| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:04:52 PM | I gotta say for a lot of people, having something that is somewhat important to them hidden or lied about is very bad. They won't like it and it will make you look like either a liar or just someone who hide's the truth when they do something that might make someone mad.
Accepting someone's past is 1 thing but never even giving someone that option?
I can't believe someone would argue that "There are some things you should keep secret from your partner."
That's a crappy sounding relationship and if that's how people are doing it then I might be happier single in the end haha. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:06:50 PM | | In my younger days I thought I needed to know how many lovers my partner had but have learned that it is best to keep this information to ourselfs and focus on the future with the person we are with. This also means forgetting past boyfriends or girlfriends that you tell your mate are just friends..Been on both sides of that issue and its not good and if one feels it is important to keep a realtionship with a ex then speaking for myself its good bye time. In conclusion; Just keep your past with b/g in the past and look ahead. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:31:50 PM | Explosivesheep. I do not tell my number because it is not relevent and it is personal to me, not because I am hideing something to be ashamed.
Luckyly I do not care how I will look to someone who does not trust me. I am sorry if he do not like it but what is important to him, might not be important to me. Perhaps he will leave me because I choose not to give a number. Perhaps I will leave him for wanting judge on something unimportant. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:52:34 PM | Like has been very astutely pointed out, your past tells the story of who you are as a person. Your numbers are certainly A PART of that. Of course its all in the details, but odds on, 'buff', a girl with 20 sexual partners is less discriminating of a person than a girl with 5.
Alexy, guys fall in love with they perceive you to be. If you tell them something that radically alters their perception of you, its not that they didn't 'love you'... its that they 'loved' the person they thought you to be.
This, as I've said ad nauseum, it a preference things. Some people prefer a more selective mate, some consider it irrelevant. People choose their mates for who they are, and theres no better way to determine who a person is than the cumulative picture that their history paints.
So, like I said: Don't ask, don't tell = don't know the person = eventual (and more painful) breakup.
Its not something you need to know right away, but to some people its very relevant. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:14:00 PM | Alexy, guys fall in love with they perceive you to be. If you tell them something that radically alters their perception of you, its not that they didn't 'love you'... its that they 'loved' the person they thought you to be.
The number of partners does not change who I am. If you are love with someone for a long time learning this one fact does not changes everything about them. I still believe if you can forget everything else you love in her because of this one thing, you did not love her much.
If what she do with her body in the past is so important to you, break up if she does not answer. But do not assume a number then be disappointed if the day come when she tell you. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:16:06 PM | If what she do with her body in the past is so important to you, break up if she does not answer.
So, at what point do you give up and admit no one wants you because you will not answer?
In my case, my g/f told me the truth, and it hurt me... but because she was brutally honest, I respect her for that...
I was able to make my decision based on truth, and not lies...
I'm still with her....
PS, Alexy, you are beautiful.... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:44:16 PM | I do not know what you mean. At my age, 18, guys seem to be most sexually insecure than older. Yet, I have never answer that question and no one has ever break up because I did not answer. Maybe one day I must change, I doubt that will ever happen, but that time is not now.
PS, Alexy, you are beautiful....
Thank you very much :) | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:15:03 AM | I myself have similar issue's.... I have a heard time with how many partners one has been with, and sometimes the type and I think it's a reasonable thought. I look at it this way.... for me I did start having intercourse young but I have also watched that I haven't slept with just every Tom,**** and Harry out there and I want the same value's in a partner. My numbers are much much lower then most of my girlfriends and guy friends and I don't think it has anything to do with the way we were raised. I blame alot on society.
I have many friends who tell me they are just numbers and the past is the past, but I don't see it the same way. I believe I deserve better then someone who has been all over the map. That being said... I am no angel and I have had what I like to call the random brain fart moment where I do something way outta character for me, usually because of anger or hurt, and I struggle with that as well.
I also struggle with people who ave dated tonnes and have had many short term relationships because I generally myself wouldn't date someone (even short term) that I didn't think was worth the effort and work it takes to make a lasting relationship work. I have had 3 long term relationships and very few short term. I don't see much of a point, and I think most people can see within a short period if someone clicks or clashes with them. (All you have to do is be open and ask the questions you need answers to.... it's that simple)
I don't think there is much advice to give on how NOT to let it bother you, because reguardless of what people post or say your feelings will not change. Feelings can not be put in place....they just happen.... it's how we respond that matters most.
I say... there is other people out there with the same feelings as you and one day you will find them!!! Keep looking, and happy fishing! | |
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gvnage
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Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 135 | |
| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:38:49 AM | | First of all, none of us is that 'special' or unique, and none of us is 'better' than anotherr either. We are all equal in God's eyes . We all have our idiosyncracies. Realizing that might help you with this issue. Secondly op, have you thought of putting notice in your post that you want to reserve the between sheets til after marriage? That would solve your problem right there-you would only attract virginal women who share your values and not have to deal with your judgements or fears | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:23:50 AM | Man, I share a similar view with the OP and even I ain't expecting virgins, but when something's "none of my buisness" or just plain grossly disproportionate to my own number, I kinda have the question floating around like "Well then, what in the sh*t was the point of keeping it on the down low all this time if now I have to turn around and accept any old person that could fill an olympic swimming pool ex lovers?"
Think of it this way, what's the point of striving to avoid drug and alcohol abuse, or acting on any sexual urge that may come through my head at a time if all you get is called neurotic or judgemental for wanting someone who tried to do the same?
Really is there any point to trying to keep yourself together? If you sleep with 100 people, do every drug imaginable and smoke cigarettes all your life but never get cancer, any side effects or any std's, that doesn't make it ok, that makes you really lucky.
I'm sorry but yes you should accept your past, but I shouldn't have to. I may as well just tell women "Hang on 5 years I have to go whore myself around abit so we can be on the same level, but in 5 years when I'm ready for a relationship I'll be back." Because honestly, that is the actual facts of dating at my age anyway, the difference is I'm saying what other people are living. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:11:47 AM | I find it quite refreshing to know there are men out there that dont think about sex 24/7!!!!!!!!! And thats not a dig at you members of the male species before you whinge at me for saying it!
Maybe you need to find a woman who shares your morals? We all have a past and that cannot be changed. If you find someone you like enough then things like that will become a minor detail eventually.
I dont know how you can get over it. Maybe its a matter of weighing up the pros and cons. Also why not find out other things first and let that bit come later. If you like her enough by that time then it wont be such an issue.
Good luck.
L XxXxX | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:08:30 AM | any guy who asks "how many guys you have slept with?", is usually gonna follow it up with many other questions that is gonna put the female in defense mode. Ever had any one night stands?.....ever had a threesome?...all of a sudden the women is feeling like she has to defend every sexual parnter she has been with.....
I have had women ask me what my "number" is, I just say...anywhere from 1 to 100...
they usually dont like the answer, but if they are that concerned about it, I also tell them I will be happy to go to a clinic and get tested for anything they want me to.....
im beating a dead horse, but asking a female how many guys she slept with can only lead to bad things...
1. she will lie to you
2. your not gonna like the number...if she tells you "3", you probably wont believe her, if she tells you "15"...then you will bleive her and all of a sudden she is a slut...
I think Chris Rock said it best..."Dont ask your girl how many guys she slept with, she will lie to you...just be happy your getting it now" | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:40:59 AM |
1. she will lie to you
2. your not gonna like the number...if she tells you "3", you probably wont believe her, if she tells you "15"...then you will bleive her and all of a sudden she is a slut...
So why would you want to be with a woman who lies to you?
As for 15 being a slut...
Well, I wish my girlfriend was 'only' a slut... she passed 15 a long time ago....
What about option 3. She tells you the truth and you accept it or move on as per your individual preference.??? | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:56:01 AM |
So why would you want to be with a woman who lies to you?
I wouldnt , hence why I NEVER ask a women how many men she has slept with...none of my business, and If I like a female, it doesnt matter to me...
What about option 3. She tells you the truth and you accept it or move on as per your individual preference.???
If someone is gonna accept the truth, and accept the answer, then why even ask in the first place?...why do you NEED to know if your gonna accept it?
if you leave a women because you dont like her "number", then you really didnt like her that much anyway | |
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Cazimi
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Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 141 | |
| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:58:52 AM | ...
Dont ask your girl how many guys she slept with, she will lie to you...just be happy your getting it now"
That to me sounds like a desperate person,sounds like you take what you can get , not what you choose
I think it's how a person behaves , makes one wants to know about their past.
If you feel you can trust someone , you won't be bothered about their past lovers.
Respect and trust is important, unless you are just looking to get laid.
There are some people who select the people they go to bed with, not randomly go with just any one that comes along.
Not every one is controlled by their urge for instant gratification.
A person don't need to sleep with hundreds to be good at sex and love making, you can practice and learn with the one you are having a relationship .
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:06:30 AM | Weeeell...seems to me women like to crunch their numbers and cook the books ....and men just lie ...I mean exaggerate
OP I find it is refreshing that you feel as you do! Nothing wrong with wanting a woman that has not been promiscuous. Pretty smart in today's world. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:06:42 AM | I know what you mean....I will not date anyone who has slept around alot either..
Your perfectly normal....our values are ours and should not be ridiculed...
Keep looking...there are women like you out there...You are a man with self control and values... Keep your values and dont let the "new thinking" (which is actually very old thinking that we had rose above.... but have fallen back into these days)
In this day of diesese and divorce...I would definately be cautious..I believe that knowing if a person has slept around alot can tell you about their personality and their self control...their self esteem.
I call it lovemaking ....not just sex...Its a state of mind.. You either view sex as love....or you can view it as "just sex"... I prefer to view it as love.
Your in for a very good life if you keep your values and find a woman that shares your values. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:21:23 AM | This is to gvnage:
____________________________________________________________
You said:
That would solve your problem right there-you would only attract virginal women who share your values and not have to deal with your judgements or fears
___________________________________________________________
Is is really right to accuse someone of being judgemental or in fear because they hold higher values for their own personal body than others?
Im sure he wont end up with a horrible diesese or perhaps multiple divorces..He wants a woman that is grounded and secure. Thats all..
Maybe its "your judgement or fear" that causes you to say such a thing. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:25:22 AM |
If someone is gonna accept the truth, and accept the answer, then why even ask in the first place?...why do you NEED to know if your gonna accept it?
I said "accept it OR move on..."
Over the years, I have discovered that I prefer to know things up front, rather than have them bite me in the ass down the road...
Preferring not to know, is a "stick-yer-head-in-the-sand", ostrich mentality... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:28:47 AM | What?
virginal women who share your values and not have to deal with your judgements or fears That is probably spot on! I am sure fear IS at the root of his problem. If his root stands up ...I mean compares.... stuff like that!
But lets get back to finding this virginal woman... might be like looking for a needle in a haystack! There is always overseas I suppose. I hear Russian women are quite virginal. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:13:06 PM | Nothing more romantic than paying a service to send you a woman that doesn't speak English to hold as property until her citizenship papers clear or you don't feel so good about that kinda thing anymore.
However, going out and looking for women to import from around the world might be alright if you're just doin the dating and not at home.
There's gotta be a semblance of sanity left somewhere. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:35:53 PM | | the whole post seems silly to me...i dont wanna date a girl cause she slept with a bad boy....sounds really insecure...maybe if u found out she slept with a mule...then id be concerned........lifes to short to stop yourself from having sex and thinking oh i better keep that number as low as possible so one day some self righteous guy will love me because he doesnt have anything to measure up to. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:41:27 PM | [qoute] the whole post seems silly to me...i dont wanna date a girl cause she slept with a bad boy
Actually when I looked at the OP poster's profile and saw he was a Virgo, it made perfect sense.
Virgos are very picky and can be quite intolerant -- so I think it's fantastic that OP is asking this question of himself. It sounds to me like he's trying to grow past his nature that's a good thing! | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:57:28 PM | There's no shortage of self righteous people, what you say is no big deal and I'm an idiot for having a problem with, obviously is your opinion and you're making people on my side of the fence sound like we have some serious brain disease for even trying to keep in some kind of control of ourselves.
You wanna do what you wanna do and that's fine, but if all of a sudden you wanna turn around and say nobody should have a problem with it and we should prescribe to your thinking that's pushing it into the ridiculous.
Like I said many times, do whatever makes you feel good but if someone has a problem with it and you like that person, don't tell them they need to change just so that you didn't have to. | |
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