| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/15/2008 9:56:40 PM | I don't see a problem with kids knowing how much their parents contribute financially to their up-bringing...At 9 years old, a child knows the difference between a penny and a dollar...
Quite frankly, OP's approach was much better than my Father's when I was a teenager - My Father wouldn't do jack all for me because he "paid child support" so I was only allowed to ask my Mother.
My son is almost 3, he has no clue that a penny won't get you anything at the store anymore - But he knows that Mommy's bank card is what pays for everything he does get - He knows that sometimes Mommy can't afford to get him what he wants, and he knows to appreciate everything he does get. He says thank you for "cool" new clothes (anything with bugs, cars or Spiderman on it), says thank you for the new hot wheel he got for good behaviour, and says thank you for that glass of water he asked for. All children should be appreciative of every gesture their parents make.
My son's child support payments are a joke - And my son's Father thinks I should worship the ground he walks on for his measely $204 a month.
Child support is to cover EVERY expense with a child outside of toys and treats - It is to help cover the roof over their head, their childcare during the day, the food in their tummies, the clothes on their backs and the health care/medicine to keep them healthy... ...Children have the right to know that their parents are equal contributors to that as well... | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/16/2008 6:53:21 AM | Just curious, Fleurette,
Do you tell your son that his father is an equal contributor, or do you tell him what you really belief-that his father's contribution is a joke? | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:19:24 AM | Yeah, my ex-husband's child support was a "measley" $227 a month, and he couldn't even keep up with that. Was constantly changing jobs so the courts couldn't find him and garnish it.
$227 a month? OMG. That didn't even cover child care costs.
In fact, he is still delinquent, and Scott is 21. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:53:37 PM | "My son's child support payments are a joke - And my son's Father thinks I should worship the ground he walks on for his measely $204 a month."
Is the above amount in accordance with the Federal Child Support Guidelines? If you are paying for child support though that is usually outside of child support amount, so he should be paying half, but you would have to share 1/2 of the tax refund you receive as a result. It should be noted though that since you are the custodial parent I am assuming that you claim equivalent to spouse for your son as well, which is a $1100 tax credit, as well as GST rebate, child tax credit cheque and the new amount for daycare that the conservative government put through.
"Child support is to cover EVERY expense with a child outside of toys and treats "
According to the divorce act child support is to cover the ncp half of the child's expenses. The custodial parent is expected to make up the other half. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/16/2008 2:56:41 PM | | I have to say here, if you get child support, and it is consistent, consider yourself lucky. I'd kill for a "measly" $204--for both my boys. And I'd even let him **** about it too. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/17/2008 5:49:48 AM | In Nebraska, where I was divorced, child support was based on how much money we were each individually making at the time. And at that time, I was making more,,,maybe about 55%. And my ex-husband was bringing in about 45% of our annual income.
When he got a better paying job, I could have taken him back and had it adjusted, but never did.
If" child support is designed to cover all expenses other than toys and treats"............. it falls VERY short, in most cases. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/17/2008 6:56:10 AM | Not suprisingly, many women have a problem with what the OP did. It seems the general consensus is that 'it burdens a child with money matters' or 'assigns a dollar amount to the child', but having been in that position I disagree.
In my experience, being raised solely by my mother for much of my childhood, I just assumed my mother paid for everything. I remember resenting my Dad somewhat when times were tough because I thought he wasn't helping because child support wasn't discussed with me.
I think my mother was embarassed that she 'needed' help raising me, but that's not how a child thinks at all. When I found out my dad was helping it made me feel great because I felt more loved. This is what mothers need to keep in mind, isn't all about your feelings, there's someone else there too. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/17/2008 2:07:03 PM | | I dont see any problem with children knowing each parent contribute to there up bringing, maybe if it was all well known the parents that dont support there children are exposed. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/17/2008 5:27:11 PM | Well I have kept this part of my own story under wraps so far, but let me let you in on something all of you who think this man put undue mental strain on his son. My ex technically owes me $70,000. Yes, all those zeros are correct. I knocked off $18,000 when they extradited him from another state because of these arrearages, as I thought it might make his payments more manageable--they wanted him to pay $3000/month. That was nearly two years ago.....guess what he's paid? $177.00. He is sitting in jail again at this moment for probation violation. I spoke at his hearing last month...on his behalf. They wanted to send him to prison for 23 months. The judge asked me what I had to say and I told him...he actually asked me what I would recommend . lol (trust me that was hard to keep a straight face). They put him in jail for 5 months with work release so he can attend school instead of sending him to prison partly because I stood up for him.
My boys know all of this, because something this big is pretty hard to keep under wraps. I would much rather he be telling them what he's giving me towards their care and even ****ing about it, than they live with this. They see him, but this hurts them. So violia. Attack away, but now you know why it is my personal opinion that something like this is really not that bad. Lighten up people.
There is a way to be adult and a way to be an immature idiot and the OP is doing things just fine IMO. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/17/2008 7:36:18 PM | Yeah I don't see the harm.. My oldest is 9 as well as of 2 years ago I was paying his mother support payments directly, He was not benefiting from the support payments I was also ontop of 800.00 a month in payments paying transportation costs and all clothing and School supplies, So the last tiem we were in court I had payments reduced and now make them to a school fund. I still buy all his clothing and we still have split custody. So im paying her support even when he is here
My son goes to the bank regularly with me and sometimes he carries his money thats right I am a firm believer in the Support being the Childs money. To be put towards the Childs interests.
My 2 cents | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/17/2008 8:06:34 PM | I don't see any harm in telling him.
My ex-to-be lied to the kids and claimed that I gave her no money for anything. (I have no idea if that has changed in the past few months or not. She's been receiving $3,685 a month for several months now and still claims to need more. At the same time I am trying to keep my $800 car from falling apart while I drive 170+ miles per day to get to work and back, and watch the $80K down we sunk into a 4bd / 3ba house disappear because she no longer wants to live there... )
I personally think the CP has a moral obligation to let the children know that the NCP is helping provide for their well-being even if they are not there all the time... | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/23/2008 1:10:10 PM |
WTF? $3,685 in child support!? Either you have a very good job, or a whole lot of kids!
That's not that much, depending on where he lives, how many kids he has, and what his parenting time is. If where he lives is like my state, that amount could be for only a couple of kids - or just one if he does have a very, very good job.
I have my daughter 50% of the time (181 - 183 nights a year) and still pay around $700 a month for one kid (and no, I have never missed a payment). If I did the typical 2 weekends and a month and one night a week that my state says is the "standard" I would be paying close to $1600 a month because I would not be allowed to get credit for clothing and other items that I provide for my daughter while she is with me. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/23/2008 7:46:22 PM | Jeez..someone call my sons dad and tell him this..maybe he'll realize how lucky he is and pay the 200 bucks a month he supposed to..
oh..and my son *thinks* his dad helps raise him, because the last time he talked to him he told him that he sends mommy money to help buy him things and I have not corrected him (He's sent 200 bucks in the last 2 year.. woohoo)
Oh and the money is NOT the childs money. it is the parents money to help raise the child. I don't remember who said that, but to that person I ask this. the money you use to buy your child clothes, food and shelter..do you hand that to them and tell them to pay the bills?? No that is the parents job, not the childs. the money isn't there to buy the child toys with, it's there for the PARENT to buy the child what they NEED. they NEED their own room (it costs alot more for that 1 extra bedroom!) they NEED food and clothes. After that is the extras which should be sports and activites like that. If you are one of those people who thinks the child support belong to the child, then go give the money to the kid and see what it goes toward..i guarentee they won't buy food, or clothes, or pay the rent with it. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:22:32 PM |
Oh and the money is NOT the childs money. it is the parents money to help raise the child. I don't remember who said that, but to that person I ask this. the money you use to buy your child clothes, food and shelter
Actually, this is typically governed by state law. In some states, it is the child's money, but the custodial parent basically has a "power of attorney" to use it as they see fit - in other states, it is the custodial parent's money (in Indiana it is the child's money, but in Ohio where I grew up it is the custodial parent's money).
In state's where it is the kid's money, once the kid comes of agethey can access the money just the same as the custodial parent. That is why in state's like Indiana, parents who can cooperate can bypass the Child Support Agency and have a part of their paycheck deposited directly into their child's bank account.
That is one of the things that is so messed up about U.S. family law - because of our insistence on state's rights, the law is not always consistent from one state to the next. It has only been in about the last 10 years that the federal government has started passing legislation to make sure that people wanting to get a favorable custody / child support judgment can't move to a state that more beneficial to their case. In this regards, the U.S. is a couple of decades behind other countries. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:14:28 PM | I will agree with your comments about the child support laws being messed up. It is to big of a system to be goverened by state. If it were possible to make it federal then i'd lobby for it. At least that way there'd be one uniform standard that we all conform to. Not only that, but you couldn't leave the state to get out of paying. You'd have to leave the country. Of courswe ideally people would take care of their kids and we wouldn't need such a system.. Ah dreams... | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/26/2008 2:21:54 PM | My kids' father pays his child support faithfully (I feel lucky in that aspect). My boys know their dad pays support to help them live. They know that they have parents who love them and care for them. I see no problem with kids knowing that their father or mother helps support them. It is a fact of life. When we cloth shop my kids know that it is also their father helping to pay for their cloths. Without their father's financial support they would have a lot less in their rooms and a lot less of going out and enjoying things to do and they know it. I think it helps they know they are cared for and that their dad is also there for them at all times - financially and emotionally. I am very open with my kids and am rewarding with wonderful, thoughtful kids.
I have two sets of kids - 19 adn 24 year olds that are off and in college and 12 and 8 still at home. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:26:45 PM | | MIne know what their father does and don't do and all those gifts he should of gave besides the support he should be giving that the state has to collect to get anything and it does not even cover a quarter of one childs' needs let alone the rest.They know he promises and never does make good on the positives.They know if we don't call him he never calls them. They know they never get letters or packages because he just thought they would want or need it.They know if they get anything they gotta beg for it and frankly they never should have to .And their father never conciders their needs are more intense due to their disabilities.I do not have to show them or tell them they see it and tell me!No child should never be programmed about the finances or have to thank you up the wazu for doing what is your responcibility!Did you even bother to tell him that you really love him and dont regret giving the money for his care?Or did you brag see I am doing my job! I do question if you did that to get at mommy.I can bet you really wanted to say look I resent giving a red cent to your care. Just how much did you give as a gift? LOL! None sounds like but if you gave good he's a lucky boy. Mine get a complaint if even a christmas gift is bought!How much did you give for baby sitting so mommy can work?0!It takes more than that amount to even begin to pay child care Daddy DEar!Every Custodial mom should get some extra for that care over the cost of normal educational ,food ,shelter ,utility needs or transpotation and yes did you forget that extra for entertainment! I really hope this does some good for other children and custodial parent.Yall know I am right. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:34:57 PM | | Even with 4 I'm lucky to get 140 and he makes over 30 an hour!And that don't include he gets free food and housing and they give him free transpotation too and he refuses to even pay for the insurance! | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 3/29/2008 1:11:26 AM | If you are one of those people who thinks the child support belong to the child, then go give the money to the kid and see what it goes toward..i guarentee they won't buy food, or clothes, or pay the rent with it.
NotInnocent..^^^^excellent post! That comment really says it all. | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:04:13 PM | | Actually, depending on how you explained this to him, it may be a good thing. He now knows that you are contributing to him, even when you are not there. I do see how some people may think that this will lead to the thought by the child that they are hjust a dollar amount, but I disagree. This can have that result, but a more likely result is the child knowing that you take the time to do this, out of your day, because he is worth all of that time and money to you. He knows, I am sure, that he is worth more thank any dollar amount... | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:31:58 PM | YOU ARE A SH>T, telling your 9 year old you pay child support, you pay child support because it is a responsability ,your duty,and the rite thing to do, do not involve your son
you really need therapy,if you where half a man he would be thanking you for being a good loving father, get a vasectomy, and stop undermining your sons mother, and screwing with your child, oh and grow up | |
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| I told my son (9) I pay his child support
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:41:17 PM |
YOU ARE A SH>T, telling your 9 year old you pay child support, you pay child support because it is a responsability ,your duty,and the rite thing to do, do not involve your son
you really need therapy,if you where half a man he would be thanking you for being a good loving father, get a vasectomy, and stop undermining your sons mother, and screwing with your child, oh and grow up
I agree with you on that part.
I would add that you shouldn't involve your child and bring your child into how much you pay for child support and that is it for. | |
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