| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/31/2008 10:11:09 AM | Only two things have really helped in my case. Time, and letting things go. Pack away, but don't destroy any of the memories you may have accumulated in your time together.
Activities, and hobbies can keep you busy, but they won't heal the pain you may be feeling. They just keep your mind off the pain, just like drugs do with physical pain. The drugs tell our brain that the pain isn't there, and therefore we feel better... at least until the drugs wear off, or the injury is healed.
In the end, it starts inside, and requires you to heal the pain inside. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 3/31/2008 11:05:31 AM | | Somethimes you never do. You never stop loving who you love, you just learn to live without them. It is super hard, but you have to get rid of everything they ever gave you, pput away their pictures, do not listen to all the love songs that remind you of them, don't go sleep with someone to try to forget them and definitely quit talking to her. I just ended a 17 year off and on relationship because he wasn't ready yet for a commitment and I was tired of waiting. Like you we were so good together but he had issues to work out and wasn't willing to do the work, would not even consider that he had a problem. Accept it for what it was, you can relish in the good times, but don't forget to remember all the things that weren't good. Distance yourself and don't cling to "what sould have been". give her some time to work it out on her own. You will stay stuck forever if you continue to be in her life. Trust me on this one. It was the hardest thing I ever did and sometimes I do falter and send a quick email or call, but it is not healthy. No one will seek help until they are ready and dsome times thay never are. Take the time to go through the stages of mourning your loss, crying, bashing her..to yourself, write down your thoughts and feeling, it helps in getting rid of some of the anger and hurt. Just accept that you can love someone forever but that doesn't mean you can't move on or at least try to find some peace and happiness down the road. How much of your life are you willing to invest in someone who won't invest in themselves. Jude | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:44:52 AM | I have an answer! Get tall on your knees and ask the Lord to guide you. You'd be surprised at the times the Lord has carried my cross for me because it was too heavy to bare.  | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/1/2008 5:54:41 PM | Falling in love is easy, but darn, those landings hurt! But if you fall in love, then it ends and it hurts, you will learn how to cope with the pain, and you will learn that you can survive. Maybe someday, or maybe never, "get over it", but you definately will survive.
First, cry a lot - cry like your heart is broken into a zillion pieces. Your stomach will be in knots and all you can do is think about that person and "what might have been".
Then, instead of thinking about what went wrong, start thinking about what good came from that relationship. For me, after a particularly painful breakup, I realized that he gave me the gift of believing in myself, after a long marriage filled with ridicule and feeling stupid.
And, after the knots left my stomach, I'd dropped 10 pounds! 
Then I realized that the way to let your heart heal is to let others into it. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/1/2008 6:29:18 PM | | I know exactly what your going through...I'm going through the same thing right now..The only difference is that my ex wont talk to me so your doing better off then I am...I messed up too but I was willing to work at it. She said she needed time. So what I can tell you is if you guys are still talking then just chill for a min. She'll come back in time. I just hope mine does too but it doesn't look good...Good luck bro. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:32:05 AM | This is a song I found I am posting the words but if you go on You Tube you will find it there with the music. I have it on MY Space page and whenever I need a lift i go and listen to it. I have found so much of it to be true, and I have moved on in a big way. We even are friends but sometimes he sends me old emails and asks things that make me wonder where he is coming from. After all he was the one that told me the zing wasn't there any more after we did try to get back together. Oh yeah I also wrote a relationship obituary.
You’ve Made Me Stronger
Regine Velasquez
_____
Is it hard to believe I’m okay
After all, it’s been awhile
Since you walked away
I’m way past crying
Over you finding someone else
You turned my days into nights (days into nights)
But now I see the light
And this maybe a big surprise to you
But you’ve made me stronger
By breaking my heart
You ended my life
And a better one start
You taught me everything
From falling in love
To letting go of a lie
Yes, you’ve made me stronger
Baby, by saying goodbye
If you try to believe I’m not over you
Go ahead
There’s nothing wrong with making believe
I know
Cuz I used to pretend you’d come back to me
But time has been such a friend
Brought me to my senses again
And I have you to thanked (I have you to thanked)
For setting me free (for setting me free)
Cuz you’ve made me stronger
By breaking my heart
You ended my life
And a better one start
You taught me everything
From falling in love
To letting go of a lie
Yes, you’ve made me stronger
Baby, by saying goodbye
Think again
Don’t feel so sorry for me, my friend
Oh, don’t you know
I’m not the one at the losing end (I’m not the one)
Cuz you’ve made me stronger
By breaking my heart
You ended my life
And a better one start
You taught me everything
From falling in love
To letting go of a lie
Yes, you’ve made me stronger
Baby, by saying goodbye
You ended my life
And a better one start
You taught me everything
From falling in love
To letting go of a lie
Yes, you’ve made me stronger
Baby, by saying goodbye, goodbye
You’ve made me stronger
Baby, by saying goodbye
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:51:42 AM | | At least you pulled the plug at some point. It's the slow death relationship that has drained me. I don't like endings. I would work until the end of time for a relationship I was in. If I'm in one, it's most valuable to me. Even if I'm aware it's a long shot I want to keep it going.So getting over someone for me is tough and long. I'm making a decision now, and I'm not liking it. So how do you get over someone? Love yourself enough to realize there is someone out there you'll never have to get over and fight like mad to find them. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:54:50 AM | | Time...Keep busy...Dont jump back into a relationship if your not over this one...Get well... | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/2/2008 7:59:59 AM | | It's a grieving process. First you cry. Then you get angry. Then you think about forgiveness. After a time you do forgive. You go to counseling. You understand that somewhere in that pile of manure there must be a pony. You laugh. You get busy doing all the things that you put on hold... like dance lessons, drum lessons, meditation, yoga, concerts, festivals, classes to expand your mind. Things to keep one's mind out of the darkness. Then in time you start to be really hopeful and you have this sense of lightness. You look forward to each day. You see the best in people. You have moved into accepting the possibility of deep and honest relationship. You believe in yourself again. And so it goes. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/2/2008 8:35:34 AM | | One thing is to note, when people say "I love you", its usually an emotional response. The word love has been so misused, that people take and use it out of context. When Jesus said I love you, he had his flesh torn off his body for us. She is obviously searching and in all probability doesn't really know what she wants. For myself, moving on takes time. Remember that isolation makes us vulnerable. You need a good friend to talk to, and getting out really helps. I just lost my mom to lung cancer, and am realizing that things do get better day after day. There's a lot of good women out there, someone who will genuinely care about you, and stick by you. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/3/2008 6:07:16 AM | Hello!
The best way to get over someone is not talking to that person anymore or a least for a while until you feel better. Also prayers always help. Start going out with friends and be positive and you wiill feel better litle by little, it is a very slow process, by time is the key.
Good Luck.
Crystal | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/3/2008 3:21:29 PM | Wouldn't it be great if there was a magic pill to help us get over someone?
I am still trying to get over someone and it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. The one bit of advice I can offer is don't start a new relationship until you are over them. Innocent people get hurt that way, and not only are you suffering from heartbreak, but now you also have guilt to contend with.
Good luck, and if someone ever finds that 'magic pill' let me know. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/3/2008 3:44:28 PM | | I just ended a relationship I was in for a year. I really love this man, but the longer he and I were together the more I realized how emotionally unavailable he is. I tried communicating my feelings more times than I can count, and he would ignore everything I said, so the only recourse was to end it. I find when I'm working, I don't think about him as much...and after work, I find other things to occupy my time. Working out is one of my most favorite things...but, in essence..just keeping busy is key for me. For a long time I tried keeping the communication lines open, but realized it only kept me holding on to something I knew in my heart would not last. You can't force the other person to work through something they aren't interested in keeping together. Some people just arent interested in changing their agenda, no matter how much they claim they love you. I agree with you...actions speak louder than words. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/3/2008 3:59:50 PM | I waited so long to find someone, all my friends where doing what they wanted but i decided to hang back and wait rather than just going out and enjoying what was out there. I dont regret what i did but i do think back on what perhaps would have made me avoid the woman i gave everything to so blindly. I was told by so many people that she was no good but yet she was diffrent when i first met her. She gave me everything at the start, we had so much fun and i think perhaps it's my fault she changed as much as she did. I was 24 and she was 18 at the time we met and i gave her everything she wanted. I made sure she never needed anything and she never asked for anything outright, untill after about a year then she started to demand things and go out alot more and spend more time wanting a single life but with my security. Me being the fool i am i gave her this time and time again. We broke up alot during this time and she would run off and get on with her life for a few months before sneaking a way back into my life. It took me ages to get over her and alot of people telling tales does not help.
However i think im over her now, i still think about her and hope she's safe doing whatever she is but i have decided i have wasted long enough waiting for her to be someone she will never be.
I think how i got over it was by coming here and going out and just watching whats around you, there are plenty of lady's out there that just want to be happy and it gives you alittle hope that perhaps you both could be happy.
well thats my rant over and my view hope it helps. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/3/2008 4:34:45 PM | Before I did not know how to do it so...I was miserable and felt like a victim and cried a lot and blamed myself and had a very serious heartbreak and a headache...as time goes by...this is what I find working for me:
- I am sad and cry one time...then...after the sad time...
- I Just refuse to think about the good time with him anymore because it makes me SAD - I don't want to be sad...I want to be happy!
If I am drawn to our song, our place, our restaurant...I go the other direction...or tell to my mind NO NO NO...leave that memory alone! it's not good for you!
- I remind myself how good I am, how valuable I am, I try to remind myself all the good things I did in my life, how proud I am of my chievements and how precious I am to those who love me!
- I try to think of all the people that LOVE me, my family, my close friends and concentrate on their love and affection to me NOT on the person that does not love me anymore
- I say he does not deserve to have my memory because he does not love me anymore...
- So I do not call nor write to him nor IM him nor email him because he does not like me so why should I go to people who does not like me? my email would not be received with favor and appreciation anymore...so why even contact him?
So I am doing better...now...but you have to be strong in your mind and learn to say NO to yourselves when your heart WANT to be miserable. It is a CHOICE to be happy. And I want to be happy!
Dont you want to be happy? AND...another will always love you if one left...that is a fact...you think that one is the only one...NO...at a time you never suspect...another one will show up and you will not even remember the name of the one that left you!
I dunno...seems to work for me...but my faith in God is the one that strengthens me most...because everything is a lesson for my building to become a better person!
wish you the best! | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/3/2008 4:49:32 PM | | i'm a firm believer that actions speak volumes,and time is the best healer .........good luck to you:-) | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/4/2008 12:15:37 AM | ... I JUST WENT THROUGH THIS AND FELT LIKE THE WIND WAS KNOCKED OUT OF ME. ITS PAINFUL TO HAVE TO SAY "GOODBYE " TO SOMEONE YOU DEEPLY CARE ABOUT AND LOVE. BUT TIME DOES HEAL BROKEN HEARTS.
I LOVE THIS POEM....IT CAN RELATE TO BOTH MEN AND WOMEN.
BUT REMEMBER YOU CANT BE IN A LOVE REALTIONSHIP BY YOURSELF IT JUST DOES NOT WORK.
Author: Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn.
P,S ASKING DR.PHIL FOR ADVICE ON HIS WEBSITE HELPS TOO!!!!!!! | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/4/2008 1:02:46 AM | It's like the classic song "Can't Always Get What You Want" or (even better IMO) "Don't Know Whatchya Got Till It's Gone"...never mind relationships for a second, people wander through everyday life not apprieciating(sp) the gifts they have and they obsess over what's seemingly lacking(join the club!).
I recently ended a relationship that I knew was doomed from the start. We had a history together & "reunited". I gave the person the benefit of the doubt(as she did for me(?))---things hadn't changed, she only professed they did when I was absent from her life. After she was back in my life, it wasn't long before she was back to her scheming ways.
She didn't hurt me like she had years before because I walked into the situation with eyes and ears wide open. Not only did I build something of a wall, it feels more like a tower. Anyway, this won't build my "fish cred" around here but I'M not the one that's hurting right now for the loss.
My advice for you(since you asked) is to no what feels comfortable. If you are able to spend time with other company, that's cool so long as you don't spend time comparing your current company to your old flame(which is something everyone subconsciously does, BTW)---WHAT WORKS FOR ME? Stay inside, same money, watch a movie, further your own goals, hang with friends, HAVE FUN. There are PLENTY OF FISH out there(hence the name of the site!). Good Luck : )
Best,
Brian | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/4/2008 5:55:54 AM | | Remember, you can love another without desiring to get serious with them. I love my aunts to death, but sure wouldn't marry them. Being with someone all the time, getting married, having kids, yada yada, is a big decision in life. She has to be honest with herself, regardless of your feelings. Its her skin she has to live in. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/4/2008 6:04:15 AM | You move on to someone else.You get all the tears out and all the emotions out and then you move on to someone else.Thats what I did. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/5/2008 3:10:49 AM | I thought i got over my ex girlfriend but i just found out that she got a new boyfriend 2 days after she split up with me and now she is ingaged to him!! I feel like ****. I dont think there is any1 out there for me.  | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/5/2008 3:42:13 AM | | Once you stop having a pity party for yourself like the dude above, you look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you were too good for them anyways. Then you go have a t-shirt made that says 'Living on the run, looking out for number one.' After a break up you need to focus on yourself, spoil yourself and treat yourself how you deserve to be treated. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/5/2008 12:51:24 PM | I've not read all the posts here 'ak'...having said that, I guess we try to move on by doing a bunch of things we've always enjoyed.
Immersing yourself into a hobby, friends or family?
I think it takes time.....and hope for something better. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/5/2008 1:09:06 PM | akmusic if she wanted to be with you she would be already.
I've had some ladies, just as friends, where they make promises to meet for a chat and catch up, who don't turn up and then apologise and do it two or three times and keep apologising - I don't even bother wondering about why or 'was it me?' or anything like that. They're just unreliable. Then when I see them and they look embarrassed I just think 'I have no idea what's going through your head and I don't have the time to find out. ' It doesn't bother me at all. They're just flakey. I just don't talk to them about meeting again.
If they can't be bothered to put the effort in why give them the time of day? The way to get over a relationship is firstly (a) identify the signals early on so you don't go there in the first place if it's not right! and (b) feel everything that comes up and allow any negative emotions or overly-idolising emotions to come through and see them for the liars they are (the feelings, that is). Once all the emotional energy has stopped appearing in your conscious you're done and ready to go find someone who will have the courtesy to get off their ar** and meet you half way. This process can take several months. I was in a 13 year marriage and it took me 2 years to lose the emotional attachment and another 3 to feel I had my own 'new life'.
Women are excellent communicators generally and a failure to communicate isn't usually a sign of confusion (because women alleviate their confusion by discussing things) - it's a sign they don't wish to communicate with you.
Or me, or whoever it is they don't talk to. You can be sure they're talking to someone. | |
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