| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:29:15 PM | | Very simple. STOP ASKING!! Look at the start of a new relationship as the start of a new life with a new person with no past and leave it at that. If they didn't love you and want to be with you then they wouldn't be with you. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:44:10 PM |
If you ask a girl how many guys she slept with she is gonna lie to you anyway, so why make her lie?......
No....
If she lies to you, she's not relationship material anyway....
It's not MAKING her lie, it's her choice to lie or not...
If she lies, then you know she too feels she shouldn't have slept with that many guys...
I'd rather have an honest woman with high numbers who will tell the truth, than a woman with a low numbers that's a liar... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:44:47 PM | Sweetie,
Be proud of who you are. You were raised with morals and values. I beleive honesty is the key issue here....if you are looking for someone of your moral make up babe, keep looking, she is out there, but people make bad decisions soemtimes and we are accountable to ourselves...do you want to be judged because you don't shave everyday? | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:32:26 PM | It's the past that makes us who we are. If she'd saved a family from a burning building I guarantee we'd find a way to be proud of that, but being disgusted by a large number of partners is dismissable?
Bingo. Don't ask/don't tell = don't know the person. Brilliant strategy, all.
If you don't want someone, particularly a partner, to know the things you've done, you shouldn't have done them to begin with. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:46:05 PM | How many people are being totally honest here? Seriously. I mean I know how it is here on the forums. It's much different then out there in the street and most people here are much more serious in what they are looking for.
In this thread it seems like it's almost a great thing! But if you go out into the real world where I live, if some girl tells you she slept with 30 guys, people are not so accepting and immediately people are calling her those words we know. How many guys are going to hear that and say well that's marriage material right there, more so then next door girl who is 25 with 5 sex partners?
It's so weird now. I remember health class when we were told you should know your partners past. It was always said that your supposed to tell each other. But I guess now it's different and you can hold it a secret from your girlfriend forever even if you get married. That's great news for the guys who have been around the block 100 times.
What's that saying, "She's like the nieghborhood bicycle, everybody gets a ride." I feel bad for these girls that I am meaning because they just want to be loved and I've seen guys sleep with them and take off afterwards, leaving them crying upset because they thought he would stay but in the end he doesn't want to deal with her past and the future badmouthing from the towns people.
Do you know what the statistics of STDs are now? They are insanely high here in the US especially in city areas. Most people think that wearing a condom will prevent you from all STDs which is not true. Do you know that if you have slept with 30 people you have definitely been with multiple people who had STDs?
Ok with that said. I come from a strict background as well. Most of my relationships have been long term and I have my papers that show I have nothing. If you end up with a girl that has been with a ton of guys, it's said you should ask for that paper. You could always go together. Some doctors recommend doing it after every sex partner too.
It may not be like the 1940's but it's not all like no big deal. It bothers a lot of people not just you OP. I've seen guys who have slept with 100 woman who won't have a girlfriend who has been with everyones brother and even some fathers, in town. Kind of hypocritical though.
Sorry but I just had to let this guy know that he's not totally crazy. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:25:25 AM | Though my views aren't conservative, and I don't prefer a conservative lifestyle I do see where you're coming from when it comes to finding out about a girl's resume and how many pages it might be with many of them.
I'm not a saint when it comes to my list, I have had atleast two slip-ups that have benefited them, but when it comes to my relationships and even past one night stands, I do like to know that the girl is selective herself and doesn't sleep with anything that walks. Even if I found out that they've slept freely with friends of theirs that are just friends of theirs. I'm sure most guys with a head on their shoulders have been turned off seriously after finding out certain grimy guys that the girl they're interested have freely opened up to, I know I have, which led me to close my zipper for future possibilities with those girls.
But to the thread starter, I do see your point, but don't look at your views as being conservative on this issue. For me I just don't want to hook up with someone who is just plain easy or was in the past. Even for ONS's I want there to be a challenge, and I want her to have standards that I need to pass in order to enter her secret garden.
And one more thing, it's not about how many guys the girl slept with (unless there's enough for half a phone-book), it's the type of guys she slept with. Look for a girl who is selective in her mates, and appreciates getting you, the same way you appreciate getting her | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:33:16 AM |
Maybe it's none of your business, but I want to know if my woman was the revolving door in college. It's part of life - you talk to your woman about mostly everything, so why wouldn't you talk to her about sex?
there isnt a girl in the world that is gonna tell you "hey, I was a slut in college, do you mind?"...if she likes you, she will be afraid that if she does tell you the truth you will not want to go out with her again....what difference does it make?...if your that worried about it, go and get tested for any STD'S....
I would hope my woman wouldn't lie to me. If it's not a big deal, then why would she lie about it?
You would hope that she wont lie to you , but if your gonna ask her how many partners she has had, your ASKING to get lied to plain and simple...
so what if she says 4?.....what if she says 8?...what if she says she has had sex with 8 guys, all relationships?...what if she says she has ad 4 one night stands and thats it?....
point is, no number is good enough for you...so why ask?....
ask your girl how many guys she has slept with....you are playing with fire...nothing good can come out of the situation.... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:38:56 AM |
I tell my daughter all the time how important it is to have strong morals...she's waiting till marriage...just as I did!
waiting to have sex till your married doesnt make you any more moral than someone who doesnt.... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:17:07 AM | I'll tell you what, someone suggested a person's sexual history is sorta like a resume, lemme just say that if you were hiring for a full time position and you found someone with about 30-40 different employers/jobs before the age of 25, you'd think "this person can't hold down a job, whether they can't commit to it or what doesn't matter, I don't want to be looking for a new employee in a week." it's the same kind of deal.
If she has 30-40 different partners by 25, it doesn't exactly scream a commited person who wants a stable relationship. Some people don't want that, but a lot of us do.
Oh and no number has ever pissed me off half as much as some wild crazy war story that will never be repeated and I'm left thinking "There's a guy out there that got to do something with my girlfriend she refuses to do with me..." that's a no fly zone for a lot of men.
Imagine you were dating a "virgin" that didn't want to have sex with you, but then you found out she'd been in a FFM 3 way and won't repeat that, let alone let you touch her? That's Hulk style Rage right there. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:31:04 AM | how about you put things into perspective? you asked the question and got an honest answer from them and then you found you didn't like the answer. The thing is. this particular question is about someones PAST.
is, BEFORE they met you. jeez. does it matter if its 100 or 10? as long as they have no STD. are loyal to you, have given you no reason not to trust them and are attentive to you does it really matter if they had a women, a man, or a muscovy duck?
that happened before you were on the scene. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/3/2008 7:55:00 AM |
Imagine you were dating a "virgin" that didn't want to have sex with you, but then you found out she'd been in a FFM 3 way and won't repeat that
Yeah, I was with one girl who had said she'd done anal, and oral but wouldn't do it anymore because she'd had "bad experiences" with it. So I'm left thinking great, some other guy turned her off something that she and I could have explored together and maybe enjoyed.
The woman I'm seing now has done MMF and FFM and even FFFMM but now wants to be totally monogamous. So she will never do those things with me. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/3/2008 11:52:19 AM |
waiting to have sex till your married doesnt make you any more moral than someone who doesnt....
No but it saves on teen pregnancy and unwanted std's...
Morals are... "Good choices"! | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/3/2008 11:20:22 PM |
how about you put things into perspective? you asked the question and got an honest answer from them and then you found you didn't like the answer. The thing is. this particular question is about someones PAST.
is, BEFORE they met you. jeez. does it matter if its 100 or 10? as long as they have no STD. are loyal to you, have given you no reason not to trust them and are attentive to you does it really matter if they had a women, a man, or a muscovy duck?
that happened before you were on the scene.
What if I burned down your parents house last week but this week I'm coming across as a pretty nice guy? If you wanna leave the past in the past, I'd never get in trouble for anything. It's just people dodging responsibility for their own actions. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:00:44 AM | What if I burned down your parents house last week but this week I'm coming across as a pretty nice guy? If you wanna leave the past in the past, I'd never get in trouble for anything. It's just people dodging responsibility for their own actions.
I apologise for not understanding, but how does this apply to haveing muliple past sex partners? If I am free of STD, and am trusted, my sex history is not relevent. Unless one is a type to think my body is his property like a used car. If that case the relationship will have bigger problem than his fragile ego. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 1:19:18 AM | I feel exactly the same way about my potential partners. I don't think there's anything wrong with that I also think sex is something special to be shared between two people in a committed relationship. If a man has slept with a lot of people, then it doesn't make me feel very special when he says he's interested in me, and I wonder how soon he would get tired of me and go after someone else.
Your feelings are your feelings and they are neither wrong or right, just a part of you that shouldn't be judged just because you don't think/feel the way other people might. I think the best way to get through them is by discussing them with your potential partner. I find that once I express how I feel and it is accepted by the other person, then it is usually no longer an issue.
If it still is an issue then it's good to know there are other people on P.O.F. (and the wider world) who think and feel they way we do, so I know I don't have to settle if I don't want to. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:06:33 AM | The point is that if I strive to be good so that the issue never comes up as to "wow you'll just climb into bed with anybody" I'd like to be rewarded with doing more than swallowing my pride. The idea is that if we're not accountable for ourselves what the hell stops someone from doing anything they want to do, including lighting up someone's house.
Just because it's not a psychologically damaging issue to them you're gonna be like "What the hell?" A number of ex-partners says things some people strive to avoid saying about themselves, others basically say "F*ck it, don't hold it against me I'll be weak" if someone else is ok with that that's great, but if someone isn't that should be more than acceptable.
I've said it many times, the past is what makes us who we are today. Life has consequences, you sleep with too many and that shuts out a portion of the population to you, you sleep with to few and likely it does the same. Just accept it, cause that's life. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:48:52 AM | Very little of your post I understood. My bad English and it is late. But I will say:
The idea is that if we're not accountable for ourselves what the hell stops someone from doing anything they want to do, including lighting up someone's house.
Sex is not a crime to be judged. Until I damage someone else, I will be accountable for my own body and not give a number to be judged by anyone else.
If I do not give a number and my partner ignore everything else about me and choose to leave because he can not judge that small part of my life, that is his choose. But he is not entitled to know. | |
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claral
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Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 119 | |
| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:36:37 AM | What a judgemental stuck up anal retentive t@sspot. Most people do what makes them happy and the fact you are not like that and think you are cut above the rest is your problem stay single and dont let your heart like an ice cube melt too much......yuck | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:20:04 AM | It's funny, but it's probably the people with high numbers that are the ones that say they shouldn't be held accountable for those numbers....
The people with low numbers, have nothing to complain or worry about... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:34:03 AM |
The people with low numbers, have nothing to complain or worry about...
it has nothing to do with numbers, you are so caught up in numbers...
If I met a girl and she told me she had 5 one night stands, and 5 guys she slept with that were relationships....or a girl that told me she had 6 one night stands and only one b/f that she slept with....
one has had 10 partners, the other has had 7 parnters...which one is worse to you?...
If your so worried about std's this I can understand, they have clinics that will test you. A girl could sleep with one guy or 20 guys, the same risk is there....
what is the cutoff number?...is it 10?...20?....5?...Im 35 years old, im pretty sure the women I date are gonna have some sexual partners they are not proud of, but is it gonna taint my view of them?.....no, cause I will not ask....
again...dont make your girl lie to you... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:45:17 AM |
But he is not entitled to know.
You're right, he's not entitled to know. But, it would be the decent thing to let him know so he can make an informed choice. Otherwise, down the road if he finds out and decides later it's too much, he could leave. And by that time you could be emotionally invested and it be a great loss for you... And the time wasted...
Wouldn't it make more sense to get it out in the open and find out sooner rather than later...
And don't tell me the guy wouldn't know... I've never met a man yet who didn't eventually find out.... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 1:00:03 PM | No, because to me, if he want to forget the other good in me and judge me on this number, he is not the right partner for me, perhaps I will be the one leaveing him.
In the future we are in love maybe in conversation I tell him. If then it is too much and he leave, he must not love me as much as I think. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:16:09 PM |
If then it is too much and he leave, he must not love me as much as I think
No, not true, he may still love you that much. But if he finds out your reality is different from what he thought it may be, he may then have issues with it. Those issues could then lead to a breakup no matter how much love is there.
It would be like you finding out down the road that a guy you thought was a decnt guy actually had a history of having frequent sex and dumping women right afterwards. It would taint your view of him... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:55:45 PM | No, not true, he may still love you that much. But if he finds out your reality is different from what he thought it may be, he may then have issues with it. Those issues could then lead to a breakup no matter how much love is there.
I can not agree at all. If it is easy to forget the many thing he loves about me over time because of a number is not a good sign for his feelings of me. Also, he should not think anything of my reality (number of sex partner). I have not told him and he should not assume.
Maybe I am different, but I would not leave him because of the past you explain. If we are in love as I explaned, his sex past and dumping women does not bother me. Because his present acts has earn my trust. | |
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