| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/5/2008 12:13:18 PM | here is another dissapearing act story... this happened to a close friend of mine about three or four years ago...
she and her boyfriend were living together, and had been for over a year. they were even looking for a bigger apartment. well, one day she came home and found his keys on the floor as if he had pushed them under the door upon leaving. she walked into thier bedroom, and all of his stuff was gone. his closet was empty, his dishes were emptied out of the kitchen cupboards. he even took his cd's, dvd's, and all of his toiletries were gone as well.
she tried to call him for an explanation and he had changed his cellphone number. she had no way of contacting him, as he had been in between jobs at the time. mutual friends simply said that they hadn't heard from him. well, she never heard from him again either. no closure. nothing. no explanation. he was just gone.
she had no indication that anything was wrong. things had been just as they had always been, and she was under the impression that they were happy...
i dont think she has ever gotten over it really. when someone does this it hits you on a deeper level then just your typical end of relationship blues. it makes you feel like a complete piece of disposable garbage... i would use another word but we're not supposed to use profanity...lol!
lar | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/5/2008 3:56:13 PM | hmmf...I recently had several e-mails back and forth with someone over a week during which we set-up a casual meeting on a weekend prior to going on another date. She deleted her account the day after we made the date, but didn't call me/msg me to cancel. I arrived as arranged just in case, only for a "no show". I had some friends who lived nearby and came to spend the rest of the day with me, so it wasn't a total loss. It was really odd though. I've never had any1 do that before. I can't even imagine how I'd feel if someone I had dated a while did that. I'd like to think that maybe she just got cold feet, but some of the stories on POF are enough to make you think the worst.
I don't really get it.... | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/5/2008 9:38:38 PM | I met a guy who really wanted to get serious fast and I kinda freaked on him cause I wasn't ready and didn't even know if I liked him. So he just effed off and I never heard from him again. Now in my situation this is a good thing, but I was still angry and hurt. I mean, what if I had decided to get into a relationship with him?
Some people have no respect, for themselves or others.
I say take it slow, get to know someone.........don't rush cause you're less likely to get hurt over and over. Learn from experience and keep moving forwards. Don't give up. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/6/2008 7:34:08 AM |
.....from my experience women will do either three things when not interesting in going further. 1. they will either tell you up front honestly 2.Use the famous ghost vanishing act 3.or do something that will turn you away.
Women are usually afraid of being honest because they are fearful that the guy will get angry and argumentative. Thus, the other two options look better to them.
It's too bad we can't communicate better with each other. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/6/2008 8:16:49 AM |
Women are usually afraid of being honest because they are fearful that the guy will get angry and argumentative. Thus, the other two options look better to them.
I understand your point. But a woman shouldn't be rude to all men that she dated just because some men are jerks. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:34:06 AM | hapa~
i think there is a big difference between getting blown off by someone that you have never met, and someone that you hve been in a relationship with...
i am sorry... but if a person has been in a relationship with someone and they wnat to end it... well, it is only common courtesy to give an explanation...but it is not only a matter of good manners... it is an issue of the heart... in an exclusive committed relationship you don't just bale one someone.. that is really cruel, selfish, uncaring and down right mean... to leave someone in a mystery like that? it's the most nasty thing someone can do in my opinion...
but if someone just blows you off via email? well... come on? what is the attachment to that person...really... it's just not the same thing...
lar | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/8/2008 5:37:59 PM | this has happened to me once before, too. we'd had what i thought was two good dates; things seemed fine and i was genuinely looking forward to getting to know him better--not ready to nose-dive into anything, just enjoying the "here and now". he gave me no indication that there was anything wrong...but instead reverted to the whole passive-aggressive BS (unreturned voicemails, a follow-up message i'd sent that got the ole' heave-ho via "read/delete").
admittedly....i was left feeling a little bewildered. for about a day. getting a guy's perspective on the matter helped considerably: basically, what i was seeking was a sense of closure...what this POFer gave was *his* idea of 'closure'--albeit, childish and cowardly, but it is what it is.
*shrug*
when it really came down to it, i was pretty lucky. i found out what he's made of before i let my guard down; better it happened early in the game rather than later. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/8/2008 8:05:13 PM |
she and her boyfriend were living together, and had been for over a year. they were even looking for a bigger apartment. well, one day she came home and found his keys on the floor as if he had pushed them under the door upon leaving. she walked into thier bedroom, and all of his stuff was gone. his closet was empty, his dishes were emptied out of the kitchen cupboards. he even took his cd's, dvd's, and all of his toiletries were gone as well.
she tried to call him for an explanation and he had changed his cellphone number. she had no way of contacting him, as he had been in between jobs at the time. mutual friends simply said that they hadn't heard from him. well, she never heard from him again either. no closure. nothing. no explanation. he was just gone.
she had no indication that anything was wrong. things had been just as they had always been, and she was under the impression that they were happy...
this borders on eerie. it definitely qualifies as one of the weirderst things i've read. if you have any updates, i'd love to read them.
anytime a man disappeared on me, he generally turned up in the county jail. | |
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IGRONN
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Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 110 | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/9/2008 9:19:41 AM | nordic,
i don't know if you're still around or not but i wanted to tell you that i totally agree with you. i've been there myself and it's not pleasant at all. they make you feel like a piece of meat and nothing more. they don't have the balls nor the guts to at least, if nothing else, send an email. obviously they don't have enough self-respect to respect others or are just not man enough to fess up to the truth. personally, i don't want a weak man, i want a real man; a gentleman who will at least give you a reason so you can have some kind of closure. i say to these type of men PISS OFF! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/9/2008 2:06:40 PM | Most of us have had the disappearing act happen to them at one time or another..to u who said "this has never happened to me" well...u must be the only one then!!!! either that or u dont know how to be honest..... Its confusing and frustrating..cause there is no answer..I would just like people to be honest and stop all the Bull...sh...t!! If people are not over an ex or just not into you..just say so...grow up people.... i know that i let people know right away if there is or is not a connection..its just the best way to handle things.and not leave anyone hanging..cause i know i dont need it and neither do most others.......   | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/9/2008 3:44:44 PM | When it happens whether it be that you were having good phone/ email conversations and the conversations stop or you make plans and he/ she never shows, and this makes us feel like a big pile of poo.. Though when it happens to me I just say he isn't worth it, and hope nothing "bad" has happened to him... I would like to hope that there is a better reason that they stopped replying or didn't show but there usually isn't. I'f your not interested anymore, or decide you don't want to go out on the date you shouldn't make the other person suffer or waste their time, (there are some caring people out there who will worry if you got hurt, or worse.)
Lets face it, yes it hurts to be told I'm not feeling the conversation any more or I just don't want to meet but in the long run its easier for the person who was told this ( and you will hopefully have less email/ voice messages asking what happen)... Personally if I've talked to some one and just wasn't feeling it after a couple of conversations I will tell them. I hope others will give me the same respect, though I know most won't... | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/9/2008 4:45:36 PM | WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND ... Hinduism & Buddhism have a word for that, It's called KARMA. In which a person's actions and conduct during their existence will determine their destiny.
If a man or woman pulls a Chris Angel or Hoodini then they are chicken s* * t spineless wimps and they have done you a favor. Trust me if this sack of s**t had stuck around you would have taken the snake to the curb anyway.
WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/9/2008 4:47:03 PM | No........You are not being oversensitive........ These sites too numerous too mention allow geeks and freaks to come on board and play with peoples sensitivities .users and abusers use the sites to play with peoples emotions... When people have to pay to use a site they are usually more acceptable!  | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/10/2008 4:34:52 AM | | You and me both man. Best you can do is to not take it personal. I've actually called new dates on the phone, and had a great conversation and enjoyed ourselves, then never hear from her again. People like to blame guys most for this treatment, but both genders do it. Yes it sucks to think a great opportunity just gave you the finger, but you just have to deal with it that's all. And in most cases give her the benefit of the doubt when this happens, I refuse to believe many women are truly this cold to leave a guy hanging without so much as an explanation. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/10/2008 4:41:40 AM | OP: I've been on the end of this sort of behaviour before, and at first it troubled me. That was a long time ago.
I ended up not taking it as a 'knockback' as such. There are a million reasons why someone may not call you back. Perhaps giving them the benefit of the doubt is the way to go. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/10/2008 5:15:28 AM | Cant really say its really happened to me.
Generally if I perceive someone as treating me badly or being ignorant I'm quite liable to walk away without any guilt and decline all contact. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/10/2008 10:48:14 AM | juniper~
yes, that was very odd... i haven't talked to this friend in a while, but you are right... an update would be good... what sort of person does something like that?
a scoundrel....
i have another one for you. this one is almost as bad. this happened to my very best friend.
she was dating this guy for almost a year. they had been pretty involved. but this guy was rather unstable... drinker...partyer...ARTIST/MUSICIAN type... need i say more?
well, right before they broke up he asked her what size ring she wore. he said he wanted them to try living together, and they were figuring out whether he should move in with her, or she should move in with him. well, three weeks later he just stopped calling her. he wouldn't return her calls when she called him. he just dissapeared.
one night we found out that he was at this certain club. she asked me to drive her over there so she could talk to him. i agreed, but told her that i didn't think it was going to do any good. however, i understood, she needed some closure so i agreed to take her.
we walked in and he didn't see us. he was standing at the bar with some other woman, and he was obviously pretty interested in her. my friend walked up to him and simply said "hi." he looked at her, looked away, and he didn't even acknowledge her. she was just standing there. seeing that this was extremely humiliating, i grabbed her and said, "lets go..." she said, "okay...." but just as we were walking away she made a little fist, and drew her arm back. she clocked the guy right in the side of the face. it was crazy, but i do think the guy had it coming. of course when we got back in the car she started balling her head off. she loved this guy. three weeks later we heard that he had gotten married to some woman from amsterdam. it was very very weird.
the thing i do not get is why some guys build a woman's expectations up like that right before they are going to split... i dont get it...
needless to say... it took my friend a year or two to get over it... she still talks about it. it really hurt her...
lar | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:36:58 PM | | yes but it is very painful when he constantly pursues you for a long time and chats with you every night and once you've been intimate with a passion he could not control, to disappear without a trace is so selfish. though i am hurting, i will soon be over this because i think we all go thru the stages..... wondering why, emailing him and no reply, sadness, anger and then FINALLY how lucky i am he did me a favor because i was falling deeply for him. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/10/2008 8:22:28 PM | | Count me in too! It was a 3 month text/phone relationship that eventually culminated in a meeting. If a guy isn't interested during the initial real life meeting, I have no problem with that. This guy, however, poured it on more thickly during the first meeting than I've ever experienced in my life. I walked off sure he wanted to go out again. Well, he disappeared. The guy obviously wasn't nearly as interested (he had carried on all night long both verbally and soft, face stroking, soft kisses, hand-holding type gestures, etcetera) as he had lead me to believe. I basically arrived at the conclusion he was the ultimate player and he figured I was worth a roll in the hay that night, but no more. (The women will be happy to know he wasted his time.) I know that happens, but I've never heard of anyone (not even players) pouring it on so thickly. I figured after talking to him for 3 months and him pouring it on so strongly when we met, the least he could do was be honest, so I called him on the carpet several times. Of course, he answered my queries with more BS time and again. I felt like an idiot "stalker," but I wasn't going to let the guy's behavior pass without saying anything. I'm glad I did. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/10/2008 8:46:19 PM | Unfortunately it is just part of the whole dating world. It would be nice if men & women were all upfront & honest about what they were looking for, thinking etc; however, many people dislike confrontation and prefer to "disappear". I personally don't find the whole standing someone up, or going from Hot to Sub Below without an explanation all that cool at this stage of our lives, but we can't force people to act or feel a certain way. We just have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, & be thankful we got to know the "real" them sooner than later!!!! If someone is really into you, that wouldn't happen. Men & women all deserve to have someone really "dig" them...not just settle for them.  | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/11/2008 12:34:12 AM | I was with my Ex for 12 years. Got home one normal day from work, 3 weeks before Xmas, to find half the house, our joint account and him gone! no explanation, no nothing. I have now been divorced for 2 years, having not seen or heard from him for 3 years but if I have discovered one thing, its that , he is by no means the worst. I have talked and met several people on pof, and believe me, there are far worse out there............ so if he did come waundering back one day, I may well welcome him with open arms  | |
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