| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:34:54 PM | I totally agree with you.
Honesty and respect is all we ask for.
Now tell me is that really alot to ask for.
I think because we are from different planets,Venus and Mars, we don't take the time to really consider how the other really feels. Yes we all have feelings, male or female. But then again I would call this a player and someone who is really into head games, or only consider what they want ( if they even know) and not what they do. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/18/2008 5:52:29 PM | | Boy, has it happened to me! I know guys think differently but WHY do they do this?!?! I thought we were supposed to be adults. Sometimes, I feel like I am still in high school. I've done the phone calls and texting but nothing. What else can you do but move on... Not so simple but necessary. It's a learning experience! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/18/2008 10:31:23 PM | This just happened to me, It was the first time ever that I felt it deeply. Not only was I majorly concerned for this man ( his well being and safety) but I spent a whole week worrying and becoming physically ill from the worry. It was sooo out of charactor for him to NOT respond to text, phone calls or emails. Granted we had only been seeing each other for a month and 1/2 . BUT he gave no indication that he wasn't interested any longer. He also had some medical conditions that could have been a factor in his dissapearance..not to mention some of his family members that like to use guns etc.
When someone is very passionate, and is inclined to send you very intimate sweet texts, emails and calls , spends time with you and talks about seeing you soon etc. giving you NO indication that they would fall off the face of the earth..whats a person to think. I had the worst case scenerios roaming in my head. I am lucky enough to have PI training and I exhausted all of my skills and had made a full missing persons report to turn into the local athorites~ when one of my leads panned out early this morning. I found out indeed he was a live and kickin and ignoring my texts and calls etc. I left him one last text letting him know how I felt about it. He still hasn't given me any answers as to why he did what he did.
yes I met him thru here, and he is still on this site, so women be warned about a 32 yr old male in the Sacramento Folsom area! He will love ya one minute and be gone the next.
How did all of this make me feel? DUPED!! I am glad that he is alright and not dead some where but I would have appreciated the truth instead of all of the worry! I will always second guess any new man in my life now thanks to him! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/18/2008 11:27:27 PM | I am always upfront and honest about my feelings when dating and expect the same in return from a partner. I once dated a man that was attentive and affectionate at the beginning, telling me he liked me and thought we had great possibilities together. I truly believed that we had a mutual connection & attraction, but I turned out to be very wrong.
Shortly after our relationship became physical, he started cancelling dates at the last minute, making excuses for not calling, and then just got extremely busy. Turned out he was a player. While he was telling me how busy he was (no one is ever that busy), he was making dates with other women.
As far as I'm concerned, he did me a huge favour. I just wish he had been an adult about it and not been such a dishonest jerk. These are the dudes that give guys a bad name. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/19/2008 3:24:34 PM | | It happened to me last fall. I even flew out west to meet him after lots of emails and talking on the phone. We grew up in the same little town, went to the same schools, diners, etc.....but had never met until that flight and weekend we spent together. There were plans to move and marry (I admit too fast and on a whirlwind but they were at his urging). As soon as I came home....he started to act funny, said he lost his life's savings, etc...never answered the phone, stopped emailing. I was a woman scorned. It took me some time but eventually I stopped asking "why" and simply let him go to be at peace with himself. I am at peace with myself over it. But yeah, the disappearing act is painful. In the end it was all about loving myself and seeing my own worth. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/19/2008 6:55:13 PM | | I think it's cowardly. If I am done then I damn straight want him to know why. Men just become total mice when it comes to this. OK MOST MEN. Sorry, it's not fair to put them all in one lump. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:28:29 PM | omg I am not sure why I never saw this thread before! Amazing how many men sound like the last guy I dated. Say all the right things, do all the right things, and then poof they are gone... I was told I crossed the line by asking a female friend of his if she knew anything. He emailed finally that he wanted to spend more time for himself and kids of course another woman asked me to call her, he was asking her out.
It is just so rude of anyone to disappear and not say something in person. A phone call is the very least someone can give you when they are finished with you. I still wonder how I was so fooled by this player. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/19/2008 7:59:02 PM | I had a 'Lady' bail-out on me...on another site...
We had a very nice rapport going....Honest, open and fairly frank...[sexual, that is ]
I was about this >*< close to Proposing...!!!
I made ONE little Error, one day.....
I sent her a 'Wanna-F***' note, _As a Joke_..!
Unfortunately, I failed to add the ' ' to it....and she took it Seriously...!!!
Called me every name in the Big Book...and Cancelled her profile..!!
I was _Devastated_...!!!
She was Off-line for 8 months...till earlier this week...
I discovered her[again] this morning....
Sent a very heart-felt Apology and explanation....
..but..
when she saw my name...she just Bailed..!! Cancelled her profile[again]...Didn't even have the curiosity to read a couple paragraphs...!!
I was Very Embarrassed, before...
Now .. I'm just P!$$&D...!!! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/19/2008 8:17:02 PM |
...It is just so rude of anyone to disappear and not say something in person. A phone call is the very least someone can give you when they are finished with you....
Amen! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/19/2008 8:19:26 PM | This has happened to me many, many times. Good to know my friends and I aren't crazy. And it's been happening all my life!  Either certain people are raised very poorly or they just can't face telling you they aren't interest. They are cowards. I always return phone calls. Even if I'm not interested in a guy, I won't treat him like dirt. Never. But many don't even hesitate to toss me aside. My only consolation is knowing I didn't do anything to deserve it, and hearing countless stories from others. Even the comedian Greg Behrendt wrote a book, "He's Just Not That Into You," about male avoidance behavior. He said, (I'm paraphrasing), "Men would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than [tell you they're not interested]." But just the same, it is not acceptable, no matter what anyone tells us. I don't buy it and don't care how acceptable everyone else thinks it is. As long as society enables bad behavior from anyone, men or women, they will continue to do what they do. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/19/2008 11:10:31 PM | It should be called the "POOF Syndrome"...once they get it...they're gone!
Many relationships have been claimed by the POOF Syndrome.
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/20/2008 8:12:09 AM | Wow...this thread has been enlightening and very validating. I thought I was magic, the way I could make men disappear! Thanks everyone for sharing, it really helps to know others have been through it and I can stop wondering what I did wrong, or what's wrong with me.
Husband just disappeared 6 mos ago after 7 yrs together...gave me an hour's notice before he left the country. No contact from him...nada...for 2 months, since then sporadic emails, no way for me to contact him though. Yes, it's been tough.
Then a man I met online...said such wonderful things, seemed really "into" me...going great then nothing. No response to texts, emails, etc. I did feel like a stalker. I finally asked (email) did I do something wrong. Response is no, just busy, but I am still interested, think about you all the time, will call you soon. Another month, nothing. I just sent him a note saying, got the hint, thank you for the time we spent together, I wish you all the best. I can't get angry, personal flaw of mine. I like to think the best of everyone and remain on good terms. I do wish them well. But, then I beat myself up. Sigh.....I'm learning! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/20/2008 12:32:25 PM | You know we should all get together and make a list of all these men who do this to us so we can warn the next innocent victim.
I so know how this feels and how it can make you feel after the fact. The emptyness and questioning of what you could of possibly done to turn them away.
What i've learned is that it isn't us at all. In fact it is just them and we were unfortunate to get caught up in their web of deceit. These men obviously have been castrated because they have no balls. They are the pure definition of coward.
It is sad when you think of the damage it does to our trust levels and what other men who come along will have to suffer due to these experiences. Of course these men become angered at our bitterness and are reluctant to open up to us. So in a sense it is like a vicious circle. When will it end??
I say just be extremely cautious, but at the same time open minded. If you sense a red flag, always believe in that feeling and communicate that to them.
I've learned that these type of men hate communication. They are not quick to open up and spill the info.
If nothing else, we become stronger emotionally from the experience and maybe won't let the next one walk so easily upon us. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:33:56 PM | I haven't read the entire responses but I can relate to the general idea and, also, that of people discovering a person may be secretly married.
In many cases it comes down to the "going slow" approach. I've read posts where a couple will be seeing each other, for months, and one has never been to the other's home. Or people who tell of dating someone whose work involves travel so they can't always get a hold of the person. The next thing they post is the person has disappeared.
Granted, it's a been a few years since I dated but when I did I knew where the person worked, where they lived, I had been to their place, probably met them at least once after work.......all within a few weeks time.
I have to wonder if part of the problem is people come across as not really caring so the other individual just assumes it's a casual affair. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:08:05 AM | EastCoastLipps....
You wrote: "You know we should all get together and make a list of all these men who do this to us"
There is a place for just that....
dont date him girl . c o m (remove the spaces)
If a guy is listed on there, I'm going to seriously take that into consideration.
Sharzi | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/22/2008 10:52:06 AM | Karla: I think you're a little defensive. It was an honest question and it a deserves an honest answer rather than something so thinly veiled to appear as if you're above the possibility of someone ever doing that to you. Geesh.
OP: I felt like removing his testicles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...and not gently, i might ad! ok, in all seriousness, depends on how far into dating you were. at some point, the other party owes you an honest answer. unfortunately, a lot of people have neither the integrity nor the courage. at this point, i don't worry because there's nothing i can do about someone else's behavior. i figure if they're into me, they'll make it clear and if they disappear or waver, i figure they're not interested and it's time to move forth. just no point in sitting around agonizing...much easier to make the assumption and provide one's own closure, eh? | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/22/2008 11:27:28 AM | There is a place for just that....
I thought that site was shutdown because of legal actions?
I wonder if anyone has made any study on the change in society. My mom did not experience the disappearing acts. It is more of 90's -00's thing. Maybe it came about because of the major computer age. Bad manners, computers, cell phones, broken marriages, and probably more that could be added to this list. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:18:59 PM | just em...
The site is back. I just checked it the other day.
I think when you look at the site, it's all pretty subjective. There are many reasons someone might post on there... they were truly played/conned, or they could be seeking revenge, they're jealous, or any number of other reasons. Just because someone's name is on there, shouldn't automatically mean that person is scum. A little benefit of doubt could be in order.
Sharzi | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/22/2008 12:19:17 PM | Namats III
Please clear up a couple of things...had you and this lady ever actually met/dated IN PERSON( emails & Ims are NOT "dating")?
Was her profile the only way you had of communicating?? Usually if there's some interest, a regular email or IM addy is given and or/phone #s are exchanged.
The fact that this lady is so scared/upset that she DELETES HER PROFILE,rahter than just telling you f*ck off and blocking you, makes me wonder whether YOUR end of the "rapport" was so graphic as to be offensive, maybe even frightening to her, or else she is way too emotionally frail to be using online personals,
Cindy O | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/22/2008 1:27:53 PM | We can't open the web page you requested ...
- Cannot Find Server - The web site you typed in could not be found on the internet.
Nope I still can't get in.
I remember reading those stories last year, they weren't disappearing acts. Some of those men were real users and abusers. I guess just disappearing can be a blessing. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/22/2008 9:27:29 PM | I think you just summed up what i've been through the past year in a short paragraph..kudos
yea, met this GREAT girl, very reserved, pretty, and the day we met there were sparks (i was in a failing relationship then) we ended up talking about a year after the fact, found out we had so much in common, things nobody else has ever shared with one another..things were great for about 2 months..both of our circles of friends agreed we were perfect for each other..we'd talk for HOURS on the phone....then yea, disappear..
And to make matters worse i just saw her 3 weeks ago, looong night of intimate conversation..We started talking again for a few days, then yea, disappears again.
I think if it were anybody else i'd handle the whole disappearing act alright, but the fact that this was the first person i've ever really connected with out of a ton of girlfriends throughout highschool..yea, it really bugs me. THis whole show up and disappear thing has beeng oing on a year now..Trying to break the cycle, but yea, its rough. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:30:26 AM | I had it happen once.
It was quite humorous now that I think of it. We had an amazing date. We were so comfortable with each other, he took me past his house, I actually visited his aunts and uncles place (he had to pick something up from there). We realized we knew a lot of the same people. HE talked about how we could be great friends, and this was only the beginning. HE said there was a connection a spark, he's not felt in a long time.
We were out most of the night together, laughing, talking. Feed the fishes, down by the water front. Hugged. I would have even kissed him, I was that attracted to him.
We parted in teh early moring on my front stairs (yup, he even knew where I lived), saying 'he'll be in contact very soon annnndddd....
NADDA, NILCH, NOTHING
For about 2 weeks, I was a bit worried, I thought he died.
I realized quick enough the game he had played. I really didn't care to be honest. It was a fun night, and i'm just hopping soo bad, that when I come home i'll run into him again. That would just be funny.
But hey, all experiences can be taken with a grain of salt, because this one was certinally not life-changing, or was it a horrable experience but I did have a nice time.
I don't know his reason, but I don't really care either. To each their own (finally I can use that stupid little saying! )
EDIT: Funny thing, I just saw him on one of my friends facebook contacts. I tried adding him as a contact, but he still hasn't responded. lol | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:51:20 AM | I felt blessed! I was over whelmed with joy!
Rather then sitting around trying to figure out if she was attracted to me, I knew the answer!
It saved me a lot of time. Or what would be wasted time in the end.
A few e-mails a few calls, a few dates and a few kisses. Her attention and company was nice while it lasted. I hope she finds what she's looking for. No big deal that I wasn't it.
BU | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 2:52:11 AM | A guy I was dating for a few years vanished on me. He was more of a coward than a jerk so I was able to gently confront him and ask why. He told me he didn't mean to hurt me and that he never planned on not seeing me again - it just happened.
I told him if he didn't want to spend time with me anymore, that was his choice. But it wasn't right for him to leave me hanging on and waiting while I could have been with a man who wanted to be with me. I was good to him and I deserved to be treated with respect. Hopefully, he learned his lesson.
And to everyone who disappears b/c they don't want a scene: get over yourself. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:13:30 AM | It hurts.
A man I dated for just over 4 months did that. Just sent a note, done. Asked for no contact too. Said he "wants to be a gentleman in all aspects, please do not contact me."
I still replied, with the quetions anyone would ask. No response.
I was really hurt til I found some stuff out about him...now I am simply disgusted.
These types always get thiers...dont waste your prescious energy. You dodged a bullet in my opinion. | |
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