| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/5/2008 6:49:50 PM | getting over someone is a very individual endeavor. A little back ground... I was with someone for 6 years (engaged for 3), things started to get different but I wasn't sure why and then "boom" one morning I get an email (yes, an email) from him telling me that he had been cheating on me for over a year. He "sat on the fence" between her and I for a few months. I had contact with him for about 1 and 1/2 years afterwards. Now, I'm not completely inncocent in this either, I had commitment issues that he found about later.
What I've done is taken time for myself, to figure out me and what I really want. It has helped. I could not and would not jump right into another relationship, I didn't want anyone to feel like a rebound becasue I wouldn't want it done to me.
He is now engaged to the youngin' that he was cheating with. So I live my life telling myself that he died, becasue the guy that I knew did (He has changed so much that he's not the same person anymore).
I am now ready to find a better man, one that's real that can be my best friend and soul mate. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/5/2008 6:54:46 PM | For me it was concentrating on all the negative things in our relationship rather than the good times.
It will just tear you apart if you dwell on the good.
I had my heart broken after being isolated from everyone (my choice) for 7 years. He was the first one that I actually opened my heart to.
So after he went through his "confused" state and cheated multiple times (with the same individual), I decided that by dwelling on our life we had, I would concentrate on all the negative things he did. The things that annoyed me and how I would and will be better off without him.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
It is so very difficult and we all will get through our rough times! | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/5/2008 7:12:05 PM | | OMG I certainly hope that isn't right! I was with my ex husband for 20 years, was with new ex bf for 6 years! I don't want to wait that long! That would mean I would have to wait until I am 63! | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/5/2008 7:15:23 PM | Put them out of your mind as FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR as you can !!
And move on.............................. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:53:40 AM | | As long as you still think there's a possibility of a relationship, you won't get over it. If you want to force yourself to get over it, burn your bridges so you can't go back. Then you'll know it's over. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:54:14 AM | its not easy to do that even though others tell you that this day will come again, but you have to try and move on let your self meet new people,and just try to make the best of things,i know this because i have not been dating for a long time my self but you can't let this care you even though it does just have to give your self a chance and in time your heart will tell you, but don't be afraid to show your own self and that you can have fun when it counts. this is something very hard to do right now, but just give yourself a little push and take it from there but always keep your guard up and watch and make sure that you feel comfortable doing different things. i hope that this help a little, take care.bye still gun shy my self but trying to get better thats why i join this web site. to try to find my self again.thank for taking the time to read this.   | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:05:21 PM | | Forgive the other person because anger stays a lot longer then forgiveness. Realize they are only trying to be happy just like you no matter how unhinged their attempt. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:19:22 PM | | My ex and i broke up two months ago. Before we broke up she was hanging out with one of her really close guy friends a lot. He happens to be my best friends little brother. Anyways, since then they have started dating, she told me that she didn't leave me for him but thre were other reasons involved. She is 4 years younger then me, so shes 18. I mean i knew getting into it something like this would happen, but you think after two years of loving someone there would be more respect then that. Before we dated she was seeing another guy and we got together a month and a half after they broke up. Do you guys think she has issues of not wanting to be alone...what do you think about the situation | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:26:47 PM | there is something that a man mentioned about his wife
[Women are excellent communicators generally and a failure to communicate isn't usually a sign of confusion (because women alleviate their confusion by discussing things) - it's a sign they don't wish to communicate with you.
Or me, or whoever it is they don't talk to. You can be sure they're talking to someone.]
i have discovered this to be true with men also. i listened to my husband's voicemail's on his private cellphone, without him knowing. Found out about his contacting an old friend stephanie via aquarocks and complaining to her about how he just wants to be held. a private investigator, interrogatogating old friends will reveal much that you don't know. I managed to get my husband's old friends to talk about my husband not taking his medication for as long as 7 years before he met me ~mental illness. Also by persuasion and detective work found out that he started a releationship with me when he was still living with a married woman in England. He was not a single man not dating looking to have a family who was living alone. He was a snake who broke up another married home and lied to me to start a relationship.
A good private investigator reveals the secret life that she may be living or has been living behind your back. I find that the truth will set you free . And at lest, you will not be blaming yourself for what if or what could have i done. usually there is alot more behind the whole picture. you just need to find the real truth~FOR YOUR OWN SANITY. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:33:22 PM | drink! LOL! seriously now, go out and have fun but for the love of god don't try and get into another relationship till you're totally over them, its a formula for disaster. takes a year they say and its TRUE...I did it .heck I been single now Three years nearly , I'm more then ready to get involved , its funny tho , now that I'm ready seems impossible to find anyone :((
when We first broke up after 5 yrs together , I had no issues getting a date , but Boy did I ever get a rude awakening. I wasn't ready. so I quit last yr meeting people and just getting to know me , travelled , chilled out etc now my ex is married and I couldn't be happier for him, I wish him the best.before I couldn't stand him. weird how a little time and being good to yourself can work :D | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:40:07 PM | | For me, I had to cut off completely. Sometimes there is no in between, especially if you really love them and feel a great deal of attachment. 3 years of phone calls and occasional visits, staying in touch, it just puts up false hopes, messes with your emotions and feelings, and sets you back some more. Close the door. That`s the only thing to do, and try not to reminisce in your mind about the good times. Remember why you broke up and why it wouldn`t have worked. When you start missing them, remember why you aren`t with them. I still can`t talk to my ex without getting all bent out of shape and it has been 3 years since we split. I still think of him every day. The more contact you have, the more it sets you back and you don`t move on. You have to discipline yourself to not think about them, and cutting of contact is the most important. Good Luck. I know how hard it is. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:47:57 PM | " It just takes time. One day something just clicks and the person no longer has the same hold over you that they did. Keeping busy helps."
Exactly | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/7/2008 7:55:14 PM |
I always heard the general rule of thumb to get over a break up is about half the length of time you were in the relationship. If you were together for a year then it will take approximately 6 months. It's always seemed pretty accurate from people I have talked to. Fortunately, I don't think I've ever really had my heart broken....a bruised ego a few times but never really a broken heart.
Uh, so if you were married 10 years it's going to take 5 to recover? I don't buy it, not one bit!
It's an individual process and is directly related to how one feels about themselves, from where their sense of self worth is derived. In a co-dependent relationship, where one is externally validated (sense of self worth comes from the partner) then it will take far longer than a healthy relationshipwhere partners complement each other, not define each other.
My two cents, YMMV. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/7/2008 9:40:08 PM | Hey everyone,
I just wanted to thank everyone who posted a reply. I'm in an identical situation with the person who started this forum and I must say, reading some of your replies have made me think about some ways I could help my situation. There is no one sure fire way, I already know that but hearing reading other peoples experiences with this topic is slightly comforting which is more comfort than I've felt for a the past little while. So thank you to everyone who posted and akmusic, I sincerely hope it all works out for you. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:20:42 AM | Time mends ALL wounds.
It's an old cliché I know... But an apt one.
Anyway to all out there suffering... Good Luck and keep your heads high! The feeling of loss will pass...
Several years ago, it took me about 8 months to get over someone I was with for 5 years... But now that I look back, it really wasn't that much of a big deal. And I'm a LOT stronger now than I was then... So some good can come out of it.  | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:53:34 AM | Me, I write to let the emotions out. Help that I've been writing poetry since april,8th,1994 though. I think we all have our own ways of dealing with it. The only thing that matters is we get through it alive...
Tim
=)x | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/8/2008 5:18:31 PM | | History has proven, and Im a firm believer that "relationships that do not end peacefully do not end at all" so I wholeheartedly agree with rose that the worst thing to do is jump into another realtionship. Luckily for me, the dissloution of my marriage and a previous relationship was a result of the realization that we simply werent good for one another. The rocks in my head didnt fit the holes in hers and to try and "make it work" or pretend otherwise would have been very destructive to both of us. Sure, there is a certain amount of heartache but on the lighter side, the heartache is a good motivator to get me to figure out what makes me tick. So my magic pill would contain several miligrams of soul searching, a couple miligrams of acceptance and an endless supply of loving and caring family and friends who are there for me. (icecream works pretty good too) | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/8/2008 10:44:24 PM |
drink! LOL! seriously now, go out and have fun but for the love of god don't try and get into another relationship till you're totally over them, its a formula for disaster.
Exactly. Jack Daniels or Crown Royal SR. It all depends on what I have handy. I also go blow something up or go down to the shooting range with a bunch of bullets and a 12 gauge. I blew an engine up once after another trainwreck of a relationship, made some dry ice****ails (scared the hell out of my old neighbor) and threw some molotovs in a drainage pipe. Chopped down an old tree and only used an axe. No wimpy chainsaw, here. You know, constructive sh!t. I'm thinking that next time (pessimist, I know) I'm going to buy a piece of sh!tmobile and wreck it in a ditch, hit it with a sledgehammer and take it down to the local crusher to watch them squash it. Debating whether I can get away with setting it on fire without the fire department/cops showing up.
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/9/2008 6:38:42 AM | | you never really get over a serious love, and if you say you did then you will fall in love again and get hurt agian, you need to remmber your old love so you can find a new love. red flags in a new relationship are important to listen too, they were the ones you ignored in the old one and thats why they are remmbered after you break up the most. You saw it coming but thought you could live with it, or you could fix it. just remmber to cry until you dont cry anymore, youll be numb for awhile, angry with yourself, angry with her , then youll start being opened to meeting someone new. Unfortunatly as you get older like me the first red flagg that pops up in someone I am interested in is the last one , I havnt the patience or desire to fix anyone, or put up with any thing that I cant live with. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/9/2008 3:03:50 PM | Someone asked me where I was at in my divorce and I though I would share my reply.
There is a legal answer to you question and there is the harder emontional/mental/spiritual answer to your question. I will start with the easy part.
She move out Feb. 8th, taking a lot of furniture and stuff with her. I have more than enough to get by. She has filed, I have counter filed, we have a verbal agreement on how to split things up, and as long as the lawyers remain under control it should be finalized within a month. Yep, that is the easy part. Just waiting to close out the paperwork.
She left and it hurt a lot. I was commited to the marrage and it was like a death of a family member and a whole lot more. Plans about the future, and everything else you hope and dream for. Hurt, fear, loss leading to depression, anger, hopelessness and worse, wanting to share the pain so they know how it feels. Oh and I blamed, the worse drug of all, everyone who helped her leave. I so so so so hated having all that in me.
Forgiveness has always been important to me, and is so important in growing from adverse and painful events. The words are so easy and involves forgiving them and myself. For them, "I forgive you and wish you grouth, happyness and future prosperty.". For myself, "I ask for forgiveness ,that I grow and learn from this experience".
Its one thing to say it, and a whole different thing to mean it. For the most part, I mean it. I guess the measure is if there is still anger, bitterness, and blame.
Some random thoughs from this process: There are my plans and there are Gods plans. We were sent into this life to make mistakes (which I have done well). If you ease the suffering of others your suffering will also ease (ok, I stole it but its mine now).
All in all, I am happy where I am now and happy with the landscape that is my past. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/9/2008 3:34:20 PM | I got married to my childhood sweetheart , at the age of 18, and we divorced when I was 45 .Thats a life time together . Shorty after my divorce, I found myself Sometimes wondering if I would ever get over it and be able to move on . I know I can't forget those years , as we raised our children together, how we became Adults together and the fact he was my soulmate. I thought we would be together until death .
They say time heals all wounds , but its been four years and as time goes by for me , I only seam to miss that life I had with him more and more.
After any kind of loss you have to take time to mourn that loss. I moved several states away and started a brand new life .I have a great job and good friends and I started dating again ,but still I often find myself missing that life with him.
Wishing somehow I could have made it work out .So how do you get over a break up , I wish I knew the answer to that, personaly I don't think you ever get over a loss of any kind , you just move on and try not to regret the past .
Today I am happy with my life and proud of the way I live my life, but I still feel the loss ...I wish you well and good luck | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/9/2008 4:45:17 PM | There isnt a remedy. Theres no real solution. My biggest relationship took me 3 years to fully recover from. I've had relatonships since but still missed my ex who I had to get rid of cos he was alcoholic and abusive and stuff. People say go out , get drunk and stuff but nothing worked for me it was a scar that had to heal and even now sadlyI still love him but it cant be. I find the only thing that did help was cuttin him completely out of my life (he still trys to contact me though). Cos there was no chance of us ever being able to sort it I had to draw a line under it once and for all. Too much had happened for us ever to be together again which was main sadness and like anythin we did have our good times and theyre the ones you remember. I got everythin he bought me, photos the lot and disposed of them for my fresh start.
One day ya stop cryin and smile is real. Love doesnt die it changes. I'll always love him a little but Im no longer in love and see him in a negative way, as someone who was destructive to my happiness and self esteem and I know Im best off without him xx | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/9/2008 5:53:25 PM | Wow, lots of good advice that I'm seeing here and I'm going to have to try myself. I just had a breakup with my girlfriend of 5 years and it hurts!!!! I guess the worst thing was that I was trying to work out the logistics to finally ask her to marry me but I was going through so much stress from other things that I shut down. Well she met someone else immediately and its been a nightmare. Ive been trying to hang out with friends but I too am not a drinker and it makes it tough. I guess I just recently joined here to try and meet a friend that could talk from a female perspective. I know its hard, I feel your pain, but if someone really loves you they will be truthful with you, but i also have to be truthful with myself and understand you have to always appreciate the one youre with. A friend of mine told me that you do the things that matter to them right away, tell them theyre beautiful every day, and show them how much they really mean to you. I think that was the lesson that i learned a little too late.
Even though I'm hurt i really still wish her the best, i guess ill always love her. | |
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| How do you get over someone
Posted: 4/9/2008 5:55:03 PM | I was with my ex g/f for 14 months , if I got rid of all my old e-mails from my ex g/f and her pics on the computer will that help me along in getting over her. I think I`m over her but then she pops back into my head at times. I have avoided looking at her pics. and e-mails. If I get rid of them, then I will feel that she never existed and I won`t remember her. But, she did exist.
I don`t know where she is in her new life but I `m always thinking of some other guy in her life and that makes me mad. I was her very first relationship and she was mine. We are both in our 50s and funny having to wait so long for just that right person only to lose them eventually down the road.
Sometimes I go to my sister`s place and my ex lives 5 min. away and I usually go past the street she lives on. I have talked to some women on POF and I feel great and don`t miss my ex. So, I know that talking to other people on here helps and I guess that`s like moving on. I know that we will not get back together as she has said. But I for some stupid reason think otherwise. Everyone on here has lots of wisdom and I am forever looking for more and more confirmations of how to get over a relationship. I can give no advice. I can only learn from you people. | |
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