| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 6:52:22 PM | | I agree...I don't think that one meet up or date is enough time to find out if the person sparks or not....and sparks are not always good predictors of a healthy relationship...I am finding this internet dating experience to be yucky, yucky, yucky, anyway. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 8:07:10 PM | I usually spark them long before the first date and it's not intentional.
I always seem to rub the opposite sex the wrong way. Thus, the sparks,
the flashing eyes, the smoke rising from their ears, sharp responses,
short quirky quips, and then of course the eye rolling.
But if (and that's a big IF) we get pass the impasse things always
seem to work out. Then the sparks start the tingles...and that's all I'm
going to say about that!
First then | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:38:25 PM |
If 2 people get along on a first date and are attracted to each other but there is no spark
There is a spark if they get along and are attracted to each other.
Usually the "spark" is evident to me within a few minutes, but I went on a date last week and this woman definitely got more attractive to me the more we talked, even though their was no huge spark at the beginning. Totally looking forward to the next date. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/9/2008 6:46:14 AM | "Hey,hey, not so loud, your going to take all the fun out for us hopeless romantics! "
I said "desperately". You know the kind, the ones where there really isn't anything ..... but feel something is better than nothing. I think we've all been there, no way or the other. Now for the sincere "hopeless romantic" is does depend on the kind of spark they are looking for. Just different strokes for different folks. I for one don't look for sparks , I look for commonity and similarities, then I know the "sparks" will come. After all we are human and we have needs and nothing better than having our needs met by someone who is just not looking for sparks.
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/9/2008 7:14:18 AM | Exxos, maybe after 'snuggling' on the couch, she realized it felt like she was kissing her brother or friend. Probably nothing is going to change that for her-unfortunately.
I recently met a really nice man and we were very compatible and liked to do many of the same things. The only problem is when he kissed me, there was just nothing there-it may as well have been my brother kissing me--ewww!
I'm not too old to feel the 'spark', yet but it doesn't come around very often. I think the last time I was dating, it was 2 in 30 or something like that. My ex b/f & I had that spark and we both know it'd still be there today if we were to come face to face. We didn't break up for lack of spark, but more that he couldn't keep his 'fuse' in his pants with other women. Its true, the spark does not guarantee a lifelong relationship but it could.
I had that initial spark with my husband of 23 yrs too and it never faded. I guess once you feel it and have the first relationship with which you've ever felt the spark work out so well (till death did us part), I'd be crazy not to go for it again.
Maybe the 'spark' is more charisma? It was described to me that its the way that person makes you feel when you're in that person's company. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:36:14 AM | Sparks? It happened 4 times in my life that I was instantly attracted to someone, I just absolutely liked what I saw, and it was mutual. It was like the world around stopped for a few seconds when we saw each other for the first time. Oddly enough only one of those men was my date. When I've got to know them I realized that actually they were very nice people and we potentially could have a lasting relationship. It didn't happen because they live far away or were in a relationship at that time.
Since for me it happens so rarely, I would never expect to experience something like this on a first date. Attraction to me means that we have many things in common, we are able to communicate easily, we can laugh and share some feelings and overall we get along well, while looking at each other is a pleasant experience. Yeah, I probably wouldn't mind being kissed either. It is a basis to discover more about that person. I don't expect to feel this instant wonder on a first date and I don't turn down a second date if I don't. Sparks on the first date are definitively overrated.  | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/9/2008 9:21:06 AM | If this sparks is more like charisma, fine. But ask yourself how many marriages FAIL because it was based primary on sparks?
LOL
What a stupid concept to base a relationship on... USE LOGIC!!!!!!! | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/9/2008 10:40:14 AM | When someone is attracted to you on a first date it is usually very obvious. The real problem occures when it is a strong attraction between the both of you because it causes you to lose sight of what's important. That is because that initial chemistry often has little to do with your compatibility. How could it when you consider the fact that you have only known one another for a couple of hours. So the value of instant attraction is overblown. When you find someone that is "not unattractive" and they seem to posses the necessary qualities (integrity, humor, intelligence, kindness, and optimism) and it is a first date. Then to blow someone out of the water and not want a second date is reflective of the "internet dating culture" where you can easily find someone else to chat with. Why work at it when you have a million other profiles to look at. Dump the guy or girl that doesn't give you that instant zing.
This approach can be very destructive to the development of a long term relationship. The guy/girl you dump for the next fish may have had all the qualities (including the attractiveness) but you never gave it a chance to develop. The guy/girl that knocks your socks off is more often than not the wrong guy/girl for you, but they have a hook that prevents you from seeing their shortcoming. This is where we make our mistakes and end up trying to make a relationship work that isn't right for the long haul. Then we come back on fish saying to all that will listen; "all men/women are players", "where are all the nice guys/girls", or "boy did I make a mistake that I will never repeat again"...
Go back to those initial encounters, I bet you thought the chemistry was just what you needed, yet here you are back in the pond a few weeks/months later...maybe we need to jump less on how someone kisses initially and more on getting to know the person's character and inner qualities. That takes time and few of us want to put in the time when we have 10 new emails to answer. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/9/2008 11:25:57 AM | Mysterio2001 writes:
If this sparks is more like charisma, fine. But ask yourself how many marriages FAIL because it was based primary on sparks?
LOL
What a stupid concept to base a relationship on... USE LOGIC!!!!!!!
Mysterio, that charisma/spark was there when I met my husband at 17. It lasted till he died when I was 41-over 23 yrs. I bet that's longer than your longest relationship.
What works for one may not always work for everyone else but there's no need to call it or us STUPID. Geeze, talk about close minded
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/9/2008 11:34:12 AM |
all men/women are players", "where are all the nice guys/girls", or "boy did I make a mistake that I will never repeat again"...
Personally, I KNOW that not all men are players and I KNOW there are plenty of nice guys. I've dated them and it didn't work out - sometimes my decision, sometimes theirs. If people are constantly dating people that say those type of things, maybe the types of people one is dating needs to be re-evaluated.
I do not think women can define this spark thing because it, like the vast majority of women, are illogical. They could not make a logical choice if their life depended on it!
Thinking like that won't GET you any sparks, that's for sure. The VAST majority of women on this thread have said that it's not only a physical thing and that sometimes sparks can take longer to develop. The VAST majority of us have experienced both the instant spark and the slower spark. A spark doesn't have to be anything remotely sexual, it can be a chemistry developed from a great conversation or a sharing similar views or having a great time laughing. But what's really interesting is these so-called "non sexual" sparks LEAD to sexual sparks. I've often extended getting to know someone, even though the conversation was bland, just based on the fact that we seemed to have the same way of thinking; and that decision is based on the logical thinking that sparks can TAKE longer to develop. However, I KNOW that when the communication is bland, it will not work out, but despite my experience, I want to ensure that I am really getting to know the person. The ones who have worked out are where the conversation was NOT bland. And again, not always my decision to discontinue seeing them.
If your sex life is important to you - men need to realize that women view kissing as important. (How many times have women stated this in the thread!)
So yes, if the kiss doesn't give a woman sparks and he can't learn how to kiss - why the hell would you continue to see him? Let's see, the guy leans over and kisses the woman. She's turned off. So the man continues to work her over and they have sex and the woman doesn't say anything about not being satisfied. Yeah - there's a good start to a long lasting happy relationship. Men want women to be more forthright in sex? Well, the scenario I just described happens over and over and over and eventually marriages end because of it. Think about the kissing and maybe she'll think about giving you a better BJ. I know plenty of men who have ended relationships because their girlfriend wasn't sexual enough for them. Same issue. And a woman or a man will not be happy to have sex when their needs are not being met. If a woman continuously refuses to give BJ or something similar or when a man continuously puts foreplay (including kissing) on the backburner, just how good do you think their sex life will be?
I will state yet again, the POF events are a great way to get to know someone on that friendship level. It takes away the whole one-on-one dating situation, and you can just hang out at the events with mutual friends. You go to the event with a friend, you are more apt to relax and have a good time than on a date where you are trying to impress someone. The number of couples that I know that have come out of the event outnumber the couples I know that just met through standard contact through POF.
There's a whole whack of logic for you. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/9/2008 9:41:35 PM | I had the most amazing spark with the last guy I was with. He even said he loved me after only one date. Then once he got what he wanted I never heard those words again. I still had the sparks going but I don't think it was the same for him. He hurt me so much with his words of not being ready for a relationship. So I guess from now on I won't pay any attention to how I feel. I'm a bit dead inside right now. I hope someday the spark comes back but for right now I think I will go with just being friends. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/9/2008 10:23:01 PM | They say that 50% of attractiveness is visual, sometimes only one side has it, ever try dating a drug addict? No teeth, strung out, dirty clothes and appearance... Do you need any sparks there? How about if you're attracted but you can't get a word in edgewise... I'd sure know within 5 minutes if this relationship was going anywhere, it only takes one candle to light a fire... watch the cues... What is her boundaries? What are yours?
Anyway happyrebel said all in it's purest form... You know it, either it's there or it's not, physical attraction starts with what's pleasing to the eyes, then all the other attributes come to play, the voice, body language and you can lump that all into "Charisma"
And she said, "Some sparks never go away, ex-husband, ex-bf and so on..." Those that can read it, Awesome, those that can't... too bad, so sad, it's wishful thinking, think with your heart (feelings) not your intellect (logic).
Happyrebel... ur my kind of woman...
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/9/2008 10:39:21 PM | | If I want sparks, I'll go buy myself some fireworks...........how about an individual that actually qualifies as a member of the human race. To me, that means someone who is willing to put as much into a relationship as they are willing to take out of it. | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/10/2008 8:25:33 AM | Re: jf468's message - I must agree. I hate it when I cannot find 'the study', yet this one was originally found off of a link on MSN's home page. It was the only one I'd read that appeared to have some statistical validity.
It claimed, after interviewing several thousand couples over significant time, that the relationships that lasted (more than 5 years), started slowly, not with a bang. Intuitively, this makes sense (to me). Now, if your goal is to experience as many dates as possible with others you'd describe as 'hot', and do not care if you're still single 5 yeras from now (prefer not to find long term), then your focus would of course be entirely different.
This whole thread though, is in very tight parallel with other threads discussing 'lust factor screening'  which in my observation is still the most prevalent discriminator - this despite forum protests that it's 'not the most important thing.' | |
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| How can you tell on a first date if there are sparks?
Posted: 2/10/2008 10:40:06 AM |
I am not sure if sparks are physical attraction because I can be very attracted to someone but not feel like i want to get to know this person for what ever reason.
It's different for everyone. For me, it's the overall attraction. Not just physical. | |
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