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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/7/2008 3:44:29 PM | well i agree with u completely if the person u meet is basically 'doable' u can wait for the spark YES it is overated when u get older n c all the different dynamics it TAKES to make two people enjoy one another for long term
ur so handsome too 
kathi | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/7/2008 3:52:29 PM | The thing to look for in a woman's eyes is that her eyes are WIDE OPEN, slight or BIG smile on her face, and her pupils will be dialated so that she can get the eyefull. It is a simple autonomic response that occurs when a woman finds a man atractive.
And she's also looking for those same reactions in YOU....that you find her attractive as well.
I recently met a woman and could tell as soon as our eyes met that there was going to be something started...  the only reason it didn't become something more than google-eyes was the fact that she was still married  Somthing about a 3-carat diamond ring on a gal's finger just turns a fella OFF...hehehe | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:13:28 PM | To me sparks = lust. I also agree it takes a while to find out if there are real sparks or just lustful sparks. I also feel the spark thing is overated and from reading the forum it doesn't take a genuise to figure out lust is grand. Give me a man who can make my toes curl by just glazing in my eyes and making me feel like I mean the world to him. People who desperately look for that spark on the first date usually fizzle out after a few dates. Just my two cents.    | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:31:41 PM | | Yes ... it's true the men I ended up falling head over heels for were those I didn't have any hope of a spark at all on the first date ... I even made excuses not to go on a second date.... but he was persistent and soon after I was hooked.. I'm usually always a little to nervous at first.. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:36:37 PM | Attraction , " chemistry", or whatever you want to call it, for another person, is established within the first five minutes of face-to-face meeting.
Pretty much an instinctive or magnetic pull toward the other person, is what "sparks" are all about.
Personally speaking, if the attaction or pull towards the person I'm meeting is there, it's very apparent to me within the first few minutes of meeting.
I feel irresistibly compelled to be as physicaly close to that person as circumstance allows.
Lots of intense eye-contact, smiling, and an effusive glow which emanates from within me, when that very pleasant "zing" occurs!
If on the other hand, that spark isn't there well into the first meeting - its's just not going to happen, and no amount of dates or trying will change things. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 3:09:14 AM |
People who desperately look for that spark on the first date usually fizzle out after a few dates. Just my two cents.
Yes i agree. I dread it when a guy says lets meet up and see if there is a spark, in fact now i dont bother meeting men that say that as every guy that ive been on a date with that has mentioned chemistry/spark etc have been two or three date wonders.  | |
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exxos
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Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 88 | |
| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 3:27:45 AM | I was talking to a girl for about 3 weeks, we emailed, txt, rang eachother constantly, we got on really well, was amazing and we both thought so. We both saw pics of eachother and were happy and we meet up last week, just to watch a dvd and spend some time together.
Was a bit strange at first, but after about a hour we cuddled up, she was smiling loads. about half hour before she left I asked her if she was glad she had met up, she kissed me a few times and smiled and said she was.. seemed like we was getting on really well.
The next day, she said she didn't want to see me again as there was just "no spark" for her. We already both said that this was just to watch a dvd as we both just wanted some company more than anything, so thats what we did.
We both chatted so much and seemed to have a lot in common, but we both said like "love grows over time" but she bolted right from the start and does not even want to meet up to watch another dvd again.. just totally stupid.
From what I can work out form what she said, she does not "really" want to have another relationship even though a relationship is what she wanted more than anything else!
We both even said if it didn't go well we would still talk be friends at least. Though shes not even willing to do that now. I think really we was both tired, it was late at night.. if she had come again I think things would have gone even better.. but oh well..
Gets a little off putting in dating someone you get on really well with. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 3:28:08 AM |
If on the other hand, that spark isn't there well into the first meeting - its's just not going to happen, and no amount of dates or trying will change things. This is the problem, people look for a specific (and yet abstract) feeling, and then if it's not there - all bets are off, the other person's clearly undateable.
Consider this: if you felt the immediate spark before, and it was amazing and undeniable - why are you not with that person now? If the "spark" was some indicator of ultimate relationship perfection, that would be one thing - but because it isn't, perhaps you should still get to know someone who doesn't shock you immediately.
Perhaps something else will click in, and you'll find something deeper you connect with.
(Yeah alright I know this is totally unrealistic, but let a guy imagine, wouldja?)
It just comes down to being another "dealbreaker" - except this one isn't even possible to quantify; but people are still going to treat it the same way - "No spark! Clearly not the right one, back to the PoF dating smorgasbord!"
*rolls eyes* | |
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exxos
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Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 90 | |
| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 3:35:28 AM | I always thought love grows over time, "spark" to me is fast burn out relationships.
However, there has to be some attraction there to "get the ball rolling" in the first place. If there is no attraction at all then you wouldn't even get as far as the first date. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 3:39:05 AM | | I think you know when you first mmet. When I am around someone I feel I can be close to there is this sense of sparks flying, even if onkly a few. The sign I get is a few sparks can lead to many more. When there are no sparks this is a sign to me that we can be friends but not on a close level. Face it here in the sea of POF people that want to meet will not waste time without sparks. Why would anyone want to date without sparks? | |
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exxos
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Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 92 | |
| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 3:47:13 AM | nobody will date without sparks, though I really think that word" sparks" should be defined correctly first.
I would prefer to say attraction, but that is not good enough either. We were both hightly attracted to eachother, mind and body, but there was "no sparks".. well if you smile and cuddle and kiss lots, then there *are* sparks ? but how someone can say there isn't "sparks" after all that.. The term is just daft.
You could meet up with someone , "sparks will fly in the bedroom" relationship based on sex ? Fast burn out ? not "really" love and not really "sparks" ... I think everyone has thier own view to what sparks are. To me sparks are what comes from really high voltages and nothing to do with relationships at all.
Physical and mental attraction is what leads to the first date. People should give it a few weeks before deciding to quit. Thats just my opinion anyway. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 4:01:46 AM | Just wanna say I'm really enjoying reading what you men are saying about sparks. It's refreshing to see there are so many REAL MEN on PoF.
{You could meet up with someone , "sparks will fly in the bedroom" relationship based on sex ? Fast burn out ? not "really" love and not really "sparks" ... I think everyone has thier own view to what sparks are. To me sparks are what comes from really high voltages and nothing to do with relationships at all.}
I'm a firm believer in "ISN'T LUST GRAND?" ......... FOR SURE ........ if that's ALL a relationship is to YOU. Bottom line is, we all want more. True love, honesty and respect for one another !!!!!
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 4:21:37 AM | I have to agree with the SLG...
A spark is just that, a spark... an initial attraction.
Much like the spark that you need to light your oven...
You need the spark to light the oven that will create the flame that will last long enough to cook the whole turkey......
The intitial spark is the attraction you need to light the flame that will set your love life on fire......
Without the spark.... all you will be eating is cold cuts! lol
jmo jj
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exxos
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Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 95 | |
| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 4:24:39 AM | let me add a footnote here...
I was with my ex for 8 years, when we first started seeing eachother, we just used to cuddle up with a bag of chips once a week. This went on for about 2 years, but it progressed of course.
We became really close, spent every free second together, looked after eachother, always there for eachother.. could talk about anything, go anywhere together... Where/what were the "sparks" there ?
At first we only spend time together with a bag of chips, just as friends really.. and it progressed over the years... well that was the good "8 years".. not going into why it ended, but she wasn't faithful in the end, so will leave it at that.
To me, at least, it seems "sparks" is lust and strong attraction. Fun as it may be, I would rather spend time and get to know someone, if you dont then you don't love each other and its just lust.
Everyone to their own I suppose, some go for sex first, some go for love first, sometimes it progresses into the other, sometimes it does not. I don't think I could have such strong lust for someone on the first date and take them to bed, I want to get to know the person a little first, otherwise what are you "making love to" ... enough said... | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 9:02:40 AM | I disagree with you exxos, that sparks are only lust, and strong attraction. Let me explain. A few years ago this guy and I were only friends. We would see each other a few days a week. We never had sex with each other.
Everytime I saw him, my heart would go flutter, my knees would quiver, and my eyes would light up like a christmas tree .
When I walk into the room his eyes gleam. He would follow me with his eyes from across the room.
And when our glance met we would gaze deeply into each other eyes . Everything and everyone in the room did not exsist . It was deeper than strong attraction with us.
We were in love with each other, but we didn't pursue the relationship because he was married. We adore and love each other.
If he and I would see each other again in the future you can believe that our torch of love would burst into flames. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 11:47:02 AM |
i don't understand this whole spark thing. I think it takes more than one date to find out if there are sparks unless the person repulses you then its safe to say its no go. But so many say there was no spark. What is a spark and how do you determine this spark? If 2 people get along on a first date and are attracted to each other but there is no spark, i think the spark thing is over rated lol. I know people who dated and said there was no spark and after a few dates there were sparks all over the place lol. So one date is a bit premature to say there is no spark.
Before I even scroll down to read the responses...the default response (typically by single women) is...the ol' "You just know" response...that "it can't be explained" response.
Then 6 months down the road they split up.  | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 11:54:45 AM | Maybe what you are talking about is not just sparks but clicking because you are correct that you can be attracted to someone physically but something else keeps you from pursuing something with them. Maybe what many call sparks to you would be when everything is working and you just seem to know that they are the right person for you.
Sometimes this happens early on, and others it is something that one notices some day a few months down the road. I think in both cases it is a sort of , where has this person been all of my life type of deal.
I think most people think of physical attraction alone as sparks, which is obviously not close to what you are looking for. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 12:45:43 PM | I agree with the "Lust=Sparks" and "Sparks" often burn out quickly theories...USUALLY.
At first meet I mean.
Funny tho....One of my greatest loves was a friend...kind of a fringe pal..we all hung out on occasion, and he was my son's boss. For 3-4 years.
THEN... One day we spent a couple of hours chatting and laughing about stuff, and suddenly...BLAM! "SPARKS!" 6 months later we were house shopping together. SHEESH!
Second Love of my Life....emailed me on Yahoo (profiles, not Personals) called me same day, talked 4 hours, met that same eve, took my breath away, and we were onward from there for the next few years.... "SPARKS".
SO...back to "First Meeting" of someone...I am ALWAYS hopeful.
If the fun and enjoyment existed on the phone, I expect it will (hopefully) exist on first meet/date. Unfortunately, it doesn't always happen.
I have ended up sitting through a 3 hour dinner of listening to the other person drone on and on about himself , never once taking a breath to ask one thing about me. (Not even a "How's your dinner hunny?") HEH! And he was Oh so different on the phone..huh?!!!
If I am sitting there planning my week, wishing time would move faster, wondering if it's going to rain tomorrow.....then it just is NOT happening. Prob wouldn't want to hang out again.
If I'm having such a great time, and never notice how much time has passed, then I know
"something" might be there...a potential great friendship, if not much more.
Of course, not always a two-way street and admittedly disappointing when YOU thought it was a blast and apparently the other was not on the same page.....But Life goes on! | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 1:19:15 PM |
People who desperately look for that spark on the first date usually fizzle out after a few dates. Just my two cents.
Hey,hey, not so loud, your going to take all the fun out for us hopeless romantics!
op, It depends on what kind of spark you are looking for,
if there is some common interest,similarity,beliefs,etc then yes it could be a good thing if thats something you find appealing, now if it is just sexual,if someone with a pretty face
& dreamy eyes,and if it's just want to get to do the horizontal buggie woggie, that could be the another opp shone. | |
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