| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:58:57 AM | I have not had anyone disappear on me after a face-to-face meeting.
I have had several people delete their profile after we had sent an email or two. You sort of sit there and wonder WTF? Did I say something, or was there something else. Without any warning you're left wondering. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 8:24:12 AM |
I have had several people delete their profile after we had sent an email or two. You sort of sit there and wonder WTF? Did I say something, or was there something else. Without any warning you're left wondering.
I've had this happen a few times and came to realize the person was most likely married and got caught. Although, I've heard from more than a few that they were scared off by someone on here. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:08:46 AM | | I think it is the nature of this online dating. Too many choices, too many confused people make it easy to discount someone . Too easy to disappear because there are more options that one needs to explore. Is it fair? Its just the law of the jungle here thats all. If someone dissappears without any word or reason then they arent worth your time. 99% of online people | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:09:31 PM | Just em...
I tried to contact you privately but you have restrictions so I can't. If you contact me I will give you the URL that will take you to it, or do a google search for don't date him girl.
Sharzi | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:01:29 PM | My ex started going through a bad time at around 35.
Went through the change and had a bad time.
Became depressed.
Then she would disappear leaving a note saying she wasnt coming back.
I had to explain to the kids their mum wasnt coming back.
Then a few days later she would turn up..........
She did this a few times.
Then on the last time I told her i had had enough, it wasnt fair on me or the kids.
I told her if she went next time that she wasnt to come back as i didnt want her.
The next time she went and didnt come back.
Was i upset ? not in the slightest , glad all that crap was over and done with.
She is someone elses problem now, I feel really sorry for the guy.
I quickly met someone else.
Then a couple of months later i asked the wife for a divorce.
She came to see me to talk about the divorce (supposedly!)
All she did was complain about her new man !
Too late ! I had moved on.
So the grass wasnt greener on the other side of the fence after all. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:06:12 PM |
I tried to contact you privately but you have restrictions so I can't. If you contact me I will give you the URL that will take you to it, or do a google search for don't date him girl.
But how do you know these women arent simply upset because a man finished with them ?
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned !!!! | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:04:39 PM | carlisleman....
If you look at a previous post of mine you will see that I pretty much say to take it with a grain of salt because there could be a lot of reasons women post on there.... because they really did get played/conned, or simply for revenge or to give some guy a hard time. Every person should be judged on their own merit. I would just tend to take a little more time getting to know someone if they did show up on that site.
I don't think you truly know someone until you've been seeing them for a while... seen them in social situations, gotten to know their friends, etc. Eventually every bad seed is going to show their rotten roots.
Sharzi | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:22:05 PM | Yes, it happened to me.
At 36, I was in my first serious relationship. I knew that I had met the one. We fell in love and talked about marriage, etc...
Yes, the relationship moved too fast, but I was so in love and it felt wonderful. He started pulling away and before I knew it, he ended it through an e-mail. I thought I was going to die. 
He suffers from depression. I knew that. It was something in his eyes. He is also an alcoholic which I sort of knew also, just didn't want to admit it.
This was 2 years ago and I still care about him. I worry about him. I understand depression and know that it can completely stop you in your tracks but I'm still sad and confused about what happened. It sure can make a person gun-shy about getting involved again.
Take care--
Karen | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:29:37 PM | | This has happened quite a few times to me before...haha, so I know where you're coming from. Most men just like to play games. They think "ok, she's so into me that I'm going to play hard to get" Well you know what? Do not waste MY time. Don't expect me to answer your calls, emails, txt msg's as if nothing happened. You went MIA and then get pissy faced when you don't get your way. I'm glad to be rid of some losers I had went out with...if they can't be upfront about something, then there's no point in continuing to see them. They did me a great favor of pulling a Houdini | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/28/2008 4:48:18 PM | Yep.. nothing new..
I met a guy on here.. we had a great date, stayed out till 4 am talking.. talked on the phone a few times, planned a second date.. he called.. said he was on his way.. NEVER SHOWED.. i called his cell.. no answer, his home.. no answer .. I was worried maybe he was in an accident..
but.. never heard from him again..
I have stopped letting it hurt me.. i just sigh.. and put my comfty pj's on and watch a movie.. and start a fresh day. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:14:06 PM | | The vanishing act happens regularly, in all forms, all the time. It has happened to me as well. I just accept it as part of the new culture of dating via the internet, where people don't really know each other, and where accountability for actions is never an issue. I accept it as a risk of going in. I have stopped emailing people when I've picked up on something that caused me to have a bad feeling, intuitively. If it happens, it simply wasn't meant to be. Obviously, the more time invested in the other person, the more this would hurt. Fortunately for me, it has only occured after 1 or 2 dates, or after emails only. I think this is common - happens daily, in fact . But these stories of it happening after a relationship has developed are sad. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:34:44 PM | | It happened to me a few years ago. I was with a guy for a few months and we had so many ups and downs. Now I look at it as a blessing because he was mentally and at one time physically abusive......so his disappearance is probably the best thing that happened to me. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:01:50 PM | | i kinda did the disappearing thing recently..well not even kinda..it wasn't that i planned to..i just didnt like the way everything was going..and the calls and texts and EVERYTHING..so i got myself outta tha situation. i don't have to answer to you, you aren't my woman and if i don't want to talk to you anymore i don't have to call you and give you an explanation on why. deal with it and move on. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/28/2008 11:05:21 PM | To jjinsactown,
I think the woman (and the point of this thread is that other women too) would probably deal with it much easier if you just told her that you didn't want to see her again. No explanation is necessary, but then you wouldn't get a bunch of calls and texts wondering what happened. One sentence, and she'd know, and not have to wonder for a while before giving up. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/29/2008 8:22:01 AM | I know I'm coming to the thread late, but I thought I'd put in my experience.
I like to fancy myself a calm, logical person. So after the initial "aww man" realization that I'm being ignored I rationalized it. The rationalization process made me feel much better, because I knew what I could control, what I could expect and how I should feel/react towards to coming events. The options were:
1) She doesn't want to see me/anyone right now: the only point to make is that the only real danger here is to my ego. Ego's always survive, so no big issue here.
2) She's seeing someone else: either she'll realize shes happier with me (in which case she comes back) or she'll find shes happier with someone else. I've never been one to deny anyone anything that made them happier in the long term. If she had found someone smart, funnier, more handsome, I should be happy for her. If she found someone stupider, blander and uglier, I probably don't want to be with someone who can settle like that anyway.
In the end when it was option 1, I was able to be calm, gracious and made it easy on her to end it (she was one of the gentler types). I've often had second thoughts about if I should have acted differently, but you act on the information you have at the time. Those were the cards I had, so I'll stick to my decision and move on. The two saddest words I know are "if only", so I've looked forward. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:52:36 PM | I would rather have a woman tell me that she is no longer interested than ignoring me. If this was after was 1-2 dates or some email / phone conversations, then a simple message stating something such as "we're not a match" is fine. However if I was dating someone for several months, then I think some explanation should be given. I think the disappearing act is done for some combination of the following reasons.
1) Some people are rude
2) Some people don't have any courage
3) Some people feel it's unnecessary to tell the other person.
4) It's the easy and convenient thing to do. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:33:56 AM | | I think that a disappearing act really becomes more difficult when the ex shows up on here and doesn't have the decency to apologize for his lack of manners, inability to talk to you in person about what was wrong, lying to other women, iming, calling etc. when you were in a relationship. That inability to grow up and take responsibility for their own horrible actions kill me. If this were their daughter that had this happen to them, they would have done something about it. But they don't see their own rude actions and how their lies have hurt you...and they don't care that they hurt you and are now preying on other unsuspecting women. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:52:20 AM | It happened to me when I was 18. I was dating a guy for 8 months and he went away for work. When he came back I didn't hear from him and he gave no explanation. It really hurt but I think if the person is like that, then you are better off without them. Hugs op
Curly- I've had that happen too. You think that you have a connection with someone and then poof they are gone. Very strange. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:06:12 PM | I did have this happen to me, actually, a couple of times.
First time, the guy turned out to be married with kids. He lived two states away and kept it hidden very well. However, it was a short lived relationship as I started to become very suspicious of him. I was hurt that someone could do that, someone that I started to care for.
Second time, I met this guy out and he we really hit it off or so I thought and"made a real connection" only to be totally ignored after that weekend. He texted me the next day he had a great time and was thinking of me and then NOTHING!!! That Monday after the weekend passed, he acted like he never met me and wouldn't take any of my calls or return a stinking text or say anything. Not even an excuse! The funny thing is, he gave me his number and the right number, why do that if he was just going to ignore my calls/texts anyways? What an ass he was! Come to find out from a mutual acquaintance ,he was living with a woman and her two children. She was away in Mexico at the time of our meeting. He goes to my local gym and he told me the reason he never told me was because he had started dating her that Monday when she returned from her trip and didn't think I would believe him! He was RIGHT ABOUT THAT ONE, I sure didn't! What a bunch of BS!
It sure does make a gal feel like crap, I did for awhile, cause I genuinely liked him. Its hard to find genuine people these days. I look back at it now and realize how lucky I am. He is a lousy person inside and in time he will do the same thing to her. All the best to everyone on here.... | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:20:11 PM | | Just em...you words couldn't be more true! They don't care at all how they hurt someone by their disappearing act, all they care about is THEMSELVES...they aren't losing any sleep at night at how low class their actions were, cause they are sooo selfish! All I can say is KARMA is a Biotch! LOL | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:56:43 PM | | I totally understand that devasting feeling of betrayal and sadness. I still feel hurt and do not trust much. So i would like to say that you aren't alone and those feelings of no closure remind me that those people will get back what they gave out to others. I hope so and Yes i am sour about it and i must honor my feelings even if gthey are negative. I know it hurts and i keep busy. I was so dumb and so naive about men after being divorced, i see now i was the perfect target for a male. Never again will i allow myself to get so "hungup on a man" again. He was a con and still is. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:59:19 PM | | I totally understand that devasting feeling of betrayal and sadness. I still feel hurt and do not trust much. So i would like to say that you aren't alone and those feelings of no closure remind me that those people will get back what they gave out to others. I hope so and Yes i am sour about it and i must honor my feelings even if gthey are negative. I know it hurts and i keep busy. I was so dumb and so naive about men after being divorced, i see now i was the perfect target for a male. Never again will i allow myself to get so "hungup on a man" again. He was a con and still is. | |
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| Disappearing Act - How Did You Feel?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:36:52 PM | | There are not many things that bug me more than the disappearing act. I've always been of the mind that if one isn't adult enough to be able to end an interaction with another human being in a considerate manner, one should refrain from having those interactions at all. What I think would be cool is if all people who do this sort of thing were forced to wear "Go-Go" sweatshirts, like the ones the members of Wham wore during the 80s. Not only would we all be warned about them, but they would also look really awful. | |
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