things dont work out..next!!!! | |
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