| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:07:15 PM | I think you're missing the point: Its not the act that matters, its what that act generally tells about her personality and character.
Intolerance is not always and necessarily a bad thing. | |
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Cazimi
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Joined: 3/15/2008
Msg: 152 | |
| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:21:39 PM | ExplosiveSheep and Drackoe, two fine young men, your parents should be very proud of you. Good to know there'are still quality men in the younger generation. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:18:02 PM | | There is nothing wrong w/asking about their past BUT..... no matter what their response is you have to keep in mind that YOU ASKED THEM. The past is the past. Heck, if I was worried about running n2 my guy's ex girlfriends/partners I'd have to either "pack my bags and hit the road" or stay hidden in a cave somewhere. Some are still his friends but they are his ex's for a reason. I hate to use a song lyric but it's true "trust the one your with". You don't seem like the "wam bam thank you mam " type. When you find that special oneand you fall in love, you'll trust her. You won't be bothered by her past relationships. You'll just enjoy the present and look forward to your future together. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:01:17 AM | | If you are so insecure that you can't stand the thought of the non-competition from those who have come and gone before you then you are too childish to be dating. If it bothers you that much, the simple solution is...DON'T ASK! As long a woman you are with is only with you now you don't need to know how many, or what type, of partners she's had before. So, don't ask her about it. When you first start seeing her, tell her that you feel the past is past, and you don't want to talk about the past...hers, or yours. Then, if you don't bring it up, and she doesn't bring it up, there will be nothing for you to be upset about. You CAN change nearly anything you want to change about yourself. If you are a virgin, hung up on virginity, only date virgins. There are groups that promote celibacy, waiting for marriage, etc, and you can join some and find a virgin you won't have to worry about. Then you'll have to wonder:"has she told the truth?" "what if she lied, and was actually a biker gang gang bang gal?" What if she ws a hooker?" You can play that sort of stupid mind game with yourself until the heat death of the universe, and still not be happy. Grow up. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/18/2008 11:47:42 AM |
If it bothers you that much, the simple solution is...DON'T ASK!
If you are a virgin, hung up on virginity, only date virgins. There are groups that promote celibacy, waiting for marriage, etc, and you can join some and find a virgin you won't have to worry about
Your post contradicts itself. How would you know if she's a virgin or not unless you ask?
If you are so insecure that you can't stand the thought of the non-competition from those who have come and gone before you then you are too childish to be dating.
It's not a matter of insecurity. Nor of being childish. It's a matter of preference. That would be like saying a guy who prefers shorter women is insecure about being around tall ones.
As for 'non-competition' (I assume you worded it that way because they're no longer in the picture). This is very valid. Maybe however the reasons they're not in the picture may be important too. Maybe she cheated, maybe she couldn't be satisfied by only one guy...
Then you'll have to wonder:"has she told the truth?" "what if she lied, and was actually a biker gang gang bang gal?" What if she ws a hooker?" You can play that sort of stupid mind game with yourself until the heat death of the universe, and still not be happy. Grow up.
Growing up is also the ability to face and deal with things we may find unpleasant.
As for if she lied, in most cases these things do get found out. I'd rather be told upfront than find out later...
Anyway...
Ok, so what if she was or wasn't? I still think it's better to know...
A large number of partners may mean she has commitment issues or low self-esteem.
A biker gangbang gal may have other issues that become a problem down the road...
A former hooker could be a carrier for STD's...
Suppose you wanted kids down the road, and find out she's sterile? "Oh yeah, I got sterile because of an untreated STI a few guys ago..."
My G/F had her tubes tied when she was a swinger so that she couldn't accidently get pregnant . Since then she's talked about wanting to have a kid with me... The chances of a (expensive too) successful reversal at her age are slight...
The past can affect the future and anyone who thinks differently is simply in denial. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:07:33 PM |
Suppose you wanted kids down the road, and find out she's sterile? "Oh yeah, I got sterile because of an untreated STI a few guys ago..."
asking your partner if he/she can have kids is different than asking how many partners she/he has been with....two very different things...
A former hooker could be a carrier for STD's...
a girl who has had 3 one night stands could be a carrier also.....everytime you have sex unprotected you have a risk of getting an std..whether she has had one parnter, or 10..
a hooker or a swinger, I would be just as scared having sex with either one of them....
A large number of partners may mean she has commitment issues or low self-esteem.
I ask this question, and still cant get an asnwer....define "large"
1. girl has had 4 one night stands, 4 "b/f's"
2. girl has had 5 "boyfriends", and only 1 one night stand....
which is worse to you? | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/18/2008 12:14:03 PM |
m_church
So, at what point do you give up and admit no one wants you because you will not answer?
Huh? What a stupid statement/question! "admit no one wants you because you will not answer?" Sorry, but that's just ridiculous. There are plenty of guys who will want her if they get to know her and like her, and could care less about the answer to that question and will never ask - because its in the past, and simply doesn't matter. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/20/2008 1:57:06 AM | Well, I agree with most of what he said, but yes I will admit there are guys that will take her. Not me though, I think the point is to admit that some people won't want you if your sexual history is extensive.
To the person that keeps asking if 4 1 night stands are as bad as 4 boyfriends or things like that here's my answer to you. 1 night stands mean less prior commitment. (In general, but there are exceptions and I'll get to that.) The idea is that she's that much more likely to jump into bed with someone for the sake of it. The only reason that bothers me is that speedy escalation can be problematic if things go on the rocks. I know from experience.
The main thing though is that I don't think there's a difference at all if she's climbing into bed on the first date with this boyfriends of hers. Or if she's cheated on 1 with her next boyfriend and stuck with the new guy. Boyfriend status doesn't impress me.
Have you heard of Serial Monogamy? In the end, I can accept a lot more things than it sounds like I can, really I'm a lot more offended by this idea that you shouldn't know about your partners past, or care to know. You better believe if they were an illegal arms smuggler or had cut off their last boyfriend's penis in a fit of rage while he was sleeping you'd wanna F*ckin know! What scares you, might know scare me, what scares me might not be even a thought in your head.
We're just telling you that we don't have to accept your beliefs, you're telling us that we have to accept yours. 1 of those is slightly more inappropriate than the other. We aren't asking you to live our lives, just understand we aren't really interested. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:18:40 PM |
I ask this question, and still cant get an asnwer....define "large"
1. girl has had 4 one night stands, 4 "b/f's"
2. girl has had 5 "boyfriends", and only 1 one night stand....
which is worse to you?
We're not actually debating equal numbers here...
So which is worse to you?
1... girl has had 30 partners, several MFM threesomes, some lesbian partners, over a dozen one-night stands, 6 long term boyfriends... 1 husband
2... girl has had 6 longterm boyfriends, 1 husband | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/20/2008 1:10:09 PM |
. You better believe if they were an illegal arms smuggler or had cut off their last boyfriend's penis in a fit of rage while he was sleeping you'd wanna F*ckin know! What scares you, might know scare me, what scares me might not be even a thought in your head.
Your examples harm other. Why would what she do with her body which did not harm herself or other scare you? You can speak of health and trust, but you must learn of that anyways even if she is virgin. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/20/2008 4:29:14 PM | | ur young..u come from a different generation..most hotties ur age are banging every tom,****& harry..maybe take a trip out to the country..where the women havent been exposed to a great number of men.Foreigners, for the most part, are pretty loyal, and may float your boat, so give them a try as well. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/20/2008 8:18:22 PM | | The next person you date... once you find out their past in that department I would just say to myself "Who cares? Does not apply to current situation!" | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 7/21/2008 2:27:38 AM | | Guys, when you're talking about a preference for low "numbers", do you mean that you'd prefer a girl not to have a higher number than you've had? Or, are you referring to the double standard (you want her to have a low number regardless of your number)? After having read this thread, it brought to mind a couple of guys I knew (they were brothers). The better looking one slept with anything and everything (he had the wildest sexual past of any guy I can think of), yet "looked down" on women he didn't consider to be up to his..."moral code". He ended up marrying a woman new to town with conservative qualities (snooty, and no sexual past). However, I do recall her confiding early on in their relationship that he had difficulty maintaining an erection with her. She had talked of breaking it off with him, then before I knew it she'd married him (I think his income had a lot to do with her decision). This guy's brother did not have as much luck with women; he no problem having one-night-stands when he could get them, and had a few long term girlfriends in his history. At the same time, he had great distain for women who he felt were not selective in whom they slept with (that didn't stop him from sleeping with them; they were just not "wife" material). Anyhow, these two brothers ha a mother who was much older and conservative; a war bride from England. For those of you who are interested, google "Madonna-Whore" complex. I think I've nailed it in the above example. *Ugggghhh* These kind of men, I'd stay far away from.................... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:46:49 AM | i really hate that some people have so many issues with what people have done in their past.......
i am not someone who sleeps around by choice but i dont fault anyone who does......everyone does whats right for them.......who am i to judge?
the basic question shouldnt be how many partners have you had but simply the question.....when was ur last full check up? if theyve been tested and come out clean what does it matter how many people someone has slept with in their past? | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:51:58 AM |
i really hate that some people have so many issues with what people have done in their past.......
i really hate that some people have so many things in their pasts that they can't stand people who have issues with it.... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:01:46 PM |
there have been a few people I was pretty interested in but then I find out about their past & I really get turn off of that.
Simple. Don't ask. They are with you now. That's all that matters. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:15:46 PM | My I,
I agree with what you've said. I find it frightening how easily folks sleep around. I wonder what has happened to our society. Adultery is HUGH in our society! Everyone seems to think it's ok to sleep around, married or not. I applaud OP and hope he doesn't change.
74123 | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:30:01 PM | I presume by your profile name you are around aged 30. I must admit that you sound older in the way you write.
Firstly , if you fire a missile ( asking a lady how many sexual partners she has had ) then you have to prepare for a rocket back ! Why are you asking in the first place?
( then the type of partners lol ! )
Secondly , everyone has a past - including yourself - chances are the person you are questioning will have slept with one or more person anyway !
You openly admit that you have been shy and didnt start dating until mid twenties - which is perfectly fine but you cant expect everyone to be the same as you !
Its not to do with background or how someone has been brought up - that is terribly judgemental of you ( maybe subconsiously you feel they are not good enough for you and you think your own standards are perfect ) -- most people in their twenties and thirtys have some sort of background !!
The only way to not let it bother you and not be so nosey as to ask in order for it not to become a problem for you -- failing that join an after school club ( 6th formers) and try and catch yourself a virgin ! | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:37:36 PM | Huh? What a stupid statement/question! "admit no one wants you because you will not answer?" Sorry, but that's just ridiculous. There are plenty of guys who will want her if they get to know her and like her, and could care less about the answer to that question and will never ask - because its in the past, and simply doesn't matter.
~OT~ Numbers, lists, background checks, don't dare give out your phone number, block this/that/the other, etc. Sigh.  No wonder POF has over 1.5 million profiles. People are so fearful of this, judgmental about that, blah blah blah. For those who are obsessed with these "matters of character" ~ clone yourself (I hear it's going to be the new rage) and date your own DNA with or without an extra chromosome.  The rest of us will be happy to meet/date/fall in love with those who don't need to base character on anything more than who the person is today, tomorrow and in the future.  | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:43:05 PM | very well said green eyez....
I am always perplexed as to how people met back when there was no internet, no cell phones, no texting, no pagers, call waiting, caller ID...bla bla bla....
A women asked me one time "How many girls have you slept with"....
"eh..somewhere between 1 and 100"...
we never went out again..... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:42:34 PM | I need to know how I could over look this and let it NOT BOTHER me.
there have been a few people I was pretty interested in but then I find out about their past & I really get turn off of that.
The reason you have a problem with her past is because of respect (or the lack thereoff), not a lack of personal self esteem like the pundits suggest. Let’s face it, a woman who has slept with numerous men of the douche bag categories you describe lacks judgment (not to mention that she is most likely a walking bio-hazard). This is no different than men who sleep with strippers or escorts. How do you respect someone who does not respect themselves!! YOU DON'T. | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 8/15/2008 4:56:35 PM |
They are with you now. That's all that matters.
Yep...
Unless of course they're with you, because every other person realised what they were like and you got stuck with the left-overs.... | |
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| getting over number or type of ex partners
Posted: 8/25/2008 6:52:48 PM | | Honey, I understand how you feel......I would be pretty upset if I was with someone who had been with hundreds of women, I would feel that sex wasn't valuable enough to him, so why would it be special with me? But the fact is the only way to assuage your fears is to go slowly with someone and understand that even if they'd had a lot of partners, it was in the past....they can't change it, and honestly, I wouldn't ask....just start anew with the person, build intimacy and things like that will fade away when the trust between you grows. | |
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