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 Mini minstrel
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 51
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Self Esteem and Shallow MenPage 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

Yes his comments hurt I won't deny that. But I had got myself to a point where I was happy with myself and then some assh*le comes along and makes me feel like that's not good enough
How exactly did his comments on old pics make you feel "not good enough"? Sorry, i don't get it, his comments were aimed at an old image of you as apposed to the image you are now, were they not?


I'm not looking for validation, I'm just trying to get my head around why some bloke can make a judgement on a picture that looks nothing like I do now and then has to be so obnoxiously rude about it.

Because he's obnoxious, rude and tactless......obviously, people who are not like this man will never understand it, but it's the way it is, nobody can really answer your question but him!

I thought of his little pecker....

You got to see that much of him then?
 GERRY-Z
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 52
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 1/31/2008 6:51:59 PM
If a guy dont want the person that is in front of them is a waste of space in this life, you are who you are, if they dont like it, thats there loss.



Gerry
 HerMajestyUK
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 53
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 1/31/2008 7:10:06 PM

I thought of his little pecker....

You got to see that much of him then?


Thankfully NOT!!

Ah well as they say... plenty more in the sea.. and probably loads more just as slimey as him!

Just goes to show how WRONG you can be about people huh...
 colditz
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 54
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 1/31/2008 11:30:43 PM
You are letting a random stranger adjust your whole attitude towards your dinner?

Starve if you want to, but do try to remind yourself, when your hair starts dropping out, that most people with eating disorders are angry - problem is, the only person you are managing to punish is yourself. You can't punish him for his cruel words by starving yourself.
 theresa xxx
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 55
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/20/2008 11:05:48 AM
i think you look really nice men like that arent worth bothering with .if they dont like what they see its there problem not yours .good luck hun .
 Equ1nox
Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 56
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/20/2008 11:11:18 AM
Well...

HerMajestyUK.

Youve accomplished something that many people in this world wouldnt have the willpower to do..

Be proud of yourself.
Dont let some selfish loser ruin your pride and sense of achievement.
 Crumpet4Tea
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 57
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/20/2008 2:14:30 PM
Sounds like this guy was a numbskull just looking for an excuse to stop chatting.

I wouldn't take it at all seriously. So, you had a few MSN chats and he turned into an ass. Hey welcome to the internet. It certainly doesn't warrant starving yourself over.

Have more self esteem; this person was an idiot of the first degree. Forget about him and buy some cake to make you feel better
 astro08
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 58
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/20/2008 2:53:11 PM

What I'm saying is that I was getting to a point where I was finally feeling good about myself.. and now.. well now I don't feel that good about myself any more.


cut yourself some slack woman ffs!!!!!

here are facts!

YOU lost 10 stone! gold star!
YOU dance, and are active!! gold star!

YOU running yourself down...... minus 1 gold star.

NO-ONE can make you feel bad about yourself but yourself!
a little story (yes i know im a boring old cow!)
A woman i knew a long time ago always had to be perfect, better than anyone else, lived beyond her means, had EVERYTHING! (including debt up to her eyeballs)
EVERY time there was a "do" she would spend a weekend getting ready, nails done, pedicure (not that anyone would see her feet) hair restyled, new clothes, new shoes, handbag, hat gloves, you name it!
she would swan into the venue to gasps....
say for instance she spoke to 10 people....9 of them would say she looked amazing!
1 would say, you look great, but maybe a different hairstyle would suit you better .

did she think sod you! 9 others said i look amazing.....?
Nope....
she would sulk all night because she hadnt gotten a 10/10.
it ruined her evening.

moral of the story?
don't punish yourself for a problem someone else has, you DON'T have a problem!
 forevaautumn
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 59
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/20/2008 3:15:00 PM
It enforces most peoples opinion that you never actually know someone until you meet them, don't let this person get to you if he is this judgemental and fickle would you have actually got on with him at all in reality??

Your pics are lovely, and if he is shallow enough to judge a book by its cover...his loss not yours. 500 calorie a day diet PAH!!! love yourself for who you are not who you think people wish you to be.
 astro08
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 60
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/20/2008 3:54:35 PM
If you go onto 500 cals per day you're more likely to put ON weight not lose it.

metabolic rate will be lowered due to insufficient nourishment, your body will go into starvation mode and store every morsel as fat because your body will be hungry...

average woman with sedentary lifetsyle needs at LEAST 12oo cals per day breakfast being most important. you should also drink at least 2 litres of water a day to prevent dehydration during a diet.
 Lady Spacktard
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 61
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/20/2008 4:44:57 PM
OP you've done really well! I'm a size 18 now and was a size 10 many moons ago but I'm still the same me no matter what size I am! If a man can't cope with that he's not worthy of my attention! From what I've read you sound like a lovely person with a lot of good qualities. Don't let anyone tell you different...especially some guy that sounds like a shallow hal and will lose any looks he has as he gets older he he!

Now I'm going to play mum! A 500 cal a day diet is NOT healthy!!!!! You need to treat yourself with more respect than that! I know I'm a size 18 and I know why! I don't eat properly (once a day) and don't do any scheduled exercise....it's always chasing around at work....so I do know what I'm talking about! Most importantly if you want to lose weight that's fine but you have to do it for YOU and not anyone else!
 Flashgeorge
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 62
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:00:55 PM
Well done to you on your weight loss, takes some doing not only to get it off but keep it off.

Building your own self-esteem is quite some doing & especially if you are trying to put yourself up for something that's an 'idealistic' view as to how you want to look. I think over time when you piss about with diets, fitness regimes etc you have to come to a point as to where because both your lifestyle & routine dictate you are always going to be a certain weight or shape.

I can understand why its a knockback to your self-confidence but I would suggest that you do what makes you comfortable & not the reactionary thing to diet as that may do more harm than good. My weight fluctuates between 12 stone and 14 1/2 stone throughout a 12 month period...I refer to it as hibernation except in the summer...when...well I'm ****ed for a reason other than my body clocks outta sync. But who cares???

Chances are you'll be comfortable with yourself & the so called stud will still be single.
 Lori 8
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 63
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/20/2008 5:58:13 PM
@ her majesty. i cant message you cause of ur settings. plz message me if u can

cheers
 Macforty
Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 64
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/20/2008 11:25:53 PM
I think you have a lot to thank him for personally because hes given you that nudge that you probably needed !!

If you decided to diet after a comment like that then you must'nt have been happy with your weight to begin with !!

Take a positive out of this negative OP ............Dont knock something thats working !!
 chrissy~e07
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 65
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/20/2008 11:46:32 PM
The ones that expect perfection are usually the
ones that are far from perfect theirselves.

ignore the p1llock, comments from people like
that ain't worth a jot!

His loss, just be happy with you xx
 4x4+geek
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 66
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/21/2008 1:03:36 AM
First:
People can be inconsiderate, insensitive, or tactless. Occasionally most of us are, usually accidentally. Conversely, some people are purposely hurtful. I find it best, when possible, to avoid people that display this antisocial, destructive behavior - so you might consider it good fortune that you discovered this trait early in your relationship. If you ascribe to: "The best revenge is living well", it necessarily follows that your efforts should be directed to this end. A person who treats others the way you were treated is not at peace or, really happy.

Second:
People who are very happy with themselves, who accept themselves, are attractive. People who dislike themselves project that, and it dissuades people from approaching and forming close relationships. I have experience attractive, sexy fat women and scary, mean, unattractive, thin women. Body weight had little-to-nothing to do with their success in relationships.

Third:
I watched food/self-esteem issues severely damage loved-ones lives and relationships. I sense you are heading down a dangerous road. If you're that unhappy, it might help to get some objective help. I can understand hurtful comments staying-with you for a while, but I would do anything I can to avoid obsessing about them. IMHO, Making serious life decisions while upset is not the best course.

Fourth:
Might I suggest you try this: Turn off the computer, go for a nice walk and go do something you enjoy with someone you like, or even strangers. Resolve to not think about or mention anything related to weight, or diet for one day at-a-time. Have a good day.
 Chorlton Dragon
Joined: 12/7/2005
Msg: 67
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/21/2008 2:06:46 AM
Personally I think you are using this guy as an excuse you already said that before he came along you were unhappy about your weight but this guys comment hasn't helped matters I understand that. I think first you need to start to work on feeling good about yourself instead of worrying about how other people view you. There are probably plenty of women who would say I was too thin, too short etc. etc. but if the right person comes along non of that will be an issue and I'm happy in my own skin.
 Dave.
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 68
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/21/2008 2:49:08 AM

Well his words cut deep.. and they've worked.. Just gone through my first day without any food, going back on my 500 calorie diet of shakes/soups with no food intake so hopefully in a few months when my hip bones are coming out of my skin, I'll actually be seen as being attractive! I wish I was a glamour model with a perfect personality but hey if I was, I doubt if I'd be sat on a dating site.

Every time I've looked in the mirror today I've heard his words. In all the time I've been losing weight I've never felt as s*** about myself as I do today. Makes me feel that all that effort to get rid of the weight was pointless.

I'll be sure to keep you all updated of my weight loss... cos one thing I do know... when I'm down to the 'perfect' figure in the eyes of men like him, I'll be looking great.. and him.. well he'll still be a shallow insensitive tw**!


OP, seriously that shit is no good!!

If you drop under about 1200 calories you body will be in starvation mode and you'll not lose weight.

I didn't read all the posts here because I have to log off, but wanted to say if you need some dietry advice and an exercise plan, feel free to PM Me and I'll be more than happy to discuss things with you and also work with you on self esteem.

This guy is obviously a loser, ignore his comments and focus on doing it for you... not because you're angry and want to prove a point. Sure, it'll be a nice by product to piss him off, but to lose weight and keep it off, you need a proper healthy diet and lifestyle change.

Cutting to 500 calories will screw you, and when you hit your ideal "weight" (Never weight, use a tape measure and mirror! Scales lie! xx) you will be prone to put on more weight and extra on top of that.

High protein meals, good carbs (cut out white flour and sugar if you can, and ideally lower salt intake) and good fats... avocado, flax, olive oil, oily fish etc... 5-6 meals a day.

Don't waste time on crappo supplement meals, they're a con!!!

Good luck and best wishes, and like I say, PM Me if you need any advice or a boost :) xx
 Dave.
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 69
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/21/2008 2:51:10 AM
*Edit* Sorry, re-read that and when I say won't lose weight, I mean won't lose weight in a healthy fashion. I'll explain more if we chat :P
 wwozzer1968
Joined: 1/14/2008
Msg: 70
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/21/2008 3:03:52 AM

I was being judged by not even being met, by pictures he hadn't even asked how recent they were.



This is internet dating, you ARE judged by your pictures, i wish it was'nt so but that's the way it is. I'm not one for blowing smoke up peoples ar$es but losing 10 stone is a massive acheivement so how can someone who's found the will power to make a real difference to your life let alone your life expectancy be affected by a tactless moron? that's what he is, tactless, shallow? no.

We are all shallow to some degree, we have likes and dislikes and we are all judged on looks and appearance, i'm 5ft 10" but have been told because i'm not 6ft plus i'm short?!

Don't let one insensitive person get to you, he was probably hung like a badger anyway so count your blessings.
 astro08
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 71
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/21/2008 3:29:22 AM
No-one ever guesses my weight correctly. (i'm 12 stone and its mostly toned muscle)

they always say im lighter than i am, but then i get told by most men im too tall at 5 ft 8

(5'11 - 6' in heels).

you have to consider the health risks of going on drastic diets,
osteoporosis, osteo-arthritis, failed kidneys, live disease, heart problems, anaemia, lowered blood pressure in the extreme and fainting, gall bladder problems, stomach ulcers. dermatitis, eczema, allergies, hair loss, facial skin in poor condition.

then of course there is the extreme of anorexia nervosa/bulimia, you can get hooked on dieting. how much is enough? once some people start they can't stop.

your posts yell at me that you're just not happy with yourself, no matter your size.(especially if words from another person have affected you so drastically)
i would go to your doctor and ask for bmi check, cholesterol check, weight check, BP check, if they think you're ok and you're still not happy ask to see a counsellor to work on your own self confidence and self esteem. join a health club (once you've been checked by your g.p.). i swim twice a week, do aquarobics once a week, and dance 3 times a week. not to lose weight, but because it makes me feel great! (and look great too) gives you more energy.
losing weight isn't about not eating, its eating a healthy diet in relation to your activity levels and having a healthy attitude toward yourself and exercise.
and in MHO only a doctor can help you with that, not people on here.
 cheerychatterbox
Joined: 3/31/2007
Msg: 72
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/21/2008 4:31:37 AM
trust me hun , the man speaks the truth,
like many who have soken on here b4 i have stuggled with weight for yrs an yrs culminating in lap band surgery 7 years ago
lost 13 stone live on nothing but soup, the cost my friend is massive,
i got down to 12.12 an thats good for me from 25 stones but now i am in starvation mode. my body has now decided that every meal i eat which tends to be one cuppa soup per day an coffee of course. lol then thats the last meal its ever gettin so consequently i have put on two stones in the last six monthes. which i am unable to control. i seriously go for days with nothing at all and now am seriously head wrecked whenever i do drink or eat somethin . likewise my blood is crap i have vitamin deficiency and lack of b12 blar de blar,
last feb i had a massive tummy tuck an they did a good job i gotta say, its as flat as flat. but that doesnt stop me thinkin im a horrendous sized person who doesnt deserve to be on this earth . lol
so in hindsight, not having a meal for eight years not being able to enjoy the social activities we all take for granted, looking at my scarred body naked in the mirror, dealing with the guilt of having a rice cake!!! lol was it worth it??
the answer is no!!
be happy with yourself hun, be true to yourself.
respect and happiness is not found on the label of a size eight dress!!!
 Syl1973
Joined: 11/28/2007
Msg: 73
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Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/21/2008 6:37:24 AM
There is no 'perfect size' - what's important is what *you* are happy with.

Some people will never be happy with who you are. Post your pictures, accept that people *will* judge you based on them. If they don't like the picture, don't waste your time talking to them any more - find someone who is.

It's also worth bearing in mind that people do not think about what they say, or indeed look at what they really want. A comment on weight might actually mean 'I want you to have a different hip/waist ratio' or 'I want your breasts to be bigger/smaller'.

Men tend to get the comment that the woman would prefer someone with more weight on them, if they're seen as skinny. This actually normally equates to 'I want you to have broader shoulders', rather than being about weight.

All of which is a roundabout way of pointing out that we're all limited by our skeleton and genetics. Yes, you can change your weight, and exercise, but fundamental appearance change is something else.
 cheekycheerychick
Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 74
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/21/2008 6:44:52 AM
Self Esteem can be such a bugger especially when brainless men share their shallow thoughts!
What an idiot! Do you think her perhaps opened his mouth before brain began?!
Someone the other day sent me mail, after having gone back n forth already saying that he DIDN'T like one of my pics..thankfully I do have quite thick skin it still pee'd me off. When I challenged him, on the phone!! he started back tracking.
I'm sort of going off the point a bit, but anyway that is just plain ridiuclous. Perhaps the man was new to the internet dating world...He never even gave himself a chance......loser with a big fat L on his forehead!!
 jane-d
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 75
Self Esteem and Shallow Men
Posted: 2/21/2008 8:46:48 AM
I was talking to a bloke a few times and he said that i could do with losing about a stone. So i politely said ok.... on one condition........ you get a face lift...... hes blocked me lol
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