|
|
|
|
|
| |
| Ever realize that you're the problem?
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:00:50 PM | | Everyone has times where they weren't the best person they wanted to be. Where they ended up doing what they thought was "wrong" at the time. It's best to have only regrets and not guilt. Feeling guilt is like saying you can't do better the next time... where as with regrets, you find you did something "wrong" you try to do better the next time. Also from my personal experience, people spend time pointing the finger at someone else when everything seems to go "wrong". It relieves them of the burden of taking responsibility for their own actions. Some people like the drama of playing the victim in life, how the world is out to get them at every turn. Usually what you see is a reaction, which in part may be to something that you personally did or said that you weren't aware of. Even those thought highest of those people in history had times when they found themself being someone that wasn't their highest ideal at the time. You are not who you were 100% yesterday or even five minutes ago. You are feeling/thinking/saying/doing things slightly different every moment. The past is past, no matter how much you may regret it, it's already happened. No amount of guilt will ever change what happened. But you can decide who you want to be in the future and follow your heart to wherever it leads... | |
|
Mary1K
|
Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 178 | |
| Ever realize that you're the problem?
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:49:48 PM |  , We have all said it ,know what I asked myself is do I really mean it? Yes, I have very much been where U R at and I know the direction you are going. My last relationship made me opened my eye's. I was forced 2 wake up. To make this not so long I have something of a code I live by it is a poem read it and do what it said's
THE GAL' IN THE GLASS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHEN YOUR GOING THROUGH LIFE IN YOUR STRUGGLE FOR 'SELF AND THE WORLD MAKES YOU "QUEEN FOR A DAY" JUST GO TO A MIRROR AND LOOK AT YOURSELF AND SEE WHAT THAT "GAL" HAS TO SAY. fOR IT ISN'T YOUR HUSBAND OR FAMILY OR FRIENDS WHOOM JUDGEMENT UPON YOU MUST PASS THE "GIRL" WHO'S VERTICT COUNTS MOST IN THE END IS THE ONE STARING BACK FROM THE "GLASS". SHE,S THE ONE TO PLEASE NEVER MIND ALL THE REST FOR SHE'S WITH YOU CLEAR UP TO THE END AND YOU'VE PAST YOUR MOST DANGERIOUS AND DIFFICULT TEST IF THE "GAL' IN THE GLASS" IS YOUR FRIEND YOU MAY GO DOWN THE ROAD THROUGH THE PATHWAY'S OF YEARS AND GET PATS ON YOUR BACK AS YOU PASS. BUT YOUR FINAL REGARDS WILL BE HEARTACHES AND TEARS IF YOU'VE CHEATED THE "GAL IN THE GLASS." That relationship ended almost 4 years ago I took time to allow myself to heal. I was told by a "GOOD FRIEND" that I had to heal me other wise I take the bad felings from the relationship that is ending into the new relationship that just begging.You judge the other person by the person who hurt you. when you do that the other person doesn't have a chance. And it all begins agin
 From one to the other  Don't we all deserve to be HAPPY? | |
|
42 4 U
|
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 179 | |
| Ever realize that you're the problem?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:02:06 PM | I know where you're coming from,I've been there already.For me,it was a combination of growing up alone and not knowing what and where people's boundaries were,being attracted to the wrong type of women,spending too much time on things that don't really matter,and not taking the proper time to live my life.It took most of my 20's to work all this stuff out,but once I did,things we're so much easier and better.Now,the only problems I seem to keep having,are not being able to find any women that either,understand me,or are willing to take the time to get to know me.All the women I've met in recent years seem to want everything,or nothing.Thats fine,everybody is entitled to live their life the way they see fit.
Getting off topic here,sorry.Ok,my point is,if you have issues,its in everyone's best interest to work them out before you make you're problems,other people's problems | |
|
| Ever realize that you're the problem?
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:27:08 PM | I think its real sad that me devalue ourselves wen relationships break down. After all it takes 2 to make it work. My experiences hav been 2 failures, one recently where i'd been in a marriage for 8 yrs and only now realised how much of an abuser he has been. Manipulative liar. I wonder if it was my fault even with the first breakup. They both ended with children' it cant just be them at fault cos i hav flaws too. I do understand where ya comin from. U will be happy one day ;)  | |
|
| Ever realize that you're the problem?
Posted: 4/12/2008 2:06:23 AM | Oh...I'm ALWAYS "the problem"!
...Even when I'm NOT "the problem"...I'm STILL "the problem"!
When you are a psycho....you're automatically deemed as "the problem"...It's always YOUR FAULT!
...And that's just the way it is... | |
|
| Ever realize that you're the problem?
Posted: 4/12/2008 2:47:07 AM | There once was a time when I thought I might be the problem.
So, I tried to fix myself and after a lot of self examination I came to a realization.
I really am surrounded by CRAZY PEOPLE ! | |
|
| Ever realize that you're the problem?
Posted: 4/12/2008 3:46:09 AM | Well said and well written.
So knowing your flaws should help you to move into a successful relationship, yes?
There is a difference between flaws and simple likes and dislikes, and what you will or will not tolerate in a relationship, that is not a flaw that is just common sense.
But having the willingness to mold two people, giving and taking into a new couple is the most endearing thing we can do for another person and ourselves. | |
|
| Ever realize that you're the problem?
Posted: 4/12/2008 4:24:22 AM | you know what your wrong another negative person.
I have had experiences in life I am a separeate person and I have ended a realtionship because I was goignthrough something and could not mantain the reltionship, ineede to be alone, it was about me and no one else and when you and people liek you make it about you, th e onlythign you can do is end it, it makes it worse for the other person.
It also draws out the true nature of the problem, if someone says its not you its me, it means its not you its not about you, but since you cant accept that its about me and not you then I cant stay with you, because I need , and you cant give........
Your not being blamed but its a reality, you know what it means, it means your selfish and no one else can breathe or grow or get time or space, to go through their own human development,
but the truth is most people dont knwo what it is as Ido, they just know it is them and not you, they havent figured out yet and they need space to do it and people like you never accept it or give it
Because it has to be about you ........ that is why it doesnt work you dont see the other person as a separate human being, different thoughts, different emotions and experiences, all you see is your own reflection........ | |
|
| Ever realize that you're the problem?
Posted: 4/12/2008 5:17:49 AM | Interesting thread...
I have read pretty much everything, sometimes some comments twice even...
There is always this idea that keeps creeping up...
Could it be possible that we are not genetically made to have "one" person, hopefully mutually chosen, for the rest of our lives?
Is it possible that we try to fit a square box in a sphere?... (sort of speak...)
Is it possible that all the single people out there are the "normal" down to earth ones and that the so called "loving" couples are the abnormal ones?...
Just wondering...
Since my childhood, I sooooo enjoyed my own company. I am not self centered... Just I love to have fun and it never occurred to me to wait for anyone to "give" me fun on a silver platter.
But.... funny thing.... In everything I have tried, and created, many many have followed me and I somehow always ended up being the organizer or the one that makes the decisions... As soon as the whole project became a burden, for me, it was not fun anymore... Off I went to find an other activity to have fun...
I developped very good delegating skills...
Just wondering...
I realize I am also like that in my relashionships... I NEED my space and I NEED solitude... I love to just be alone and be able to think...
Not many men can understand that...
Maybe we are all the normal ones...
Who knows really...
Nonchalantely getting off the soap box...
PS: Excuse my grammar... I am French... I am too lazy to spell check this early morning. | |
|
| Ever realize that you're the problem?
Posted: 4/12/2008 5:52:29 AM | Indeed; what one rarely hears from another is that the destruction of their last relationship was all their fault, lol. It's always the other person, isn't it? Well, what might be even closer to the truth than your insightful analogy is that the person you were did "attracted/settled for" the person they are. In other words, one must be the kind of person one wants to get the person one wants.
That's what led me to return to and complete college two years ago, following a lengthy and unpleasant divorce. I decided that I needed to "actually" work on me vs. rolling the dice for yet another winner. I also understood that working on me didn't mean a quick fix; it didn't mean a new car, makeover, or working out. It meant changing the way I think and view the world around me, and it further meant pursuing something that was intended to do that very thing. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 