| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/11/2008 2:40:07 AM | Knew a guy for months we met a few times as friends then I split with a guy who was a complete arse he mentioned he really liked me and wanted more so I agreed to give it a try. Last weekend we met up.....even introduced me to his 5year old son and we took him out for the day, he was due to start a course on Monday (its a demanding course where you work 24/7) up until Sunday we spoke as normal, monday, tues and weds we spoke briefly as he was busy......then I left it text Sat to see if he was ok, No reply......Yesterday told him I didnt think anything would come of it and my gut feeling wasn't very good but we could talk but to let me know if he wanted me to leave him alone or not instead of leaving me guessing......No reply, so god knows what his game is, If he was as keen as he acted in the last few weeks he would have been straight on that phone after my text......
When I say I'm looking for a man I mean one with balls and a backbone to tell me the truth. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/11/2008 1:28:50 PM | THIS IS DIRECTED AT ALL YOU POF THAT HAVE BEEN AFFECTED BY THE DISSAPEARING ACT PHENOMANA. IF YOU GOOGLE BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER YOU WILL FIND A PLETHORA OF INFO IN A MYRIAD OF FORMS THAT YOU CAN RELATE TO IN ALL YOUR DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES. THESE PEOPLE ARE BASICALLY SOCIAL AND MOST OF ALL MENTAL MISFITS THAT CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE DEPTHS OF THEIR ACTIONS AND THE EFFECT THAT THEY HAVE ON US SANE INDIVIDUALS. I URGE EVERYONE TO GO TO THESE SITES AND ASSOCIATED LINKS IT WILL CERTAINLY ENLIGHTEN YOU. I HAVE MY OWN HORROR STORIES AND AFTER SOME INVESTIGATION THIS IS WHAT IS PROBABLY BEHIND MOST OF IT .MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS ARE THE MOST UNDERLYING AND MOST UNDER DIAGNOSED PLAGUES IN THIS F****D UP WORLD. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/11/2008 2:39:36 PM | Wow! It's not just me. I started on this site in May of last year. Had a few meetings with people, nothing special.. then I was stood up not once but twice which had never happened to me before. But, the disappearing act happened to me also.. OH SO MUCH WORSE.
First guy set up a meeting with me then called the day of and said he couldn't make it.. scheduled a second meeting - this was after weeks of emails.. NOt only did he not show up but changed his profile & name.. same pictures though. I emailed him and told him I thought he was a jerk.. no response... he's still on here.
But the last one was the worst.. he contacted me when I first joined.. we really hit in off on paper.. he even called me a couple of times. Then he told me his brother was terminal and had to go to St. Louis to take care of him... long story but we emailed ( and yahoo messenger with web cams) for 6 months.
On Dec. 23,of last year his brother dies... he comes back and we schedule to meet jan 5th.. he calls me on the 3rd and says he can't wait that long.. let's meet for lunch. We really hit it off in person.. he calls me back after lunch to tell me how great it was meeting him and he's soo looking forward to meeting at the dance club that weekend.. we do, it goes great then he asks me if I've met the other guys I had been corresponding with (we both had other "prospects") I told him no still had two to go and that one of them was going to St. Louis for a couple of weeks... finally get one out of St. Louis and the other goes back LOL! Anyway, he asks if I'd like another drink.. I said yes, one more...then I have to go. He sees a guy walking toward the table and asks him... "If you were out on a date with someone and all she could do was talk about her other boyfriends, what would you do?" The guy says "I'd dump her!" He said, "I agree and left" Then he came back and thanked the guy for getting him out of a lousy date!! .The guy by that time was then apologizing to me .. and invited me to join him and his buddies.. I left...
But, next morning I get email from the jerk... saying... hey your a realtor.. I think I'd like to start looking at houses.. tells me what he's looking for.. and asks if I could help.
I'm a bit torn, but what the heck I figure all this guy has been thru.. maybe I was out of line. So I said sure I'd help him.. anyway, we get back together.. have a couple more dates.. really having a good time. Both are glad we had the time to really get to know each other...
We are intimate... one night before going to dinner... afterward we go back to the living room... he gets a phone call... and it's his youngest daughter's room mate... says his daughter has been hit by a car in California... doesn't say anything just literally runs out of my house and leaves.
Get an email from him two days later says he's changing planes in Houston... daughter in intensive care.. may be brain damage... then nothing
I email him several times -- saying prayers, thoughts are with them that sort of thing.. no response.
Finally after 2 weeks I send him an email that says if he doesn't want to see me again just send email with no as the subject.. if he does, send one that says yes.
He writes a note saying he certainly wants to see me again; but losing a child is difficult.. he needs some time.
I write back... how terrible etc. take all the time he needs.
Now I see he's on POF.. on Yahoo.. I've sent him a couple of thinking of you messages.. no response.
Sooooo.... thinking I've been dumped by a real pro.. He's still on here ladies... you may know him... from Clearwater... 59... loves to dance.
My sympathies to everyone... Yes, I feel like crap.. And have no idea if any of his stories are true. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/11/2008 2:56:19 PM | Good topic!!!
The disappearing act has a ripple effect a mile long. I've known people who have had broken hearts for years - just because someone didn't explain. It's a nasty, selfish and immature thing for anyone to do. It is extremely painful not to have any kind of closure.
Sure - in many cases they're trying to say that they're not interested in continuing the relationship, and don't have the guts to even discuss it, but I've known of cases where something actually happened and there was a reason that had NOTHING to do with the person they were involved with. ALL they had to do was say that some things had come up and they couldn't be involved right now, and if they were emotionally mature enough (which many aren't) they could have explained.
If they are so egotistical that it gives them a boost to be able to throw other people away, as though they were garbage, then the people they've thrown away have to cut their losses and move on as quickly as possible, not giving any more power to the person who has done this. Cognitive therapy is extremely helpful in cases such as this. It's like training your thoughts in a new direction and not allowing your mind to destroy you with questions that will never be answered. You'll waste way too much time wondering what went wrong and worrying about what you could have done or didn't do that created this outcome. The most important thing to be able to say to yourself is that IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU! If anyone could do this, they have huge issues they haven't resolved from their own past which are so painful for them that they aren't able to empathize with your feelings.
If you think about it in a positive light - they are SAVING YOU FROM THEM, and for that you should be thankful! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/11/2008 2:59:27 PM | | DO YOURSELVE A FAVOUR GIRL AND GO TO MY LAST POST ABOVE YOURS AND PLEASE ENLIGHTEN YOUR AWARENESS ABOUT WHAT THESE MENTALLY DEFECTIVE PERSONS ARE UP TO! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/11/2008 3:07:49 PM | Ohhh thank you blublond4u...
I gave someone a second chance, just so he could ONCE AGAIN, disappear... Soooo nice to have that feeling of being understanding, and letting the past go...
Never slept with the guy, but he seemed soooo hip and into me..
Apparently it was nothing more than a ego booster or something... I don't know what, but what I do know is that sorry means jack squat to these type of people, especially when they turn around and do the exact same thing...
WHat a horses a$$!!!!!  | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/11/2008 3:24:08 PM | | Been there a few times. The weird thing is that it happens to me when I'm seriously not looking for a romantic relationship with them. I may have thought about it, but I never made any moves except to simply hang out and they would be the ones wanting to move things farther, I would reciprocate the feelings and suddenly never hear from them again. It seems to only happen with women I have not had sex with early on (when im trying the good boy approach). If they just wanted a booty call I'd rather them tell me that than "they want to be with me". Could have been a lot more fun for both of us. It is quite an ego boost to know the women that haven't disappeared are ones that I've had sex with - but I can't stand the feeling of being left wondering what the hell happened. I've put it as far back in my mind as it can go and it doesn't keep me awake at night or anything, but I can't just forget it. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/11/2008 3:26:08 PM | It just happened to me, & it hurts like crazy! Not knowing if something happened to them or if they are really just that cold. I didn't know what to feel, but I think I went through all of the emotions: hurt, angry, feeling lost. I still hurts when I feel his favorite song, especially since it is one of my favs, too!
All a person can do is move on & try to trust again. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/11/2008 3:47:44 PM | | HI NEXTHYME OBVIOUSLY YOU HAD A QUICK PEROSAL OF THAT WEBSITE BUT BELEIVE ME YOU HAVE ONLY JUST SCRATCHED THE SURFACE, NOW IF ONLY I CAN GET ANOTHER 1000 OR SO POF,s TO DO THE SAME IT WOULD MAKE LIFE A LOT BETTER BECAUSE THIS TYPE OF FORMAT[POF] DOES ATTRACT A LOT OF THESE TYPES. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/11/2008 5:47:48 PM | | It's happened to many of us and unfortunately it comes from the person we least expect to do it. Why, we'll never know, but it shows a lot of disprespect for people in general - people like that have no feelings for anyone and they will do it again and again. All one can hope for is it happens to them someday - Karma well deserved!! We are all here to meet new people, make friends and hopefully meet that one special person - we should all respect each other and remember the good ole saying .... do unto others as you would have them do unto you.... Unfortunately, I just don't see it happening, so we may as well remember, we'll get hurt on here, we'll have a great time on here, we'll meet people who brighten our life, so just keep on fishing expect the unexpected.... | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/11/2008 6:48:18 PM | | blublond, boy did you hit the nail on the head! thanks for the info. i plan on checking out that website. ya have to feel sorry for those kind of people. just imagine how miserable they REALLY are. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/12/2008 12:13:39 AM | | RE: IN CASE YOU PEOPLE MISSED IT REFER TO MY POST 127 AND PLEASE TAKE THIS TO HEART BECAUSE THE ANSWERS ARE ALL THERE. THE BPD,S AS THEY ARE ACRONYMED ARE OUT THERE AND THEY ARE FOR REAL! THEY ARE JUST WAITING TO USE YOU UP SO THEY CAN MAKE UP FOR THERE OWN SHORTCOMINGS. THESE PEOPLE CAN BE EMOTIONALY DESTRUCTIVE TO THE PERSON THAT THEY PROFESS ALL THE LOVE AND ADMIRATION IN THE WORLD TO . THEY ARE SO GOOD AT IT THEY LEAVE YOU DOUBTING YOUR OWN SANITY MAKING YOU THINK THAT YOUR THE CRAZY ONE. GUESS WHAT! THERE CRAZY... YOUR NOT! AND WHEN THEY DISSAPEAR FOR NO GOOD REASON AND YOU NEVER GET A REASON WHY THIS HAS HAPPENED TO AN ABSOLUTELY PERFECT RELATIONSHIP THEN YOU HAVE JUST EXPERIENCED A FORM OF BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER . YOU CANT MAKE SENSE OF IT IF YOUR A NORMAL RATIONAL PERSON BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE LIVE IN ANOTHER REALM WHERE THEY THINK THERE DOING NOTHING WRONG TO ALL THE PEOPLE THEY INTERACT WITH. BPD PEOPLE ARE MOSTLY PERFECT IN ALL ASPECTS OF SOCIETY UNTIL THEY GET INTO A PERSONAL SIDE OF THINGS THEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN REAL QUICK. THE REST IS ON THE WEB SITES BECAUSE IM TIRED OF TALKING ABOUT IT. SO PLEASE PEOPLE LOOK IT UP!!!!!!! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/12/2008 1:20:15 AM | | I would first make sure they are ok..then I would take a look into their persona. Are they unstable..some people just like to leave and start somewhere else without reason (drama). Next, I would look at the relationship. If there was too much fighting, you might have your answer. I am sorry that you are hurt. Hopefully, the next individual will make it up to you. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/12/2008 3:29:05 AM | | I have only met one person online and I continue to see her as a friend. Otherwise I have exchanged e-mails , in some cases up to two weeks where it appeared we might be interested only to have the correspondence end suddenly. I do not consider this a disapearing act as we never truely appeared in the first place. Face it most of the poeple interesting enough to write to wil be writing to others as they are interesting. The excitement of having someone to write to often becomes the driving force. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/12/2008 12:13:10 PM | I wish we could have a list of names of these spineless ***tards! Everytime I read one of the broken heart ones like this about the disappearing I have to check where the person lives that wrote it to figure out if we are being used and abused by the same people. I am sure there are rules on here so we can't mention any names......damn, its just not fair!
So sorry to all that this has happened to, hopefully your Mr/Mrs Right is right around the corner! Good Luck to us all, we need it!! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/14/2008 3:41:16 AM | this is a answer in reply to my story 31\1\08
I was very much in love with a beautifull man, he was all I have ever wanted,drop dead gorgeous, sensitive, attentive, romantic,the perfect dream man, then he went over seas on 6 week holiday and I got kind of forgotten xmas and new year,I hurt bad as I have no family or close friends near by and I have spent 12 xmases and new years alone no 13 I thought will be diferent it wasnt, yesterday I received a email from the man I still love even thou at present our relationship has ceased, his 6 week trip in europe was retracing his deceased wifes steps thru her childhood and her life before she came to austalia, this was the 1st xmas and new year without her and his grief shut me out of his life. I can except this now..Its sad but for a few little words much heartache could of been avoided, the lifes lesson I have made from this is dont be judge,jury and exicutionist in life,I had listened to too many people saying dont find love on the computor as its full of sharks and cons.
yesterday I sat and thought all my well meaning friends well they were \\\ALL// in relationships married or with partners, and I the silly fool heeded thier advice,i stopped listening with my heart and cynical thoughts from my wrotten mind took over, I have thought the most horrible thoughts imagined the most horrible scenes in my mind . Iforgot the word trust which is the partner of love and what are assetts in life one cant take them with you when you die,whats a house with no love in it just a big space you have to clean.
no wonder Ihave been on my own for 13 years,I was a very cynical lacking in trust woman,I was married for 27 years to a man who never wanted a woman physically at all,he married me because his parents expected it of him and fathered children because it was expected of him on learning this from him I divorced him.and then I walked single street not realizing I was carrying my loss of faith, lost trust and I was cynical and to a degree I had grown hard in the heart region not a very nice person.I seemed to have the abilty to draw users,all the past realationships except the last one I had ended because of being used.
well when my new love went away to europe and kind of forgot me xmas day and new year,... UP POPS THE FLAG SAYING USED AGAIN.. my cynical mind over ruled the heart,which kept pleading give him a chance to explain.
yes I have learnt a big lesson in life and the new me who has restarted her life yesterday has opened and cleansed her heart, soul and mind and now I walk forward with a open loving mind, trusting myself and others ,,,,no longer the cynic, love for my lost grieving man will live in my heart and if god is kind and my lost love ever comes back into my life I will walk barefoot beside him for the rest of my life// and my heart will always have the 1st and last say in my life
I was so wrong in my lifes attitude I hope my story helps others who are lacking or losing trust in themselves or thier loved ones . to believe and trust ,life stuffs up in a big way when trust is absent, from ones life,, cherio and happy valentines day to all,
it was a day of no roses for me but I got a brand new me which will bloom better than roses./// jeanie : | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 2/14/2008 4:51:27 AM | I'm wondering if this discucsion is about dating in GENERAL or just the ONLINE encounters?
Anyways, in MY case, about a week ago, I met a woman online on this site.....I actualy did an IM session with her. It wasn't too long during the IM that she said, 'Hey, I gotta go, tell you what, here's my phone number, and we can talk."
And I said, "Okay cool" and I did just that.
AFter about 2 phone call sessions....she asked ME to have lunch with HER. So I did...met her, and she was pretty attractive (at least to me), I had no fear of how she looked, because she did look like her photos (hot little ass too lol)
Anyways, it seemed like we were hitting it off at lunch, she was even getting up to get stuff for me (and I for her)...and at the end of the date....now this was HER idea, not mine!
She enthusiastically said, "Let's do this again, okay?!" And I said "Sure"
Later, called her up...left a message....waited...and called back a gain (didnt leave a message that time...why...she has caller ID)
neve rheard from her again.
Talk about a liar. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 3/21/2008 4:51:43 PM | I have to say for me yes an ex has just disappeared without reason and will not return calls even after the "I love yous", " moving forward" and " you are my baby"!! I don't understand the thrill that players seek. If I am not into someone I am open and up front. But to keep having a yo-yo appear and disappear it hurts the heart and your emotions are going up and down..I felt terrible..that is how I felt. Sorry to hear you have gone through this.
sweetlady39 | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 3/21/2008 5:34:00 PM | I've had the disappearing act done a few times, mostly from guys I met online. First times it hurts because you think you've done something wrong (woman programming and all that) then you feel rather relieved that you weren't more emotionally involved.
Now if one does it once, I give another chance but I'm guarded. Then if it happens again, you're gone. Finito. I have no time for this. In this days and ages of email, phones, text, there is no reason at all that one cannot send a message if something bad happens. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 3/21/2008 8:53:51 PM | How funny I thought it was when it happened to me: This "cowboy" kept telling me through chats that he was NOT good enough of me--I "thought" I convinced him he was---we met and set a date for the following weekend-I thought he was a nice guy. However 2 days after meeting him, his profile and my emails were deleted. Ummm??? Guess he WAS RIGHT---He was NOT good enough for me! javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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NERO1
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Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 148 | |
| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 3/21/2008 9:00:07 PM | | I can't see doing this to someone. I have two sisters, so.......I know how they would feel. I would have to say, even if the guy really isn't feeling the date for whatever reason, just isn't in the mood, or , the person's not who he expected, whatever, he should at the very least stick it out awhile, sit there, have something to eat, or drink at least, talk (what's wrong w/talking to someone? are these guys too good to even sit there & chat?? their life that busy & important they can't spare an hour or two??) , & then at the end of the night just say hey thanks for coming out, had a great time, nice to meet you. Don't tell her you'll call (if you're not planning on it) , but for SURE don't just leave!!! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 3/22/2008 4:11:28 AM | I think you need to come to terms with the fact that a lot of men on dating sites are not looking for something long term despite saying otherwise.
Many men have been through bad relationships and very expensive divorces and dont want to do it again.
Other men will pick up a woman to tide them over until something better comes along.
This might sound like men bashing but a lot of women are the same. | |
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