| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 1:37:20 PM | I have had quite a bit of practice at this. I have adopted the use of a simple four-letter word, "NEXT". Quite simple, actually.
I used to get excessively emotionally involved with an appealing woman far too soon. That was always my downfall. I now have my emotions rigorously in check. I wait for the woman to show what she wants before I allow my emotions to intrude upon my rational judgement. | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 1:40:49 PM | | Hi OP,as everyone else has said TIME is the only thing that helps and lots of it.One bit of advice is to break all ties otherwise you may never move on and however much she meant to you there are other special ladies out there,believe me.best of luck | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 1:50:50 PM | Exactly what did you expect her to do?
You pulled the plug when she shut down or failed to communicate? I think you were the crossroad she had reached, and she doesn't want to go any further (with you).
I'm sure she does love you, but it isn't enough to continue along with you.
When a couple reaches a stumbling block in their relationship and can't solve it, the only way to fix it is with an objective unbiased 3rd party. It could be a very good friend, a counselor, or a religious person.
I've noticed over the years when a couple breaks up and much later resumes the relationship, they are again faced with the same old problem(s).
The Eagle | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 2:06:34 PM | best reply yet just get over it for christ sake sitting around crying over some female or man like this site plenty of fish  | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 3:36:06 PM | I really don't have much to add...Just that it takes time. You think about them every day for a long time. You cry yourself to sleep (yes, I cried myself to sleep), you call your friends and go out somewhere and drown your sorrows (tho I don't drink so...). And then you start to think about them less and less. And then one day you stop thinking about them, or you meet someone and don't even realize that you aren't thinking of them anymore...Of course for me, she didn't want to get married (Miss Independent). And then 2 years later, she is in the paper getting married to a guy that looks a lot like yours truly! Except with a much better paying job of course! And I thought about her a lot after that. And now I see she has 3 kids, and had 2 miscarriages before the last 2 children. Sad, but I was glad that I wasn't a part of that. Heartbreaking...But now, after 7 years, I am glad that she is happy. Truth be told, I don't think that I could have handled her. She was always on the go. Never wanted to stay home at night. And I was a guy who had to get up at 4.50am! Take her home at 2am, and get up at 4.50am , no wonder I don't have any hair left!
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent that. Maybe sometime I will tell you about the time I fell in love with my friend...She did break my heart in two, and never even knew it!  | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/27/2008 3:50:06 PM | | it really depends on what sort of relationship it was and what you expected from it. in my own experience i can say for the first time in a year i can say honestly i am over my ex and back then it felt like id never get over it but im dating now and although we are still in touch every now and then i am happy to get on with my life. i think its important to be on your own initially to get over it emotionally but when you are ready start dating again and it may take time for you to feel anything but it comes and its worth the wait! | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/28/2008 3:41:51 AM | wow its awesome to find someone in my same situation...and i agree its very hard to let go of that....but i thought about it for so long and i came to the conclusion that if they love you enough....they'll come back in the end...no point in waiting for that to happen...they have issues...let them deal with them cus who wants to be in a relationship where the other person has issues.....you're always gunna be on edge..so not worth it...
:) if you need to talk im here babe.... | |
|
| |
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/28/2008 5:12:11 AM | I wish I had a dollar for every thread started about this subject.
Sheesh...you'd think by now SOMEone would have given the 'correct' answer. | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/28/2008 5:19:25 AM | | Sounds like you were more interested in your songs. Dating within 2 weeks was probably your main reason, not World of Warcraft. Maybe your reasons are valid. too bad you didn't put the same effort as you did prior to breakup. | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/28/2008 6:02:51 AM | I don't think there is any set time to "get over" someone.
Each person is different.
For me it was working through the heartache and finding out to deal with not having someone I loved for 20 plus years....
I say 20 plus years because I used to count right down to the minutes, the time, I'd been without him in my life.
When your life seems to be in total darkness, you just have to start punching holes to let the light in.
One hole at a time is a step forward to being in control and having the darkness behind you.
One of my clients.....a clutter bug and a calamity Jane, has no desire to put things away, do laundry or cleaning.
That's why she's a client, bless her heart.
When she tries, she looks at the entire house instead of a room at a time.....or a corner at a time, gets frustrated and over whelmed, she walks away.
I do a walk though and pick my targets, one at a time.
Same thing with dealing with heartache and the loss of a s.o.
Deal with one issue at a time.
One good thing about these threads are a person can see the ones who appear to be sincere and others who would try to have you convert to a "man whore".
Or a daddy rabbit...hoping around from one to another.
That hoping is just a pacifier and with each hop the issues pile up.
A "mental hoarder", collecting and piling.
And repeat....sinking lower.
Career bottom feeders........by their choice.
 Shame, shame.
Heartache and alcohol do not mix and only compound and complicate issues.
Don't cheapen yourself....
Put "you" at the top of your priority list.
ceeceekitty | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/28/2008 7:14:38 AM | | The best way is to keep busy and everytime your mind starts to wander, just rememeber the bad stuff(at least until you get over her), everytime you want to start thinking about the good stuff, dont allow it just quickly think of somethin else. | |
|
| |
swf001
|
Joined: 2/16/2008
Msg: 64 | |
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/29/2008 11:35:30 AM | I think you have to break all ties. It is very hard and you have to be brave to do it. I couldn't. After 25 years we still talk. We live very far away from each other. When we see each other every few years we can barely be in the same room.
Time does nothing... | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/29/2008 11:53:04 AM | | They say sometimes someone has to go away before they come back. I think that can happen, but rarely. I truly believe that if you really want something/someone and that it is a priority - you can achieve that. Actions speak louder than words. You need to move on and give that person their space - but definitely go on with you life. When you break up - you need to mourn. A terrible time but you cannot reach out to the future if you are holding on to the past. You need to keep really busy, hopefully you have good friends that will help you keep busy and thereby get you through it. There is no easy way around grief. Whether you are mourning the person or perhaps what the relationship gave you ( couple status, new friends, a sense of belonging) it is all the same. The pain is all the same. Make plans - this way you know that you will be busy that time, that day. Reflect on what happened - did you learn anything? Perhaps the lesson will help you in your next relationship. - just don,t rush with the next one. You cannot give yourself to a new person until the anger, resentment and pain is gone. You will have one - whether you think so or not. It will come your way. Good luck. | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/29/2008 11:58:50 AM | | Can you tell me what kind of bridge - so that I can start building right away ???? | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/29/2008 12:41:29 PM | First you have to stop beating yourself up. Then you spend time alone reading good books like Eckhart Tolle's " A New Earth".......Awakening to Your Life's Purpose.
Yes you will cry after the first chapter but will realize that another person does not make you a happy person. I had cancer 4 years ago and was suppose to be dead by now. I recovered . Sometimes you have to die to learn how to live!
God Bless You   | |
|
| |
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:28:52 PM | So true paula1979..Time is the healer of all wounds to the heart.
For me I worked like a horse.. devoted much time to my family but subconciously a wall went up around my heart not allowing anyone new in for a long time.
I'm very thankful to my girlfriends and POF for making me see that I can tear down the wall and let someone new in.  | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/30/2008 10:26:45 PM | | prayer...icecream... shopping sprees.....and a good cognac...not necessarily in that order. Of course there is always Vegas!..lol. | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:45:06 AM | I agree with the "think only of the bad" things and save the sweet memories for later.
I had to put my ex in the category of "related to satan", to keep myself strong.
And definitely keep busy.
Find a hobby and when you get tired of that hobby, find another one.
Doesn't matter about finishing them right now, so no need to be anal about temporally putting them aside.
And one day, boom, you realize that you hadn't thought of that person until just then when you remembered that you'd forgot about them.
Then for sure you know you're on your way to recovering from the hurt.
Now you can visit the unfinished hobbies/projects you started.
I haven't bothered to count my unfinished projects, but from what I can tell, a butt load of people will be getting scarfs for Christmas 2008.
 I may need to get some addresses on here........
Got a fishing pole.......
coffee cans( with rocks in them to keep them upright) placed at different distances in the yard.
A large sinker on my fishing pole.
I practice casting and hitting the targets.
The cats enjoy it too.
I was target practicing with life like targets, until the cats sent a memo, along with a petition, about it getting on their nerves.
No fishing pole.......throw rocks at the cans.
ceeceekitty | |
|
| |
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:55:20 AM | | Unfortunately I went through the exact same thing after a 6 year relationship in which we were engaged the last 2 years ended overnight. I was not only devestated, but confused, hurt, betrayed. I never saw it coming. The last day I saw him he looked me in the eye and told me I was the love of his life and he never wanted another--we were to be married 2 months after that. The next day he went on a business trip with 2 women--and the rest is history--he decided he liked the freedom of traveling with single women better than me. It ended 18 months ago and the only way I was able to start to move on was to cease all contact. The first 6 months were hell because he would call--I would call--but never to get back together--just to tell me how great his job and traveling were. Last October I changed my numbers and that was it. New e-mail--new numbers--no contact at all--it is the only way to get over it. I can honestly say I do not think about him 24/7 anymore and am excited about meeting someone new I hope. Good luck and please do not waste time with someone not worth it | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:00:07 AM | Its a process for sure..its been 15 months for me and it still hurts like a ba&tard!!I feel we need to go thru the stages of grief the seven stages of it until we finally reach acceptance..I also feel it depends on your degree to love lets face it some people just arent that deep!!Yeah I love ya,sure you do! words are cheap..I still have some work to do LOL I can at least admit it!! | |
|
| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:03:39 AM | Baldy365
that is I think the absolute best point of view to take. Also, for me it took a lot of reflective journaling and I am so glad I was able to take that time for myself. I have grown and now understand and accept responsibility, whereas before I have always blamed the other person. | |
|
Home
login 
