| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/4/2008 5:25:23 PM | My friend, it does not matter how many, how often or how long. None of that counts when you love someone. Everybody makes love differently. Some wants it ruff, some wants it in the dark, some only wants it in the morning and some wants it only when fully naked. That is the fun of discovering a new lover.
Go out and enjoy the company of others. Have fun and the "one" will find the way to your heart.
Doc Sage  | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/4/2008 5:35:51 PM | | Hey OP I'm with you on this one... it bothers me when a person has a past that is tainted strongly... Depending on the current person it can make me look up to them more or look down on them... my ex use to be bad into drugs and she slept around alot... one day she decided that that wasn't the life she wanted to live and purely with her will quit... that is something that I look up to... that she decided to get her life back on track... but if she kept sleeping around like she did (let's just say she's 20x my own number of partners) I don't think I could have gotten with her... so yeah... the past can matter, but try and look at it in a positive light... did she use to be a bad girl, but now she's going to school and getting her life together...that shows a woman with a strong will and the ability to move on... that's a trait to admire and look for not to run away from. So try and see things like that and maybe it'll be a bit easier | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/4/2008 5:42:36 PM |
there have been a few people I was pretty interested in but then I find out about their past & I really get turn off of that.
Imagine your ex telling you they've had over 300 women.
I think he met them all here. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:30:14 PM | not enough information.
Why does it bother you?
Do you auttomatically assume they're promiscuous?
Do you feel grossed out that someone else had something you have?
Do you feel as if you'll be judged?
Figure out why you have this problem, then you can figure out how to overcome it.
Furthermore, assumptions are not always right! Remember that. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:43:13 PM | | well.....just accept that this is who you are. I would not worry about it, nor I would compromise myself in order to make other feel comfortable. In these days and age people like you are gems. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:08:09 PM | I suggest you look at this website; to the original person who gave the above question
www.pureloveclub.com
Also, remember that good 'ole book that's been around for over 2,000 years..more if you include the Old Testament
Read. Ephesians Chapter 4 vs 17-24 It kind of will explain things to you...
Ah, yes and that prostitute caught in the act...with Jesus's words no one was able to throw a stone at her...But, he did say..."Go and sin, no more"..
I don't know about you all but that one human being that rose from the dead in 3 days should be respected and honored and believe me that good 'ole book will be around for generations to come...
America...I love it...with all this freedom comes so much responsibility...
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/7/2008 9:15:53 PM | You're only 29 and you already have hang-ups like that? The older you get, the older the ladies get ... and the more and more varied partners they've had. Dude, you are gonna worry yourself into an erectile dysfunction. Lighten up!
Steve | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/8/2008 12:30:04 AM | | Nobody likes to be somebody's sloppy seconds. When it gets down to it, those of us that don't f*ck everything that moves and some things that don't prefer our partners to live at least a relatively similar lifestyle. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/8/2008 12:37:57 AM |
then I find out about their past & I really get turn off of that
Then stop asking questions you don't want answers to, and/or cut them off at the pass before they lay their sexual resume out. It's just that simple. If they ask why, explain your point of view and then they'll either choose to accept and respect it, or shoot themselves in the foot.
It's that simple. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/8/2008 12:53:01 AM | It's another compliment (sarcasm) on society when they insult others for having stricter morals.
Well if people would stop using the words "morals" and "values" interchangeably, it'd be a lot easier for starters. Just because someone doesn't share the same values as you makes them no less a moral person.
Read. Ephesians Chapter 4 vs 17-24 It kind of will explain things to you...
Ah, yes and that prostitute caught in the act...with Jesus's words no one was able to throw a stone at her...But, he did say..."Go and sin, no more"..
Her sin was sleeping with married people without their partners consent a.k.a Adultery.
Next you'll be telling me the sin of Onan was masterbation instead of using his brother's wife for his own selfish pleasure and failing to fulfill his obligation to her and his family by providing her with a child. The same woman remidied the situation by dressing as a whore and seducing their father (who did give her a child), and was deemed virtuous for doing so.
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/8/2008 11:03:39 AM | | you need to understand what it is about someone else's past that bothers you. it sounds like you might be judgmental, are you? do other things about people's past bother you as well? this may be a learned behavior that seems normal in your upbringing. it's worth considering and learning how to be non-judgmental about others. you will be a much happier person for it. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/8/2008 11:32:25 AM | | I think you are just fine the way u are! Why do u feel u have to get over something that turns you off! You simply have to find someone with the same principles you have and feel comfortable with what you both are doing. I saw nothing wrong with your question .... people are looking for a spark to justify being intimate .... but that is all it is ..... a little spark that goes poof .... and another potential relationship bites the dust. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 2/9/2008 4:51:20 PM | Ressurection post.
OP, your post is a little contradictary, but I know where you're coming from.
I have the same problem. People tend to use the past as it conveniences them. "Once a cheater, always a cheater," doesn't correlate nicely with "The past is the past." Youth & upbringing are just another excuse people incorporate at their discretion. If it sets them apart from blame's limelight, bet that you'll hear it at some point.
Sex has become an expectancy of youth, and portrayed niavity is its counter-part. With a society so often subjected to the glorified stand-point of media giants, ignorance about it isin't a valid excuse.
A populace of degenerate, "go nowheres," that frequent clubs & bars to dryhump one another has become a normality.
It's a sad revelation for anyone who maintains some refine with themselves. A BS double-standard that if you're not following along with the slothe and collective numbing of society, that you'll obtain some cast away label.
If the # of people you've slept with outweighs the # of relationships you've maintained, perhaps your disposition would be better suited for a street corner ? | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 6/10/2008 1:40:19 PM | "I myself come from a pretty conservative family, have always been shy & didn't start dating till my mid 20's"
Don't get me wrong, I love my family to bits... but I am the black sheep.
And I wasn't raised to lose my virginity at 16 either, but I did... my choice.
Nothing to do with my family...?
It makes no difference HOW people were raised as to what kind of partner they choose. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 6/10/2008 4:42:52 PM |
I myself come from a pretty conservative family, have always been shy & didn't start dating till my mid 20's. As the result I haven't been around and are pretty protective when it gets to this topic
Some of us brought up a little more puritan might take some getting used to the realities of the dating world. Maybe you should just put up your hand, smile and say "Let's not look back, let's look forward.
Doesn't matter what is in the past, there is only us here and now" as a method of preventing those discussions where past loves and relationships get brought into the now. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 6/10/2008 5:08:49 PM |
i'm not naive and if you read what i said you'd understand what i'm getting at. as long as there is proof from the person that they have been TESTED AND CLEAN. can you read that?
Your logic is flawed.
A woman can be tested and as clean now as the day before she gave up her viriginity, but she could have caught something in the past, ie Chlamydia. Now she could have had that for awhile, and eventually gotten treated. But she may never be able to have YOUR children as a result.
She could have had HEP-C, gotten rid of it. But later in life, her liver fails because of it...
Then there's HPV. Now , it doesn't show up on most STD tests. I don't even think it's able to be tested for in a male. Condoms don't protect you from it. Oh yeah, that's right it leads to the high risk of Cervical cancers...those can be fatal for her...
But then you're happy being naive... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 6/11/2008 3:01:50 AM | Man that was a bad ass Resurrection post. I can only convey my deepest regret that more women like that don't live nearer myself.
I'm not sure I can count the number of times someone has said to me "I was young and stupid" and I had to reply to them "I was young but never that stupid... so find a different excuse."
That just kinda reminded me of the day I realised that honor and decency weren't the norm, they were the things that you engaged in to commit social suicide. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 6/11/2008 3:11:41 AM | Don't beat the boy up for the choices he makes and what he wants in his life. Everyone has a list of wants and don't wants.
I have had widowers decide not to date me once they find out I have been married twice......without finding out why the marriages ended. That is their choice.
Emeraldcove makes some valid points.
We all know what we can live with and what we can't. Why be maligned for it? | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:41:08 AM | Well if you have very little experience, or you intentionally avoid sexual encounters because of your upbringing, then OF COURSE you are going to think that every sexual encounter is wonderful and special. Just because you are doing it so infrequently.
My opinion is that what makes intimacy special is that you have a connection with the other person, not that you have had very little experience. Because someone has had many partners in the past does reduce its future value.
Truth be told, all else equal, I'd rather have someone with more experience over someone with less. As long as they are STD-free (like me) we're good to go. I don't think its fair to judge someone based on their actions in the past. As long they didn't hurt anyone. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 6/11/2008 8:20:23 AM | Well, look at it this way:
If you are her first lover you have a 100% chance of being the best lover she ever had.
If you are her 2nd lover, you have a 50% chance of being the best lover she ever had.
If you are her 3rd lover, you have a 33.3% chance of being the best lover she ever had.
If you are her 4th lover, you have a 25% chance of being the best lover she ever had.
If you are her 10th lover, you have a 10% chance of being the best lover she ever had.
If you are her 20th lover, you have a 5% chance of being the best lover she ever had.
if you are her 40th lover, you have a 2.5% chance of being the best lover she ever had.
If you are her 50th lover, you have a 2% chance of being the best lover she ever had.
If you are her 100th lover, you have a 1% chance of being the best lover she ever had.
If you are her 200th lover, you have a 0.5% chance of being the best lover she ever had.
Now that I look at this, I'm not sure that this makes me feel any better.... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 6/14/2008 6:40:34 PM | I am curious as to why the past is of such importance to you…
Could it be that you are concerned that since they are experienced (have a past) that you wont be their most memorable or best?
I do understand your thoughts on this, that you were not sexual early, but possibly the reason why this bothers you so is because you want to be the most memorable/best… You have to know that there is so much more to intimacy for men and women than JUST sex?
I would be more concerned about someone who is of a mature age that had never been intimate because it may mean they are have a difficult time letting go and connecting with the opposite sex.
The best way to look at this is that they may be less inhibited sexually and be ready to be in a relationship with you. Honey don’t let your lack of confidence make you pull back from someone that could be amazing for you.
And by the way, I commend you in being so open about your feelings and wanting to work through this (realizing the issues and working through them)…
Good luck with your search… :-)
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 6/14/2008 10:55:06 PM | I dunno if too many people are going to argue that a sexual act is still an intimate thing to have with a partner, regardless of whether it's for pleasure or some kind of emotional bonding (I don't particularly get the latter out of it myself.) It's the fact that it's intimate that makes it hard for some of us to engage in with just anybody.
I would strive to be the best, or most memorable regardless of whether i was 1 or 100, I don't shy away from a challenge, but when it looks to me that I'm just a number in a long line of men it's a problem for 3 reasons, 1 is that women don't have to look far for a sexual partner so it doesn't show a lot of restraint. 2 fits in with that, if sex is just meaningless and not solely something within a commited relationship it kinda makes me think that goin from meeting a guy to blowing him is gonna be quick and it's a lot harder to take back sex than it is to take back a drink after work, that one I know from experience. 3 is just that in my experience, sexually liberal women have war stories, war stories I don't mind so much but it's always "No that was a phase in my life, I'm through that I never want to do that again." So I get stuck knowing some guy got to do something I wanna do.
Bobby Flay's throw down, good stuff. True story.
Oh right and why is it acceptable to have sex with anyone and everyone claiming theirs no emotional/intimacy problems involved with that, but keeping a shorter list of partners is a lead up to phsychological problems in the making? | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:26:24 AM | | rule of thumb. dont ask a question you dont really want an answer to or cant handle the answer, its no more your buisness how many she has had before you and none of hers how many you have had prior to her, let sleeping dogs sleep, the past will come back to haunt you if you dont leave it alone. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:57:31 AM | | Sex is not sports or a hobby. I couldn't have said it better, exactly my sentiment. It seems to be treated as such, another commodity. As a "child of the sixties", I have had a wild past, a lot of which I wish I could change but I can't. But I am trying to be a mature person now, ready to make a commitment to love, and yes, sex is something very special between two people. I try not to judge a person by their past, but try to see who they are today. Keep your mind and your heart open. Good luck. | |
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