| How do you get over someone
Posted: 2/7/2008 10:30:14 AM | I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but maybe here are a few suggestions.
Letting go of someone can never be complete, there is always a little something of them that remains with you.
But, to move on, sometimes you have to really put yourself back into the relationship (in your mind) so you can move forward.
When I was in a real serious relationship that wasn't going anywhere I had to move on. I took a day and went to all the places my bf and I used to go and hang out all the time. I sat there and thought of everything we did, where we'd hang out, every moment I could. I experienced every emotion, good or bad, that I had with him at these places. I set no time limit, but just took it as it came. I cried if I needed to and literally said goodbye to him at every place. When the day was over, I felt that I had really let go of him and what we were.
You need to allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship but know when it's gone on too long and when it's time to move forward.
gl | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 2/7/2008 8:07:03 PM | | me and my boyfreind went out for two months and last sunday he decided that the cemistry was not there what ever that means to b honest i think he want a reason to go sleep with other people i think the best way to get over someone is is to cry and scream and yell i also heard that revenge works good to lol i forgot to mention that my ex broke up with me over the phone and he also is trying to see someone else he started the same day we broke up so tell me r all men pigs who only think with whats inside there pants . yea it still hurts and we r freinds still which is my mistake cause it hurts more every time he walks out the door cause i know where he is going so i wish someone could help me get over him please | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 2/8/2008 6:58:33 AM | Join the club sweetness234. At least mine only lasted 2 weeks so it has been a bit easier getting over it but it still hurts. Mine broke up with me over IM. At least you talked to him over the phone. I guess this guy I was with was too embarrassed to talk to me one on one. It's funny because this guy is a friend to all women with advise on dating. I wish he would follow his own advise. What do you call these people? Hypocrites!
But there was one man that contacted me when I started going out with this loser. He was very persistant and I finally went out with him yesterday for coffee. I think this one is a keeper but only time will tell. I have learned my lesson and will never go there again! | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:33:13 PM | You are probably asking the single most heart wretching question that can be asked when one party is still in love while the other has moved on. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years about 3 months ago... I still love him and miss him so much at times that its a physical hurt.
I've heard that it takes about 3 months for every year that you were with someone to let it go, heal and move on..for me thats about 15 months... how long were you two together? First and most importantly, allow yourself to grieve, its important.
This may sound really strange, but my husband died almost 8 years ago, and pain was the worst heartbreak that I have ever felt in my life... so different from a breakup because there is no coming back from death. Well hon, in someways the breakup of a really serious long time relationship is a sort of "death". For your own sanity, you almost have to treat it as if it is a death, at least for now. The ties are broken, its over. I knew my husband couldnt come back and i I found that if I thought of my ex as if he no longer existed, I actually coped easier. When I allowed myself to wonder what he was thinking, doing, was he missing me, should I call..text. etc.. it only intensified the pain, and OMG picturing him with someone else nearly drove me insane those first 6 weeks. I made myself think that he was as if dead. Not coming back, not gonna see him ever again, not talk, snuggle, nothing. At first i emailed him or texted him, he asked me to stop, so I did, I think that helped me, I realized that he was way more over me, then I was him, and I was being pathetic. It was as if I were no longer in existance for him. I saw him the other day for the first time in a parking lot, did not stop, did not speak, didn't even look at him. My heart started pounding, my stomach rolled, I was shaking, it was horrible. -moral - even 3 months later isnt enough time. GIVE YOURSELF TIME. No one can tell you how long it will take, we can only tell you that with time, you will heal. Dont allow yourself to think about her. make a steal effort to stop thoughts as the begin.. think of every horrible thing that led to the breakup.. once you've healed, you can take the happy ones out, reexamine them and then tuck them away where all good memories go. Make yourself get up and do something that will take your mind off of it.- hard to do, I know, but do it. And whatever you do, dont jump into another relationship, or even date right now.. it will be tempting, the comfort, etc.. but you're only hiding from your pain, while trying to replace a body, not the love that you shared, and its so not fair to the person that you hook up with. Everyone has baggage, but bagage like yours and mine is too fresh to force upon another. hopes this helps.. your fellow "try'in to get over him | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:49:15 PM | | It just takes time. One day something just clicks and the person no longer has the same hold over you that they did. Keeping busy helps. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:15:47 PM | Sorry but these "timelines" are goofy - was married almost 20 yrs - do you know how long I should "wait" to date again??? Have already met several interesting guys & think when your ready - your ready? Agree with the activity part - kick boxing & throwing weights around works too! Wish you the best Op!   | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:53:04 PM | Time. I'm going to repeat what has been said often already on this particular thread and tell you it takes time. How much time? You'll only really know after the fact. I treat breakups after serious relationships as a grief process. If you don't allow yourself time to grieve the loss of said relationship, you will never truly heal. That being said, I'm usually up and out of the major crying jags after a week or so (if the relationship extended over several years). Then I tend to get up and take action. Sometimes that means getting to the gym, sometimes that means packing up my apartment and moving again, sometimes that means doing something better with my life, and sometimes that just means doing something nice for myself in the time I normally would have spent on that partner's whims and desires. Nothing like treating myself to a nice spa day instead of doing his dirty laundry. Or watching a foreign movie instead of professional wrestling (and I'm actually using an example from my last big breakup). In my personal experience, I waited a year after my last big breakup before starting to date again. I had spent four and a half years with my ex and I just decided I needed that much time to myself before trying to get together with anyone else again. It's going to differ for everyone. Only you will know when you are truly ready.
Best of luck to ya. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/25/2008 9:59:02 PM | If you really want to get over somone then you have to be realistic about what was wrong (not blaming them or you) and focus.
But it's tempting to dwell on the past when you really miss someone so...I think it's about focus. If you want to get over them focus on it.
Do you really want to get over her? Then think about what wasn't right from her perspective as well as yours. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:09:53 PM | | It has helped me to evaluate who they are, and compare to who I thought they were. So often the person I was with, was not the person I orignally perceived. It allowed me to understand that the person I fell in love with was not the person I came to know. Tell me, had you known the full details of the lady you were seeing -- had you known those details at the very beginning would you have become involved? Time and time again I review who I thought she was, and compare it to who she is. I realize I was not in love with her -- I was in love with who I thought she was. But she wasn't that. After that, it is easy to put her behind me and once again begin my quest for someone who is who she says she is. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:41:31 PM | I don't know if we really do completely get "over" someone. There's always a special little place for that person deep in your heart.You will shed a lot of tears and feel a great loss, but time can heal and as time goes by we learn what went wrong. I think it's these memories,good and bad,that make us grow and prepare us for the next relationship. You may even smile when you have memories of that person in the future. It really does get better down the road,and eventually, you may wonder what all the fuss over loosing this person was about.
I hope that you can move through your suffering soon and begin to heal, because there could be someone waiting around the corner hoping you will give them a place in your heart. Good luck. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/26/2008 9:17:23 AM |
Everybodys different but I started to get into myself more. Working out and exercise. That's exactly what I did, baldy365. I of course went through a grieving stage for about 4 or 5 days, then I went out and bought a gym membership and started running with girlfriends... I agree that you really have to take care of yourself and focus on yourself, especially after break ups. I think it gives me a sense of self-worth and confidence. I'm still kind of hung up on my ex, but I certainly don't let it take over my life.. I live it just as a I would with or without him.
The other thing that helped was retail therapy - women tend to do this more. I grabbed some friends and went shopping. I couldn't really afford it but at the time, that's what was goign to make me feel better, and it did. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/26/2008 6:03:23 PM | | I am not sure that you ever "get over" someone that you once loved. I think it is more that you accept that you can no longer be with that person and you move on. It takes time, and for some people it is easy to move on and for others it takes longer. Everyone is different in their grieving process. You and only you will know when you have reached that level of acceptance that this relationship is over and then and only then is when you will be ready to move on. Good Luck! | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/26/2008 7:07:09 PM | I think it's easier said then done... not that it can't be done. The more investment you have in a relationship, the harder moving on can be. Crying is something I found helpful. I did find being heartbroken to be physcially painfull too.
Crying may be easier for women then for men, but I do believe that the pain is the same for both.
It was mostly helpful to me, understanding it's over and making up my mind to move on. Then, find things to occupy yourself as much as possible, to think of her as little as you can, until you can re-adjust to your life without her in it. I am sure you did have a life before her? I am sure you will have a life without her again.
I personally think you should cut her off, it does make it easier. When one partner wants something and the other doesn't want the same, at that point there's no need to be friends with them. Its only ok to stay friends if you think it won't hinder you from moving on. Question yourself why you want to stay friends with someone that has hurt you? Nothing wrong with being friends later if you choose to, after you gotten detached emotionally.
Getting over it may not be easy and surely won't happen overnight, but I am sure if you are persistant in your choice of it, you will wake up one day and you will free again.
Hopefully the experience will help you grow and not make you bitter towards the next relationship that comes into your life. Know that there will be another.
Good luck whatever you choose. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 2:46:38 AM | | You really dont once you open your heart the up and down feelings will in time settle its very draining force yourself to be active.I look back sometimes and just remember the good days unfortunately your heart is not a computer you just cant press delete.All the best | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 3:08:05 AM | I don't believe by sleeping or getting someone new will help to forget....I try it and it only makes me want him more.........so for now.....find a new hobby, go out , enjoy urself....get to know ur inner and sorroundings...........find who u are ..........i know its hard.......im going bananas sometimes..........in the long run...i know we will find a new nice fishy...it just takes time!!..All the best and remember ...You are not alone!!     | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 3:23:31 AM | mine's a tricky one, because the reason for the breakup was that 'he needed time to sort his head out and that he realised he wasnt ready fora long term relationship...' so he still was in love with me...but couldnt deal with anything properly....its the weirdest thing....
i had a weekend of being an absoloute mess and now im ok....but at the same time my heart is really aching....i miss him heaps, but what can you do...you cant be withsomeone who isnt in the relationship as much as you are...
sucks tho :( | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 5:27:52 AM | | I took it hard when My ex-girlfreind and I broke up , we did everything . went to alot of places . she was the first one I had sex with . after 17 years of leaving me . NOW , she wants to be freinds . OH , I forgopt to mention she left me when My money ran out . NOW , that I have money again . she wants to only be freinds and nothing more . | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 8:07:50 AM | | ^^^^ and what a perfect reason for you NOT to give her the time of day and be friends with her. Friends don't go after their friends money. What a loser she is! | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 11:09:47 AM | moonlite mum
mine's a tricky one, because the reason for the breakup was that 'he needed time to sort his head out and that he realised he wasnt ready fora long term relationship...' so he still was in love with me...but couldnt deal with anything properly....its the weirdest thing....
i had a weekend of being an absoloute mess and now im ok....but at the same time my heart is really aching....i miss him heaps, but what can you do...you cant be withsomeone who isnt in the relationship as much as you are...
sucks tho :(
Mine was pretty much the same deal... I'm not sure if he was in love with me. I know he loved me, but anyway, same kind of deal, he had some personal issues he needed to deal with and I also don't think he was ready to totally commit. I've kinda reacted the same way... I grieved, now I'm okay and pretty happy, but I miss him and still love him. It's hard to just let go of that. And mine was short too, only 3.5 months. And you are absolutely right - you can't force someone to be in a relationship with you if he/she is just not into it. Sad but true! | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 1:17:47 PM | Man...tough question. It would be nice if there were a three step answer. Do this, then this, then this....BATTA-BING! You're over them.
While my heart still hurts when some reminder comes up out of left field, this is what worked for me:
*Mourn it....cry, scream, punch a pillow...whatever YOU need to do to mourn the loss. Stuffing the feelings down inside definitely doesn't aid healing.
*I really tried to analyze my part in things....tried to determine what, if anything, I would do different next time.
*I literally made a list of things that weren’t perfect in the relationship. Sometimes we gloss over a relationship when in love and it masks things that may be wrong and will cause problems later on down the road. There WERE things I was overlooking. I needed to remind myself it WASN’T perfect.
*Let go of the pain. I literally would repeat out loud every morning as I drove to work “I release the pain of this relationship”.
*Make room in your heart for someone new. I recently read somewhere that we can’t expect someone to come into our lives and our hearts unless we let go of the past and thereby “make room” for the new love.
I love the Rascal Flatts song, “God Blessed the Broken Road That Lead Me Straight to You”. It talks about all the pains and sorrows in our relationships leading us on to the one we should be with. Every relationship I’ve had in my life taught me something I needed to learn and lead me on to another place in my life. The last one was an especially painful one…damned near killed me, but I feel I learned the most from it. I have to keep reminding myself of the saying “that which doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger”. I’m going to be one damned strong, amazing woman when the real Mr. Right comes along!
Hugs, OP.
Rose Mary | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 1:28:50 PM | It's a process like grieving any other loss. Take your time and admit to your feelings as they come up. If you try to overanalyze the whys, it will only complicate the process.
The one thing I would tell you is not to rush into another relationship till your ready. It's not fair to bring someone else into your life till you have healed from this. | |
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